neildc Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Hey all, Well, I've been NC for about three weeks now with my ex. Her daughter's birthday is coming up and I wanted to reach out and wish her a happy birthday. I'd like to send a gift but she told me right before she stopped communicating not to send anything to her house anymore (I sent what I thight was a nice letter apologizing and asking to reconcile). I was around her daughter for almost five years. Just odd to not say anything I guess. My ex had ignored a few of my emails, which was my hint and I went NC to start working on myself. I wanted her back in the worst way initially when she broke contact, I'm not proud of that and I won't deny going through pleading and bargaining. It hurt for a few weeks but I'm now at a point where I feel as if I can communicate with her and not be as emotional as I was if she responded. She may not even respond so this may be pointless but wanted some feedback from the group. I think about her off and on each day still, I won't lie and tell you I'm over her. She said she was over me when we got into it last but we were both emotional. I don't know if we would ever reconcile or get a chance to start fresh, and that reality finally is okay with me. I was in denial for almost a month, looking back it was pathetic. I know. I suppose I know what the right thing to do here is but I'm just not sure how to handle it. I don't want her to think I forgot or don't care. Because no matter what our status is, I do. My birthday is three days later and is like to think is hear from her but I'm slowly realizing they may never happen. Thanks again as always to everyone for the support here.
BC1980 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Absolutely do not send the child a card or gift. Your ex told you not to send anything to her house and has ignored your emails. Even though you were with her for 5 years, her child is not your daughter. Breaking up means cutting contact with the child as well, as sad and difficult as it is. There's always that risk when you date someone with a child. I went through this same predicament. I was with the guy for 3 years and basically parented the child nearly the entire time. I debated sending a gift that first year, but everyone on LS said don't do it. They were right, and I didn't send it. You're not going to have a relationship with the child anymore, and you aren't going to be sending her gifts every year or keeping in touch. It just doesn't work like that no matter how close you were to the child. Better to stop it all cold turkey, and it's in the child's best interest as well. 2
Author neildc Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Absolutely do not send the child a card or gift. Your ex told you not to send anything to her house and has ignored your emails. Even though you were with her for 5 years, her child is not your daughter. Breaking up means cutting contact with the child as well, as sad and difficult as it is. There's always that risk when you date someone with a child. I went through this same predicament. I was with the guy for 3 years and basically parented the child nearly the entire time. I debated sending a gift that first year, but everyone on LS said don't do it. They were right, and I didn't send it. You're not going to have a relationship with the child anymore, and you aren't going to be sending her gifts every year or keeping in touch. It just doesn't work like that no matter how close you were to the child. Better to stop it all cold turkey, and it's in the child's best interest as well. Thanks for the quick response. I sort of figured this was the logical course of action despite what my feelings may be telling me. Thanks again. It's just hard cutting out people who were such a huge part of your life for a number of years. But I guess that's why this forum exists.
BC1980 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Thanks for the quick response. I sort of figured this was the logical course of action despite what my feelings may be telling me. Thanks again. It's just hard cutting out people who were such a huge part of your life for a number of years. But I guess that's why this forum exists. I totally understand. I had a very difficult time coming to terms with the fact that I would never see his son again. Your heart wants to keep contact with the child, but it's not realistic. The parent and child are a package deal. There's just no realistic way to keep in touch with an ex's child unless the child is an adult and can make that choice. 1
ruhrohcd Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Thanks for discussing this. I've been wondering about it myself. It feels like I'm punishing the kid for something his mother decided, but as Vonnegut said, so it goes.
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