SmartDude Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Don't use the word "Friend", at any point during a romantic date with a guy please. Before I get blasted let me say I know all the different reasons why women use the F word. The truth is, it is a romance/passion killer. If that is your goal then go ahead. I know a lot of women who have tried this bull crap on me. They have been hurt before so they want a large stable of male friends to go out on non-sexual fun dates with. Then in this fantasy land she can find "the one" she has been looking for, and a magical relationship can blossom. Sorry but no! Reward involves risk. And, once you have found out he is what you are looking for in a man, guess what. Too late! He wrote you off as a friend. He comes to you for confidence that he can now use to romantically pursue other women. So if you want a guy to treat you like a friend, so that you can get to know him, he probably will! Getting romance out of such a strategy: Highly unlikely. Using the "F" word in any context is just no good if you want him to pursue you. Its a loaded word, whenever I hear it it is traumatizing and immediately makes me think of leaving the situation. She says: "I don't just jump into relationships anymore, I like to be friends first". What I hear: "This is going to take forever OR she is not in a phase of life were she is ready for a long term commitment". 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 You're a smart dude What I hear: "This is going to take forever OR she is not in a phase of life were she is ready for a long term commitment". QFT
Gary S Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Absolutely. If she says she wants to be friends first, she has issues, or is not interested, period.
spiderowl Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Don't use the word "Friend", at any point during a romantic date with a guy please. Before I get blasted let me say I know all the different reasons why women use the F word. The truth is, it is a romance/passion killer. If that is your goal then go ahead. I know a lot of women who have tried this bull crap on me. They have been hurt before so they want a large stable of male friends to go out on non-sexual fun dates with. Then in this fantasy land she can find "the one" she has been looking for, and a magical relationship can blossom. Sorry but no! Reward involves risk. And, once you have found out he is what you are looking for in a man, guess what. Too late! He wrote you off as a friend. He comes to you for confidence that he can now use to romantically pursue other women. So if you want a guy to treat you like a friend, so that you can get to know him, he probably will! Getting romance out of such a strategy: Highly unlikely. Using the "F" word in any context is just no good if you want him to pursue you. Its a loaded word, whenever I hear it it is traumatizing and immediately makes me think of leaving the situation. She says: "I don't just jump into relationships anymore, I like to be friends first". What I hear: "This is going to take forever OR she is not in a phase of life were she is ready for a long term commitment". Sorry but I think you are just wrong. If a woman has been hurt, she is bound to be extra careful next time. Most of us have made the mistake of going headlong into a relationship without knowing the guy well because we were attracted to him and he seemed a great guy. When that goes wrong, the one lesson that we learn is to take time to get to know the next guy, find out what kind of person he really is. I actually married my best friend of two years and he is still a good friend some years after we divorced. Yes, friend can mean no chance of being a lover, but it can also mean let's take time to get to know each other. You need to look for other signs of how the woman is feeling about you other then the word 'friend'.
Author SmartDude Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 Sorry but I think you are just wrong. If a woman has been hurt, she is bound to be extra careful next time. Most of us have made the mistake of going headlong into a relationship without knowing the guy well because we were attracted to him and he seemed a great guy. When that goes wrong, the one lesson that we learn is to take time to get to know the next guy, find out what kind of person he really is. I actually married my best friend of two years and he is still a good friend some years after we divorced. Yes, friend can mean no chance of being a lover, but it can also mean let's take time to get to know each other. You need to look for other signs of how the woman is feeling about you other then the word 'friend'. Yes it is possible, it just has a higher probability of failure...and it takes up a lot of time. Friendships and the emotional passion of a developing romance are two very different experiences. I guess some people are weird though. Being too "friendly" with a woman just makes me feel like she is my sister or something. After that, no passion is possible it seems. It just gets killed.
preraph Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I agree the whole thing is confusing. I think you have to distinguish between different contexts. Some examples: Example 1: You work with a guy and become friends and work and maybe one of you has a gf or bf and it's just casual. But then maybe a year later, after being friends for a year and getting to know the person as a friend, you both find yourself single and snog after the next company Christmas party. That is the context in which "getting to know someone" and "being friends" is not an impediment to being romantic. And the signature feature that is missing to render it a natural progression is that at no time was there any inclination for either party to to have the conversation of "let's just be friends." Example 2: You go out with someone a time or two, and one or the other of you decides they aren't feelin' it. So one or the other of you says, "Hey, let's just be friends." Many times the other is already crushing and agrees to "just be friends." The key to why this will never turn into anything romantic is in the very fact that one person felt the need to have the conversation to "just be friends." The very fact they bothered to bring that up and put you on notice is because it isn't ever going to happen. Example 3: A person is crushing on another person, but they're too fearful to let that person know it and, frankly, don't want to hear what a little voice inside them is already telling them, which is "they don't feel the same way or you'd know." So despite one person hiding their true agenda, these two people are only ever going to be friends. At some point, the situation will erupt like a particularly ugly pimple when the sneaky one reveals him/herself, and the other person will feel obliged to have the talk: I only want to be friends. My fairly simple point here is that if there is a need at any time to bring up wanting to be friends to a member of the opposite sex, that usually does mean the person is not attracted to them or isn't ready for a relationship, either of which is no good if all you're looking for is an actual relationship because you already have enough friends. So in that way, I agree with the OP. Say "I want to get to know someone a little before I sleep with them" or whatever, but the f word truly is usually the kiss of death for anything romantic, no matter when it becomes necessary to have the talk, whether it's immediately or 5 years into what you thought was a comfortable platonic relationship.
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