I lied to my girlfriend and she broke up with me. Is there anyway I can get her back?

[juanito14]

I’m sorry if this is long, but any help would be much appreciated. So my girlfriend and I have dated for almost 8 months now. We have had our ups and downs, but we love each other. Lately my girlfriend has been all focused on school. She is 25 and its finals week at her college. I had a test today and so yesterday we planned to go to the library to go study before I had to work at 5. Instead she came over to my place and we studied there. She suggested I call out of work due to me having to study and I did. I then went and picked us up some food while she was still studying at my place (this was the first time shes been alone in my house). I also got her some flowers while I was gone. We ate and studied more and then I took a nap while she continued to study some more. After about 4-5 hours of studying she said she was going to go home to nap and when she woke up we could go to the library again. I told her I wanted to go.

 

A little more background, my brother had a volleyball game last night as well. I told her I didn’t want to go to it because I wanted to study. Well she naps for a little over an hour and I start to have my ups and downs about going to the game. I decided that I want to go so when she woke up I texted her “please don’t be mad but I think Im going to go to my brothers volleyball game” I also added that my dad texted me about family being there and that I felt confident about the material. They were kind of lies. My dad texted me to bring pictures with me to the game for family and I wasn’t so confident. I can tell she was mad but she said to go anyways. I then invited my friend to go with me. She happened to watch the game online and saw I was sitting with my friend and not with my family.

 

Right after she sees this she calls me out. Says I am a liar and to take care and never talk to her again. I of course text her back and for the remainder of the night she kept saying things like how she hates to be lied to because of her past, I wasted the last 8 months of her life and she never plans to talk to me again. We have had our fights before where she tells me to **** off and then feels bad and comes back later, but that’s when I make her mad not hurt her like I did this time. Shes mad because she sacrificed and changed her plans during the day so that we could hang out with me. Then we plan to go to the library but I ditch her to hang out with a friend. And also because of the excuses I used to go to the game. It’s not like I don’t understand her being upset and I feel terrible.

 

I know she’ll be at the library today and Im thinking about going over there to explain myself and then give her space. I also know that I will see her next Friday because we have to take a test together. I’m just scared right now. I know what I did was wrong and I know how important trust is to a relationship. She said she’ll always see me as a liar now. I know she probably said that in the heat of the moment but it still hurt knowing I lost her trust. Is there anything I can do to get her back? What can I say or do to prove to her I’m different than the guys in her past and really do love her?

[smackie9]

Just ignore her, and give her space til things blow over. Don't worry she will come around.

[juanito14]

It's hard to ignore her when she wont talk to me. I told her I love her today and no response. She just finished her final and is about to study for her last one tomorrow so I know she's preoccupied but since it was over snapchat I know she saw it. I don't know if she plans to talk to me again

[juanito14]

Do you think I should leave her alone for a couple days or would it be better to at least let her know how sorry I am(which I did last night also)? I can't think about anything else right now in my life because of this and the first thing in my head to do is go and talk to her about it.

[losangelena]

Do you think I should leave her alone for a couple days or would it be better to at least let her know how sorry I am(which I did last night also)? I can't think about anything else right now in my life because of this and the first thing in my head to do is go and talk to her about it.

 

Yes, give her space. The fact that it's all you can think about is your own cross to bear. She needs time to decide if she does want to come back, and you pestering her about it because you want to feel secure about your relationship isn't going to help.

 

I would say, in the future, either stick to the plans you make (choose to not go to the volleyball game if you say you're not going to), or if you do change you mind about something, tell her you FULL thought process. If you'd mentioned that you'd invited a friend to go with you, it might have gone over better when she saw y'all on TV. Communication is your friend. I know when I'm anxious or am afraid of someone's reaction, I tend to minimize details, but don't do that! It just gets you into trouble. Also, texting is a poor choice of medium for all of these types of interactions. If I were her, I would feel like I'm pretty low on your priority list because of what you did.

 

However, I would also say that I'm concerned that you're afraid to upset her. Is she easily upset or are you insecure?

[ascendotum]

Do you think I should leave her alone for a couple days or would it be better to at least let her know how sorry I am(which I did last night also)? I can't think about anything else right now in my life because of this and the first thing in my head to do is go and talk to her about it.

 

Yeah I would.

If you said you were sorry no need to keep sucking up to her imo. If your family were at the game then I don't consider what went down as really a lie. I get why she had the impression you would sit next to them, but if the footage is still online somewhere, chances are you can show her them in crowd shots.

 

She has issues though if it seems thought if she has fought with you a number of times and told you to F.O. a number of times. I wouldn't get into the habit of sucking back up to her in knee jerk response to the times she is mad to you....unless you its totally your fault. This to me is a pretty minor thing in the scheme of a relationship to make out it destroys the foundation of the relationship. You say she is now more focused on school than you...I wonder how much she still loves you, and this is a convenient excuse to dump you and blame it all on you.

[Gary S]

I don't see the lie, your family was there, and your brother was in the game.

 

I think you have a woman with a bad attitude on your hands.

 

I really don't like this "man = bad" mentality we have in the world. Just because a woman nags does not mean the guy is bad... maybe people should take a second look at the woman.

[orangetree]

Sorry but your girlfriend sounds like a b.itch.

You shouldn't have lied (although seriously I don't eve consider this a lie), but she is totally exaggerating and reacted pretty immature IMO. Also, you seem to be scared of her and her reactions. If you wanna go to your brother's game you should be able to do so without feeling bad or being scared of how she could react.

 

Don't talk to her for a while and see if she comes around. You already apologized, you don't have to run after her now. Don't lose your dignity. If she comes back, great. If not, also great and you know it wasn't meant to be in the first place.

[juanito14]

I don't consider this a big lie either, but to her it is because I ditched her and our plans to go to my brothers game with a friend. Like I would rather hang out with my friend than her, even when we made plans to hang out. I should've just gone to the library to be honest. I'm going to give her space, what sucks for me is that my birthday is this next week and we had plans to hang out and this upcoming week is her spring break, now I fear we won't spend any of it together and I may potentially lose her for good. We do have a test we have to take together next friday though so if I don't talk to her and she doesn't talk to me ill still see her then.

[ascendotum]

....Like I would rather hang out with my friend than her, even when we made plans to hang out. I should've just gone to the library to be honest.....

Your plans or really her plans for hanging out together was to spend time in a library mostly in hushed voices or silence while reading your notes/books or practicing on exam questions. wow that's really special and romantic.....not! You had already spent 5 hrs earlier that day studying with her anyway. Don't beat yourself up over this and don't let her see you being all regretful for not following her orders and spending time with your friend and a also a bit with your family. How much will you miss the girl who bosses you around and tells you to F.O. and makes major issues out of small things. Go quiet on her and see if she comes to you. Enjoy your b-day with your friends & family.

[juanito14]

@ascendotum I know they weren't the most exciting or romantic plans but the simple fact is we made plans. I understand why she would be upset by it, it is similar to canceling on a date that was planned. Would we be having fun or close to each other? Probably not, but I understand and respect her point of view. And I would miss her a lot, she has done a lot more good for me than bad. Yeah she can be dramatic at times, but who isn't? She has helped me grow up and become a better person. I'm trying not to beat myself up and I told myself I won't contact her, at least for a few days if not a little longer. I want her to cool down before I try to talk to her and see what happens. I'm hoping for the best, but trust is important. What also confused me is that she tried telling me to reverse the situation, as if she was the one who went to the game and I was the one in the library and I told her it really wouldn't have bothered me. That I wouldve been happy we got to spend most of the day together and how i would want her to have fun with her friend, and she ignored that and came up with something else that bothered her. Im so confused on what to do.

[ascendotum]

Upset, or disappointed yes I agree with you, but to dump your ass over it no. that's over the top. As you said, you had already spent 1/2 the day with her. You can have a life for yourself as well and you did give her a heads up over your change in plans and it really did not impact that much on her as she able to still go to the library and study. Trust is important as you say, but even though she is busy studying, she logs in and searches for the game and watches to try spot you in the crowd to confirm if you are there.

[Diezel]

Um, if she STAYS broken up with you, consider it a blessing.

 

This is WAY too much drama over one decision.

[d0nnivain]

This was much ado about nothing. She sounds spoiled & immature to make this much drama over where you sat at a game.

 

 

At the very least wait until her final is over. Send her a small bouquet of flowers with an apology for giving her the wrong impression. You did not lie. You just sat with a friend instead of your family who was also at the game.

 

 

The "person" who ought to be upset is your employer. If your boss found out that you called in sick to work then went to a sporting event, you will be fired. Focus on your real problems not the BS drama created by your GF.

[Redhead14]

I’m sorry if this is long, but any help would be much appreciated. So my girlfriend and I have dated for almost 8 months now. We have had our ups and downs, but we love each other. Lately my girlfriend has been all focused on school. She is 25 and its finals week at her college. I had a test today and so yesterday we planned to go to the library to go study before I had to work at 5. Instead she came over to my place and we studied there. She suggested I call out of work due to me having to study and I did. I then went and picked us up some food while she was still studying at my place (this was the first time shes been alone in my house). I also got her some flowers while I was gone. We ate and studied more and then I took a nap while she continued to study some more. After about 4-5 hours of studying she said she was going to go home to nap and when she woke up we could go to the library again. I told her I wanted to go.

 

A little more background, my brother had a volleyball game last night as well. I told her I didn’t want to go to it because I wanted to study. Well she naps for a little over an hour and I start to have my ups and downs about going to the game. I decided that I want to go so when she woke up I texted her “please don’t be mad but I think Im going to go to my brothers volleyball game” I also added that my dad texted me about family being there and that I felt confident about the material. They were kind of lies. My dad texted me to bring pictures with me to the game for family and I wasn’t so confident. I can tell she was mad but she said to go anyways. I then invited my friend to go with me. She happened to watch the game online and saw I was sitting with my friend and not with my family.

 

Right after she sees this she calls me out. Says I am a liar and to take care and never talk to her again. I of course text her back and for the remainder of the night she kept saying things like how she hates to be lied to because of her past, I wasted the last 8 months of her life and she never plans to talk to me again. We have had our fights before where she tells me to **** off and then feels bad and comes back later, but that’s when I make her mad not hurt her like I did this time. Shes mad because she sacrificed and changed her plans during the day so that we could hang out with me. Then we plan to go to the library but I ditch her to hang out with a friend. And also because of the excuses I used to go to the game. It’s not like I don’t understand her being upset and I feel terrible.

 

I know she’ll be at the library today and Im thinking about going over there to explain myself and then give her space. I also know that I will see her next Friday because we have to take a test together. I’m just scared right now. I know what I did was wrong and I know how important trust is to a relationship. She said she’ll always see me as a liar now. I know she probably said that in the heat of the moment but it still hurt knowing I lost her trust. Is there anything I can do to get her back? What can I say or do to prove to her I’m different than the guys in her past and really do love her?

 

She's dealing with finals and is under pressure and now has been hurt. She's going to need some space for sure. Don't reach out to her anymore in any way. If you see her, don't mention anything about the lie or the relationship. Keep conversation light and casual. Otherwise let her process all this.

 

And, take this "waiting period" to think about the reason you felt it necessary to lie to her. Because if you aren't being honest with yourself about whether this relationship is really working for you on most levels, there's a reason you lied to her. Take this time for some introspection.