JustGrand Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 This was an OLD relationship. I was 22 and she was 28. So... we were two months into seeing each other (This was quite a few months ago). Then I asked a question to find out where her head is at with a particular connection to me. I asked her "Do you feel like kissing me?" She gave a response like she was happy imagining and doing it to me. Her words were "yes/maybe" and sounded like she really wanted to do it. She possibly could have at that point by the sound of it. Then she asked me if I wanted to kiss her. This is where the problem is. I told her the honest truth, and I believe she told me the honest truth as well. So, here is what I said. I said, "Not really, but I am curious about it." Then I went into detail on what I meant by this because she didn't understand. I didn't mean it as rejection though because I would actually kiss her. This is why I said that...I am a guy who has never kissed a girl or ever been kissed by a girl before. In my mind, I can't see what the big deal is or even imagine the feeling it brings. I am curious because everybody says its the best thing in the world. To me right now, its as arbitrary as rubbing our foreheads together and calling that a special feeling. I never even knew there was special feeling associated with this action until she told me. She told me there are a ton of nerves in our ears, our lips, and probably a few other things that I am probably not remembering right now. Anyway, even though she said that and went into detail about it, I still can't imagine it. Perhaps my lips are dysfunctional with these feelings. Or it's is my lack of an experience. Or perhaps she just simply could not understand. I understood the ears being sensitive. That I know because my dog licked me there before and it felt funny and strange. That's the only way I can make sense of those special nerves/feelings in those parts. I actually did bring that in as an example, and that was the only thing I could draw from with those nerves being activated. Otherwise, I wouldn't know what to say about the special senses in the ear if I didn't know at least that or anything. She has never kissed or have been kissed a boy before either. Yet she knows the feeling in her lips already for some reason. I tried explaining it over and over again what i meant, but she still took it as rejection and she didn't want a guy that didn't want to kiss her or desire it. I still haven't and still don't know the feeling. What should I have said? Should I have lied and said I have deep desire to kiss her even though I don't or haven't done it before? I don't want the same reaction from the next girl I am with. 1
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 A) Don't answer such a stupid question, and B) don't spend months chatting with someone, go out with them and try to experience holding hands, hugging, kissing. Talking about something you don't know about is a waste of time. Get off the net and experience things irl. 2
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 A) Don't answer such a stupid question, and B) don't spend months chatting with someone, go out with them and try to experience holding hands, hugging, kissing. Talking about something you don't know about is a waste of time. Get off the net and experience things irl. ^^^ THIS. Real life interaction is the ONLY way you're ever going to TRULY know if you're compatible with someone or not, OP. . 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Sounds like you're playing games... Don't ask the question if you don't want to. If you ask "Do you want to kiss me?" or "Can I kiss you?" (I'm not a strong advocate of this approach, but it is viable), you need to be prepared for 2 scenarios: Yes / Maybe / Hesitation = KISS HERNo = Tease her and say "I didn't say you could " tl;dr version: The problem was you, you should have obviously kissed her. Don't overthink **** so much. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 This was an OLD relationship. I was 22 and she was 28. So... we were two months into seeing each other (This was quite a few months ago). Then I asked a question to find out where her head is at with a particular connection to me. I asked her "Do you feel like kissing me?" She gave a response like she was happy imagining and doing it to me. Her words were "yes/maybe" and sounded like she really wanted to do it. She possibly could have at that point by the sound of it. Then she asked me if I wanted to kiss her. This is where the problem is. I told her the honest truth, and I believe she told me the honest truth as well. So, here is what I said. I said, "Not really, but I am curious about it." ...I am a guy who has never kissed a girl or ever been kissed by a girl before. She has never kissed or have been kissed a boy before either. What should I have said? Should I have lied and said I have deep desire to kiss her even though I don't or haven't done it before? I don't want the same reaction from the next girl I am with. When I started reading this I was initially taken aback by the length of time you had been dating without kissing: 2 months. Then I realized you hadn't been kissed before & neither had she. OK, fine that explains the delay. But here's the thing, do you understand that you hurt her feelings? When you asked her if she wanted to kiss you, as an inexperienced person she probably assumed you were asking her permission because you wanted to kiss her but didn't want to press yourself on her if physical affection was welcome. That in & of itself is a good thing. She gave you that permission but when you said to her "not really but you were curious" you made her feel like a lab rat upon which you could experiment. You didn't make her feel like a desirable woman. You all but rejected her & that hurt her feelings. No you should not lie but don't set somebody up just to hurt them. If you weren't interested in kissing her you should not have brought it up. 3
Gary S Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 You don't ever ask a woman to kiss her, you just man up and do it. Women like a man of action. 3
Author JustGrand Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 But here's the thing, do you understand that you hurt her feelings? When you asked her if she wanted to kiss you, as an inexperienced person she probably assumed you were asking her permission because you wanted to kiss her but didn't want to press yourself on her if physical affection was welcome. That in & of itself is a good thing. She gave you that permission but when you said to her "not really but you were curious" you made her feel like a lab rat upon which you could experiment. You didn't make her feel like a desirable woman. You all but rejected her & that hurt her feelings. No you should not lie but don't set somebody up just to hurt them. If you weren't interested in kissing her you should not have brought it up. OK. I thought the whole time that she didn't understand me, but now I can see what you are saying. I think you are right. I didn't intend to hurt her or play any games or set her up like that. I didn't say this up above, but I emotionally couldn't connect with her past a certain point. I know she was more attached to me than I was to her. So I asked that question to find out where she emotionally was at and compared it to where I was. But yeah...the approach was wrong, and I can totally see now why that would be considered rejection. 1
Author JustGrand Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 and for some of the other posts...I've never met her in person. It was just an online dating relationship. We started talking like in April...She didn't want meet up until she was done with school in December. I probably could have made it more clear than it was an OLD relationship. That's the best reason why we didn't kiss. 1
preraph Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Honestly, if you can't imagine how it would feel, I don't think you're ready to be romantically involved with anyone yet, for whatever reason. Kissing goes back to the dawn of man and we instinctually feel driven to do that and other things and are thrilled at the thought of it once we reach puberty or mature to that level. If you aren't feeling the strong urge to do it because you just can't imagine connecting your emotions to the feeling, you're either too young to be doing it or too disconnected in some way emotionally. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 and for some of the other posts...I've never met her in person. It was just an online dating relationship. We started talking like in April...She didn't want meet up until she was done with school in December. I probably could have made it more clear than it was an OLD relationship. That's the best reason why we didn't kiss. That should have been clearer. When you say you "met" most of us take that to mean in person. Exchanging electronic communication via data or voice is NOT meeting. Until you meet in person, there should not be any emotions except anticipation because it's not real. So of course you didn't connect with her. You didn't know her. It's easier to see yourself kissing somebody you have encountered IRL because there are pheromones involved. 1
guest569 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 It's something you just do because you feel like it. Who cares about imagination? Just do it. 1
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