vaughn40 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I wrote a post a few weeks ago and this is kinda a follow-up to my situation. I have been with my husband since I was 16. I am 46 now and is completely financially dependent on him. I have ran my own child care business for most of the years we've been together. I can slap myself for not going to school and learning a skill so that when I want to change careers, I could do that. I have no skills at all and I'm at the point where I want out of my marriage. I need to be able to take care of myself. I really can't afford school maybe small monthly payment plans. I need some direction on what profession or job that I can go in to that will allow me financial stability. Our kids are grown and I feel trapped and feel like my husband takes for granted that I do rely on him. I am terrible at math so anything dealing with math is very intimidating. I know, "suck it up" ! seriously, I feel like I'm backed in a corner. Yes we did have savings but we used it up relocating to another state. oh, and on top of everything I can't find a job. I have applied to hundreds of places with no luck. I really need some good, sound advice. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 You do have skills you simply need to re-package them. If you ran a successful business that is a skill. Highlight those things: you did marketing (you got clients), accounts payable (you paid the light bill didn't you?); accounts receivable (you got the parents to pay, right?) Talk to free advice givers like http://www.SCORE.org and http://www.sbda.gov about expanding your business to support yourself. 1
Gloria25 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I believe that people evolve.... What I don't get is how sometimes people - while in relationships - sorta "evolve" in different directions, thus leaving their SO out of their "evolution". I don't know what your entire marriage is/was about, but I'm just curious if you really need to feel this "extreme" to like break away from this man you've been with for so long? Is it really that bad? I mean, if you have your health and over the years he provided you with food, a roof over your head, clothes on your back, etc. I'm just trying to see where this "I need to take care of me" is coming from? I have someone I know who is going to school now that her kids are grown and is all excited about this new career she wants to embark on, but I kinda feel like she's doing it to break away from her husband. One time he got drunk and told her that he knows she only married him cuz she wanted someone secure to care for her and her kids... If what he's saying is true, I feel bad for him that after all these years he cared for her and her kids - and now at an age where finding someone can be really difficult, she just wants to bail on him. But then again, if she married him only for what he could do for her, then I guess where her dissing him is easy for her to do cuz she never cared in the first place. But, then again, some women who get with guys who pay the bills aren't in la-la land...they often endure years of being in a miserable RL/marriage, never really fulfilled and/or endure abuse and/or a controlling husband. So, the flip side is where I can see where even though she married him for what he could do for her, he also took advantage of her. 3
Frank2thepoint Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I am terrible at math so anything dealing with math is very intimidating. Hit up Youtube and watch some videos on math. Expose yourself to it, challenge yourself, and try to overcome the fear. You need some math in almost everything these days, even data entry jobs that require entering numbers into a spreadsheet. I have no skills at all and I'm at the point where I want out of my marriage. Khan Academy is free online courses on whatever subject your heart desires. Find something you are interested and make time to learn a new subject or three. Afterwards try to find some place to intern/volunteer so you can get real world experience. Try to network, even Meetups related to the field you are interested in. Build your resume up, and try to get interviews, and eventually a job. This will take some time, but you can do it. 1
coryreply Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's no fun to feel trapped or boxed in. I have a couple of questions for you: Why do you want out of your marriage? What are you most passionate about?
preraph Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 You say you do childcare. I can't tell if you're doing it just informally or if you're certified. But if you are able to do childcare on a bigger scale under the laws of your state (some require certification), no reason not to try that. Also, you might apply for some live-in nanny positions. Depends where you are, but some pay well. One thing an online acquaintance of mine did when she lost her writing job is she became a school bus driver. It doesn't pay a whole lot, but it's one of the better paying unskilled job (hers is $13 an hour). I think they trained her and got her her license (CDL, probably). I know here where I live, they school district will pay for you getting your CDL. Having worked with kids before would qualify you in a good way. Why not contact your local school district and ask where to apply for a bus driver job? It's short hours twice a day (one is early morning though) and leaves time for other things. My friend loves it. You might even be able to fit in a part-time daycare job around it. Good luck!
Author vaughn40 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's no fun to feel trapped or boxed in. I have a couple of questions for you: Why do you want out of your marriage? What are you most passionate about? I feel like my husband takes me for granted. I have no voice. I feel like a maid rather than a wife. We don't have any fun any more and he is controlling. He's the type to say "My car. my house" etc.. I just feel like I have made huge mistakes and one being, me not going to get educated.
Author vaughn40 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 You say you do childcare. I can't tell if you're doing it just informally or if you're certified. But if you are able to do childcare on a bigger scale under the laws of your state (some require certification), no reason not to try that. Also, you might apply for some live-in nanny positions. Depends where you are, but some pay well. One thing an online acquaintance of mine did when she lost her writing job is she became a school bus driver. It doesn't pay a whole lot, but it's one of the better paying unskilled job (hers is $13 an hour). I think they trained her and got her her license (CDL, probably). I know here where I live, they school district will pay for you getting your CDL. Having worked with kids before would qualify you in a good way. Why not contact your local school district and ask where to apply for a bus driver job? It's short hours twice a day (one is early morning though) and leaves time for other things. My friend loves it. You might even be able to fit in a part-time daycare job around it. Good luck! I ran a child care business for 17 years. Now I'm unemployed and looking. Thanks so much!
Author vaughn40 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Hit up Youtube and watch some videos on math. Expose yourself to it, challenge yourself, and try to overcome the fear. You need some math in almost everything these days, even data entry jobs that require entering numbers into a spreadsheet. Khan Academy is free online courses on whatever subject your heart desires. Find something you are interested and make time to learn a new subject or three. Afterwards try to find some place to intern/volunteer so you can get real world experience. Try to network, even Meetups related to the field you are interested in. Build your resume up, and try to get interviews, and eventually a job. This will take some time, but you can do it. ;;Thank you!!
edgygirl Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Why do you say you have no skills if you did this? You probably have more skills than you think! Potential employers can value this over education, you just have to find the right one. My sister's kids are in college and now that she doesn't have to be there for them all the time, she's in college too. Check on the possibilities with your government where you live, there must be affordable certification courses you can take. I ran a child care business for 17 years. Now I'm unemployed and looking. Thanks so much!
coryreply Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I feel like my husband takes me for granted. I have no voice. I feel like a maid rather than a wife. We don't have any fun any more and he is controlling. He's the type to say "My car. my house" etc.. I just feel like I have made huge mistakes and one being, me not going to get educated. I hear what you're saying. I can understand your frustration. However, let me caution you against going through with a divorce. That road is a difficult one and leaves many feeling worse off than they were before. What if your husband could change? I know you don't believe it because it's been 30 years but maybe all he needs is a catalyst. Do you still love him?
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