How often do you have serious make-out sessions and/or sex after a dozen dates

[FringeZone]

Out of curiosity, say you've been out with a person a 10-20 times over 1-2 months - how often do you have serious make-out sessions? Every time you see them, most of the time, some times, rarely? Is this frequency different for sex?

 

I'm kind of in the 10-20 date window, and while there's usually some (make out ~80+% of the time, sex ~50-60% of the time), or both, of the above, on occasion it's more cuddly without the rest (this may include sleeping together without sex or without even a ton of kissing (albeit some). Is this normal? If it's been a dry date so far, should I at least push for a make-out session (I'm not saying ask for it, more just do it naturally over the last part of the date)? It seems kind of nice on occasion to just get to know someone without the steam in the way, but it makes me wonder if the occasional non-steamy date now is suggestive of how things will progress over time.

[fitnessfan365]

Dude, your the guy. It's up to you to dictate how things go. It seems like you let the women you're seeing set the pace and you're just along for the ride.

 

My mindset is that a woman I'm seeing has sex on my terms, not hers. That's why I plan dates in public for at least a month or more. Show her, that just because she's hot and charming, it doesn't mean that I'm going to want sex after dates 1-3. But at the same time, I'm very aggressive and keep a seductive mindset. So with every date, I'm being physical with her and continuing to seduce her mind.

 

Now I will stress that even though I date multiple women, I only have sex with one woman at a time. This is actually why I hold off on actual sex for awhile. It lets me make an informed decision on which woman I want to focus on. But after I decide which woman is for me and sex happens, there is sex every time we get together period. Since I'm busy and independent, I like seeing a woman at most 4x a week when things get more serious. So sex 4x a week isn't unreasonable.

[Redhead14]

Out of curiosity, say you've been out with a person a 10-20 times over 1-2 months - how often do you have serious make-out sessions? Every time you see them, most of the time, some times, rarely? Is this frequency different for sex?

 

I'm kind of in the 10-20 date window, and while there's usually some (make out ~80+% of the time, sex ~50-60% of the time), or both, of the above, on occasion it's more cuddly without the rest (this may include sleeping together without sex or without even a ton of kissing (albeit some). Is this normal? If it's been a dry date so far, should I at least push for a make-out session (I'm not saying ask for it, more just do it naturally over the last part of the date)? It seems kind of nice on occasion to just get to know someone without the steam in the way, but it makes me wonder if the occasional non-steamy date now is suggestive of how things will progress over time.

 

If you want to know how something will progressive over time, you let it develop over time. Don't question the occasional difference, wait to see if a pattern develops. If it's 10 more in a row, then you might assume that the steamy part is over or it's not working on some level. But why worry over something that's "occasional"?

[FringeZone]

If you want to know how something will progressive over time, you let it develop over time. Don't question the occasional difference, wait to see if a pattern develops. If it's 10 more in a row, then you might assume that the steamy part is over or it's not working on some level. But why worry over something that's "occasional"?

 

Redhead - I'm not really concerned about anything - more just curious what the norm is for other people. If things slow to a halt for 10+ dates, as you mentioned - I wouldn't really call that dating anymore - that's friendzone.

 

The situation I described - there's always some kisses, 80/90% of the time make-out sessions, and sex ~60% of the time...so you can do the math if we see each other 3 times a week.

[Redhead14]

Out of curiosity, say you've been out with a person a 10-20 times over 1-2 months - how often do you have serious make-out sessions? Every time you see them, most of the time, some times, rarely? Is this frequency different for sex?

 

I'm kind of in the 10-20 date window, and while there's usually some (make out ~80+% of the time, sex ~50-60% of the time), or both, of the above, on occasion it's more cuddly without the rest (this may include sleeping together without sex or without even a ton of kissing (albeit some). Is this normal? If it's been a dry date so far, should I at least push for a make-out session (I'm not saying ask for it, more just do it naturally over the last part of the date)? It seems kind of nice on occasion to just get to know someone without the steam in the way, but it makes me wonder if the occasional non-steamy date now is suggestive of how things will progress over time.

 

Ok, I'm reading this differently now. 10 to 20 dates in a two month period is a lot. I'm thinking that there may simply be a little bit of burn out going on. That much time together so early in a dating scenario may cause some "premature comfortability". By that I mean, it's kinda like an old married couple now.

 

In my experiences, I'm not having very many steamy, hot make out sessions in the first month for sure. By the second, month maybe every other time. But then again, I'm only usually having one date per week (4 dates per month) the first month and maybe a couple more than that by the second month. So there's some space in between and the desire grows in between and the "excitement" is still there. But that being said, I'm not having sex with that person yet either. I tend to keep that in check for at the very least a couple of months of solid dating.

 

So, though, if you're having steamy, make out sessions and having sex that often so soon, the fire is already starting to smolder. It might not necessarily be an indicator of the future though. Even solidly established relationships wax and wane.

 

If you're starting to notice a little bit of waning, I'd say, step back a little. Put a little bit of space between the dates to miss each other and it may come back stronger. But in the end, it's best to communicate with the person to see if there is something bothering them or find out what their views about sex are in general.

[FringeZone]

Redhead - it's been ~7 weeks, and not a lot happened for the first 3. I think there were 4 dates in the first 3 weeks, and 2-3 for the last 4, so maybe not all that different that what you're used to. I don't think we had sex until week 5 - which was probably date 7-ish. It sounds like we're probably on a similar page.

[Gary S]

If you are not making out after 3-5 dates, you have found yourself a friend, not a lover.

[Redhead14]

Redhead - it's been ~7 weeks, and not a lot happened for the first 3. I think there were 4 dates in the first 3 weeks, and 2-3 for the last 4, so maybe not all that different that what you're used to. I don't think we had sex until week 5 - which was probably date 7-ish. It sounds like we're probably on a similar page.

 

OK, well, since you're being intimate, you two should be able to have an open adult conversation about each other's sexual needs. Simply make a statement that says "you enjoy the intimacy you've been having with her and that it seems that things have changed somewhat lately and say what you like in terms of frequency and then let her talk. If she's been pushing herself to do it more than she would normally have wanted for herself just to do it for you, you'll know that you two may not be on the same page sexually. If she's uncomfortable about discussing it, she probably moved too fast too soon for herself anyway.

[FringeZone]

If you are not making out after 3-5 dates, you have found yourself a friend, not a lover.

 

True - we were making out by then...

[FringeZone]

OK, well, since you're being intimate, you two should be able to have an open adult conversation about each other's sexual needs. Simply make a statement that says "you enjoy the intimacy you've been having with her and that it seems that things have changed somewhat lately and say what you like in terms of frequency and then let her talk. If she's been pushing herself to do it more than she would normally have wanted for herself just to do it for you, you'll know that you two may not be on the same page sexually. If she's uncomfortable about discussing it, she probably moved too fast too soon for herself anyway.

 

Redhead - things haven't wanted - if anything frequency is increasing...I'm not worried about it all, I'm really just curious as to what other people's experiences are.

[Ninjainpajamas]

It's not something I really think about to be honest, I don't count the days or number of dates until sex/intimacy, I just go by the connection I have with the woman.

 

Sometimes the sexual tension and attraction is high from the very beginning and it doesn't take long to gravitate towards each other romantically, it's not a decision just a natural thing. And women tend to be a bit more aggressive in that department in terms of initiation than I am, but not once it gets into the bedroom. These situations can be just filled with high passion and sex, which tends to make me feel like some insatiable vampire who can't quench his thirst...which is not the best way to initiate a relationship, it's very blinding and overwhelming, you don't think much about anything other than sinking your teeth into that woman again.

 

Otherwise I think I'm just very patient in the beginning and have a lot of self control.

 

Other times I just enjoy being with her, in her presence...it's more of your sweet kind of thing, it's more gradual but still progressive over a number of dates...just slower. No not so much of this raw sexual energy going on, it's hand holding, cuddling, light kissing...the attraction and interest is there so it still feels fresh, and I don't feel like I'm forcing myself to wait or wondering when it'll happen and it doesn't feel like it takes forever.

 

Other times it's more cerebral, meaning lots of deep conversation about a number of things, a very strong mental connection which is very sexy in its own right..this again doesn't mean there isn't sexual tension or attraction, but I personally enjoy these type of connections as I would participate in them without the sex, so I'm not counting the days until intimacy occurs...I might in fact just be on the phone, or talking in a park, or while walking on a trail, or wherever.

 

Now I'm not saying I'm not aggressive and have the same experiences as you do, overall I'm on a bit of a faster track (higher ratio percentages) than you are in a shorter time frame as 20 dates is a lot, but not because I'm trying to be. I also likely spend a lot more time getting to know someone, I also don't really have a typical date or dating experience.

 

I am not really afraid to be me, I do the things I feel are right for me, I dont really care or compare myself or my life to anyone else's life, I've known guys who take women as sport and can walk into a bar/club and come out with a girl every night, these kinds of things take skill and charm, those guys were either good looking or good looking enough with lots of personality and charisma, but some people have thrown me into the same boat automatically. Therefore if you want things to move along faster then move them along faster, express yourself better, what you want or are looking for. I'm not a guy who has a game plan or strategy, I go into everything like it's the first time in a sense, and when I feel something or feel the need to express myself, then that's what I do. I just happen to have the experience, knowledge and understanding of women and relationships to help me out...but I wouldn't say that makes me a better "dater", I'm not a professional at it and I don't date just to date and get laid, you might be better at that and more experienced in that area than I am.

[Leigh 87]

It's not something I really think about to be honest, I don't count the days or number of dates until sex/intimacy, I just go by the connection I have with the woman.

 

Sometimes the sexual tension and attraction is high from the very beginning and it doesn't take long to gravitate towards each other romantically, it's not a decision just a natural thing. And women tend to be a bit more aggressive in that department in terms of initiation than I am, but not once it gets into the bedroom. These situations can be just filled with high passion and sex, which tends to make me feel like some insatiable vampire who can't quench his thirst...which is not the best way to initiate a relationship, it's very blinding and overwhelming, you don't think much about anything other than sinking your teeth into that woman again.

 

Otherwise I think I'm just very patient in the beginning and have a lot of self control.

 

Other times I just enjoy being with her, in her presence...it's more of your sweet kind of thing, it's more gradual but still progressive over a number of dates...just slower. No not so much of this raw sexual energy going on, it's hand holding, cuddling, light kissing...the attraction and interest is there so it still feels fresh, and I don't feel like I'm forcing myself to wait or wondering when it'll happen and it doesn't feel like it takes forever.

 

Other times it's more cerebral, meaning lots of deep conversation about a number of things, a very strong mental connection which is very sexy in its own right..this again doesn't mean there isn't sexual tension or attraction, but I personally enjoy these type of connections as I would participate in them without the sex, so I'm not counting the days until intimacy occurs...I might in fact just be on the phone, or talking in a park, or while walking on a trail, or wherever.

 

Now I'm not saying I'm not aggressive and have the same experiences as you do, overall I'm on a bit of a faster track (higher ratio percentages) than you are in a shorter time frame as 20 dates is a lot, but not because I'm trying to be. I also likely spend a lot more time getting to know someone, I also don't really have a typical date or dating experience.

 

I am not really afraid to be me, I do the things I feel are right for me, I dont really care or compare myself or my life to anyone else's life, I've known guys who take women as sport and can walk into a bar/club and come out with a girl every night, these kinds of things take skill and charm, those guys were either good looking or good looking enough with lots of personality and charisma, but some people have thrown me into the same boat automatically. Therefore if you want things to move along faster then move them along faster, express yourself better, what you want or are looking for. I'm not a guy who has a game plan or strategy, I go into everything like it's the first time in a sense, and when I feel something or feel the need to express myself, then that's what I do. I just happen to have the experience, knowledge and understanding of women and relationships to help me out...but I wouldn't say that makes me a better "dater", I'm not a professional at it and I don't date just to date and get laid, you might be better at that and more experienced in that area than I am.

 

 

I prefer the more steamy chemistry where you can't help but be intimate all the time in the first year or two.

 

Anything else bores me and makes me think that there is a better sexual match for me out there.....