dolcefaniente Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) Background: Boyfriend of two years broke up out of the blue with me last summer. FWIW I was studying a master’s at a top university and stupidly busy and he was job searching for the period I was studying for my master’s. He got a job and was mighty pleased with himself and broke up with me ten days before my exams and thesis viva ha. I had to somehow revise and pass those exams. I was broken inside; I cried every single day for months, but I didn’t let him know what was going on. I moved out (thank goodness for friends who helped out), sat my exams, didn’t speak to him during the exam period and he didn’t bother to call me either, called him after my exams and he gave some half arsed responses. Anyway three days after the phone call, I called him to tell him it had been a good decision (we had been arguing a bit by the end mainly because he was getting closer to his friends, partying a lot and I don’t think his friends liked me) and said bye. He invited me out to dinner but I refused. I changed my number, cut contact and even though it was stupidly painful (cried for months, got depressed, etc., only my close friends and parents knew about this) I carried on with my life. I don’t think he expected me to cut him out, I think he wanted to play with my feelings, possibly wanted me to beg a bit and/or chase him- I didn’t do either (in my book if someone doesn’t want me, I will not give them time of the day). Anyway I heard through some friends that all his crazy partying had reduced after about a month or so (when he realised I wasn’t going to bother to get back), and then the fun started. He started spreading lies about me telling people I had cheated, slept around, and used dating websites! I think he wanted me to react. I didn’t respond to anything, moved to another part of the country for my another degree and totally cut him out of my life. And then last week AFTER 8 months of NC, three days before my birthday, he sends me an email to wish me and hopes that I have been well and that my studies are going well. And he added this quote from my favourite book below his email: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/85146249177277260/ (he didn't put the picture, he put it in writing under his email) He knows how much I LOVE the book (he bought me a lovely first edition copy of the book). I waited a day and sent a 'thank you very much, I hope you are well and have a good birthday too' (our birthdays are days apart) Some points: 1. It was a classic case of GIGS. 2. He was massively insecure because I was at a top university and he was unemployed much from a lower ranked university and for what it’s worth this didn’t bother me at all, but since he’d bring it up all the time, I was aware it was something he was affected by. 3. I haven’t dated because I have been busy and after being blindsided like that (he was looking at houses to move in together just three weeks before he broke up with me) I need some time out from dating/romance/drama haha. The thing is even though I've made loads of progress and I am happy now, I just want to know if this means he misses me because I won't lie a large part of me misses the good times and when he wasn't such an idiot :(Also, do you think he'll message again? Edited March 19, 2015 by dolcefaniente 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yes, he will likely message you again because you reacted to his breadcrumb. Block him, or at the very least don't respond or react to any attempts to contact you. Stay away from that immature freak. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dolcefaniente Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yes, he will likely message you again because you reacted to his breadcrumb. Block him, or at the very least don't respond or react to any attempts to contact you. Stay away from that immature freak. Hmm I didn't think of it that way I spoke to a couple of friends and they said it was better to respond because it looked like I didn't care. If he had sent this email six months ago I'd have been in tears, but because I have mostly healed and more importantly changed a lot as a person and seen him for who he is, it didn't affect me half as much. I will not respond any further though- he is a immature freak :laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 you sound like a very strong independent woman. i am trying to do what you already did. cut contact, blocked my ex's number etc. your points were spot on and you reacted to the break up really well. i definitely know how hard it is I have a feeling he may have realised that the grass wasnt greener on the other side, but thats really far fetched from 1 email. But the fact he emailed you means you were in his thoughts at some point, so he obviously misses you or atleast memories of you. And i understand how that couldve affected him with you doing your study and him feeling worthless just looking for a job, i imagine that made him feel pathetic and broke his confidence down but with what he did after the break up, was just not right. When you love someone truly, even in your maddest, angriest, most upset state you would still look out for them even if they have hurt you. Im so hurt from my ex leaving me and my mates call her a b1tch and i just say nah she was a good girl, we just had too many issues.. even after her breaking my heart, i still stick up for her because i know she is decent. He spread rumours about you, thats horrible and then you didnt hear from him for over half a year? you already said thanks and made your reply so i say just move on. and if there is any chance of reconciling at all, it has to be from him. he will reach out to you again if he misses you trust me. if he is still in love with you, you gave him a little taste with your reply so he will definitely be back for more contact if he wants you back. but dont wait or even think. just move on, keep pushing forward and nature will deliver you with a special someone in time.. who knows it could be a new man, could even be an ex, or you could be a 76 yr old creepy cat lady with no husband 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dolcefaniente Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 but dont wait or even think. just move on, keep pushing forward and nature will deliver you with a special someone in time.. who knows it could be a new man, could even be an ex, or you could be a 76 yr old creepy cat lady with no husband Thank you so much for your message. The last bit made me laugh so much! Thanks- it was stupidly difficult, but I would go through that again than tell him how much he hurt me. Breakups suck, but hang in there You'll feel better soon, just stay strong And yes, I am not going to wait for any more emails. I won't let this email affect me. I think the quote at the end of the email hit me and unsettled me. PS: that is so decent of you not to badmouth your ex -- I don't know why people do that! Link to post Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yeah it probably just struck a really strong memory or checkpoint in you and brang some feelings with it. You're right he doesnt deserve to know how much you suffered. break ups really suck.. Sometimes you have to close one door, for another one to open. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I spoke to a couple of friends and they said it was better to respond because it looked like I didn't care. No offense to your friends but either they have no experience about breakups at all or they all just cherish to be strung along by their exes (or at the very least are still in touch with them). Link to post Share on other sites
AIJ Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yeah it probably just struck a really strong memory or checkpoint in you and brang some feelings with it. You're right he doesnt deserve to know how much you suffered. break ups really suck.. Sometimes you have to close one door, for another one to open. I never badmouthed my ex to begin with, like immediately after the break up. Purely because I didn't feel I had any reason to, however the way she spoke about me post break up, retweeting **** about 'looking at your ex and wondering if you were drunk the entire relationship', claiming her new boyfriend is a significant upgrade on me, and then me realising she actually left me for someone else as well as there being a very good chance she cheated on me (possibly physically, maybe just emotionally, cheating is cheating in my book), and especially just when things got tough for me (very close family member of mine passed away, she couldn't get to grips with the fact that this would upset me and make my moods a little bit off). So **** her. I despise her with every bone in my body and I wish her the worst. Cunt. Quoted the wrong post, but yeah, my point still stands Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Hmm I didn't think of it that way I spoke to a couple of friends and they said it was better to respond because it looked like I didn't care. If he had sent this email six months ago I'd have been in tears, but because I have mostly healed and more importantly changed a lot as a person and seen him for who he is, it didn't affect me half as much. I will not respond any further though- he is a immature freak :laugh: I agree with your friends on this. Your response was cordial and polite. No harm done as long as it doesn't develop into an ongoing conversation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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