Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Hi all. I really need advice and didn't know where to turn. My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for 4 years. Lately we have been fighting a lot and going through rough times. He's been treating me not the greatest and told me its because I changed... We finally decided that we were going to make it work and both make the effort to be together. So last night we were kind of talking over text about our sex life and he sent me a picture that of his "buldge" in his underwear... but the date stamp on the picture said 20150317 which to me is March 17th, the day before. I asked him why it said yesterday date. He said he didn't know. I had him take a screenshot of the conversation to see what the date of it was.. 20150318... He has been talking to a lot of females lately, and I am not saying he's done anything wrong but I really don't think the date stamp on the picture is lying. I think he is. I think he sent this same photo to another girl the day before and it backfired... but I don't have any way to prove it. All I get is "I don't know why, I have nothing to hide, screw you for thinking that..." I trusted him but something's not sitting with me... And if he did take it the day before, why not just say so?.. The fact that he said he took it right then makes it worse to me. Can a date stamp on a picture lie? and if he took it that moment why didn't the screenshot say that date also? Also fyi he has done this before about 2 years ago.
Genieve Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I didn't even know the date showed when you sent it. Omg
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 I have an iphone, and he has a Samsung. I guess when he takes a picture it will say 20150317_978345843 type thing. If you open it, the date shows at the top... For an iphone anyway...
Zahara Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 1. off and on for 4 years. 2. we have been fighting a lot and going through rough times. 3. He's been treating me not the greatest 4. He has been talking to a lot of females lately 5. fyi he has done this before about 2 years ago Talking to a lot of females? About what? How do you know? Aside, why are you with this guy? Too many red flags. 2
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 1. off and on for 4 years. 2. we have been fighting a lot and going through rough times. 3. He's been treating me not the greatest 4. He has been talking to a lot of females lately 5. fyi he has done this before about 2 years ago Talking to a lot of females? About what? How do you know? Aside, why are you with this guy? Too many red flags. Because he told me. They are his "friends". They all know about me. But he works out of town a lot so I don't know what they talk about all the time... I don't necessarily think he sent this photo to any of them, but maybe there are some I don't know about? I feel like I can't trust him now. I just don't want to accuse him of lying if he isn't... but the screenshot from our convo had the right date and the picture didn't..... He tells me pretty much everything, we don't really have secrets but I am starting to think he does.
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 I am with him because I love him and wanted to be with him... But lately things have changed. He is not the same guy anymore...
dumbass2 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Hi all. I really need advice and didn't know where to turn. My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for 4 years. Lately we have been fighting a lot and going through rough times. He's been treating me not the greatest and told me its because I changed... We finally decided that we were going to make it work and both make the effort to be together. So last night we were kind of talking over text about our sex life and he sent me a picture that of his "buldge" in his underwear... but the date stamp on the picture said 20150317 which to me is March 17th, the day before. I asked him why it said yesterday date. He said he didn't know. I had him take a screenshot of the conversation to see what the date of it was.. 20150318... He has been talking to a lot of females lately, and I am not saying he's done anything wrong but I really don't think the date stamp on the picture is lying. I think he is. I think he sent this same photo to another girl the day before and it backfired... but I don't have any way to prove it. All I get is "I don't know why, I have nothing to hide, screw you for thinking that..." I trusted him but something's not sitting with me... And if he did take it the day before, why not just say so?.. The fact that he said he took it right then makes it worse to me. Can a date stamp on a picture lie? and if he took it that moment why didn't the screenshot say that date also? Also fyi he has done this before about 2 years ago. Yes, you are saying he has done something wrong. You questioned him and he said "screw you for thinking that". You didn't trust him even though you say you did. There is no trust there. You cannot have a relationship with this guy and it sounds like you shouldn't even be trying from what you have said. Start fresh with someone else and leave this one alone.
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Yes, you are saying he has done something wrong. You questioned him and he said "screw you for thinking that". You didn't trust him even though you say you did. There is no trust there. You cannot have a relationship with this guy and it sounds like you shouldn't even be trying from what you have said. Start fresh with someone else and leave this one alone. I do trust him but I can't get around the date on the photo. I googled it and it said that when you take a picture the date saves in its data. The screenshot I made him take said the correct date... Wouldn't anyone question it in this circumstance? It was 11pm and the room had the light on and he had jeans on. He doesn't wear JEANS to bed, ever. I know what I sound like trust me... But I just want to know for sure that there's no way this date is wrong.
carhill Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 One can easily change filenames but my Droid (Android OS) does the same thing, putting the datestamp as the first part of the image name. However, a graphics editing program that can read the EXIF data can drill down with more precision, regardless of filename, including geotags (Long/Lat coordinates) if that function is enabled on the phone. On the relationship front, if I was feeling the impulse to drill down to such data, I think it would be time for an exit. 3
Zahara Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Because he told me. They are his "friends". They all know about me. But he works out of town a lot so I don't know what they talk about all the time... I don't necessarily think he sent this photo to any of them, but maybe there are some I don't know about? I feel like I can't trust him now. I just don't want to accuse him of lying if he isn't... but the screenshot from our convo had the right date and the picture didn't..... He tells me pretty much everything, we don't really have secrets but I am starting to think he does. If there's no trust, there is no relationship. And a 4 year relationship that's been on and off doesn't have much of a foundation to stand on. He treats you bad -- it's your fault. Red flag. You question his actions because you feel insecure -- it's your problem. Red flag. Seems like you're the one that has all the issues. He's pretty good at gaslighting. 1
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 One can easily change filenames but my Droid (Android OS) does the same thing, putting the datestamp as the first part of the image name. However, a graphics editing program that can read the EXIF data can drill down with more precision, regardless of filename, including geotags (Long/Lat coordinates) if that function is enabled on the phone. On the relationship front, if I was feeling the impulse to drill down to such data, I think it would be time for an exit. I didn't drill into it. When I opened I just happened to notice the date. So I asked him why it said yesterday.. It was nothing to me at first. 1
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 If there's no trust, there is no relationship. And a 4 year relationship that's been on and off doesn't have much of a foundation to stand on. He treats you bad -- it's your fault. Red flag. You question his actions because you feel insecure -- it's your problem. Red flag. Seems like you're the one that has all the issues. He's pretty good at gaslighting. Your are exactly right, he does blame me for pretty much everything. He told me that if I go back to the girl I was two years ago that he will get rid of all the girls and treat me better...
Zahara Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Your are exactly right, he does blame me for pretty much everything. He told me that if I go back to the girl I was two years ago that he will get rid of all the girls and treat me better... That's awful, Lunay. Does that mean he's justified in treating you badly until you prove to him to be what he wants you to be? How does that sound to you? If anything it's controlling and manipulative. If anything he's using it as an excuse to behave any way he chooses to because he knows he has the power. Does this mean that if you act in accordance then you will get rewarded? If he can't accept you for the way you are, then you should leave. I think he knows you are dependent on him and chances are he's emotionally detached and is only utilizing you for attention. I can't imagine someone justifying bad behavior because their partner isn't conforming to an image that's acceptable. It's a load of BS. 3
dumbass2 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Your are exactly right, he does blame me for pretty much everything. He told me that if I go back to the girl I was two years ago that he will get rid of all the girls and treat me better... Then go tell him right now to go F**K himself. That's a crap thing to say and you shouldn't be treated like that. You have to let this one go. You should really go NC and take some time away from him. I don't know if you ever did that in your other 4 break ups with him. You will be able to look at things more clearly. Stop bouncing back and forth with him because you keep giving in and going back and so he will continue to treat you like crap. It obviously is not working now or in the past and wont in the future. That statement he made to you should say it all. 1
Zahara Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I am with him because I love him Time to love yourself and leave because your self-respect is far more valuable. Dumbass2 is right, he knows now you'll tolerate disrespect -- chances are it's all downhill from here. 2
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 I know and he tells me I am now a b*tch and a c*nt and maybe he says this out of anger when we're fighting but it's not true... I am a good girlfriend. He even admitted I am the best girlfriend... SO why take me for granted? He also said that I should be grateful because "Do you know how many people would love to be in your shoes" im assuming this is because he makes a lot of money... but they don't know who he really is
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Time to love yourself and leave because your self-respect is far more valuable. Dumbass2 is right, he knows now you'll tolerate disrespect -- chances are it's all downhill from here. I know I honestly have no self esteem left... I am a pretty girl, I am smart, I have a good job, I have a lot to offer someone... I am just so emotionally attached to this guy and I know I shouldn't be. I know I deserve better.
Zahara Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I know and he tells me I am now a b*tch and a c*nt and maybe he says this out of anger when we're fighting but it's not true... You know, I'm sure there's a crap load of bad behavior from this guy. It's slowly trickling in as you post. There is never an excuse for someone to speak to you that way. If anything, you've tolerated a lot of disrespect and justified it with excuses. I am a good girlfriend. He even admitted I am the best girlfriend... SO why take me for granted? Because you're easy. What ****ty man wouldn't want a doormat at his feet? You require very little respect and care to keep you around. It's an awesome deal for him. He also said that I should be grateful because "Do you know how many people would love to be in your shoes" im assuming this is because he makes a lot of money... but they don't know who he really is Well, YOU know who he really is, and you're still with him.
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 You know, I'm sure there's a crap load of bad behavior from this guy. It's slowly trickling in as you post. There is never an excuse for someone to speak to you that way. If anything, you've tolerated a lot of disrespect and justified it with excuses. Because you're easy. What ****ty man wouldn't want a doormat at his feet? You require very little respect and care to keep you around. It's an awesome deal for him. Well, YOU know who he really is, and you're still with him. I keep hoping for the better, because I know how he used to be and how he used to treat me. I'm just a piece of crap now it feels like. He says that's not true but he doesn't really care what I think. I think this whole picture date thing just really made me realize what a liar and how disrespectful he really is. I want him to know what a piece of crap he is, but he won't see it... not until I am gone I think
Zahara Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I keep hoping for the better, because I know how he used to be and how he used to treat me. You're holding on to an image. It's gone. If he was the good guy that he was before, his genuine character will consistently shine through. People are on their best behavior in the beginning. Sure things change when familiarity and comfort sets in but to drastically go from nice guy to douchebag. This is who he truly is. And if you both have been on and off for 4 years, it's broken. Revisiting over and over won't fix it. I'm just a piece of crap now it feels like. He says that's not true but he doesn't really care what I think. Yes, he sees you as less than because you've accepted being treated poorly. I think this whole picture date thing just really made me realize what a liar and how disrespectful he really is. I want him to know what a piece of crap he is, but he won't see it... not until I am gone I think Even if you left, he has a harem of women that's paying him attention. The only reason he will likely want you back is because you're a great benefit to have. People like him don't think there is anything wrong with them.
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 You're holding on to an image. It's gone. If he was the good guy that he was before, his genuine character will consistently shine through. People are on their best behavior in the beginning. Sure things change when familiarity and comfort sets in but to drastically go from nice guy to douchebag. This is who he truly is. And if you both have been on and off for 4 years, it's broken. Revisiting over and over won't fix it. Yes, he sees you as less than because you've accepted being treated poorly. Even if you left, he has a harem of women that's paying him attention. The only reason he will likely want you back is because you're a great benefit to have. People like him don't think there is anything wrong with them. I am looking into income support to see if anything can help me come up with the money to move. I am unhappy and treated like garbage...
Zahara Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I am looking into income support to see if anything can help me come up with the money to move. I am unhappy and treated like garbage... Why do you have to move? You live with him?
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Why do you have to move? You live with him? Yes I live with him. I can't afford the rent on my own.
Zahara Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Yes I live with him. I can't afford the rent on my own. Oh dear, why would you even move in with someone that's been on and off with you for four years. Where were you living before you moved in with him and how did you manage? If the lease is in your name, then see if you can get a roomate and kick his arse out. I'm not sure what your living arrangements are but you need to start coming up with a plan to get away from him.
Author Lunay Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Oh dear, why would you even move in with someone that's been on and off with you for four years. Where were you living before you moved in with him and how did you manage? If the lease is in your name, then see if you can get a roomate and kick his arse out. I'm not sure what your living arrangements are but you need to start coming up with a plan to get away from him. We've lived together for almost 4 years. I moved out and got my own place the first time we broke up and then we ended up getting back together and he moved in with me. We just moved to this new place in September. I have been looking for a room mate for two months just to help with the rent (even with him here) and I haven't been able to find anyone. My first choice is to kick him out believe me but I can't find anyone to move in. I do want to get away from him now... I am done being treated like dirt.
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