LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 A week ago my GF dropped a bombshell: she's going abroad in 7 months time for a year. I asked her if that meant our relationship would end then and she said "yes". Not great, I know, but after she told me where she was thinking of going, I asked her what she was planning on doing there. She ignores the question and changes conversation quickly. She's done this before last summer when she told me she wanted to study in France, but her plans failed and she stopped talking about it. This time round she told me "I've been thinking about this for a while", but she's yet to start making any concrete plans for it, and I don't get where she'll be getting the money for it all. Throughout this year she has: 1)Exams to finish and pass 2) We're going on a planned trip to France together 3)Anniversary 4) Finish application for her Master's degree 5) Graduation 6) Plan her trip and what she's doing. So I'm left with a dilemma here, do I: Option A) Break up with her now and move on. OR Option B) Stick around and hope she doesn't go?
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Clearly she has travel on her mind & had for some time. You can't hold her back or she will resent you. Personally since her plans fell through last time, I might continue dating her while she's hear & revisit the issue of a 1 year LDR while she's abroad. Understand she may want to cut ties to back home so she's free to have a fling. Only you know which is going to be best for you: Now or in 7 months.
Auspecial Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 She has been clear that she doesn't want to stay together. Its your choice if its worth it to you to stick around until she actually does leave.
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Clearly she has travel on her mind & had for some time. You can't hold her back or she will resent you. Personally since her plans fell through last time, I might continue dating her while she's hear & revisit the issue of a 1 year LDR while she's abroad. Understand she may want to cut ties to back home so she's free to have a fling. Only you know which is going to be best for you: Now or in 7 months. What do you mean by what's in bold? I don't want to hold her back, but I can't possibly lie to myself: I'm really unhappy with it all.
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 She has been clear that she doesn't want to stay together. Its your choice if its worth it to you to stick around until she actually does leave. That's the thing there, she does want us together right now since she has organised a trip to France together, and is quite hyped about our 1 year anniversary - I'm pretty sure if she didn't want the relationship to continue 1) she wouldn't have done either of those 2) She would've dumped me now, not later on.
dichotomy Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 She already told you your relationship was over if she went away for just 7 months (not even a full year). What exactly are you unsure of ? How much you want to hope you are the successful the fallback option? "Looks like I am not going after all, lucky you, I guess you will do" Here is what I would say next time you talk to her "I appreciated your being honest about our relationship ending when you leave for France. I want to move on now, pursue something's I have been thinking about, rather than drag this out until then" There is only two possible outcomes 1) She agrees, but you feel like you grew a pair and ended it yourself. 2) She sees you have grown a pair, and begs you not to leave, and you still dump her saying your need a gall that can handle 7 months for a guy like you.
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 She already told you your relationship was over if she went away for just 7 months (not even a full year). What exactly are you unsure of ? How much you want to hope you are the successful the fallback option? "Looks like I am not going after all, lucky you, I guess you will do" Here is what I would say next time you talk to her "I appreciated your being honest about our relationship ending when you leave for France. I want to move on now, pursue something's I have been thinking about, rather than drag this out until then" There is only two possible outcomes 1) She agrees, but you feel like you grew a pair and ended it yourself. 2) She sees you have grown a pair, and begs you not to leave, and you still dump her saying your need a gall that can handle 7 months for a guy like you. She hasn't gone away yet, REAAAAADDD. She's going away in 7 months.
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 What do you mean by what's in bold? I don't want to hold her back, but I can't possibly lie to myself: I'm really unhappy with it all. I mean that her travel plans may include the desire to meet somebody else while abroad & have a whirlwind romance with a "foreign" guy. I put foreign in quotes because she will be the foreigner in his country. I don't know that is her plan but the fact that she's already said she doesn't want an LDR even for a year tells me she wants to be free. Sorry.
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 I mean that her travel plans may include the desire to meet somebody else while abroad & have a whirlwind romance with a "foreign" guy. I put foreign in quotes because she will be the foreigner in his country. I don't know that is her plan but the fact that she's already said she doesn't want an LDR even for a year tells me she wants to be free. Sorry. OK sure, she wants to be free, but if so why is she clinging on to a relationship that's bound to end in 7 months? Why not be free now?
WomenWubber Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 It's not the first time she does this. More than likely, you're not long term RL material for her and probably nobody is. If her plans fall thorugh this time, she will make other big plans for herself, without you in them, again. So it's up to you. You know the facts.
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 It's not the first time she does this. More than likely, you're not long term RL material for her and probably nobody is. If her plans fall thorugh this time, she will make other big plans for herself, without you in them, again. So it's up to you. You know the facts. Can you expand on what's in bold please. Do you think she's a commitmaphobe? Indecisive? All the above?
dichotomy Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 She hasn't gone away yet, REAAAAADDD. She's going away in 7 months. Ok she goes away for a year in 7 months. Who cares? 7 months or a year or whatever. She dumped you in advance. Why are you hanging on to her?
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 OK sure, she wants to be free, but if so why is she clinging on to a relationship that's bound to end in 7 months? Why not be free now? Because wants her cake & to eat it too. Staying with you for the next 7 months guarantees her a BF & social life before she leaves. She doesn't much care what it does to you. 1
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Because wants her cake & to eat it too. Staying with you for the next 7 months guarantees her a BF & social life before she leaves. She doesn't much care what it does to you. i.e she doesn't care about me(?) ... well she really didn't come across as that sort of girl.
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 i.e she doesn't care about me(?) ... well she really didn't come across as that sort of girl. Maybe not intentionally but what do you call her desire to continue dating you for the next 7 months & then dumping you the minute she leaves for her study abroad program? it's certainly not the act of a woman who cares about your feelings. If she hadn't already announced she does not want to try an LDR I would feel that did have your interests at heart. 1
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Maybe not intentionally but what do you call her desire to continue dating you for the next 7 months & then dumping you the minute she leaves for her study abroad program? it's certainly not the act of a woman who cares about your feelings. If she hadn't already announced she does not want to try an LDR I would feel that did have your interests at heart. We didn't speak about LDRs
WomenWubber Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 i.e she doesn't care about me(?) ... well she really didn't come across as that sort of girl. She does... just not that much, you know? She implicitly told you what you mean to her. That takes some honesty, you gotta give her that.
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 She does... just not that much, you know? She implicitly told you what you mean to her. That takes some honesty, you gotta give her that. Yeah, well she's an honest broad. So I'm just a dispensable BF really ... 1
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 A week ago my GF dropped a bombshell: she's going abroad in 7 months time for a year. I asked her if that meant our relationship would end then and she said "yes". If she announced that your relationship would end when she left, that was her telling you that she is not interested in doing an LDR. Sometimes it's what they don't say. But since you insist you didn't talk about that possibility, bring it up before you make a decision. It seems to me that if you have a strong relationship you can survive one year apart.
WomenWubber Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Can you expand on what's in bold please. Do you think she's a commitmaphobe? Indecisive? All the above? No. I'd say she's not focused on relationships at that stage in her life, but still open to enjoy some company.
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 If she announced that your relationship would end when she left, that was her telling you that she is not interested in doing an LDR. Sometimes it's what they don't say. But since you insist you didn't talk about that possibility, bring it up before you make a decision. It seems to me that if you have a strong relationship you can survive one year apart. Well I thought we did, but it all just seems a little one-sided now. I feel like we could, but my side means nothing in this.
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 No. I'd say she's not focused on relationships at that stage in her life, but still open to enjoy some company. All this just goes completely against things she's said and done, it's absurd.
WomenWubber Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 All this just goes completely against things she's said and done, it's absurd. Just my $0.02, brah.
Timshel Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Personally, I think she wants you to ask her to marry you. She's trying to force your hand. Could be wrong but that's my instinct.
Author LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Personally, I think she wants you to ask her to marry you. She's trying to force your hand. Could be wrong but that's my instinct. We're both 20, she apparently wants to be "free", so I doubt it ... but ok. I don't even know if that was serious or not.
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