totenkopf Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Hi all I have made several other posts on here and it has really helped me. For those that have not read my previous posts I will give a short version of the events. I was with my ex gf for 10 months she claimed her undying love for me and we were planning to get married get a flat and even have a child. One night she walked out and cut all contact after accusing me of pushing her and saying that all we did was argue. Two months later she is in a relationship with a bouncer from her work then six weeks later they are engaged. He has gone as far as to send me a picture of her ring and she has told him twisted truths and lies about me and the relationship. She used to leave her son with me frequently and when I brought this up his response was " big deal you looked after him a few times while she was at work" also she claimed that she had kept him away in the end as she knew what she was going to do which is also not true the last week of the relationship he stayed at my house twice and was even laying in bed with us watching television she even suggested that when we marry that he could take my surname. There are many other things which she has twisted and lied about. Yesterday I spoke with the father of her son who is a good friend from years back and he revealed many things to me that she had lied about. She had lied about certain intimate things and claimed that she had never experienced them and made a big deal of this during the relationship and made out that it was special between us. Some of the lies were absolutely ridiculous such as saying she never ate eggs and that when her and the father of her son went for a drive one night that there was an ambulance with the back doors open and everything strewn across the road like something from a horror film. It also came out that her mother had an injection and was schizophrenic as was her mother before her. Would this suggest that she has some form of borderline personality disorder or schizophrenia also? She was meant to be taking anti depressants for anxiety but never took them during our relationship as she claimed I made her so happy. What do you guys make of all this? 1
Downtown Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Would this suggest that she has some form of borderline personality disorder or schizophrenia also? Skull (aka, "totenkopf"), none of us is capable of diagnosing your Ex, even if we were to actually meet her. Only a professional can do that. You nonetheless are fully capable of spotting the red flags for BPD and/or schizophrenia if you take a little time to learn what warning signs to look for. That is fairly easy to do. What is hard -- and what you cannot do -- is determine whether those symptoms are so severe and persistent that they satisfy 100% of the diagnostic criteria for having the full-blown disorder. I therefore suggest you take a look at my list of BPD red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss it with you. Take care, Skull. 2
Author totenkopf Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Skull (aka, "totenkopf"), none of us is capable of diagnosing your Ex, even if we were to actually meet her. Only a professional can do that. You nonetheless are fully capable of spotting the red flags for BPD and/or schizophrenia if you take a little time to learn what warning signs to look for. That is fairly easy to do. What is hard -- and what you cannot do -- is determine whether those symptoms are so severe and persistent that they satisfy 100% of the diagnostic criteria for having the full-blown disorder. I therefore suggest you take a look at my list of BPD red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss it with you. Take care, Skull. Thank you for your reply I read the 18 point of BPD and she does indeed display some of these points. She always spoke very poorly of ex boyfriends and would say that I made her so happy and I was not only her lover but best friend also that we were the same person. I also feel that she shapes herself to whoever she is with. When we were together she claimed to hate hunting and was a vegetarian one example is that when we encountered someone shooting birds she was shouting abuse and clapping her hands in an attempt to scare away the birds we also planned to use an air horn to scare the birds away. Also she proclaimed her dislike of graffiti and gangster type people, her current boyfriend not only shoots animals but has an interest in hunting dogs and also he is into graffiti and is a plastic gangster type. I do not see how a woman who is so strongly against the killing of animals would then become engaged to a man who does. Thanks again.
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 What do you guys make of all this? What I make of this is you have an unhealthy obsession with her. She is engaged to someone else. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is none of your business. Why are you even looking at pictures of her engagement ring? Block her! What were you thinking reaching out to talk to her son's father about her? You need to be doing things to get her out of your life. Setting out to prove she was a liar & possibly nuts doesn't really advance your cause which should be being happy that she's out of your life. 2
mightycpa Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Dude, do yourself a big favor. Forgive her for your feelings of betrayal and move on. This a poison in your life, not hers. If you want to keep paying for what she did, then keep on obsessing over it. But if you want to be free from it, then you need to acknowledge that she hurt you, that she's never going to change and forgive her for that, whether or not she wants it, whether or not she deserves it. You are not going to get what you think you want. The next best thing is to get what's available: peace. You're the one that's paying the penalty for her behavior. It's like rent... it will last forever if you let it. Make your final payment and be done with it. 2
Pauduro Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Totenkopf, you should thank this bouncer guy, wish him luck with her, and take a trip to where the grass is green and the girls are pretty! She sounds like a nut case. Get out of town for a weekend man, go somewhere that's packed with girls and you'll forget her in no time. 2
Author totenkopf Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 What I make of this is you have an unhealthy obsession with her. She is engaged to someone else. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is none of your business. Why are you even looking at pictures of her engagement ring? Block her! What were you thinking reaching out to talk to her son's father about her? You need to be doing things to get her out of your life. Setting out to prove she was a liar & possibly nuts doesn't really advance your cause which should be being happy that she's out of your life. Thanks for your reply Yeah I have blocked everything but the picture was sent via an application that I was not aware you could send images on. Yeah I agree it is consuming me and my thoughts and is not healthy thank you.
Author totenkopf Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Totenkopf, you should thank this bouncer guy, wish him luck with her, and take a trip to where the grass is green and the girls are pretty! She sounds like a nut case. Get out of town for a weekend man, go somewhere that's packed with girls and you'll forget her in no time. Thanks Pauduro I have been trying to get out as much as I can and meet other girls which I have but nothing more yet. I am planning on going on holiday in a month or so with my friends also. I have been trying the whole internet dating thing and had a few dates but nothing I wanted to pursue. Thank you for your reply.
Author totenkopf Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Dude, do yourself a big favor. Forgive her for your feelings of betrayal and move on. This a poison in your life, not hers. If you want to keep paying for what she did, then keep on obsessing over it. But if you want to be free from it, then you need to acknowledge that she hurt you, that she's never going to change and forgive her for that, whether or not she wants it, whether or not she deserves it. You are not going to get what you think you want. The next best thing is to get what's available: peace. You're the one that's paying the penalty for her behavior. It's like rent... it will last forever if you let it. Make your final payment and be done with it. Thanks mightycpa I see exactly what you mean and I realise that all of this is doing me no good I really should not be upset and accept that she lied and deceived me and that a relationship with someone who lies like she did is never going to work as it is not real. Thanks again.
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Good for you. Move forward in a positive way. Really you dodged a bullet. The only introspection you need to be doing is how you missed the red flags the 1st time around. Best wishes. Hang in there.
Author totenkopf Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Good for you. Move forward in a positive way. Really you dodged a bullet. The only introspection you need to be doing is how you missed the red flags the 1st time around. Best wishes. Hang in there. Thanks matey I can see what she is for sure its just like my head tells me the fact of what she is but my heart aches and I feel that lump in my throat. I think I missed the red flags as I had known her for many years and I always liked her and when we got together it was like a dream come true and she claimed the same. I think this blinded me to many of the red flags. Thank you.
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