Robert Z Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) A number of times now I have encountered the sentiment that women appreciate being called "pretty", but saying a woman is "hot" is somehow degrading. So I assume that by saying hot we are perceived to be sexualizing the woman, whereas the word pretty implies a non-sexual, more wholesome appreciation? Assuming that is true, then my next question is, why are women insulted when appreciated for their sexual attributes? I understand that leering and crude comments are too common and can grow exhausting. So I'm not unsympathetic to this. But I would think women could appreciate being appreciated as sexual beings along with their other attributes. What really surprises me is when women don't like their SO sexualizing them. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship. And we do appreciate women for their sexuality. I would think saying otherwise to your SO would be a huge problem as well, correct? What do women want to hear; you're not hot? So what the hell. Why is it insulting to be appreciated as a sexual being? It is almost as if we aren't supposed to appreciate women as men do. It strikes me as yet another example of how men aren't supposed to be men. It makes me suspicious that this is some kind of cheesy residue from women's lib. Edited March 19, 2015 by Robert Z
xxoo Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I like my husband to tell me I'm hot, but there's a time and a place for that. If it isn't expressed in balance with other, non-sexual types of comments, then it could feel like the man primarily sees her as a sex object, just like all the other random men of the world. Lots of men think I'm hot (not bragging--this is just the case being a woman). My husband is the one man who, in addition to thinking I'm hot, also adores my face, my personality, my humor, etc. Therefore, those sorts of compliments feel more special and connecting. 4
loveweary11 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 This one goes by the individual and the setting. Personality matters. However... In my experience, women who ARE hot and flaunt it are best called pretty and appreciated for their minds/personality. Women who are cute are longing to be called hot and love it when you do. I prefer an even mixture of both hot and cute in a girl, which is probably why I'm barely attracted to anyone. Rule of thumb: If they are hot and flaunt it, never call them hot/sexy, etc. If they are adorable and cute, never call them that. Do the OPPOSITE of what every other guy they know does. 3
Frank2thepoint Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 A number of times now I have encountered the sentiment that women appreciate being called "pretty", but saying a woman is "hot" is somehow degrading. It depends on the woman and the situation. Some women want to be adored for their intellect, and some women want to be gushed over their physical attributes. Then throw into the mix that either of these women will switch it up on a rare occasion because there are days they need different ways to stroke their egos. Men are the same.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 If they like you, or see you as a prospect, you can call them hot all you want..They'll love it..if they dont, then you are a creepy m-fer.. Its as simple as that.. TFY 2
LeaveMeAlone Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 If they like you, or see you as a prospect, you can call them hot all you want..They'll love it..if they dont, then you are a creepy m-fer.. Its as simple as that.. TFY Pretty much this.
Auspecial Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Why is it that with some men, "everything" women do to frustrate them in any way, is labeled as a womens lib issue?? LOL it reminds me of the other phenomenon of labeling a woman as "bipolar" if she ever expresses any emotion that he doesn't want to hear. Anyhow, to answer your question, I do like my SO to say things that appreciate me in this way. That is part of being a SO, because the relationship is special and significant. Whereas, having acquaintences, strangers, etc call you hot isn't relationally appropriate, because you are "not" in a sx relationship with them. It is natural to have desires and attractions, but you don't have to express this just because it is in your mind, because it is inappropriate. Can't you filter your thoughts and still be a man?? 5
BlueIris Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 ^^ I agree. "Hot" indicates something more sexual and I don't care to know about people's sexual thoughts unless we're in a relationship. 3
carhill Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 A number of times now I have encountered the sentiment that women appreciate being called "pretty", but saying a woman is "hot" is somehow degrading. So far no such encounters but, then again, I don't make a habit of making such comments to strangers and, with intimates, it's generally adjectives like 'ravishing' or 'delicious' or similar, not 'hot'. So I assume that by saying hot we are perceived to be sexualizing the woman, whereas the word pretty implies a non-sexual, more wholesome appreciation? Yeah, such adjectives certainly could be perceived as sexual and I know when I make them sex is on my mind. That's part of being heterosexual. Assuming that is true, then my next question is, why are women insulted when appreciated for their sexual attributes? I'll leave that for them to answer. I gave up control on that subject a long time ago. I understand that leering and crude comments are too common and can grow exhausting. So I'm not unsympathetic to this. But I would think women could appreciate being appreciated as sexual beings along with their other attributes. Another poster commented that, if a woman finds a man sexually alluring, his sexual comments will processed in that context and generally favorably (but not always! ). I tend to agree with that and have had that experience, especially watching attractive players hit on married women. What really surprises me is when women don't like their SO sexualizing them. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship. And we do appreciate women for their sexuality. I would think saying otherwise to your SO would be a huge problem as well, correct? To me, that indicates a fundamental problem in the relationship or marriage. The exception might be if such comments are made in public and the woman feels embarrassed by the tone or contents of the comment. What do women want to hear; you're not hot? So what the hell. Why is it insulting to be appreciated as a sexual being? If you ever figure out a standard answer, let me know. I gave up on that part. It is almost as if we aren't supposed to appreciate women as men do. It strikes me as yet another example of how men aren't supposed to be men. It makes me suspicious that this is some kind of cheesy residue from women's lib. IMO, I do what I do and the chips fall where they may. Supplicating at the altar of what women may or may not like departed with the 'marriage ends on xxx' stamp on my divorce decree.
BlueIris Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 So far no such encounters but, then again, I don't make a habit of making such comments to strangers and, with intimates, it's generally adjectives like 'ravishing' or 'delicious' or similar, not 'hot'. Yeah. Who are these guys who use that word in every day life? I can just imagine how people would react if I said that to a man at work, at a party or in the grocery store. Ick. Nah, keep the sexual innuendos for your GF or BF in your private life. 1
WomenWubber Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Personally, as a man I just do what feels right at the moment. If I funk up, well $hit. 2
elaine567 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 If someone calls a woman pretty that is mostly seen as a compliment, anyone from 1-100 of either sex can call a woman "pretty". If a man calls a woman "hot" then the implication there, is that he appreciates her sexually and most likely would sleep with her given the chance. Some woman may like to be thought of as sexually desirable and would take that as a compliment, others may find it on occasions highly inappropriate, especially if she sees the male in question as a friend or brother figure or co worker or boss or too old or a father figure (particularly icky) or if he is far too young ie a child. Of course "hot" can also have the connotations of a woman who is an easy lay and that may also offend many woman too. 1
autumnnight Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Honestly, the only person I would really want to call me hot is someone I am involved with. And then I would hope it wasn't the ONLY thing he noticed 1
Author Robert Z Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 If they like you, or see you as a prospect, you can call them hot all you want..They'll love it..if they dont, then you are a creepy m-fer.. Its as simple as that.. There was a member here complaining about her bfs calling her hot and she finds that insulting.
Author Robert Z Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) Why is it that with some men, "everything" women do to frustrate them in any way, is labeled as a womens lib issue?? LOL it reminds me of the other phenomenon of labeling a woman as "bipolar" if she ever expresses any emotion that he doesn't want to hear. Not at all. Women do plenty of things that piss me off that have nothing to do with women's lib! But I do think that women have been hypersensitized because of women's lib. And having watched this for a better part of 50 years, it isn't funny. It has ruined lives. Anyhow, to answer your question, I do like my SO to say things that appreciate me in this way. That is part of being a SO, because the relationship is special and significant. Whereas, having acquaintences, strangers, etc call you hot isn't relationally appropriate, because you are "not" in a sx relationship with them. It is natural to have desires and attractions, but you don't have to express this just because it is in your mind, because it is inappropriate. Can't you filter your thoughts and still be a man?? Yes, I am now, for example. Do women walk on eggshells and worry about every word that comes out of their mouth so as not to insult men? No. If anything, just the opposite! But that aside, you merely restated the issue and copped an attitude and didn't give a reason. While it's not something I normally would say to a woman I don't know, it wouldn't be meant as an insult and it's not like asking for sex. It is merely showing appreciation for their looks. Edited March 19, 2015 by Robert Z
xxoo Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 While it's not something I normally would say to a woman I don't know, it wouldn't be meant as an insult and it's not like asking for sex. It is merely showing appreciation for their looks. Telling her she's pretty is showing appreciation for her looks. Calling her hot implies sexual thoughts. And yes, women filter their thoughts all the time regarding men. We give nice, polite rejections instead of, "Oh, HELL no!" 3
carhill Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) Do women walk on eggshells and worry about every word that comes out of their mouth so as not to insult men? No. If anything, just the opposite! Generally, no, save for those who've been battered as a result of running their mouths, but that's a special subset. Overall, we've taught them how to treat us, so that's on us. Two factors are working against us. One is the law and the other is sex. Laws have been enacted, by men, to protect women and well, if a woman doesn't like what comes out of man's mouth, or the man in general, consensual sex ain't happening and men know this. While it's not something I normally would say to a woman I don't know, it wouldn't be meant as an insult and it's not like asking for sex. It is merely showing appreciation for their looks.She can't read your, or my, mind so goes by her perceptions and emotional responses, formed over a lifetime of dealing with men, and all unknown to you or me. All of that is outside of our control. Edited March 19, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote
xxoo Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 The word "hot" regarding appearance means "sexually attractive". How would a woman not take it to have sexual connotations? 1
Anela Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Yes, I am now, for example. Do women walk on eggshells and worry about every word that comes out of their mouth so as not to insult men? No. If anything, just the opposite! But that aside, you merely restated the issue and copped an attitude and didn't give a reason. While it's not something I normally would say to a woman I don't know, it wouldn't be meant as an insult and it's not like asking for sex. It is merely showing appreciation for their looks. Hello! I spent most of my life walking on eggshells, and worrying about what comes out of my mouth. I still do. A lot of women are concerned with the feelings of others - and not only because we're raised to be. 2
Anela Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Generally, no, save for those who've been battered as a result of running their mouths, but that's a special subset. This is disgusting. 2
serial muse Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) Do women walk on eggshells and worry about every word that comes out of their mouth so as not to insult men? No. If anything, just the opposite! Huh? Of course, some do, and others don't, just like men. Rudeness and thoughtlessness is not gender-specific. Why, men in this very thread have explicitly stated that they don't worry about what they say to women, and they let the chips fall wherever, so that seems to contradict this thesis. And it seems odd and pretty darn unlikely to me that in your entire life of experiences you would only have met rude, thoughtless women who wouldn't be worried about saying something insulting to you. But this is speculation and grandstanding that seems to be straying from the topic, which is not about whether or not women are ruder than men, but is about whether or not women dislike being called "hot" and why that might be. So, back to topic then. Obviously, it's going to be somewhat individual, and obviously, context matters. I haven't read the specific case you're referencing, so I can't really comment on that one since it isn't linked here. But in a general sense, I can say that I'd prefer not to have a stranger call me hot, and that I like it when my H does. But, of course, it's not the only compliment I'd ever like to hear from the man, and I'd prefer it not to be shouted in the middle of the Whole Foods with a megaphone. Seems like common sense to me. And it's also common sense to recognize that yes, calling someone "hot" is sexualizing them, and while sometimes that's fun, on the other hand, yes, women deal with this being sexualized (and reduced to nothing but sexuality) about twelve orders of magnitude as often as men, so certainly it can be nice to be acknowledged for other attributes because only ever having your sexuality acknowledged and valued is not only tiresome but sometimes hurtful. Is that really a surprise to anyone? Edited March 19, 2015 by serial muse 6
carhill Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 This is disgusting. No, dear, it's real. Was married to one of those, meaning an abuse victim. She actively avoided any sort of verbal conflict, to the extent of avoiding friends of mine who had loud and rude wives. Truth.
MrNate 2.0 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 A number of times now I have encountered the sentiment that women appreciate being called "pretty", but saying a woman is "hot" is somehow degrading. So I assume that by saying hot we are perceived to be sexualizing the woman, whereas the word pretty implies a non-sexual, more wholesome appreciation? Assuming that is true, then my next question is, why are women insulted when appreciated for their sexual attributes? I understand that leering and crude comments are too common and can grow exhausting. So I'm not unsympathetic to this. But I would think women could appreciate being appreciated as sexual beings along with their other attributes. What really surprises me is when women don't like their SO sexualizing them. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship. And we do appreciate women for their sexuality. I would think saying otherwise to your SO would be a huge problem as well, correct? What do women want to hear; you're not hot? So what the hell. Why is it insulting to be appreciated as a sexual being? It is almost as if we aren't supposed to appreciate women as men do. It strikes me as yet another example of how men aren't supposed to be men. It makes me suspicious that this is some kind of cheesy residue from women's lib. Er. Words carry meaning. We all know calling someone 'hot' carries a different meaning than 'pretty'. Also, of course women want to be appreciated for all their attributes, including sexual ones. However I'm 99.9 percent sure they'd prefer that appreciation from men they like/have a connection with. We are allowed to appreciate women. This has nothing to do with women's lib. It just goes back to a simple point of not being a creep, and treating women with respect. I like my husband to tell me I'm hot, but there's a time and a place for that. If it isn't expressed in balance with other, non-sexual types of comments, then it could feel like the man primarily sees her as a sex object, just like all the other random men of the world. Lots of men think I'm hot (not bragging--this is just the case being a woman). My husband is the one man who, in addition to thinking I'm hot, also adores my face, my personality, my humor, etc. Therefore, those sorts of compliments feel more special and connecting. I'm one of them. 4
Phoe Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 While I'm perfectly understanding of the different connotations between the two, I personally am not fussed about what word someone uses to compliment me. A compliment is a compliment, and I'd say 99% of the time it is flattering. "I'd hit that" - well, that's an example of that 1% not flattering "compliment". But "hot"? I'm fine with that! 1
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