VSgirl Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I really appreciate the advice I’ve gotten on this board, so I figured since this was bothering me, I would ask. I am a situation right now where I don’t have much money into dating and have to use a free site (POF). In fact, I’m waiting for a new job to be finalized and have had extra “free time” on my hands, but haven’t enjoyed it. I’ve met a few guys on POF, but it never seems to turn into much. I know I was way too invested, but with the last guy I went out with I shared the story on here, I’m still feeling like crap about it. He is putting on his profile about how he wants to go to baseball game with someone and he spent weeks talking to me about doing just that with me and said it again in person. He kissed me and seemed attracted in person and texted me after the date but disappeared a couple days later. I didn’t act any different than I had been. I know I need to be more confident in dating/in general and am taking steps in becoming so, taking advice from friends in my regular life and on here. I still feel bad about baseball guy but I have pursued and messaged several other guys. I’m even meeting one on friday for drinks, but I’m not that excited about it. He seems like an okay guy but not sure if I’m physically attracted to him much. I know that isn’t everything and my feeling that everyone has different taste when it comes to that, but I don’t feel comfortable dating someone I don’t feel anything for that way. Along with that, I’m feeling like the types of guys I like want someone skinnier than me. I’m neither the fattest nor skinniest girl in the room. Several of my extended female family members have struggled with their weight (most weigh more than me) and I feel like I don’t have the best metabolism, but I’m working hard to eat better and exercise. I know its not all about the physical, but I’m looking for someone who is healthy/athletic or at least average. It’s important going forward in life. That being said, I’m not sure if it’s my physical appearance or lack of confidence that is leading to my struggles with online dating. I always do my best to look really nice and dress nicely on dates. Especially on my last date with baseball guy, I felt very confident in myself and that he was attracted to me. Despite that and despite conversations with other guys..it never seems to work out. I always have to be the one to message the guys I’m talking to lately. They seem to enjoy chatting with me on the site, but won’t message me themselves the next day. I don’t mind sending the first message, but I don’t always want to be doing it. How can a man “chase” me that way? I’m wondering if I need to wait until I’ve lost some weight or something to move forward with online dating. I also can’t seem to get past this baseball guy. I’ve definitely put in effort with other men, but none of them put the effort into interacting with me like he even did. Would love to know your feedback. Ps: have updated my icon to show a real picture of me for honest perspective. I am the one standing up that is a girl haha
fitnessfan365 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 It's funny because since I'm a personal trainer, women always assume that I want really slender women. However, what I care more about is if a woman has a real passion for fitness. If she can keep up with me physically and isn't lazy, I could be just as attracted to a size 12-14 as I could a size 6. Plus, when she has a playful, sarcastic personality, confidence/self esteem, and exudes femininity, those are all things that really draw me in. Also, a woman's sexual persona has NOTHING to do with her looks. In fact, hot women have a tendency to rely on their looks and just have a showing up mentality. So physical looks actually fall much lower on my scale of priorities. 1
Author VSgirl Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Thank you for your response fitnessfan365. I always seem to get good feedback from you. I definitely stay active, though I admit sometimes more than others. I feel like I start out with that playful and sarcastic personality/confidence etc when I'm first getting to know a guy, but then as I start to like him more that slips somehow. I'm just worried about losing him, I over analyze things and I think I get impatient. I get so focused on people in my life in general, sometimes I forget about doing my own thing. And in the case of this baseball guy who I think you said I would probably hear from eventually because he's a player, right? I don't know what to think or do
fitnessfan365 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Thank you for your response fitnessfan365. I always seem to get good feedback from you. I definitely stay active, though I admit sometimes more than others. I feel like I start out with that playful and sarcastic personality/confidence etc when I'm first getting to know a guy, but then as I start to like him more that slips somehow. I'm just worried about losing him, I over analyze things and I think I get impatient. I get so focused on people in my life in general, sometimes I forget about doing my own thing. And in the case of this baseball guy who I think you said I would probably hear from eventually because he's a player, right? I don't know what to think or do Haha.. You're preaching to the choir little lady. Impatience and over thinking are definitely two of my lesser virtues. So I completely get that. However, I think if you learn to put yourself first once and awhile, it will help. If you're so wrapped up in other people, you lose your own sense of identity. So continue to put a lot of focus into your health and fitness, and find a few hobbies that are just for you. 1
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