b_rouse Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I know I'm gonna get bashed for this and I know I need to move on. But if anyone has any idea what can make your ex come back or has had experiences of ex's returning can you please provide any input? I have heard that ex's gfs always come back is this true? I know NC is a tool for healing and ultimately that's what I'm using it for but will that make her come back? As the saying goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder. My story is my ex of 5 years left me cuz of religion/family but started dating another guy within weeks of us breaking up. She is only 20 so I'm sure it's GIGS/Rebound but it still hurts a lot and it has been 4 months since the breakup and I still want her back and miss her everyday. Thanks guys The reality is, most of the time they will not come back. You guys may hangout once or twice (that's what happened to me), but majority of the time, nothing will happen after that. Trust me, don't waste time waiting; my ex broke up with me almost 5 years ago (when I was 20, I'm 24 now), I spend almost 3 years "waiting" for him and wasting my life. I just found out my ex is engaged, and you know what, because I spend so much time "waiting" and not allowing myself to properly heal, I heart got crushed all over again. And surprise, I relapsed and I'm back on this site. Your ex and my ex took one look at us and decided they could do better, that hurts, but I don't want to be with someone who thought there was better out there; I want to be the best for that person. But to answer your question, the only time I believe successful ex's get back together is when A LOT of time has past. I'm saying 5, 10, 15 years later. By then, you guys are completely different people. Cheers to healing. 2
elaine567 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 The reality is, most of the time they will not come back. You guys may hangout once or twice (that's what happened to me), but majority of the time, nothing will happen after that. I agree, some people have off and on relationships that involve coming and going sometimes for years. Some people are very indecisive and never know what they really want and can end up toing and froing, messing everyone up. But the majority of broken relationships I guess just end. One person wants out and they never want to come back. They made that often very hard decision to split and they stick by it, as they totally believe it was the right one. I wouldn't advise anyone to wait around either. 2
Author geronimo Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Yea I am trying to heal and get over her cuz God know if she will ever return. I guess I can take pride in the fact that I treated her really well and respected her a lot and I honestly don't believe anyone will treat her as well as I did (but thats a lie on its own i guess billions of people someone might treat her better). In time she will realize that the grass is not greener. But then again that may never happen. Elaine - I agree I believe it took a lot out of her to end our relationship, like I said the reason she used was religion/family. I know it was weighing down on her a lot and in the end I guess she thought it was best to pull the plug on our relationship. The only way I can see us ever working out in the future/her coming back, is if her current relationship ends and she realizes that not all guys will treat her the way I did (especially this guy, since he is the same religion as her) and she is able to fight with her parents/overcome the religion aspect.
Eaglestar83 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Thanks everyone! You guys are all right and I know there isn't anything I can do to get her back, she has to do it on her own therefore I have been in NC and don't plan on breaking it until and unless she contacts me. I am really trying hard to move on and forget about her as you all have suggested cuz deep down I feel like she may never come back even tho I really want her to. And I don't want her back if she's just gonna use me as an emotional crutch. It's just so hard I feel so f*cking pathetic, it's been 4 months and she has moved on and is with someone else while im still here picking up the pieces and wishing she would come back some day. Even if they do come back, what is the point? You really cannot erase what they have done. I thought I had the perfect relationship with this girl I dated for seven months. I was so respectful to her, no smothering, and I thought we were building a solid relationship heading towards marriage. Slowly slowly she developed the case of "grass is greener..." Left me and within two weeks sleeping with someone else. Now, all the respect, trust, and the solid foundation which I thought we had is gone, forever, and is never coming back. So what if the exciting guy shes now with dumps her and she decides to contact me? Our story has been destroyed. Do you think I can trust this girl again? Build a home and family with? What would I even tell my kids and grand kids? What kind of a story do I tell them? And what example would I be setting? 1
Navajo46 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Sorry to hear about your situation brother, but in my experience nothing can make them come back. I have had ones come back after going on a date or something. But sometimes they do but nothing will MAKE it happen. Sometimes they find someone else that is just what they need but not better than you. My situation is that I mutually ended things with someone because she wanted to party too much and I couldn't handle it. She is the type that HAS to be with someone and try to take care of them so that she can control them. She is bossy as hell. After two weeks she is now with a guy that lives minutes away from her and has a DUI and cannot drive which is perfect all around for her. She can move him in and have him there all the time. I live about 20 minutes away from her which she constantly complained about because we didn't see each other every single night. I am better than this guy in every single way. I make tons of money, have a few businesses, and just have my **** together and treated her well, but we got in too many fights over her drinking soooo much and stuff. But, I am not what she needs. Even though it was mutual it always stings when they find someone new right away and I do miss her. But it is for the best. I literally just got done blocking social media and deleting her number from my phone which made me feel better. I wish you the best brother! 1
Author geronimo Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Yea you maybe right. The obvious reason why this guy is "right" for her is he's the same religion as her. Also recently she started to get into more of the partying phase and I have kinda grown out of that. I dont know this guy well but it seems like he likes to party and that could also be the reason why he's someone that she may need vs me. Only thing is tho if she wanted all that I wouldn't mind doing it. I just got busier and was trying to get my life together thats why I didn't have that much time to party. In one of my earlier posts I mentioned that I am a person that doesn't like depending on anyone (including my parents) but myself. Therefore I got a job when I was 16 and have been paying for everything ever since, including school. Thats not to say that my parents aren't willing or don't have the means to, because they do but its just the way I am. I would have thought that this is something she would admire that I am self sufficient and am making a decent living while I'm still at school and am only 22. She told me near the end that this guy is so nice, and he is just like me and hes generous and ****. I just wanted to laugh in her face and say hes nothing like me, this guy is living on res at uni and isn't paying for **** himself, ofcourse he is generous cuz he's using daddys credit card to pay for everything. I on the other hand spent my hard earned money on her and never once did I let her pay for anything or made her feel any less, we used to go all out for christmas, last year I spent near a grand on her christmas present. But none of that means anything when she gets GIGS and thinks that this guy is better/more compatible. Thanks for your support tho bro - Navajoe, really appreciate it!
niceguy55 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Niceguy here, Only reason why I would consider moving is because I don't mind relocating..due to the area declining a bit. But would probably have to put it in my name and go from there if we ever took it to marriage. Nothing happening to this point as she is not receptive to much at this point, or any.
Author geronimo Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 I just can't believe that she would leave a 5 year relationship and jump into another one within weeks of us breaking up. I know I treated her well and I just can't believe she would do that. Honestly the guy doesn't even seem like an upgrade in any shape or form, other than the fact that he is the same religion as her. The thing that really bothers me is the fact that its pretty much a long distance relationship b/w them. The guy lives at uni, which is about an 1.5-2 hour drive from here, so they don't even see eachother much. I don't understand why she would want to leave me for that. Hes not good looking, I have asked from people who would have unbiased opinions, sure I gained some weight over the years, but this guy is a ****ing stick. Not that I really care for any of that, sure he is smothering her with presents and **** right now cuz its the beginning of the relationship and he comes form a well off family but I never thought my ex was this materialistic. I always earned my keep and anything I bought for her was from my own hard earned money, even though I had to juggle school and work and her. I know I deserve better, but its just something about her, i have been like this about this girl since we started dating. I remember when we first broke up 5-6 months into the relationship, I was in worse shape than I am now, but i guess that was cuz I was only 17 back then. I just don't know anymore, it just all seems so unfair and wrong.
organizedchaos Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I just can't believe that she would leave a 5 year relationship and jump into another one within weeks of us breaking up. I know I treated her well and I just can't believe she would do that. Honestly the guy doesn't even seem like an upgrade in any shape or form, other than the fact that he is the same religion as her. The thing that really bothers me is the fact that its pretty much a long distance relationship b/w them. The guy lives at uni, which is about an 1.5-2 hour drive from here, so they don't even see eachother much. I don't understand why she would want to leave me for that. Hes not good looking, I have asked from people who would have unbiased opinions, sure I gained some weight over the years, but this guy is a ****ing stick. Not that I really care for any of that, sure he is smothering her with presents and **** right now cuz its the beginning of the relationship and he comes form a well off family but I never thought my ex was this materialistic. I always earned my keep and anything I bought for her was from my own hard earned money, even though I had to juggle school and work and her. I know I deserve better, but its just something about her, i have been like this about this girl since we started dating. I remember when we first broke up 5-6 months into the relationship, I was in worse shape than I am now, but i guess that was cuz I was only 17 back then. I just don't know anymore, it just all seems so unfair and wrong. Don't try to analyze the whys. It will drive you crazy. This is why nc is preached here. Better you just not know what she's up to. And many women will come in and out of your life. You're still just a kid in the grand scheme of things. 1
organizedchaos Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Niceguy here, Only reason why I would consider moving is because I don't mind relocating..due to the area declining a bit. But would probably have to put it in my name and go from there if we ever took it to marriage. Nothing happening to this point as she is not receptive to much at this point, or any. Then just move and get your own place! Unbelievable. 1
Satu Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Nothing 'makes them come back.' If they do come back, it's for their own reasons.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Niceguy here, Only reason why I would consider moving is because I don't mind relocating..due to the area declining a bit. But would probably have to put it in my name and go from there if we ever took it to marriage. Nothing happening to this point as she is not receptive to much at this point, or any. If you want to move that's fine. But having her live with you in a house you bought so she can decide "how she feels" about you? You'd have to be the biggest chump sucker to agree to that arrangement. The fact that you've contemplated it is a huge red flag that suggests a woeful lack of boundaries. I mean, I'm at a loss for words. 1
blackcat777 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 The best investment in a person coming back is having a healthy, loving relationship to begin with. No contact is the only healthful way to assert your boundaries after being dumped; you have to BE healthy to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Settling for less than what you want inflicts harm against yourself, and sends out the very unattractive message that you are low-value and desperate, both of which are total relationship killers. Therefore, you *do not speak* unless the ex offers what you want. Finally, you must accept that they may never return and move on with your life. This is also healthy. If you take care of yourself and tend to your well-being first, your chances of a successful reconciliation will be maximized. If you're a mess, the relationship will just fall apart again. If you reach out because you're scared someone will forget you--you're basing your actions on the notion that you are, in fact, forgettable. Don't live this way. You have to find the strength inside you to know that you are worth it, you are worth love and happiness, regardless of whether or not the ex comes back. If the ex's intentions are just to screw with your head, keep you on the backburner, or whatever, your strong boundaries will filter all of that bad behavior out of your life. All you can do is take care of yourself and make sure you are in a position to have a healthy relationship, make sure you are healthy and that you respect yourself. This opens you up to only the best and filters out the fakes and mirages. 4
Author geronimo Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 Yea I agree with what you're saying. Its just tearing me apart these days that she was able to leave a 5 year relationship so easily and move into another one. The thought of her being intimate with this guy makes me sick to my stomach. I know I shouldn't think these things cuz she is no longer my gf and its no longer my right to know whats going on in her life, or care about them, but I still love and care about her alot. Worst part of it all is, I know I'm a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have me but her doing what she did makes me feel so f*cking worthless. Like I can just be used and thrown away whenever.
Jonp219 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I wish I knew the answer to that. It would do me some justice too. But the fact is nobody really know, just have to see the circumstances unfold. If my ex came back I would take her back in a heartbeat. I don't care if she left me, it was probably a mistake. She was probably the perfect girl for me. I highly doubt I'll meet any one remotely as good as her. And if I do, she probably wouldn't like me anyway lol. Hang in there OP. I'm in the same boat as you. 1
lovesickpuppy Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Yea I agree with what you're saying. Its just tearing me apart these days that she was able to leave a 5 year relationship so easily and move into another one. The thought of her being intimate with this guy makes me sick to my stomach. I know I shouldn't think these things cuz she is no longer my gf and its no longer my right to know whats going on in her life, or care about them, but I still love and care about her alot. Worst part of it all is, I know I'm a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have me but her doing what she did makes me feel so f*cking worthless. Like I can just be used and thrown away whenever. I know my relationship wasn't on the same time skill as yours, but I feel your pain too. You're torturing yourself you know that right? You're letting her get to you. You're letting her make you feel worthless, used and easily disposable. Why are you letting her do that? Why are you relying on her for your own self worth? Is that really who you are? Are you really such a weak character that you're going to let one person break you and ruin you? NO. Snap out of it, I know it's easier said than done. But think about it. You're letting this girl make you feel pathetic and letting her make you weak. That shouldn't be done by her, that's a choice you're making by yourself. Don't do it to yourself. Get to the gym right now, or get outside at least, surround yourself with friends, stop moping. You know full well you're worth more than that. You know it, if she doesn't, then that's just tough you can't make her see it. If you treat yourself well, be kind to yourself, stop torturing yourself and move all this energy you've focused towards her, back onto yourself I guarantee you will feel better. And I guarantee if she did return like you so badly want her to, and like I thought I wanted my ex to, you'll either be in a state of indifference, or you'll be a better person to make this work. It's a win win. Think long and hard about who you will become if you spend day in, day out like this. You can't be happy with that surely?! 1
EuTuBrute Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 (edited) But most of the time, they don't come back. And if they do, why take someone back who thought they could do better? Have some dignity. Oh they come back. I guarantee it. Is it as good as the first time. No You'll just end up getting your heart broken from the same girl twice. That second time I was able to move forward with my life. I needed to witness the up and downfall of our relationship again to let go. However, if you want your ex back you have to do what the majority of people said on this thread. GET YOURSELF BACK. Go to the gym, travel the world, do activities that make yourself happy. Because once your happy two things will happen; your ex will come back and you can asses the situation with a clear head or you will find someone else. (ps. moving on is hard, stay strong. I had a relapse one night drunk and texted my ex, she said she misses us and our friendship and wanted to meet up. It set me back a little bit in my healing) Edited March 20, 2015 by EuTuBrute 1
Zapbasket Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Being rejected is a terrible precedent for another go at a relationship with the person who rejected you. This person was willing to risk losing you; what's to say she won't be perfectly willing to do it again? Meditate on that, and you might find that you wouldn't be able to accept someone back into your life who dropped you once before. I spent a year SURE that my ex would reach out. He never did, and I have had to accept the fact that clearly whatever benefit having me in his life offered him didn't mean much to him. You know what? That really, really sucks, because I am worth so much more and I know it. I could never forgive someone dropping me without a care, as my ex did. I'm only interested in people who are loyal to ME. No loyalty, no go. You don't leave people who matter deeply to you. You just don't. There really isn't a lot of grey area in this. 3
Author geronimo Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 Thanks guys, really appreciate it. Lovesickpuppy, i agree I shouldn't let her determine my self worth cuz I do know I'm worth alot more than that. People always said I deserved better/I could do better while we were in the relationship too. Idk why I let her get to me, I guess its the fact that she was my first and to me she seems like the perfect girl for me, same background, we have the same morals and everything, its just a different religion which idc about, she doesn't either its just the parents. She is also very attractive, to me at least, and we were really compatible, I know so many relationships where people can't spend time alone and constantly need to either be physical or engage in some kind of activity to keep the relationship going but we were never like that, we could spend hours with eachother just sitting in the car talking or w/e. Thats what I miss most about the relationship and want back. I think this might be a good thing for us in the long run if she ever does come back, because she is only 20, we were eachothers first relationship and I think she had doubts and GIGS, so being with this guy might clear all that up and make her realize that the grass isn't greener and what we had was really special. Then again God knows if it'll happen or not. I am trying to move on, hit the gym and go out so I can heal but I keep coming back to square one every so often.
OneBigIdgit Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 If my ex came back I would take her back in a heartbeat. I don't care if she left me, it was probably a mistake. She was probably the perfect girl for me. I highly doubt I'll meet any one remotely as good as her. And if I do, she probably wouldn't like me anyway lol. I know many on here say they wouldn't give a dumper a chance to hurt them again. I'd take mine back because I KNOW that she wouldn't be with the other guy if I had done my part. She gave me several chances to fix a couple of the 3 majors that sent her running. I ignored her needs and lost her, plain and simple. All mine wanted was to be told that I loved her, go to church with her, and well, then there was marriage, lol. I could fix the first 2 easily. The marriage? Heck, she'd already had 3 of them. I couldn't figure out why she was so anxious for another one 1
No Limit Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Their new partner turns out to suck and they want their nice guy/naive girl back. You get a new job and start earning a fortune which raises your social status. And there's the idiotic type being all like "Alright, now that I'm done having my fun, time to be all apologetic to my ex and continue where we left", and then because the old broken strings haven't been mended it goes apart again. An ex is an ex for a reason. 1
smellysocksuni Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 All these stories about the dumper returning... I don't believe them! My ex left me - and I know that she values the person more than she does me. There is no reason for her to ever get in touch with me unless she wanted something. And I don't have anything to give her! So... I think it depends on the person. Although I hear lots of stories of people I know getting over someone and then they come back.... but by that time you're way over them and they're not even a thought in your mind.
Mi7522 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Most often than not you have not given your ex a reason to stay around, once you start to believe in yourself and grow your confidence, you have a much better chance of getting an ex back. If you continually pine over them and do nothing to improve yourself then your chances are next to nil.
Author geronimo Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 **** idk why I keep hurting myself. My ex's sis and I are still really good griends and I was drunk so I started msging her and asking if my ex was still with her new bf and she said yea she is and I need to move on cuz she had moved on and is really happy. It hurts so much to hear that, I want to be happy for my ex but at the same time it's so ****ty that she moved on that fast. Her sister had a point tho that my ex and I started dating at a really young age, she was only 15 and I was 17 and that people change and she has started to mature and think about her future and that's prolly why she broke Up with me cuz she realized the religion thing would never work. **** that prolly means she's never coming back and I can't believe she is so into this guy and "happy" when they have only been dating for 4 months
organizedchaos Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 **** idk why I keep hurting myself. My ex's sis and I are still really good griends and I was drunk so I started msging her and asking if my ex was still with her new bf and she said yea she is and I need to move on cuz she had moved on and is really happy. It hurts so much to hear that, I want to be happy for my ex but at the same time it's so ****ty that she moved on that fast. Her sister had a point tho that my ex and I started dating at a really young age, she was only 15 and I was 17 and that people change and she has started to mature and think about her future and that's prolly why she broke Up with me cuz she realized the religion thing would never work. **** that prolly means she's never coming back and I can't believe she is so into this guy and "happy" when they have only been dating for 4 months Her sister is right. You don't meet the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with at 15. She wants to experience life. She is changing and will continue to do so. And why wouldn't she be happy at 4 months already! If you're with someone for that long, obviously you're happy. YOU should be in the exact same frame of mind as her! Go have fun. You will have many more relationships! Is there an echo in here? 1
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