What makes them come back

[geronimo]

I know I'm gonna get bashed for this and I know I need to move on. But if anyone has any idea what can make your ex come back or has had experiences of ex's returning can you please provide any input? I have heard that ex's gfs always come back is this true? I know NC is a tool for healing and ultimately that's what I'm using it for but will that make her come back? As the saying goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder.

 

My story is my ex of 5 years left me cuz of religion/family but started dating another guy within weeks of us breaking up. She is only 20 so I'm sure it's GIGS/Rebound but it still hurts a lot and it has been 4 months since the breakup and I still want her back and miss her everyday.

 

Thanks guys

[erklat]

Women aged 20 are especially fickle. When I look back,

I wasn't emotionally formed at the age 20. Neither is she.

 

Why they come back? For the number of wrong reasons

neither of which are to your benefit. Hard times came, the

grass wasn't greener, they need an ego stroke etc.

[niceguy55]

I'm not sure but would like to know the odds or them coming back too. Overall percentage if there's such a thing. I give you credit for waiting as I am having a hard time with it. I'm still in contact and she's talking with me but mostly saying things I don't want to hear, but at least civil. Who know...really. Good luck, maybe it will happen, but we can't rely or hold up everything. I reached out fairly quickly, but its been rocky for a while so I caved. Don't think it's helping, but maybe neutral.

[Reality015]

From my experience when an ex has come back or I have gone back it has never worked out in the long run as the same issues are still there.

 

I learnt this in my 20s. I'm in my late 30s now.

 

It's the hardest thing to do though going no contact is the only way forward. easy to say harder to do. It's the only way to move forward & heal as quick as possible.

 

I am currently doing this myself right now.

 

Good luck

[Reality015]

I'm not sure but would like to know the odds or them coming back too. Overall percentage if there's such a thing. I give you credit for waiting as I am having a hard time with it. I'm still in contact and she's talking with me but mostly saying things I don't want to hear, but at least civil. Who know...really. Good luck, maybe it will happen, but we can't rely or hold up everything. I reached out fairly quickly, but its been rocky for a while so I caved. Don't think it's helping, but maybe neutral.

 

 

 

Niceguy be 110% true to yourself.

 

You say she is saying things you don't want to hear? Do you deserve this?

[geronimo]

I am doing NC have been for the past 3.5 months. Idk what it is, could be that she was my first love/gf and we were together for 5 years I just can't seem to let it all go. I still love her so much even tho the thought of Her being with another guy disgusts me.

 

Is there any timeline of how long it takes before they come back/reach out?

[niceguy55]

Reality,

 

I Don't but I have a high tolerance. Which is not good and working with someone. In my case, I think she's mixed up and overwhelmed. We both have hurt each other some and trying to talk thru it and decide...even though she's mostly made up her mind. Not too interested in the friend thing either. She's hurting and trying to lash out a bit. She's come around in the past, but we'll see or move on.

[organizedchaos]

I know I'm gonna get bashed for this and I know I need to move on. But if anyone has any idea what can make your ex come back or has had experiences of ex's returning can you please provide any input? I have heard that ex's gfs always come back is this true? I know NC is a tool for healing and ultimately that's what I'm using it for but will that make her come back? As the saying goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder.

 

My story is my ex of 5 years left me cuz of religion/family but started dating another guy within weeks of us breaking up. She is only 20 so I'm sure it's GIGS/Rebound but it still hurts a lot and it has been 4 months since the breakup and I still want her back and miss her everyday.

 

Thanks guys

 

No and no.

 

She is only 20 and been with you since 15. She's young and wants to experience the world. Time to move on and realize the world is out there for you too. You can and will meet someone better. I'm 43. Trust me, you will

[organizedchaos]

I'm not sure but would like to know the odds or them coming back too. Overall percentage if there's such a thing. I give you credit for waiting as I am having a hard time with it. I'm still in contact and she's talking with me but mostly saying things I don't want to hear, but at least civil. Who know...really. Good luck, maybe it will happen, but we can't rely or hold up everything. I reached out fairly quickly, but its been rocky for a while so I caved. Don't think it's helping, but maybe neutral.

 

You seriously think there's an actual verified percentage?

 

Don't stay in contact.

[organizedchaos]

I am doing NC have been for the past 3.5 months. Idk what it is, could be that she was my first love/gf and we were together for 5 years I just can't seem to let it all go. I still love her so much even tho the thought of Her being with another guy disgusts me.

 

Is there any timeline of how long it takes before they come back/reach out?

 

Same here. How could there possibly be a timeline for something like this? There isn't. But most of the time, they don't come back. And if they do, why take someone back who thought they could do better? Have some dignity.

[Reality015]

Reality,

 

I Don't but I have a high tolerance. Which is not good and working with someone. In my case, I think she's mixed up and overwhelmed. We both have hurt each other some and trying to talk thru it and decide...even though she's mostly made up her mind. Not too interested in the friend thing either. She's hurting and trying to lash out a bit. She's come around in the past, but we'll see or move on.

 

 

 

Niceguy trust me I feel your pain.

 

I'm in exactly the same position right now. My ex keeps contacting me is mixed & overwhelmed & hasn't given up hope. I have to be strong & tell her that I can't give her what she wants.

 

It's to hard to be friends. It hurts to much.

 

I know it's hard Good luck

[FancyFace]

You cannot make them come back, they have to do that of their own free will. And based on the character of the person, most times when they do come back it is because the world has kicked them in the teeth so they think to themselves "when was the last time I felt wanted and desired?" and they think of you.

 

Most times these people are shallow empty vessels and when times get rough and they need their tank filled up, they know you have premium fuel and will give it to them for free!

 

So they come back, just to feel better about themselves, whether it is because it makes them feel good at the fact that they hurt you to your core and yet you will still talk to them, have sex with them, indulge their BS, fawn over them, give them money, date them, or whatever else. They gorge on you, and once they have had their fill, whether it takes one ego boosting phone call or 10 years of marriage, they ride off into the sunset yet again and you are back at square one yet again.

 

In the rare cases of a person with good character or where the breakup actually made sense (eg distance) and the issues that cause the breakup are addressed head on, thats when a reconcilliation makes sense and could work out. But thats rare, so rare that you will most likely see Big Foot riding on the back of an alien whilst chasing after a unicorn before that happens.

[bigtrouble]

Better be strong...

and move on for now...

if they come back you will be in a better spot...

and more in control of your emotion...

[Reality015]

You cannot make them come back, they have to do that of their own free will. And based on the character of the person, most times when they do come back it is because the world has kicked them in the teeth so they think to themselves "when was the last time I felt wanted and desired?" and they think of you.

 

Most times these people are shallow empty vessels and when times get rough and they need their tank filled up, they know you have premium fuel and will give it to them for free!

 

So they come back, just to feel better about themselves, whether it is because it makes them feel good at the fact that they hurt you to your core and yet you will still talk to them, have sex with them, indulge their BS, fawn over them, give them money, date them, or whatever else. They gorge on you, and once they have had their fill, whether it takes one ego boosting phone call or 10 years of marriage, they ride off into the sunset yet again and you are back at square one yet again.

 

In the rare cases of a person with good character or where the breakup actually made sense (eg distance) and the issues that cause the breakup are addressed head on, thats when a reconcilliation makes sense and could work out. But thats rare, so rare that you will most likely see Big Foot riding on the back of an alien whilst chasing after a unicorn before that happens.

 

 

 

Exactly!

 

 

It's bizarre right now as my ex is thinking she wants to give it another shot & i'm actually the one trying to tell her that it's not going to work as she is the one who wanted the breakup & nothing has changed.

[elaine567]

I have heard that ex's gfs always come back is this true?

That is not true.

Anytime I broke up with someone I had a good reason to do so and I never went back to the relationship, although I have tried to be friends with dumpees.

That doesn't work as the guys always wanted more and as that was not on the cards from my end, I had to end contact for their sake. I thought I could be all adult at the time and remain close friends, but when one side just wants to continue the failed relationship, it all became complicated. Years down the line it may be possible to be real friends, but when one is devastated and the other is determined to never go back, being just friends can't happen.

As the dumper, it is usually easier to reach out as a "friend", but as for actually wanting the relationship back, NO.

[niceguy55]

Reality.

Got you. Good luck to you too. You're being a man about it!! In my case She has 2 kids and we were all close for a few years. So it's hard to deal with the thought of not being together as the kids unconditionally care for me. Some of her reasons don't add up and has highs and lows often. It's a challenge..plus i have my hang ups. I hear "why didn't you think about that when I was trying in the relationship". I did wish I did more or made it more clear thru action. At the same time She was not doing basic relationship things as much attention as I gave her. I'm concerned Funny face comments could be in play here. I'll need to be careful. And I won't fall for it all. Sadly a lot does work well in our relationship, but can only give her most things only. But wants me to sell my house and buy another one to live together but admits it would be as companions due to her not very in love at the time. A big undertaking and risk....

[NopeNah]

. But wants me to sell my house and buy another one to live together but admits it would be as companions due to her not very in love at the time. A big undertaking and risk....

More like: A BIG "uhhhhhm...NO! Pass!" Why would you even consider this?

[Mi7522]

There is one true answer to the question of how to win an ex back and that is......... when HE/SHE has decided for themselves that they want to be in a romantic relationship with you again. That is all, there is no fool proof way to win your ex back. That is why so many people tell the dumpee to move on with their lives and to work on themselves. We are not telling you this to get your ex back but to get yourself back. Once you focus on YOU everything else just seems to fall in to place. Hard to do I know but once you buy in to it you will thank yourself later on down the road

[geronimo]

Thanks everyone! You guys are all right and I know there isn't anything I can do to get her back, she has to do it on her own therefore I have been in NC and don't plan on breaking it until and unless she contacts me.

 

I am really trying hard to move on and forget about her as you all have suggested cuz deep down I feel like she may never come back even tho I really want her to. And I don't want her back if she's just gonna use me as an emotional crutch.

 

It's just so hard I feel so f*cking pathetic, it's been 4 months and she has moved on and is with someone else while im still here picking up the pieces and wishing she would come back some day.

[OneBigIdgit]

it takes a combination of things. If you were good to them and they did honestly love you, they'll return to you after life kicks them in the head.

 

 

As for women, what they have to learn is a guy is a guy. They might have different hobbies and interests but when you get down to it, we are not a lot different. A woman can be lured out of a relationship by many methods but most of the time, if there has been no abuse or cheating by the male, it is simply some guy happened into their life, he made them laugh, he made them feel some emotion that had disappeared in their current relationship. That's why everyone says a relationship is a full time job.. If you aren't romancing your woman, somebody else will.

 

 

Sometimes it seems like every guy who runs across an attractive woman has a 'line' to attract her. When he catches her in just the right mood, he can win her. A woman might leave, stay with him a few months and then when she realizes that he isn't much different than her ex, she'll go back to the ex because there is still love there, not just lust.

 

 

My ex wife did this to me a few times. She was addicted to the attention of the 'new' romance. I had an ex FBI profiler tell me that she'll be back.

I didn't believe it but I was told, you was good to her. He can't do better and she has history with you. He was right. She came back, spent 11 yrs with me and took off in the same scenario. She told me that if the right guy came along at the right time and made her laugh, he was halfway into her pants. She tried to come back after the last one but I didn't want her.

 

 

Every ex I've had through the years, except 2 very short term relationships, has tried to return. Some quickly and a couple after about a year apart. My ex wife, divorced 15 yrs ago, is also trying to ease back.

What a crazy world but 1 of the short term relationships that didn't try to come back married a guy who my ex married for 3 yrs when I wouldn't take her back.

 

 

My current ex has been gone into what I think is a rebound relationship for 2 months. Story is on here somewhere. She has been total radio silence with all people related to 'us' as a couple, except her family. Except for 2 texting sessions I had with her 32 days after she left, she has been silent. Until last night. I saw where she posted on a facebook thread by some mutual friends last night. Just a benign little thread, I had posted on it earlier in the day and she posted on it much later in the day.

 

 

Does it mean anything???? Maybe. Its the first I've seen of her making herself visible to me or any of our mutual friends in 2 months. I read somewhere that the quicker the rebound couple start throwing I Love You's out there, the quicker that relationship will burn out. This couple posted all over Facebook huge I love yous and all about 10 days into the relationship.

[organizedchaos]

Reality.

Got you. Good luck to you too. You're being a man about it!! In my case She has 2 kids and we were all close for a few years. So it's hard to deal with the thought of not being together as the kids unconditionally care for me. Some of her reasons don't add up and has highs and lows often. It's a challenge..plus i have my hang ups. I hear "why didn't you think about that when I was trying in the relationship". I did wish I did more or made it more clear thru action. At the same time She was not doing basic relationship things as much attention as I gave her. I'm concerned Funny face comments could be in play here. I'll need to be careful. And I won't fall for it all. Sadly a lot does work well in our relationship, but can only give her most things only. But wants me to sell my house and buy another one to live together but admits it would be as companions due to her not very in love at the time. A big undertaking and risk....

 

Oy. You really are living up to your name. You do this and you deserve all the misery coming your way.

[OneBigIdgit]

I agree with organizedchaos. Your ex hasn't been humbled enough to be worth considering a try. An ex who left has to have a sense of panic that they've lost something worthwhile before they get the clear picture of what they threw away. She is trying to negotiate a deal along her terms. Ignore her and let her panic a little. If she doesn't panic, she'll never be humbled enough to earn your relationship day to day. Agree to her terms and she'll be gone at the first opportunity

[geronimo]

OneBigIdgit - I was really good to her, everyone knows it and I do believe there was love there, there had to be we were together for 5 years afterall. I'm not just saying that I was good to her but everyone knew it, it was bad at times where my friends gf's would fight with them saying that I treat my gf in such a way and why they can't be the same. Sure we all have our faults and so did I, there were times I wasn't there for her when I should have been and we had our fair share of fights but nothing too big.

 

My ex just used the excuse that she is leaving cuz she no longer wants to disappoint and hurt her family due to our different religious backgrounds. It could be true but the fact that she jumped into the new relationship so fast makes me think it was just a smokescreen and also she was too young and immature to tell the truth and may have done it to not hurt me.

 

I dont know if they're throwing around I love you's but I do know she started telling him that he is amazing and she has never met anyone like him and all that bs. Hurt like hell to read that but it made me realize how immature she is if she can start throwing around words like that right in the beginning of their relationship. She has been trying to keep me sheltered from her relationship, she posted a picture of her and her new bf kissing on her bday in Feb and before she did so she removed all our mutual friends off of Instagram so that I wouldn't see it. I dont know if thats a good thing or not but yea. And she obviously captioned that picture saying something along the lines of "thankyou for an amazing birthday I couldn't imagine spending it with anyone as amazing as you" kill me.

[OneBigIdgit]

It's easy to fall into lust but in my opinion, if it is easy

to fall into deep love in 1 month then the whole world

has been doing it wrong.

 

My ex posted on fb a 30-40 word descriptive post telling

the world how fabulous he is and ended it with I Love You

So Much and I thank God for leading me to you. Since she

has been married a few times, I think God quit leading

her a couple of divorces back but that's my opinion.

 

Your ex seems to be similar Geronimo. Religion is playing

a huge part in their decisions. If you know that the new guy

is someone she met in the last few months, then I'd say it

is likely that relationship will fail. I don't know if it will

help you since she's young and her family is involved

 

Good luck to you in getting over her completely and then

winning her back.

[na49]

My ex has come back twice now. What I did to get her to come back was I used my magic wand and cast a spell on her.

 

No but honestly, them realizing that the grass wasn't greener is what might make them come back. Them realizing that they were better off with you than without you. Them missing you. etc. Nothing "makes" them come back. There are a lot of ex's that I read about who might break up with their new partner, but not come back to the person they left.