Reality015 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Hi all i'm a first time user here so not to sure how it all works. I'd like some advice on a recent breakup i'm dealing with Basically we both agreed to go our separate paths even though we both did love each other however our goals & life circumstances are on different pages. As hard as it is & after countless hours of saying goodbye I thought for the best we should stop contact & move on with our lives as we were not progressing, it just felt like we were stuck having the same conversation. We both talked about trying again & both knew the same issues would be there. Even though she did not want to she told me she would respect my request & let me/us move on. This is where it got messy. It was only a matter of hours & she text me asking how I was? I politely told her i'm ok & wished her the best as hard as it was to do. Then a few more texts asking why can't we talk? I tried to explain again why it's best we move on & I wish the best for both of us. Hopefully down the track we can be friends again one day. The next day she kept ringing & texting me & I didn't respond. I eventually received an abusive text on how cold I was & how she needed me? I thought to myself great this is not going as planned. I didn't want to come over a cold person & text her back saying as nicely as possible how much I cared for her & we need to be strong to get through this. All I got back was that I will never here from here again & she will never forgive me for ignoring her. Now all my intention was to leave in good spirits as sad as the situation was so both of us can move on in peace. Is this fair from her to tell me this? Am I being cold? My goal is to move on & be myself again. I guess now she hates me ... Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Tbh she did initiate the breakup & I did agree with her that we should go our separate ways. Confused
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 As I read, I perceived that she didn't want the break-up, but I had to re-read to convince myself of that. She may have initiated the conversation which led to the decision to break-up, but this just doesn't sound like some woman who has some terrible treatment at your hands/behavior, to have sent her over the edge. Women are quite into the relationship-y thing, and for those not into cheating just because somebody more appealing-in-the-moment happened by, it usually takes quite an earthquake (and not the good, little earthquakes) to inspire them to start packing. Anyway, her reactions and her mean-seeming replies are because being mean to someone lets you feel nearer to them than does pure silence. First, she texted you, wanting to be nice, and hoping you would share conversation with her. When that was rebuffed, she tried to show anger toward you, hoping to draw your response THAT way. Depending upon what you truly want, your choices are to remain silent and give you both the best chance toward successfully moving on with your separate lives, OR to play-down(/don't worry about) her mean-sounding hatred, as it was more to try to draw a reaction from you, than it was indicative of her real feelings about you.... and maybe entertain interacting with her again before too long. What do you know about her own network of support in place to help her through such a break-up??? Is she at all lacking in that area?? Would YOU have BEEN the person to whom she usually confides when really hurting? My impression is that she's a bit lost, and doesn't know how to address her feelings alone.
Author Reality015 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Yes I probably was being naive. Part that is confusing me is that I did want to reconcile i'm 90% she would say no. I'm thinking it's a control thing & it may be hitting her she has lost control as I am trying to disconnect emotionally from her. I honestly wish it worked out & the reality is we are not on the same page. My only option is to move forward She has always iniated contact & I have not heard from her so i'm guessing we are both on the road to recovery.
Author Reality015 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 What do you know about her own network of support in place to help her through such a break-up??? Is she at all lacking in that area?? Would YOU have BEEN the person to whom she usually confides when really hurting? My impression is that she's a bit lost, and doesn't know how to address her feelings alone. She has got a great support network. Lots better than mine. Yes I agree she is a bit lost & has mixed feelings. It's a shame she responded like that as all I wanted for was a peaceful breakup. It would of been nice to be friends again one day however I guess that's probably not going to be likely.
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