central Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I get sexual compatibility,and I agree it is very important, but any woman who acts like a porn star from day one is going to run out of ideas pretty fast and then where do you go? If you get to the stage "been there, done it all" in 6 weeks, what is going to then turn you on sexually? IMO, you're dead wrong too! Many women are not only skilled and enthusiastic sex partners - and not at all porn star types - but are creative and adventurous. Sexual skills don't consist of a fixed and static repertoire. There is endless variation and adjustment to your partner, and every time can be different if you really pay attention to your partner and what they need and respond to in the moment. Even after 15 years of daily (or more) sex, we surprise each other and discover new things fairly often. The depth and intensity of experience have continually grown over the years. The key to a great sex partner is someone who truly enjoys sex and as such puts some effort into making it exciting and fresh as time goes on. 1
katiegrl Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 ff, if you're asking why "psycho" women are freaks in bed, it's because such women have an overabundance of anxiety, insecurities and neediness which manifests itself in the bedroom. But a woman doesn't have to be psycho to be a freak in between the sheets. Just ask my boyfriend! Best freaking sex EVER...for both of us! Even after five years. I am not psycho by any stretch of the imagination... but if you talk to him, he will tell you that I am somewhat unpredictable and fiercely independent. While at the same time (well different times actually) I can be submissive, adventurous, and am very open minded... You can find both...just keep going. You need that spark! Mixed with a little unpredictability, a lot of creativity, a sense of adventure and and an open mind! She's out there fitnessfan.. 2
Leigh 87 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 ff, if you're asking why "psycho" women are freaks in bed, it's because such women have an overabundance of anxiety, insecurities and neediness which manifests itself in the bedroom. But a woman doesn't have to be psycho to be a freak in between the sheets. Just ask my boyfriend! Best freaking sex EVER...for both of us! Even after five years. I am not psycho by any stretch of the imagination... but if you talk to him, he will tell you that I am somewhat unpredictable and fiercely independent. While at the same time (well different times actually) I can be submissive, adventurous, and am very open minded... You can find both...just keep going. You need that spark! Mixed with a little unpredictability, a lot of creativity, a sense of adventure and and an open mind! She's out there fitnessfan.. I hope my sparks guy is out there too..... Who I'm actually compatible with.
katiegrl Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I hope my sparks guy is out there too..... Who I'm actually compatible with. Leigh, just out of curiosity, of those guys you "did" have strong chemistry with, and were "sexually" compatible with....in what ways were you NOT compatible with them? Can you give us a couple of examples when this happened? And why?
Toodaloo Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 However, why is it that emotionally stable, loyal, and genuinely sweet women are always conservative in appearance and vanilla in bed? *Cough* your not meeting enough of them... Try dating Catholics or farmers daughters... Better still a catholic farmers daughter... Just be prepared to run if you upset her... She is the type that will not need her father to be good with a shot gun!
Redhead14 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 What you really need to be looking for is someone who is open-minded, comfortable in their sexuality, and someone who wants to work with you and meet your needs and desires. Open communication relative to sex and specific needs and wants is important. When you've gotten to the point where you want to be intimate with someone, you should be able to have a casual open conversation about all that. Don't just take a wait and see attitude, have sex with them for a while and allow that attachment to grow and then say, it doesn't work for me. It might not anyway, but at least you'll have an idea before you get into whether it's worth trying out. It just minimizes risk for being hurt or getting hurt and moving through another stage of the dating for a relationship process successfully. 2
Diezel Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I have a freak in the sheets, lady in the streets, who is emotionally stable, and despite her early issues, she's overcome adversity, is fully independent. She enjoys beer and wine and sex. We like the same movies. We have our differences in personality, but I've never been so compatible with someone. It almost makes the relationship too easy. It helps that we'd been fully platonic friends for over a year, but a rare find she is indeed. But they are out there. 5
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 ff, if you're asking why "psycho" women are freaks in bed, it's because such women have an overabundance of anxiety, insecurities and neediness which manifests itself in the bedroom. But a woman doesn't have to be psycho to be a freak in between the sheets. Just ask my boyfriend! Best freaking sex EVER...for both of us! Even after five years. I am not psycho by any stretch of the imagination... but if you talk to him, he will tell you that I am somewhat unpredictable and fiercely independent. While at the same time (well different times actually) I can be submissive, adventurous, and am very open minded... You can find both...just keep going. You need that spark! Mixed with a little unpredictability, a lot of creativity, a sense of adventure and and an open mind! She's out there fitnessfan.. Yep.. She's at the beach and in a five year committed relationship. But in all seriousness, this was an awesome post and why we get along so well. We just think the same.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 This is a very good topic of discussion! At one time, I did happen to find both of those things....but, there was no maturity compatibility. He was younger than me, but more mature than most guys his age. In the end though, he still had a lot of growing up to do and a lot of experiences he needed to go through. It'll probably be the closest thing I'll ever come to having the kind of loving and passionate relationship that I've been searching for my entire adult life. .
lana-banana Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I've had it twice in my life, including my current boyfriend (I'm in my late 20s). We'd been friends for a long time but had never broached the subject because we both had serious significant others. When we finally kissed it was like a bomb went off. Would it have been that way if we hadn't already gotten to appreciate and care for each other as friends? I don't know. The anticipation may have helped. But damn, was it worth the wait. I feel like I got a best friend, doting boyfriend and p-rn star all in one.
writergal Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 This is a very good topic of discussion! At one time, I did happen to find both of those things....but, there was no maturity compatibility. He was younger than me, but more mature than most guys his age. In the end though, he still had a lot of growing up to do and a lot of experiences he needed to go through. It'll probably be the closest thing I'll ever come to having the kind of loving and passionate relationship that I've been searching for my entire adult life. . You bring up another compatibility 'must have' with maturity. If that is missing, then any emotional and sexual compatibility gets trumped. There is nothing more annoying than being with an immature partner. I had one short-term boyfriend who constantly talked on his cellphone one our dates, or would get up and leave to talk on his cellphone when we'd go out in a group of people. That's one example of a man-child I dated. Yeck. If you like your phone that much, why don't you marry it (or whomever is on the other line!). 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 What you really need to be looking for is someone who is open-minded, comfortable in their sexuality, and someone who wants to work with you and meet your needs and desires. Open communication relative to sex and specific needs and wants is important. . THIS! If I've said it once I've said it a million times on here already and that is that it takes two people to make a relationship work and that includes SEX. The way someone looks, the size of her boobs, the girth of his penis guarantees nothing apart from big boobs and thick penis We've all been here. You both have to want to it and you both have to work at it and that means being open-minded, eager to please, hungry to learn, lots of communication based on trust and a healthy sense of humor. This is the golden ticket my friend. When you find that person your life will change forever. Just remember, it's all smoke and mirrors until you get to the core of a person and sometimes that takes time. That's where the real magic happens 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 In 20 years of looking, I've yet to find that sweet spot - a man who's an animal in bed with me, who is also smart, stable, loyal, all that good stuff. I'm an animal in bed, love sex, and have always had a high drive. He really has to bring the throw-down to bring out my sexual rapture. I had one near-"perfect" boyfriend who was handsome, fit, smart, stable, loving, caring, and the works, but he had lukewarm drive and consistency in bed. I tried to make do, but was never really satisfied and found my mind wandering. I had one sexy boyfriend who could rocket me to the moon every single time in bed, but he lacked empathy and had a roving eye. Again, I tried to make do, but it just didn't feel right. Once the high of all that amazing sex wore off, I realized the emotional connection was tenuous. I'm an idealist, and I've toned down my very high expectations. I haven't quite hit the bulls yet, but I am definitely getting closer and closer 2
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 (edited) THIS! If I've said it once I've said it a million times on here already and that is that it takes two people to make a relationship work and that includes SEX. The way someone looks, the size of her boobs, the girth of his penis guarantees nothing apart from big boobs and thick penis We've all been here. You both have to want to it and you both have to work at it and that means being open-minded, eager to please, hungry to learn, lots of communication based on trust and a healthy sense of humor. This is the golden ticket my friend. When you find that person your life will change forever. Just remember, it's all smoke and mirrors until you get to the core of a person and sometimes that takes time. That's where the real magic happens IDK...I just think when two people really "click" emotionally, sexually, mentally and spiritually, there's not a whole heck of a lot of "work" to do. And if there is, something's just not right. Of course I am speaking from experience, with my current. We don't really have to work much at anything, including maintaining our connection ....we just connect and it's pretty much effortless. We just click! And have from day one. To he honest, wouldn't be with him this long if we had to "work" at it. Ugh, what's the point, I am fine and happy on my own too. As is he. But he enhances my life, I am happier with him than without, we support each other, respect each other's need for space and privacy, have long substantive talks about love, life, the world, and we rock in bed! What's there to work at? I dunno, maybe we're an anomoly.... Edited March 20, 2015 by katiegrl
Eaglestar83 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 To the OP, maybe you just want it all, and if you ask any happily married couples, they will tell you they had to compromise. Also, why do you expect your partner to be perfect? Why can't you help them and teach them to be perfect for you if they are willing to learn. You can teach a good girl to be your whore in bed. Don't think you can teach a bad girl how to be kind, giving or loyal
Bobbi7 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Has anyone ever managed to find both in the same person? As long as I can remember it's always been one or the other. This is probably the equivalent of the "nice guy" problem that women have. However, why is it that emotionally stable, loyal, and genuinely sweet women are always conservative in appearance and vanilla in bed? It's frustrating because this is the type of woman I connect with on an emotional level. But as a guy with a lot of testosterone and sexual drive, sexy feminine appearance and freaky skills in bed are what I need. Unfortunately these are always attached to bad girls that don't make long term prospects. I think finding a woman that could make a great wife, that also exudes sexuality and acts like a porn star in bed would be like finding the Holy Grail. Yeah, I know what you mean! I thought I was the only one that had a hard time trying to find this. For me, that have been plenty of the so-called guys that I connect with on a emotional level, then get turned off when the have a small penis and is boring in bed. Yet, the only guys that I find that are awesome in bed are my FWB's and obviously those are the ones that aren't into relationships and we don't become girlfriends and they don't want to date. Its almost like the guys that are good for me on an emotional level-I don't find them to be sexually attractive, so I next them.
Eaglestar83 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 The two things just don't come together for a simple reason. It's like wanting to get to the inside of an egg, without breaking its shell...impossible. You see a "good girl"who is kind, sweet, loyal is a girl that most probably has not got much baggage and hence issues to deal with. therefore she is sexually inexperienced. A girl who has been with many guys has had her fair share of baggage, heartache and disappointment. She gets hardened, bitter and is desensitised in that she doesn't care as much and would be happy to leave a relationship at the first sign of trouble. She is good in bed, but Hence she lacks femininity, kindness and loyalty, and you wud classify her as a bad girl. The same concept apply to bad guys vs good guys
edgygirl Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Because sweet women are kinda boring... You want the lady in the street slut in the sheets woman. They don't usually go together, in my opinion. How about a strong woman who can be sweet? Would that work?
loveweary11 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Reminds me of a very true and apt quote: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e7/c3/10/e7c3100e5f304f44b9833a3b23822f5c.jpg
Leigh 87 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 What fitness is trying to say is - intense chemistry AND compatibility. Can you have strong chemistry AND a compatible partner? The answer is yes but it can take into your 30's or 40's of looking hard...Online, being social, bettering yourself and putting yourself out there without expectations (but rather, outings with friends to get you out in the world, without doing it TO meet this elusive " passionate and comfortable" style of romantic partner) I have yet to have found BOTH the "spark', that "chemistry" that makes you excited and giddy about meeting a person. Infatuation ensues and you go through a "honeymoon period". ^ you feel excited about dates with them. You cannot wait to hear from them and see them. The sex is passionate and explosive without having to even try to cultivate your own chemistry until years later once the honeymoon stage has dissipated...... I have found "that" chemistry and passion - but never with a long term compatible partner. Then again, I have not looked overtly hard and I did have one two year relationship with such a guy. I have also had no trouble of finding compatible men - who the sex was good with but never 'great'. I didn't feel like ripping their clothes off although they felt that passion towards me. They didn't light my fire. It was never intense of passionate emotionally or sexually due to the lack of chemistry. I am waiting until I find both. I feel sparks for ample men, that "chemistry" and "mutual attraction" occurs freely enough with all types of men for me so I know I will find both the passion in the bed sheets AND compatibility. It is realistic to hold off I think if you a) feel the "spark" and ample chemistry and sexual attraction for an array of "people" and not just a small cross section of the top tier, top 5% look wise of people and b) if you're friendly, affable and personable when out in public. Being friendly and approachable, being able to go and chat to people randomly in public if you share a smile or a stare with them AND being open to feeling the "spark" with an array of different types, means you have PLENTY of opportunity to have BOTH the passion AND the emotional compatibility.
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 (edited) Just had an awesome date tonight that made me think of this topic, First of all, it's an example of how to have a fantastic date for low cost. A single scoop of ice cream a piece - $5. Got it to go and took it over to the gated community where my folks live. There is a community center building with a common area upstairs that has a pool table and couches to sit on. So we got to enjoy conversation over ice cream cozy on the couch and shoot pool for free. Plus, it has privacy which you don't get in a pool hall. The more I clicked with her personality wise and emotionally, the more sexually attracted I got. Then when it got a bit physical and I got dominant with her, she let out a hidden sexual energy that was MAGNETIC. Never got above a PG-13 rating, because I like to take my time and make a woman truly long for sex. However, emotionally and physically we were just drawn to each other. Just hugging her as I was saying goodbye felt like foreplay. Edited March 20, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 ff, that's awesome!! . Now what's gonna happen when you have a date with girl no. 2 (out of the four you're currently dating)? And you click with her too? Do the awesome feelings you have for this girl fall by the wayside... while you relish the new feelings you have for girl no. 2? And then what happens if you click with girl no. 3 too? You know we luv ya dude, but how do you expect to ever get truly close and connect with any one of those girls (emotionally and sexually) .... when your feelings for each keep shifting back and forth between each girl after every date? Just curious... as I have never been one to circular date. It just seems to me that juggling four different girls is actually "preventing" you from finding what it is you say you want -- an intimate emotional and sexual connection with ONE girl. JMO .....
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 ff, that's awesome!! . Now what's gonna happen when you have a date with girl no. 2 (out of the four you're currently dating)? And you click with her too? Do the awesome feelings you have for this girl fall by the wayside... while you relish the new feelings you have for girl no. 2? And then what happens if you click with girl no. 3 too? You know we luv ya dude, but how do you expect to ever get truly close and connect with any one of those girls (emotionally and sexually) .... when your feelings for each keep shifting back and forth between each girl after every date? Just curious... as I have never been one to circular date. It just seems to me that juggling four different girls is actually "preventing" you from finding what it is you say you want -- an intimate emotional and sexual connection with ONE girl. JMO ..... Haha.. You crack me up Katie. Your direct nature and bit of sarcastic spice always puts a smile on my face. Tonight was probably the best second date I've ever had to be honest. She knocked my F'n socks off on date one, and did again tonight. It's funny because the fact that she used to be a fat girl growing up made her really humble and develop a fantastic personality. But now that she loves fitness, her body is catching up and she doesn't realize how sexy she is. She isn't self involved, stuck up, or entitled. The other three were all first dates that have the option of being second dates. But to be honest, I'm going to cut two loose tmrw. They were fun to hang with, but didn't have over the top chemistry. There's only one other woman besides the one tonight that intrigues me enough for a second date. I've also decided to scale back on my online dating activities. Forgot how exhausting it is dating multiple women. For right now I want to see how I feel about these two women and leave it at that.
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Haha.. You crack me up Katie. Your direct nature and bit of sarcastic spice always puts a smile on my face. Tonight was probably the best second date I've ever had to be honest. She knocked my F'n socks off on date one, and did again tonight. It's funny because the fact that she used to be a fat girl growing up made her really humble and develop a fantastic personality. But now that she loves fitness, her body is catching up and she doesn't realize how sexy she is. She isn't self involved, stuck up, or entitled. The other three were all first dates that have the option of being second dates. But to be honest, I'm going to cut two loose tmrw. They were fun to hang with, but didn't have over the top chemistry. There's only one other woman besides the one tonight that intrigues me enough for a second date. I've also decided to scale back on my online dating activities. Forgot how exhausting it is dating multiple women. For right now I want to see how I feel about these two women and leave it at that. Fair enough and sounds like a good plan! Keep us posted! :cool:
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 Fair enough and sounds like a good plan! Keep us posted! :cool: The ONLY thing that sucks about the woman tonight is her schedule. During the week she can't get together until 9PM (home from work @ 7:30). So it makes planning public dates a bit more challenging. If she could get together between 6-7pm it would be ideal for a sunset picnic. She has the weekend open for daytime stuff and active dates. But I don't want to plan another date already for this weekend, and next weekend is way too long to wait to see her again.
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