Synwood Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) I am a guy from the USA. I recently met a wonderful local woman while I was on vacation in Latin America. We clicked from the instant we met randomly at a local sidewalk café. I only spent four days in her city and we went out each of the four days. She introduced me to her family on the third day. Note: that is a relatively common practice in Latin America where relationships develop/form pretty quickly. She is 25 years old and was previously married (no kids). So she is not a virgin. Note this is not about Long Distance Relationships (LDR) so I did not post this in that forum even though we both is different countries. On our last date/day together I found out she does not believe in pre-marital sex. She comes from a very religious family. I told her that pre-marital sex was a standard practice for most people in my country/culture. We both kind of brushed the topic aside and just enjoyed our last day together. I should have just told her then, "Sorry this is not going to work." I think part of me thought I liked her enough that I could deal with it or at least I did not want to say goodbye so abruptly. Now I have been home for a few days and I can clearly see that pre-marital sex is a must for me in a relationship. Nothing against her religion but I prefer to emphasize the positives (help thy neighbor) rather than the negative hang ups some people have about sex. So my question(s) is: How do I break this to her without offending her? Before I found out her views on pre-marital sex I told her I was very interested in coming to see her again. That was the truth. Part of me does still want to see her even with no sex in the equation. Just to be with her again and kiss her and hold her hand was very nice. But I know that would be misleading her (and me) because we hold such different views on this important issue. This is going to hurt her. She really likes me and wants this relationship to continue. It is going to hurt me to say goodbye as well. It will have to be done on the phone since she does not have Skype. Edited March 19, 2015 by Synwood
DoesntGetIt Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 It is going to hurt no matter what you do, so be 100% upfront and honest about it and just do it. The longer you wait, the more you beat around the bush, the worse it will get. 1
Gary S Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 The only way to reject someone nicely is to get them to reject you. It has to be their own idea, otherwise you are going against their free will. So tell her "I met someone here and want to see how it goes". (and you will meet someone else). 1
Author Synwood Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
Author Synwood Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 The only way to reject someone nicely is to get them to reject you. It has to be their own idea, otherwise you are going against their free will. So tell her "I met someone here and want to see how it goes". (and you will meet someone else). Thanks for the replies. Appreciate it.
Redhead14 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I am a guy from the USA. I recently met a wonderful local woman while I was on vacation in Latin America. We clicked from the instant we met randomly at a local sidewalk café. I only spent four days in her city and we went out each of the four days. She introduced me to her family on the third day. Note: that is a relatively common practice in Latin America where relationships develop/form pretty quickly. She is 25 years old and was previously married (no kids). So she is not a virgin. Note this is not about Long Distance Relationships (LDR) so I did not post this in that forum even though we both is different countries. On our last date/day together I found out she does not believe in pre-marital sex. She comes from a very religious family. I told her that pre-marital sex was a standard practice for most people in my country/culture. We both kind of brushed the topic aside and just enjoyed our last day together. I should have just told her then, "Sorry this is not going to work." I think part of me thought I liked her enough that I could deal with it or at least I did not want to say goodbye so abruptly. Now I have been home for a few days and I can clearly see that pre-marital sex is a must for me in a relationship. Nothing against her religion but I prefer to emphasize the positives (help thy neighbor) rather than the negative hang ups some people have about sex. So my question(s) is: How do I break this to her without offending her? Before I found out her views on pre-marital sex I told her I was very interested in coming to see her again. That was the truth. Part of me does still want to see her even with no sex in the equation. Just to be with her again and kiss her and hold her hand was very nice. But I know that would be misleading her (and me) because we hold such different views on this important issue. This is going to hurt her. She really likes me and wants this relationship to continue. It is going to hurt me to say goodbye as well. It will have to be done on the phone since she does not have Skype. You shouldn't be worrying so much about her feelings or managing them. You are not in a relationship with her yet. If she is hurt by someone sticking to their own beliefs, needs, desires, expectations then she is at best very immature. You are too invested in this "relationship" too soon and the reason you are worrying about her feelings so much. Would you be so hurt at this point if she told you that because of her religion and convictions she didn't want to continue to move forward with you? Simply state that the differences in beliefs and expectations between you are significant and that you two should go your separate ways.
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Just tell her the truth. She's no idiot, she's probably heard it all before....I doubt you are the first to tell her this. She might be disappointed, but she will understand, especially being from different backgrounds. You both are adults, I think she can handle it.
preraph Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Look, she's coming at it from a religious viewpoint, so don't worry about offending her. Just tell you you don't have the same religious views and though you think she's a nice person , you know you are not right for each other. Then if she continues to contact you, tell her you need to move on.
preraph Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Look, she's coming at it from a religious viewpoint, so don't worry about offending her. Just tell you you don't have the same religious views and though you think she's a nice person , you know you are not right for each other. Then if she continues to contact you, tell her you need to move on. Frankly, her not being a virgin, it just sounds like she's trying to wrangle a husband and she's not even that strict, so it all sounds a bit contrived, and I simply wouldn't worry about offending her. I'd just say you're not a match. 2
Gloria25 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) Lol, I'm falling over laughing here... I'm Hispanic, BTW... So, in the Hispanic culture, meeting the parents is done ASAP **Gloria25 pulls out notebook/checklis** Ok, I got it, lemme put a "check" in the little box on my checklist. Also, she does not believe in premarital sex - but you were sooo irresistible that she just had to have sex with you before you left her country. Ok, I'm throwing away the checklist. Ok, can anyone spell "green card"? Dude, this chick is taking you on a ride and so far it's working. You are already feeling guilty. LOL. I bet she hangs around all the touristic areas just lookin' for a gringo. BTW, the little "romp" you had was her giving you a "taste"...standard M.O. for golddiggers (even the blue collared ones, dependas, etc). So, now if you want another taste you better marry her cuz how dare you force her to have more sex with you outside of her religious beliefs (but...hello: marriage = green card). I say you don't owe her an explanation cuz she was running a game on you. Hope you used protection. P.S.....Sleeping with someone a guy barely knows, despite her "religious" beliefs (feigned or not), knowing he would be leaving her country is not the actions of a gentleman. I've had men turn down FWBs and/or sex with me cuz they felt they would be taking advantage of me. I respect a guy who can restrain himself from his desires. Edited March 19, 2015 by Gloria25
Yookie Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Gloria 25 he did NOT have sex with her. OP I agree with the others. Just tell her and wish her luck.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Look, she's coming at it from a religious viewpoint, so don't worry about offending her. Just tell you you don't have the same religious views and though you think she's a nice person , you know you are not right for each other. Then if she continues to contact you, tell her you need to move on. I like this suggestion the best. I'm a big believer in absolute honesty, and I practice it. You can be polite and respectful while being honest. Different religious views is a great reason, because you don't have to address the sex issue directly - rather, you're politely implying the reason, while being clear and honest.
Gloria25 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) Gloria 25 he did NOT have sex with her. OP I agree with the others. Just tell her and wish her luck. "I told her that pre-marital sex was a standard practice for most people in my country/culture. We both kind of brushed the topic aside and just enjoyed our last day together." Oh, well I guess I need to take my dirty mind out of the gutter? I thought "We both kind of brushed the topic aside and just enjoyed our last day together" implied they ignored her religious beliefs and did the nasty. I still think she's playing him...and probably won't give him nooky unless he marries her. Hey, I've seen guys fall for that crap too...quick courtship cuz she won't give him any until he marries her. But, I still think sex happened cuz why is he feeling so guilty in leaving a "non-relationship"? I mean, he said they only knew each other for four days, he met her on a vacation. What's so freakin special about this? Edited March 19, 2015 by Gloria25
Diezel Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Green card marriage written all over it. I'd just stop talking to her altogether. You're not even in the same country anymore. 1
Recommended Posts