binrob Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 My ex and I were together for 4 years. Full story is in other posts but she left for the first time 2 years ago, got into a relationship really quick with a new guy, then after 2 months came back and asked for forgiveness. We got back together. But then she left me in september last year and started dating another guy just as quick. But no relationship. After 1 month and a half of NC I texted her and we started talking. She told me how she loved me and wanted to try again. 3 weeks after that she changes her mind again and breaks up. Cuts me out completely without saying how she could go from loving and wanting to try again to breaking up. 2 weeks later I see her with another guy. Not the same one from 1 month ago. It's been over 3 months and they are in a relationship still and they even went on vacation just a month after we broke up for the last time. I've read around about GIGS and stuff and I can't help but hating myself for letting the grass be so much greener or the other side. Our relationship was not perfect. We had a lot of fights towards the end. We were both stubborn and would not give up and a lot of our fights would be over texts which just seemed to worsen the situation. Her parents and her brother loved me until she turned them against me after the break up. I always spoiled her and stuff but I was lacking in the emotionally supportive department. I even admit that I sometimes took her for granted. I had realized all this and was so happy when she came back and wanted to try again so I could change all this upon self reflection but she left before I even had a chance. This new guy is super sweet from what I've heard from mutual friends and he seems super in love with her. His profile picture on facebook is a picture of him and her dogs and his cover is a collage of pictures of them on vacation and stuff. She has not changed her profile picture or cover since we broke up though. This new guy also has a bachelor in economics, something which I just started last semster. His family is from the same country as her as well so I imagine he has it easy with her family and I guess that's true since they let her go on vacation with this guy so quickly. This new guy just seems like the whole package and I feel like I can't compete and that my failures in our relationship has made it even worse. I am having a hard time forgiving myself for this. Forgiving that I wasn't better, that I wasn't a more emotionally supportive, that I fought with her, that I hurt and made her sad when we argued. No wonder she moved on so quick. He is everything I wasn't and I bet she left me after all this time and never looked back.
AIJ Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure if you look at it she has her issues, now whether or not she's worked on them in the time you've spent apart is debatable. Very unlikely in my opinion. So just take comfort in the fact that eventually this new wonderful guy will experience all the issues you had to, and you can sit back and think 'ha, not my problem anymore'. I'm sure he too has his issues, you only see what they wish to portray. I'm sure it's not all rainbows and unicorns.
Radu Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 This new guy just seems like the whole package and I feel like I can't compete and that my failures in our relationship has made it even worse. I am having a hard time forgiving myself for this. Forgiving that I wasn't better, that I wasn't a more emotionally supportive, that I fought with her, that I hurt and made her sad when we argued. No wonder she moved on so quick. He is everything I wasn't and I bet she left me after all this time and never looked back. No matter how full package he is ... she is still her rotten self and the way she is acting will eventually doom her relationships. She is not looking for a partner ... but for an accesory. And she does not have the strength to be alone ... or else she would not have needed you to be the backburner guy so much. I think she'll be back when she thinks she can upgrade. 3
devilish innocent Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Oh, come on. This girl is not a catch. She's broken up with you too many times. The first time might have been a forgivable mistake. The second time she knew what she was doing. You guys had been through it before, and she did it anyway. She should have either let you go for good or stuck it out until she was certain about ending things. Instead, she's been using you as a yo-yo. Expecting to have the freedom to see anybody else when she wants to, but then to have you back as soon as nobody else was around. Who knows how many more years this could go on. Three months in, there's no way to know how long this relationship with the new guy will last. They're super sweet on each other because they're still just in the honeymoon phase. That doesn't tell you what the relationship will be like in the long-term. You should hope it lasts so she doesn't come back and try to use you as her yo-yo again. The relationship you had with her wasn't working out. It's not because you're a bad person. Everybody makes some mistakes, but I doubt your mistakes were the issue. She put you in an impossible situation when she kept breaking up with you. It makes it difficult to act like a caring boyfriend. Most likely the relationship had run it's course and was ending for other reasons anyway. You were trying to hold on to the relationship past it's expiration date. That will bring out all of the issues you described. It just means it wasn't meant to be. There are better relationships than what you had. You will find one some day. But you need to realize that it's out there for you. Otherwise, she is likely to keep returning, stringing you along, and holding you back for years to come. Give yourself time to grieve and let go before you move on. But part of that grieving should be the realization that the end of your relationship is a good thing, not a bad thing.
totenkopf Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 My ex and I were together for 4 years. Full story is in other posts but she left for the first time 2 years ago, got into a relationship really quick with a new guy, then after 2 months came back and asked for forgiveness. We got back together. But then she left me in september last year and started dating another guy just as quick. But no relationship. After 1 month and a half of NC I texted her and we started talking. She told me how she loved me and wanted to try again. 3 weeks after that she changes her mind again and breaks up. Cuts me out completely without saying how she could go from loving and wanting to try again to breaking up. 2 weeks later I see her with another guy. Not the same one from 1 month ago. It's been over 3 months and they are in a relationship still and they even went on vacation just a month after we broke up for the last time. I've read around about GIGS and stuff and I can't help but hating myself for letting the grass be so much greener or the other side. Our relationship was not perfect. We had a lot of fights towards the end. We were both stubborn and would not give up and a lot of our fights would be over texts which just seemed to worsen the situation. Her parents and her brother loved me until she turned them against me after the break up. I always spoiled her and stuff but I was lacking in the emotionally supportive department. I even admit that I sometimes took her for granted. I had realized all this and was so happy when she came back and wanted to try again so I could change all this upon self reflection but she left before I even had a chance. This new guy is super sweet from what I've heard from mutual friends and he seems super in love with her. His profile picture on facebook is a picture of him and her dogs and his cover is a collage of pictures of them on vacation and stuff. She has not changed her profile picture or cover since we broke up though. This new guy also has a bachelor in economics, something which I just started last semster. His family is from the same country as her as well so I imagine he has it easy with her family and I guess that's true since they let her go on vacation with this guy so quickly. This new guy just seems like the whole package and I feel like I can't compete and that my failures in our relationship has made it even worse. I am having a hard time forgiving myself for this. Forgiving that I wasn't better, that I wasn't a more emotionally supportive, that I fought with her, that I hurt and made her sad when we argued. No wonder she moved on so quick. He is everything I wasn't and I bet she left me after all this time and never looked back. You are not alone mate My girlfriend left me in October and got into a new relationship in December she then got engaged to her new guy at the start of February. This woman viewed a flat a week before she walked out of my life and we had planned to get married she also had a young son who I was heavily involved with and she even called us a family. This guy is everything she said she hated the whole relationship now feels like a lie and she did in fact lie about a lot of things which I found out after we broke up from other people. I know that I am better off without her as she is a liar and could not have loved me. Just remember you are not alone man.
Author binrob Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Thanks for all the replies guys and the support. I just forgot to mention that we were each others first real relationship and first sexual partner. I just feel like she didn't know any better that's why she even stuck with me as long as she did and now that she has found this new guy she's wondering what she ever saw in me and our relationship. I'm not sad because I won't get her back but because she meant a lot to me since she was the person I loved and my best friend for 4 years and I don't want her to think back upon our time together thinking "ugh, what was I thinking".
PegNosePete Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 The only thing you should be beating yourself up for, is taking her back so many times!! What is it they say, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? What about the 3rd time and the 4th time? Seriously do you enjoy getting stomped on or something?! You need to put this woman behind you and have more self respect. I hope you have learned from this experience, and won't let the next woman treat you like this!
Author binrob Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 The only thing you should be beating yourself up for, is taking her back so many times!! What is it they say, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? What about the 3rd time and the 4th time? Seriously do you enjoy getting stomped on or something?! You need to put this woman behind you and have more self respect. I hope you have learned from this experience, and won't let the next woman treat you like this! It's not about that. It's not about wanting her back. I just feel like I wasn't good enough during the relationship and now that she has found this new perfect guy so quickly after leaving me only confirms her thoughts about the grass being greener and how bad I was. Since I was her first real relationship she probably didn't know any better and now thinks "ugh, what was I thinking, I'm glad I got out". It crushes me because she was my best friend and the person I loved for 4 years and she will always have a place in my heart. It might seem stupid but us parting with fond memories of each other is important to me and it breaks my heart that she might think back upon our time together and feel like she was lucky to not stay a second longer than she did.
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