Mathematics and dating: the stable marriage problem

[al78]

Thought this might be of interest to anyone here with a maths interest:

 

Stable marriage problem:

 

I found this interesting as although it is a highly simplified and idealised model (stably pairing up four men and four women given ranked preferences) there is an interesting result that comes out of it that whichever gender does the proposing (i.e. does the approaching), they always end up with their best possible choice, and the gender that is proposed too (i.e. just waits to be approached) always ends up with their worst possible choice. In the example given there is only one stable pairing but with larger groups there are multiple stable pairings.

 

This got me thinking as to whether there is some carry over into real life, in that those who do the chasing end up (on average) doing the best they can overall, and vice versa. If so, that is a good argument for being proactive, rather than passively sitting back and waiting for the offers to come to you; even if asking people out and getting rejected often gets wearing on the self esteem, it gives you a greater chance of getting your optimal partner (even taking concepts like leagues into account).

[preraph]

I think that's probably true. Approaching people infers some confidence, and confidence does make you more attractive than fearfulness. But now, how that breaks down by gender and whether confidence of that type is as sought after in women as men, I have my doubts. I wouldn't have known nearly as many cool guys if I had been passive. But then it can put you at a disadvantage if you're a woman because depending on the style of your approach, you do risk being assumed to be easy or a sure thing, which isn't fair.

 

Of course, this theory completely fails to take into consideration the vast number of women who would sooner stay single than marry someone they're not interested in. So for that reason, it's flawed, as far as the stable marriage pairing is concerned.

Edited March 18, 2015 by preraph

[DoesntGetIt]

I think that's probably true. Approaching people infers some confidence, and confidence does make you more attractive than fearfulness. But now, how that breaks down by gender and whether confidence of that type is as sought after in women as men, I have my doubts. I wouldn't have known nearly as many cool guys if I had been passive. But then it can put you at a disadvantage if you're a woman because depending on the style of your approach, you do risk being assumed to be easy or a sure thing, which isn't fair.

 

Approaching the wrong types of guys if they take your confidence to make the first move as a sign of being easy. I have been approached by women several times and have never once assumed that.

[DoesntGetIt]

I can safely say none of my good/fun/interesting relationships would have happened if I didn't approach/initiate/etc.

 

Granted, I'm a guy so it is still expected, but without doing it none of these, including the interesting things I have going on right now, would have happened.

 

You have to go out there to make it all happen.