AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) Just wondering if being very passive aggressive constitutes as abuse? Reading through a few things on here, I'm beginning to wonder if my ex was actually emotionally abusive to me? Every single time we'd have a disagreement, she'd be very stubborn, ignore me for hours, refuse to resolve the issue and just let it fester. Probably contributed heavily to the demise of the relationship. Does this count as emotional abuse or not? I'd also like to point out that she once full on punched me in the face and did leave a bruise, this was on New Year's Eve. We argued, and me being the little bitch that I am, I sent her flowers a few days later to apologise for arguing with her. The more I look back on my actions in this relationship, the more I realise how oblivious and stupid I was. Edited March 18, 2015 by AIJ
na49 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I'd say it does count if it really screwed with you. The severity of the abuse may vary, but ignoring someone and not telling them that you need time to decompress isn't cool. That just leaves you on the hook. My ex would accuse me of doing/saying things I never did. (I think they call it gaslighting) and because of my low self esteem, I'd believe her, and apologize for them. This only confirmed her beliefs about me that weren't true. I'd also always admit to being wrong, and she would never. If I ever had a legitimate point, and was "winning" an argument because I was right, the minute she realized that, she told me she wanted to kill herself. This way I'd stop arguing/being right and have to talk her off the ledge. It always scared the crap out of me.
Author AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 I'd say it does count if it really screwed with you. The severity of the abuse may vary, but ignoring someone and not telling them that you need time to decompress isn't cool. That just leaves you on the hook. My ex would accuse me of doing/saying things I never did. (I think they call it gaslighting) and because of my low self esteem, I'd believe her, and apologize for them. This only confirmed her beliefs about me that weren't true. I'd also always admit to being wrong, and she would never. If I ever had a legitimate point, and was "winning" an argument because I was right, the minute she realized that, she told me she wanted to kill herself. This way I'd stop arguing/being right and have to talk her off the ledge. It always scared the crap out of me. Girls are crazy. Yeah she would never, ever admit to being wrong. Hindsight really is making me see this girl in a completely different light, really sent her crashing off that pedestal! 1
BC1980 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) I honestly can't tell you what qualifies as emotional abuse in black and white terms. I definitely think that the silent treatment is emotional abuse. I don't know if I would say that refusing to resolve an issues is abusive. It's certainly unhealthy, but I guess you'd have to get more specific to decide if that is abuse. If you are getting talked down to or yelled at, I think that is abuse. If you are being manipulated, that is abuse. My ex would say one thing and then, later on, he would change the story. He would claim that I misunderstood him. I remember when he wrote me a card saying that he wanted to marry me. He later backtracked on it a month later and said I took it the wrong way. Even when I showed him the card, it was written there in black and white. He still refused to admit that he misled me. That's abusive. If I had a dollar for every time he did something like that. . . . Edited March 18, 2015 by BC1980
NopeNah Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 If a chick punched me in the face.....I'm GONE! Who needs that sort of headache(literally:lmao:)?
Author AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 If a chick punched me in the face.....I'm GONE! Who needs that sort of headache(literally:lmao:)? I was so incredibly close to ending it, I told her if she ever laid her hands on me like that again, I was gone! Should've left there and then to be honest, would've saved me a lot of heartache.
NopeNah Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I was so incredibly close to ending it, I told her if she ever laid her hands on me like that again, I was gone! Should've left there and then to be honest, would've saved me a lot of heartache. Oh...Once it reaches that level,it'll continue or get worse. Do you want her punching herself in the face next time then calling the cops? RUN!
Author AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Oh...Once it reaches that level,it'll continue or get worse. Do you want her punching herself in the face next time then calling the cops? RUN! I'm sure her new boyfriend is in for an absolute treat with this one, I'm fully expecting him to be on here in around 6 months time telling us how she bit his penis off and fed it to her dog or something. Saying that, I miss her dog. Cute little bastard.
NopeNah Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I'm sure her new boyfriend is in for an absolute treat with this one, I'm fully expecting him to be on here in around 6 months time telling us how she bit his penis off and fed it to her dog or something. Saying that, I miss her dog. Cute little bastard. Chalk this one up to "what red flags to notice early in a relationship"..
frigginlost Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Here is an example of emotional abuse: The week before my birthday, my ex had cancelled some plans we had throughout that week. I was cool with it as she was pretty busy. The day before my birthday she dumped me. I'll admit that I did lose my cool and told her she was a pretty rotten person to do it the day before my Birthday. In return, she made me feel horrible for my calling her that. I then felt really, really bad as she guilt tripped me something fierce for saying it. I felt horrible. Absolutely horrible. I apologized for it and let her know that I didn't think she was horrible and I always thought of her as a wonderful human being. One week later, I found out that the week before my Birthday she was cheating on me. Manipulation is absolute abuse.
Author AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Here is an example of emotional abuse: The week before my birthday, my ex had cancelled some plans we had throughout that week. I was cool with it as she was pretty busy. The day before my birthday she dumped me. I'll admit that I did lose my cool and told her she was a pretty rotten person to do it the day before my Birthday. In return, she made me feel horrible for my calling her that. I then felt really, really bad as she guilt tripped me something fierce for saying it. I felt horrible. Absolutely horrible. I apologized for it and let her know that I didn't think she was horrible and I always thought of her as a wonderful human being. One week later, I found out that the week before my Birthday she was cheating on me. Manipulation is absolute abuse. Always confuses me how we're led to believe that men are the heartless dickheads. Granted there are a few however I don't feel females receive enough stick for being manipulative, stubborn and outright horrible. I have a sneaky suspicion my ex was cheating on me too, not that I really care at this point. Makes no difference to me, she's a cunt and I hope I never come in to contact with her again
Downtown Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 This was my ex in a nutshell.[From your 3/17 post in Navajo's thread.] AIJ, I suggest you take a look at my list of red flags at 18 Warning Signs. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care, AIJ.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 My ex was a "runner". Anytime something got hard or stressed her out, she would disappear without a trace. In a passing conversation with her family, they were joking that she was going to be a runaway bride someday...hahaha. Not ****ing funny. This last time she created all these excuses as to why we wouldn't work out and why she didn't see a future for us, then she dumped me and ran....again.
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