ultimaterob97 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 right so me and my first love had been going out for a year and three months. roughly about the 8 month mark i moved to college, then shortly after our whole friend group fell apart and no one contacted each other any more really. around the year mark i noticed that my girlfriend stopped caring as much so naturally being my first love i clinged on and was really clingy for the last two months, and constantly asking why she know longer showed affection any more etc. around the year and two months mark she told me she wanted space and i begged for her back and she took me back... yet a month later she left me straight away (i know i should have given her space). this time she seems like she has really moved on! shes deleted all of our photos etc off social media, starting talking to loads of boys and basically loves being single i think. i havent contacted her for a week because im going to see in no contact helps me at all, i removed her off social media so that i cant see her and it upset me etc just for the time being. i know that this is only my first love but i really enjoyed every minute with her and i know where i went wrong (i lost my personality and based my life on her). i just really want her to give it another go, but i really need some advice because im finding this situation really hard and i cant get her off my mind, and especially when i get jealous now she is talking to loads of boys. i feel as if ive pushed her really far away and that she no longer has any interest over me. im going to start the gym soon and try to do more things for myself. is there anything else i can do? will she come back after no contact? this is really killing me inside. thanks for the advice oh and i am 17 and she is 15 about to go 16, i know we are young but what we had was love and i hope i can get it back!
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You will fall in love again but probably not with her. Take some time to mourn the loss of your relationship. Dive into your studies. When you feel better in a few weeks, look around at school to see if a cute coed catches your eye.
Author ultimaterob97 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 im still in love with her though which is making this a lot harder, and im not the most confident guy in the world so thats will be hard for me
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 At your age, nothing is stable. I am not saying all and everyone is a mess. But people at your age have so many other things to go through. What i mean is, life is still about to throw a lot of **** at you. And you have a lot of time ahead. She wont be back any time soon, but there is a good chance that you will hear from her way down the years. 3-4-5, who knows. You need to move on and do something with yourself in the meantime. So when she does come to say hi to you again, there is something to be attracted to, from her perspective. You will have to be a changed person with a lot of more positives. That is the only way if you want to make something happen if life gives you another chance. As long as she didn't cheat on you, which she didn't as there is nothing that you stated that was suspicious (good thing). She is just young and doesn't want to settle. Let her learn what life is, and you learn that too. Future holds a lot of potential, and when she is back, you will hold the power. And maybe you will not want her anymore.... MOVE ON! and no begging.... not pleading.... if you did some of it then fine... Stop now and move on, for now. P.S. There are no guarantees...
geronimo Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Dude let me tell you, please please please do yourself a favour and move on now! DO NOT go back to her. I made that mistake, my first love, first gf started dating when she was 15, i was 17, broke up about a year into the relationship and I wish I never got back together with her. But I sulked around was really sad and a couple months later she came back and we got back together. Now guess what, 5 years later she broke up with me and Im more broken than ever. I wish I had not gotten back with her, I didn't show any weakness in the relationship but once a girl thinks she can get away with it, she will. Granted not every situation is the same but still I wish I had moved on and found someone else and had other experiences with other women, now im 22 and have the history of a 5 year relationship wearing down on me while she has move on to someone else. You can get through it and you will thank yourself in the long run, trust me there are better people out there who will love you and won't ever want to lose you. So don't give yourself to someone who can walk away from you, cuz they will do it again. 2
AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 im still in love with her though which is making this a lot harder, and im not the most confident guy in the world so thats will be hard for me It's tough pal, my first relationship ended relatively recently, first girl I'd properly fallen for and I was seriously head over heels for this girl. However, you'll look back in a few weeks and start to pick out the flaws in her/the relationship, and you'll realise you deserve better and you WILL find better. My ex changed drastically after she fell in with a new group of friends, she used to be incredibly sweet, her new friends were judgemental and basically evil in my opinion, guess it rubbed off on her and now that I've realised this, amongst other things, I'm quite happy to be out of the relationship. You'll heal, in time. 1
mightycpa Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Being there counts for a lot, especially at that age. You're a college puke now, so it's time to let go of the high school girls. You'd be surprised at how much quality there is all around you, if you would just give it a chance. These are accomplished people with ambition who share the same space that you do. Get to know a few, you'll be pleasantly surprised. Plus, their parents aren't watching them.
Author ultimaterob97 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 okay thanks ill try to move on, is there anything i can do to get her out my head? or not get jealous if she gets with another boy? since i have just moved to a college i havent got that many friends so its kinda a hard situation for me right now
Author ultimaterob97 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 It's tough pal, my first relationship ended relatively recently, first girl I'd properly fallen for and I was seriously head over heels for this girl. However, you'll look back in a few weeks and start to pick out the flaws in her/the relationship, and you'll realise you deserve better and you WILL find better. My ex changed drastically after she fell in with a new group of friends, she used to be incredibly sweet, her new friends were judgemental and basically evil in my opinion, guess it rubbed off on her and now that I've realised this, amongst other things, I'm quite happy to be out of the relationship. You'll heal, in time. i noticed that as well, since i left for college i she started hanging around with loads more popular people and has a lot of boys flirting with her, maybe she just likes the attention :/
AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 okay thanks ill try to move on, is there anything i can do to get her out my head? or not get jealous if she gets with another boy? since i have just moved to a college i havent got that many friends so its kinda a hard situation for me right now Perfect opportunity to make new friends and take your mind off of it. There's nothing you can really do to stop yourself getting jealous if/when she gets with another boy, just don't act on that jealousy and do anything you'll regret. It hurts, I've experienced it, as have plenty of others on here, and we all survived 1
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Keep yourself busy. Work on your studies & making new friends at school.
Author ultimaterob97 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 why did i have to fall in love at this age, its so hard for me to concentrate on work because of her. guess shes gonna be happier with one of these 'popular boys' because i know youre not supposed to have sex under the age of 16 but lets be honest, who sticks to that now a days? yet i respected her and never asked for it and wasnt going to until she was 16, well shes gonna waste that special moment with a guy who wont even care.
AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 why did i have to fall in love at this age, its so hard for me to concentrate on work because of her. guess shes gonna be happier with one of these 'popular boys' because i know youre not supposed to have sex under the age of 16 but lets be honest, who sticks to that now a days? yet i respected her and never asked for it and wasnt going to until she was 16, well shes gonna waste that special moment with a guy who wont even care. Don't think about her being intimate with anyone else. Any thoughts like that arise, push them away, think about something else. I get those thoughts sometimes and it makes me very, very angry, however I've learnt to control that and push them away as often as possible. Sometimes I can't and the image just lingers, that's life.
Author ultimaterob97 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 thanks ill try to do this, i actually thought she was the one as well, gonna be awkward since i am starting the gym and she uses the same leisure center
AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 thanks ill try to do this, i actually thought she was the one as well, gonna be awkward since i am starting the gym and she uses the same leisure center This is where I feel relatively fortunate, my ex lives quite far away from me so the chances of bumping in to her are slim however I did bump in to her like 4 weeks after the break up, just ignored her and went on my way.
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 , gonna be awkward since i am starting the gym and she uses the same leisure center How can you be using the same gym if you are away at school & she's home? Since you know where she goes, you go somewhere else. Problem solved.
Author ultimaterob97 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Its gonna be hard for me If I see her but you know what, it will be Harder for her if she sees me getting on with my life. I've come to realize that she was never gonna love me anyway, the next boy is welcome to her but she's just going to do the same thing to them most likely. You guys are great thanks for helping me 1
Author ultimaterob97 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Dude let me tell you, please please please do yourself a favour and move on now! DO NOT go back to her. I made that mistake, my first love, first gf started dating when she was 15, i was 17, broke up about a year into the relationship and I wish I never got back together with her. But I sulked around was really sad and a couple months later she came back and we got back together. Now guess what, 5 years later she broke up with me and Im more broken than ever. I wish I had not gotten back with her, I didn't show any weakness in the relationship but once a girl thinks she can get away with it, she will. Granted not every situation is the same but still I wish I had moved on and found someone else and had other experiences with other women, now im 22 and have the history of a 5 year relationship wearing down on me while she has move on to someone else. You can get through it and you will thank yourself in the long run, trust me there are better people out there who will love you and won't ever want to lose you. So don't give yourself to someone who can walk away from you, cuz they will do it again. Just one last thing, did you do/go though similar things to me when you broke up after a year? Sorry to be personal
geronimo Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Just one last thing, did you do/go though similar things to me when you broke up after a year? Sorry to be personal Similar things as in being clingy? If so yes, she told me the same thing that she needed space, which usually means that they want to explore other options. I knew at that time that she liked this other guy but he was a total douchebag and showed his true colours in time. I guess it was my mistake to take her back after that, she never admitted to liking him just said she had a little crush on him but other than that they were just friends, I knew it was bs but I was so blinded by love that I took her back, plus I was only 17 trust me you aren't thinking straight at that age. But I was lucky and she did stick around after that for 4 years and we had no problems, our relationship was great and we both loved eachother alot. Our problem was that we had 2 different religious backgrounds and her parents were not ok with her dating me. That was the ultimate demise of our relationship. But at the same time she is the one who made the choice to end it, and to my surprise (which i shouldn't be as she did it when we first broke up) she found another guy and sadly they're already dating. She didn't wait she started dealing with him right after we broke up. It sucks that she could leave a 5 year relationship and move on so fast but I guess i should have seen the signs. I'm here after 4 months still thinking about her and being sad while shes off with some other guy. I'm like you in that she didn't want to have sex until marriage, so I never forced her to do so. But for all I know she can be having sex with her new bf since they are of the same religious backgrounds. Either way these thoughts just f*ck you over and its best to just ignore them. Sorry i took over with my story but you'll be fine bro you're young you have so much to experience and now is the perfect time to do it. I wish I had come to a forum like this when my ex and I first broke up, i think i would be much happier right now than i am, but hey everythings happens for a reason i guess. Goodluck buddy.
mightycpa Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Don't think about her being intimate with anyone else. Any thoughts like that arise, push them away, think about something else. I get those thoughts sometimes and it makes me very, very angry, however I've learnt to control that and push them away as often as possible. Sometimes I can't and the image just lingers, that's life. Hunh... I used to force myself to think that all the time, and it killed any desire in me to get back with her. Do what's right for you, OP.
Author ultimaterob97 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Similar things as in being clingy? If so yes, she told me the same thing that she needed space, which usually means that they want to explore other options. I knew at that time that she liked this other guy but he was a total douchebag and showed his true colours in time. I guess it was my mistake to take her back after that, she never admitted to liking him just said she had a little crush on him but other than that they were just friends, I knew it was bs but I was so blinded by love that I took her back, plus I was only 17 trust me you aren't thinking straight at that age. But I was lucky and she did stick around after that for 4 years and we had no problems, our relationship was great and we both loved eachother alot. Our problem was that we had 2 different religious backgrounds and her parents were not ok with her dating me. That was the ultimate demise of our relationship. But at the same time she is the one who made the choice to end it, and to my surprise (which i shouldn't be as she did it when we first broke up) she found another guy and sadly they're already dating. She didn't wait she started dealing with him right after we broke up. It sucks that she could leave a 5 year relationship and move on so fast but I guess i should have seen the signs. I'm here after 4 months still thinking about her and being sad while shes off with some other guy. I'm like you in that she didn't want to have sex until marriage, so I never forced her to do so. But for all I know she can be having sex with her new bf since they are of the same religious backgrounds. Either way these thoughts just f*ck you over and its best to just ignore them. Sorry i took over with my story but you'll be fine bro you're young you have so much to experience and now is the perfect time to do it. I wish I had come to a forum like this when my ex and I first broke up, i think i would be much happier right now than i am, but hey everythings happens for a reason i guess. Goodluck buddy. Did you two argue a lot before you broke up? We certainly did and she always got upset and blamed it on me and I think I've pushed her away for good, but I hope I haven't
AIJ Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Did you two argue a lot before you broke up? We certainly did and she always got upset and blamed it on me and I think I've pushed her away for good, but I hope I haven't My ex and I argued a lot before we broke up. It was two continuous days of non-stop arguing, followed by 1 day of being on a 'break', then 1 day of being fine again, during which she told me this guy was interested in her, I acted like I didn't care.. next day, broken up. Next week, arms around that guy
Author ultimaterob97 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Well she told my mate that she misses me until we argued after we broke up, now I regret arguing! I do know that she uses some random talking app so she can talk to boys on it, but the chances of one of them living close is very slim and most of them just want nudes... She seems really happy though without me, is this just tempery thing and what are the chances of her missing me? I think she hates me at the moment...
GoBlue Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 It is a good thing to know and understand that you are indeed YOUNG - very young. By saying that I do not mean that the feelings you have are any less real or valid, it simply means that what you are experiencing is NORMAL. The basics of any loving relationship are simple - two people, as an act of their will, choose to be in relationship. When one decides they no longer want to be in that relationship, the other should honor that request and understand that they can't maintain the love by themselves. She has made her choice and it is very unlikely that she is sitting around bemoaning the fact that you are no longer together. It is find to still care about her but it is very healthy to look at it the way it IS not the way you want it to BE. I am sorry that your heart is hurting but you will recover as long as you don't decide to continue focusing on her and lamenting a love that probably never was as strong as you thought it was. Be blessed! Good things lay ahead. 2
geronimo Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Did you two argue a lot before you broke up? We certainly did and she always got upset and blamed it on me and I think I've pushed her away for good, but I hope I haven't To be honest i dont think we did but its been about 4 months since we broke up. I know a couple months before the breakup we had gotten into a huge fight over something really stupid and there were other small fights after that as a result of that first fight, other than that we didn't argue much. Although to her when she was ending the relationship she used the line "you know we have been fighting so much lately and you aren't feeling the relationship either, you just don't want to admit it" I was baffled by this cuz everyone fights, its normal especially when u spend that much time together, and she never brought up any concerns of "not feeling it" before. But I didn't think much of it cuz thats what girls do when they want to get out, they say whatever they can. Only other argument I can remember is when we were actually breaking up, idk if you know my story or I mentioned it, but we broke up due to religious/family issues (atleast thats what she said). So I argued alot and tried to make her believe that we can make it work and her parents will get over the religion thing as so many other people in our situation have but she had made up her mind and none of my arguing, pleading, begging did anything. It usually doesn't in any breakup case, i wish i had known that earlier. 1
Recommended Posts