what_a_blonde Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Due to some really bad stuff that went down between an old "friend" and I, I cut off my ties with him (I.e. Stopped all contact, told him not to contact me, erased number, deleted from FB, etc). This was over a year ago. Recently I received a chat msg from him, we had small talk and were cordial, then he texts me and asks if it's ok he talk to me via text. He openly admitted that it wasn't just to talk about work stuff (we work at the same large company, never see each other though). I told him no (because I basically don't want to turn into his booty call again...:/) Occasionally I will receive these one off messages like asking about the weather... And if I know who to contact for ______. Today I received another one and decided just not to respond. A mutual friend told me that he's been posting a bunch of pics of him kissing some girl on the cheek on FB... He's a known player but rarely posts that kind of stuff unless it were serious so I'm guessing it might be his new gf or something. Nonetheless... Why is he still contacting me?! Especially if he has this new gf? Maybe ignoring him will do the trick? Was it the right thing to do to not respond? I just feel like he always has bad intentions with me, even when it's masked as an "innocent" question. 1
Satu Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 It doesn't matter why he's doing it. He does what he does because of who he is. No contact. Delete and block. 2
stillafool Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You did the right thing. He probably has a new love but is waiting to have sex with her. In the meantime he needs sex so he is looking up past FWBs to get the pressure off of him while he waits. Good you didn't respond. 4
jazzybones Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 He's (trying to) keeping you on his hook. It may have absolutely nothing to do with interest in you--it's just a thing people do to get reassurance that you are still willing to speak to them. It's a selfish act and you should ignore it. 3
preraph Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 He's just a weasel. You told him no and he didn't respect it, so block him. 2
stillafool Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 OP I see from your past threads that you have struggled about this guy for a long time. I hope you have started dating other men by now. You need to block all communication with your ex FWB because it is taking you too long to get over him and any conversation you have with him will set you back. Have you tried IC to help you get over this guy? 2
Author what_a_blonde Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 OP I see from your past threads that you have struggled about this guy for a long time. I hope you have started dating other men by now. You need to block all communication with your ex FWB because it is taking you too long to get over him and any conversation you have with him will set you back. Have you tried IC to help you get over this guy? @stillafool- Does IC mean individual counseling? If so, yes I have... but it's really been hard to move past this. I just felt so betrayed/rejected/stupid/you name it and I don't know what more to do. It's helpful that we don't have contact anymore, but anytime I do hear from him, it just makes me remember everything and I start to feel down again. I've started seeing other people, but I think the fact that he and I were friends for so long before he turned it FWB (without telling me) has really effected my ability to forgive myself for being so naive, letting him get in my pants, developing feelings and believing him when he said he had feelings... And ultimately trusting anyone else.... How else can I move past this bc you're right... It's been way too long. I like to say I've never had regrets in my life but meeting him is truly my one only regret.
Satu Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 The most important thing is to do no contact very strictly. Leave him with no means of contacting you. He's toxic for you and you have to avoid the toxin. Are you currently in therapy? It's no magic fix, but it does help. One very underrated tool is to journal about your thoughts and feelings. It puts them outside of you, so you can see them from a different perspective. It really helped me. Take good care of yourself. 2
edgygirl Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 NO men is worth all this pain. There are plenty of other people in the world. Let this guy go. He's not all that. No one is! There's no one I was once heartbroken for that I really miss now that some time has passed. That's how it goes. You will forget him and you will forgive yourself. But give yourself a chance to do it by really moving on and seeing other people. In no time he'll be history. I've started seeing other people, but I think the fact that he and I were friends for so long before he turned it FWB (without telling me) has really effected my ability to forgive myself for being so naive, letting him get in my pants, developing feelings and believing him when he said he had feelings... And ultimately trusting anyone else.... How else can I move past this bc you're right... It's been way too long. I like to say I've never had regrets in my life but meeting him is truly my one only regret. 1
Gary S Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 There's lots of stalkers out there! I'd cut contact. 1
Author what_a_blonde Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) @Satu- thanks for the advice. I have been in therapy/ seeing a counselor on and off but they haven't recommended journaling. We've mainly focused on other things that led me down the path of him and drawing boundaries.... However I still can't seem to shake the shame/guilt of allowing him to do the things he did and me being so "easy". It just disgusts me and I feel like I have this permanent stamp on me that I'm easy and sleezy, and he's the one that knows I suppose it's time for a new counselor.. I'll also research journaling, I'm glad to hear it is a very effective method so I'm hoping this will be my breakthrough. Oh the positive side I never tried reaching back out to him to answer his question , nor have I heard from him, and I've been thinking of him/it less frequently so that's definitely a plus. The most important thing is to do no contact very strictly. Leave him with no means of contacting you. He's toxic for you and you have to avoid the toxin. Are you currently in therapy? It's no magic fix, but it does help. One very underrated tool is to journal about your thoughts and feelings. It puts them outside of you, so you can see them from a different perspective. It really helped me. Take good care of yourself. Edited March 30, 2015 by what_a_blonde
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