mightycpa Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Go on a hike because you want to go on a hike, not to send a message.Yeah. You want to send a message? Meet up with her and say something like this: I love you and I can't live without you. Please come back to me! Then you can see what it's really like to get your nuts chopped off. Just stop the game playing, it doesn't work and it holds you back. Grow up, just a little bit. Resist those urges when you start thinking along those lines. Learning to resist and control those kinds of thoughts will serve you very well in the long run.
Lorelai Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 This. Technically I'm only on Day 5 of No Contact, I used to constantly check her Twitter and post things on my Twitter that I know she'd be looking at, then watch for her response. I don't know why, really pathetic now that I think about it. But people go a little bit psycho after a break up, I guess. Yeah, we do. I admitted my psycho moment above. It was a little different -- I actually quite deliberately did *not* do anything to make them notice or react to me, and I did my best not to let mutual acquaintances know anything that might get back to them or otherwise invade their lives -- but it was still pretty psycho. In that instance, I only Googled his name after the split because something wasn't sitting right with me. His reason for the breakup made no sense. Even before the split, looking back there were signs I was ignoring. (Though I think my subconscious was trying to tell me something, because I was getting these weird transient pains in my chest (almost like panic attacks) weeks before the breakup.) If she hadn't been such a prolific Internet user, I probably never would have found out he'd been cheating, but she had posted so much stuff linking their two names that even a person without my Mad GoogleFu Skillz would have seen it. Once I realized he'd been cheating, it was like I had to figure out what he saw in her that he didn't see in me. Especially since she was posting that they were engaged, when he'd not asked me to marry him (or even hinted at that) in five years of living together. What did this chick have that I didn't? Apparently, what she had was a huge heaping cartload of crazy. Sure, I didn't do anything *too* bad. I had no idea if she knew I even existed, so I didn't risk enlightening her. When we split we agreed to re-visit the issue after a certain amount of time had passed, so the only reason I communicated with him at all before that was to handle logistics (getting his key and the garage-door opener after he finally moved all of his stuff out so I could turn them in to the landlord, requesting he send me proof of insurance for his car so I could get it taken off of my policy, closing out joint bank accounts, etc.) And I only sent him one email after that conversation. I didn't follow him, or drive by his house, and even started taking an alternate way to work and back that didn't pass his office even though it was a little longer of a drive. Though I knew his passwords, I never even thought about trying to look at his email or anything that shady. Everything I learned was from information in the public domain, which to me is fair game. I also didn't enlighten him regarding his new woman's huge heaping cartload of crazy -- I figured he deserved the joy of finding that out for himself. But I wasted a truly staggering amount of time and energy trying to figure out what she had that I didn't. And even though there were no surviving screen shots of any of the webcam shows, I still have a mental image that no amount of eye/brain bleach will make disappear. Though it does make me giggle.
erklat Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Yeah, silent treatment is causing physical pain as a form of Ostracism. Little too much bargaining and overanalyzing going on here.
AaronSG Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Especially since I initiated NC. I hate to be the bearer of honest truth, but what you're doing is not "no contact"! I think you may be confused what no contact really means, your calling it the "silent treatment", lets look at some examples of both and see just how much "no contact" your are exhibiting! No Contact: 1. Making a choice to employee "no contact" as a way to free yourself from your ex, as to make some space between you as so you can start to move on and heal, with no intention of every wanting/going back to them! 2. No social media contact, either directly or indirectly! Be it Facebook, Twitter, Google+ ect. ect. ect. No social media contact and or awareness of their movements, actions, communications, images, locations their posting from ect. ect. ect. 3. Ditching all phone numbers of your ex and perhaps any common friends that might spell trouble for you off your cell phone. Deleting all previous text's and images of your ex off your phone as well. 4. Removing all images of your ex off your home computer! Removing any possible video clips of your ex that might have been recorded as well. 5. Logging into your e-mail service provider and going through the motions of blocking your ex's known e-mail addresses. The same be true for any possible common friends that might bring trouble. Also at the same time deleting any possible e-mails from the ex, everything must go! 6. For a while most people who instigate "true no contact" also go through the motions of changing ones music listening style. True no contact people will apply common sense and filter their music listening for as long as required. Songs that remind them of their ex most likely won't be played. 7. TV/Movie watching, as with music, most true no contact people who are serious about this tool will also apply common sense and filters to their TV/movie watching. Most no contact people will filter their viewing of material, making sure to not sit down and watch movies that you and the ex deemed to be your favorites! 8. Most true no contact people who instigate this tool for recovery will also go through the motions of grabbing say a card board box and proceed to go about their homes removing any personal items that their ex had left behind. All personal affects, all toiletries, all the photo's framed or unframed, all their clothing, their shoes, their important papers ect. ect. ect. Whatever it is, if it belonged and or was or is owned by their ex, it ends up in the box and is stored in a hard to reach place, or outside the home all together. 9. Most true no contact people who employ this tool will also make it a point to be careful with their location(s). Not placing themselves in a place where they know their ex is most likely to "hang out"! Also true no contact people will make it a point to have let's say no chance bump in's with the ex. Most no contact people will alter their routes for going places, quit hanging out in the places once frequented by themselves and the ex. ect. ect. ect. Silent Treatment: 1. I'll keep my girlfriend, fiancé or wife on my social media lists, we'll keep each other on our lists as so we can check in and snoop and see what their posting on their social media pages while we have our disagreement or fight! Like, I can't wait to go on that hike with that full blown hot girl, because when I get back home I can wait to hook my camera up to my computer and post everything we did. All the while knowing that they are still involved or want to be involved with another and that the other can see what your posting! 2. I'll keep my girlfriend, fiancé or wife on my cell phones contact list! After all I'm just giving her the "silent treatment", who knows I might want to call them in a couple minutes and see how they are. 3. I'll just keep all those old text's and images of my girlfriend, fiancé or wife on my phone, after all I need something to remind me of them. Why delete perfectly good conversation when one day I have plans of picking those conversations back up. 4. I'll just keep all those images and video clips of my girlfriend, fiancé or wife on my home computer. After all there might be a chance that they'll come back after our disagreement or fight after a period of time when apologies can be rendered. 5. I'll keep my girlfriend, fiancé or wife's e-mail address unblocked! After all we're only having a serious disagreement or fight. After a period of time and apologies can be rendered, I'll probably pick back up with e-mailing her some more. 6. Wow, I had a hard day at work today, let me fire up the home stereo and tune into a radio station that plays our favorite songs! After all we're just having a serious disagreement or fight, even though we're not talking to each other right now, we will be once again soon enough, it won't stop me from playing her tunes while trying to relax. 7. Man, I'm bored, let me grab the old remote control for the television and kick back and maybe fire up some Netflix and maybe watch one of our movies! After all we're only having a serious disagreement and or fight and aren't talking to each other for a while, why not watch one of our favorite movies while I try to relax. 8. Well my girlfriend, fiancé or wife left a lot of her personal items around the house while she's away for a while having her spat with me. No need to chuck any of these items out, the way I see it she might get jealous of me with this hot honey I'm going on that hike with, she'll see that and fight to get me back, so she'll be back home after a period of time when apologies can be rendered. 9. It's late, me and the guy's are going down town to hang out at this night club that my girlfriend, fiancé or wife is known to hang out at. Perhaps I might bump into her, if so we might talk about things and she can apologize to me and everything might be fine! 10. I'm going to stay in contact with our "common friends" and perhaps get some dope and talk to them about my girlfriend, fiancé or wife while she's away from me while we have our serious disagreement or fight or spat. maybe if I do enough "name dropping" or "siltation dropping" to these people they'll open up and talk about her and then I can figure out what her plans might be. So which is it, which one of these are you truly doing? Personally I take real offense with people who litely toss out there that their doing "no contact" when in most aspects their not. Only speaking for myself, I've been over 7 months no contact with my ex-fiancé! No social media, I deleted all my social media outlets, no phone calls, no texts, no images of her on both my phone or home computer, I deleted her off my phone and blocked her on e-mail, deleted all video clips of her on my computer, let go of three people who were once friends, due to the fact that they created a lot of trouble during and after my breakup, altered my music listening, altered my TV watching, altered my movie watching, removed all person item of her's out of my home, ect. ect. ect. You want to use the term "balls chopped off" try going through what I've gone through! It can be at times a living hell on Earth! At times is can be so painful, so hurtful and sometimes so suicidal that it isn't even funny! Trying to move on from a person that you truly, madly and deeply love or loved is hell! Your in a grocery store and hear one of "your guy's songs" being played, oh my, tight chest, rapid breathing, racing thoughts, panic, sweaty palms, some teeth grinding and taaadaaaa......the memory's of them start to flow! You want to sit there and come in here and make it appear that you want to play games, like jealous hikes, make her jealous, keep poking around her social media or allowing her to poke around yours all the while calling it "no contact"! My version of the true meaning of the "no contact tool" isn't a game for me, I haven't ever confused the silent treatment for no contact during any part of my living hell. I've left her alone, I let her fly off and go back from where she came from all the while living by the no contact rule with all the expectation in the world that she's never coming back! See what I saids there......"never coming back"! No Contact = Theres a 99.99% chance that they will never come back or you'll never go back to them! Silent Treatment = Theres a 50% to 60% to 70% chance that they will come back or I will go back to them! So please, with all respect, either sh*t or get off the pot with this one! And please, with all respect, please don't come in here and float that your doing no contact! It's very painful and disrespectful to those of us who are doing real no contact. Regardless of the time under everyones belts since their breakup's, be it a week, a months, like me 7 months, a year, a decade....if their still doing no contact and it's still somewhat difficult or painful I think for those who aren't doing true no contact may be a sensitive issue to those people. Thank you for your time, and good luck to you and please...........no game playing! 2
Author Starks Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 I hate to be the bearer of honest truth, but what you're doing is not "no contact"! I think you may be confused what no contact really means, your calling it the "silent treatment", lets look at some examples of both and see just how much "no contact" your are exhibiting! No Contact: 1. Making a choice to employee "no contact" as a way to free yourself from your ex, as to make some space between you as so you can start to move on and heal, with no intention of every wanting/going back to them! 2. No social media contact, either directly or indirectly! Be it Facebook, Twitter, Google+ ect. ect. ect. No social media contact and or awareness of their movements, actions, communications, images, locations their posting from ect. ect. ect. 3. Ditching all phone numbers of your ex and perhaps any common friends that might spell trouble for you off your cell phone. Deleting all previous text's and images of your ex off your phone as well. 4. Removing all images of your ex off your home computer! Removing any possible video clips of your ex that might have been recorded as well. 5. Logging into your e-mail service provider and going through the motions of blocking your ex's known e-mail addresses. The same be true for any possible common friends that might bring trouble. Also at the same time deleting any possible e-mails from the ex, everything must go! 6. For a while most people who instigate "true no contact" also go through the motions of changing ones music listening style. True no contact people will apply common sense and filter their music listening for as long as required. Songs that remind them of their ex most likely won't be played. 7. TV/Movie watching, as with music, most true no contact people who are serious about this tool will also apply common sense and filters to their TV/movie watching. Most no contact people will filter their viewing of material, making sure to not sit down and watch movies that you and the ex deemed to be your favorites! 8. Most true no contact people who instigate this tool for recovery will also go through the motions of grabbing say a card board box and proceed to go about their homes removing any personal items that their ex had left behind. All personal affects, all toiletries, all the photo's framed or unframed, all their clothing, their shoes, their important papers ect. ect. ect. Whatever it is, if it belonged and or was or is owned by their ex, it ends up in the box and is stored in a hard to reach place, or outside the home all together. 9. Most true no contact people who employ this tool will also make it a point to be careful with their location(s). Not placing themselves in a place where they know their ex is most likely to "hang out"! Also true no contact people will make it a point to have let's say no chance bump in's with the ex. Most no contact people will alter their routes for going places, quit hanging out in the places once frequented by themselves and the ex. ect. ect. ect. Silent Treatment: 1. I'll keep my girlfriend, fiancé or wife on my social media lists, we'll keep each other on our lists as so we can check in and snoop and see what their posting on their social media pages while we have our disagreement or fight! Like, I can't wait to go on that hike with that full blown hot girl, because when I get back home I can wait to hook my camera up to my computer and post everything we did. All the while knowing that they are still involved or want to be involved with another and that the other can see what your posting! 2. I'll keep my girlfriend, fiancé or wife on my cell phones contact list! After all I'm just giving her the "silent treatment", who knows I might want to call them in a couple minutes and see how they are. 3. I'll just keep all those old text's and images of my girlfriend, fiancé or wife on my phone, after all I need something to remind me of them. Why delete perfectly good conversation when one day I have plans of picking those conversations back up. 4. I'll just keep all those images and video clips of my girlfriend, fiancé or wife on my home computer. After all there might be a chance that they'll come back after our disagreement or fight after a period of time when apologies can be rendered. 5. I'll keep my girlfriend, fiancé or wife's e-mail address unblocked! After all we're only having a serious disagreement or fight. After a period of time and apologies can be rendered, I'll probably pick back up with e-mailing her some more. 6. Wow, I had a hard day at work today, let me fire up the home stereo and tune into a radio station that plays our favorite songs! After all we're just having a serious disagreement or fight, even though we're not talking to each other right now, we will be once again soon enough, it won't stop me from playing her tunes while trying to relax. 7. Man, I'm bored, let me grab the old remote control for the television and kick back and maybe fire up some Netflix and maybe watch one of our movies! After all we're only having a serious disagreement and or fight and aren't talking to each other for a while, why not watch one of our favorite movies while I try to relax. 8. Well my girlfriend, fiancé or wife left a lot of her personal items around the house while she's away for a while having her spat with me. No need to chuck any of these items out, the way I see it she might get jealous of me with this hot honey I'm going on that hike with, she'll see that and fight to get me back, so she'll be back home after a period of time when apologies can be rendered. 9. It's late, me and the guy's are going down town to hang out at this night club that my girlfriend, fiancé or wife is known to hang out at. Perhaps I might bump into her, if so we might talk about things and she can apologize to me and everything might be fine! 10. I'm going to stay in contact with our "common friends" and perhaps get some dope and talk to them about my girlfriend, fiancé or wife while she's away from me while we have our serious disagreement or fight or spat. maybe if I do enough "name dropping" or "siltation dropping" to these people they'll open up and talk about her and then I can figure out what her plans might be. So which is it, which one of these are you truly doing? Personally I take real offense with people who litely toss out there that their doing "no contact" when in most aspects their not. Only speaking for myself, I've been over 7 months no contact with my ex-fiancé! No social media, I deleted all my social media outlets, no phone calls, no texts, no images of her on both my phone or home computer, I deleted her off my phone and blocked her on e-mail, deleted all video clips of her on my computer, let go of three people who were once friends, due to the fact that they created a lot of trouble during and after my breakup, altered my music listening, altered my TV watching, altered my movie watching, removed all person item of her's out of my home, ect. ect. ect. You want to use the term "balls chopped off" try going through what I've gone through! It can be at times a living hell on Earth! At times is can be so painful, so hurtful and sometimes so suicidal that it isn't even funny! Trying to move on from a person that you truly, madly and deeply love or loved is hell! Your in a grocery store and hear one of "your guy's songs" being played, oh my, tight chest, rapid breathing, racing thoughts, panic, sweaty palms, some teeth grinding and taaadaaaa......the memory's of them start to flow! You want to sit there and come in here and make it appear that you want to play games, like jealous hikes, make her jealous, keep poking around her social media or allowing her to poke around yours all the while calling it "no contact"! My version of the true meaning of the "no contact tool" isn't a game for me, I haven't ever confused the silent treatment for no contact during any part of my living hell. I've left her alone, I let her fly off and go back from where she came from all the while living by the no contact rule with all the expectation in the world that she's never coming back! See what I saids there......"never coming back"! No Contact = Theres a 99.99% chance that they will never come back or you'll never go back to them! Silent Treatment = Theres a 50% to 60% to 70% chance that they will come back or I will go back to them! So please, with all respect, either sh*t or get off the pot with this one! And please, with all respect, please don't come in here and float that your doing no contact! It's very painful and disrespectful to those of us who are doing real no contact. Regardless of the time under everyones belts since their breakup's, be it a week, a months, like me 7 months, a year, a decade....if their still doing no contact and it's still somewhat difficult or painful I think for those who aren't doing true no contact may be a sensitive issue to those people. Thank you for your time, and good luck to you and please...........no game playing! Damn. Hats off to you sir. I feel like a moron now and what you're describing sounds painfull as hell. Respect anyway, she's deliberately trying to hurt my feelings now with "LOL I never even loved you" memes. I spilled my heart out to her and she is communicating back with cringe worthy instagram quotes and memes. It's clear to me she just wants attention and drama. She used to talk passionately about how when someone cheated on one of her friends they would all posse up and raise hell. I think she wants to be the center of attention in THAT kind of drama and I'm not gonna take the bait. And yes, I realize I'm back to shifting blame so I guess I'll just give it a couple of more weeks to see if she is ready to talk before I truly go NC.
badpenny Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) No. You go No Contact right NOW. Straight away. Trust me, if she really, really wants to contact you, she will. She knows whee you live, and she can probably write, so putting pen to paper, for example, won't be difficult will it? So you go - No - Contact - now, and continue. For your own good, your own progress, and your own healing. Forget about her, what she's doing, who she's seeing, what she's saying. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you quit playing games, stop inventing strategies and thinking up moves to get her attention. It's over. Finished, no more. Get into that frame of mind, and quit this foolishness. Edited March 19, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed derogatory remark 3
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Damn. Hats off to you sir. I feel like a moron now and what you're describing sounds painfull as hell. Respect anyway, she's deliberately trying to hurt my feelings now with "LOL I never even loved you" memes. I spilled my heart out to her and she is communicating back with cringe worthy instagram quotes and memes. It's clear to me she just wants attention and drama. She used to talk passionately about how when someone cheated on one of her friends they would all posse up and raise hell. I think she wants to be the center of attention in THAT kind of drama and I'm not gonna take the bait. And yes, I realize I'm back to shifting blame so I guess I'll just give it a couple of more weeks to see if she is ready to talk before I truly go NC. Why are you snooping? Stop! There is no good reason for you to be seeing that. Block her feed. I mean, what you are doing is not only counterproductive, it's just dumb. You're taking the bait by consuming it every time it's thrown out. Everytime you see it and you post on here ruminating about it, you're losing. So stop. 2
Lorelai Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 anyway, she's deliberately trying to hurt my feelings now with "LOL I never even loved you" memes. I spilled my heart out to her and she is communicating back with cringe worthy instagram quotes and memes. <snip> And yes, I realize I'm back to shifting blame so I guess I'll just give it a couple of more weeks to see if she is ready to talk before I truly go NC. What's the point of waiting one more second, let alone a few weeks? Sure, she's likely probably deliberately trying to hurt you. But you can stop her, by simply blocking her or unsubscribing from her newsfeeds. By refusing to do so, you've become a volunteer, not a victim. If you want to be a masochist and volunteer for another few weeks of heartache, that's your right, but don't kid yourself into believing you can blame anyone but yourself for the result.
elaine567 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 You were mean to her, so mean you drove her away, of course she is going to try and hurt you, of course she is going to try and make you feel bad. Why on earth would she want to contact you? You did the love bombardment stuff, it didn't work. I guess she is still very hurt, angry and annoyed with you. Sometimes it is impossible to get over something like that and no matter what you do now, she may always feel you are not worth bothering with. Go NC, it is the only way you will get over this, if she does want you she will find you. If not, then you save yourself the heart ache, of viewing her from afar.
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