NopeNah Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 As I said, I'll be the first to agree that we he was wrong. Completely stupid move on his part. However, the majority of women that have a boyfriend will make that clear from the get go. So the fact that she didn't mention having one, might be an early warning sign that she wasn't happy. That's all I'm saying. I disagree..the majority of women,imo, enjoy the attention. No offense, ladies.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I disagree..the majority of women,imo, enjoy the attention. No offense, ladies. Haha.. That's only because so many guys beat around the bush when trying to get a woman's number. Instead of being direct and cutting to the chase, they have to chat her up forever. But as soon as they do ask for a number, the first thing she'll say is "I have a boyfriend".
lana-banana Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 However, the majority of women that have a boyfriend will make that clear from the get go. To put it in a way that the mods will approve: horse feathers. Utter, absolute bull puckey. This is the kind of thing that sounds like it could be true, but you have no sources for this and you know it. Just because it's an easy way out doesn't mean it's a common one, and any woman over the age of 18 knows it's not very effective, either, because many men don't care whether you have a boyfriend just so long as he isn't immediately present. It seems to me like OP and his girlfriend weren't the best match from the get-go. A move like this torpedoed, exploded and flambeed any last chance they might have. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Actually if you didn't go into specifics you might have gotten a different response...not sure why you went with last night and specified a small window. As insecure and as much of a dummy you may be, she actually is behaving quite suspiciously, her reaction is very over the top even considering the circumstances...she didn't have to handle it in that way. I think you actually almost caught her in something and that's why she blew up...because it would have completely blind sided her. Not saying what you did was right, but I think she may be talking or involved with another guy...however it being only 2.5 months in...too much drama either way and many women stay in contAct with their side options and cut them off when things get serious anyway. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) To put it in a way that the mods will approve: horse feathers. Utter, absolute bull puckey. This is the kind of thing that sounds like it could be true, but you have no sources for this and you know it. Just because it's an easy way out doesn't mean it's a common one, and any woman over the age of 18 knows it's not very effective, either, because many men don't care whether you have a boyfriend just so long as he isn't immediately present. It seems to me like OP and his girlfriend weren't the best match from the get-go. A move like this torpedoed, exploded and flambeed any last chance they might have. It doesn't matter if guys don't care if you have a boyfriend. What matters is that you care you have one that you're happy with. It's a matter of pride on your part and an authentic statement to say "I have a boyfriend". Since you're not ashamed of him, and care about him deeply, you should feel proud to say you have one shouldn't you? So the real question I have, is why wouldn't you? As insecure and as much of a dummy you may be, she actually is behaving quite suspiciously, her reaction is very over the top even considering the circumstances...she didn't have to handle it in that way. I think you actually almost caught her in something and that's why she blew up...because it would have completely blind sided her. Not saying what you did was right, but I think she may be talking or involved with another guy...however it being only 2.5 months in...too much drama either way and many women stay in contAct with their side options and cut them off when things get serious anyway. Yep. Becoming over the top defensive to the extreme can often be a deflection. I actually had this same vibe off the situation. Not to mention the fact that she doesn't bring up having a boyfriend. Edited March 18, 2015 by fitnessfan365
lana-banana Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) It doesn't matter if guys don't care if you have a boyfriend. Do you realize how this sounds? "It doesn't matter if men are going to disrespect your relationship status!" Gee, thanks. What matters is that you care you have one that you're happy with. It's a matter of pride on your part and an authentic statement to say "I have a boyfriend". Since you're not ashamed of him, and care about him deeply, you should feel proud to say you have one shouldn't you? So it's not men's fault for disrespecting me, but my fault for not praising my boyfriend to complete strangers? Ridiculous. I love my boyfriend more than heavy squats and single malts, but our relationship isn't anyone else's business. I don't understand why you're suspicious of women who don't automatically bring up their boyfriend in every sentence. If I thought a guy wasn't getting the picture then yes, I'd eventually bring it up, but it wouldn't necessarily be the first thing out of my mouth. Why can't I just say no? So the real question I have, is why wouldn't you?Because "no thank you" deserves to be honored whether I'm single, dating or married with three grandchildren. Because I'm a secure adult who maintains a happy, healthy life that is strongly tied to but by no means dependent upon my significant other. Because I can deadlift nearly all of my potential suitors for reps and am confident I can take care of myself. Because I know it wouldn't stop many men (as you confirmed above). Because I choose not to date someone for my own reasons, not just the mere fact of my boyfriend's existence. Because my decision to reject someone is independent of whether I have a boyfriend. Edited March 19, 2015 by lana-banana 6
NopeNah Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Haha.. That's only because so many guys beat around the bush when trying to get a woman's number. Instead of being direct and cutting to the chase, they have to chat her up forever. But as soon as they do ask for a number, the first thing she'll say is "I have a boyfriend". I've hooked up with many "bar/club sluts"(again..no offense ladies!), to find out that they have a guy...even husband,ect! I'm not even that good looking...OK...I am,but still.
Buddhist Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 What do I do, can i recover? You can take a moment to grow up. Recover from your rampant insecurities and trust issues, your relationship is shot.
Author Rexxy Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Well to add to my story, at 5am I sent another apology. She replied at 8am with: "Why are you up so early?" I just said "Couldn't sleep" So for everyone that may of missed my comment, I decided to send flowers to her work that said "I miss you, 'my name'xx" They arrived around 12:20pm She messaged me with: "Thankyou for the flowers" I just sent a smiley face back, I'll just wait for her to contact me.
Author Rexxy Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Is it a positive sign that she said thankyou for the flowers or does it mean nothing?
losangelena Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Is it a positive sign that she said thankyou for the flowers or does it mean nothing? It's not not positive. Saying thank you is a polite gesture, at the very least, and could mean more. I know waiting around in the uncertainty sucks. But you messed up and now you've just got to give her some time to process all of this. Sit on your hands and wait a couple of days to do anything.
Author Rexxy Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 It's not not positive. Saying thank you is a polite gesture, at the very least, and could mean more. I know waiting around in the uncertainty sucks. But you messed up and now you've just got to give her some time to process all of this. Sit on your hands and wait a couple of days to do anything. Ok I'll give her the space she deserves, waiting with uncertainty is a terrible feeling. I know that I can fix myself and work on what I did wrong,I hope she realizes how much I care about her and that I made a terrible mistake but we can work on it together. Thanks for the advice
fitnessfan365 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Because my decision to reject someone is independent of whether I have a boyfriend. So the fact that you have a boyfriend has nothing to do at all with you turning down a man that approaches you? It's like you take pride in pretending to be single. Obviously men should respect women. But just because you feel the "I have a boyfriend" rejection wouldn't work, doesn't mean you should act like you don't have one either. When women make their interest known to me in public and I'm in a relationship, I let them know I have a girlfriend out of respect for her. BTW - Even though we don't see eye to eye and have been arguing, the one thing that I did find to be awesome are your deadlifting skills. What's your BW and three pull total? My best female client pulled 315x3 at a BW of 135.
Author Rexxy Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 She just called me then, we didn't talk about the argument at all and I just asked how her day was going and I hope she gets home safely. She said she wants to go for coffee on sunday.
Author Rexxy Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 She's never going to call, she's gone forever. She called today and asked if we could meet up for coffee on sunday.
CarrieT Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 She called today and asked if we could meet up for coffee on sunday. She is going to break up with you....
Author Rexxy Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 She is going to break up with you.... I'll prepare myself for that but you never know. Thinking negative isn't going to make it any better. I'll let everyone know how it went.
Diezel Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Look I know a lot of people have told me that it's pretty much over but I just don't think a relationship should end over that. I made a mistake out of jealousy and it's not like I cheated or anything like that, I think this can be worked out. I think life is too short to ruin a relationship over something like this. WRONG. Life is so short, that you shouldn't be in a relationship where you are second guessed, not even 90 days into it. You broke her trust. You can't "fix" that. Once that seal is broken, you're never going to get it back to 100%. You think it shouldn't end, because you're the one who broke that trust. Learn your lesson, work on your trust issues. Can it be worked out? Sure. But she'll forever have that hovering over your head if you two do. There's a huge black cloud over the relationship now that you put there. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 She called today and asked if we could meet up for coffee on sunday. She's acting politely & normally. I think you dodged a bullet & she's willing to give you another chance. Don't blow it. Learn how to trust. If she doesn't bring it up, you don't. Gushing with more apologizes is weak & the other side of the clingy jealous nut you were being. It won't help your case. If she brings it up, let her vent. Then just repeat, I'm sorry my jealousy got the better of me. 3
Frank2thepoint Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 She just called me then, we didn't talk about the argument at all and I just asked how her day was going and I hope she gets home safely. She said she wants to go for coffee on sunday. You have trust issues, and she over-reacted to a justified reason to be upset with you. Both of you are drama. Take the initiative and break up with her on Sunday. Both of you need to heal, separately.
Author Rexxy Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 She's acting politely & normally. I think you dodged a bullet & she's willing to give you another chance. Don't blow it. Learn how to trust. If she doesn't bring it up, you don't. Gushing with more apologizes is weak & the other side of the clingy jealous nut you were being. It won't help your case. If she brings it up, let her vent. Then just repeat, I'm sorry my jealousy got the better of me. Last night she called me again for the second time that day and asked if I meant it when I said I loved her. I told her that i meant every word of it and that I have never had these feelings for anyone else before. She said that I'm making it so hard for her to decide what to do and she's not sure if I'll pull this **** again. I just said that I needed a smack across the head to wake myself up, that I'm not that type of person and I'm sorry the jealousy got the best of me. After that call, 2 hours later she text me telling me that she got home alright after work even though I didn't ask, sent me a photo of her wine glass through text which she used to do saying "Think i a deserve a glass". She's still a bit short with her messages but I said goodnight and she said goodnight back, we didn't mention anything about the fight and joked around a little bit. It feels as if shes slowly coming back around, it's a bit a up and down at the moment. I'll give her space to process that phone call, hopefully it works out because i care about her so much. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Stay positive but get past this sooner rather than later.
Author Rexxy Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Stay positive but get past this sooner rather than later. I wanted to meet up with her before sunday but I have work both on friday and saturday. She does day shifts on those days and I do night shifts so we both need to wait till sunday, but in saying that I think she needs a little extra time to process everything. I'm going to stay as positive as possible, it's killing me though.
StarsOnFire Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 If I were her I'd be so pissed I'd end it. It's only a 2.5 month relationship, if a dude is acting that insecure already I'd be thinking this is just the beginning of the craziness & wouldn't be interested in continuing the relationship. I don't think it's an overreaction at all for a relationship this short. Good luck OP, just trying to be honest here. From your talks it sounds like maybe she can get pass this, and if so I'd suggest really working to show her you trust her and something like that will not happen again. 1
Author Rexxy Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 If I were her I'd be so pissed I'd end it. It's only a 2.5 month relationship, if a dude is acting that insecure already I'd be thinking this is just the beginning of the craziness & wouldn't be interested in continuing the relationship. I don't think it's an overreaction at all for a relationship this short. Good luck OP, just trying to be honest here. From your talks it sounds like maybe she can get pass this, and if so I'd suggest really working to show her you trust her and something like that will not happen again. I understand you're been honest. I'll work twice as hard to show her I trust her, I made a mistake and nothing like this will ever happen again. 1
Recommended Posts