Rexxy Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I made the biggest mistake of my life with my girlfriend. We've been going out for 2.5 months and she went out with friends clubbing and got really drunk and I let the insecurities get the best of me. In my head I thought she might of cheated on me so I got a friend to message her as if they met out on the night, the conversation went like this: "It was sweet meeting you last night, how are you feeling this morning?" She said: "Hi sorry I cant remember much of last night. Who is this?" We said" Ohh just the really good looking and funny guy..haha" She said: " I didn't give anyone my number?" It stopped after this because I realized how immature I was been, 4 days after this we hanged out for the day and had the time of our life. At night she asked if she could enter a number into my phone, I hesitated, then came clean about testing her. She freaked out, ran up to her room and locked me out wanting me to leave her house immediately saying that this is the end of the relationship. I had a bit to drink so I wasn't ready to drive. I stayed at her house for a bit longer and just sat downstairs. After an hour she came down and sat on the couch next to me telling me how betrayed and hurt she was and that she honestly thought she couldn't recover from this. I kept apologizing and everything. She said she needed space to think about everything and that it was over. At this point she had a bit to drink, I left once I was ready to drive. When I got home I texted a sincere apology, with each of her responses I apologized for how stupid I was, here are her messages: " I never wanted this to happen. I'm just so hurt and feel betrayed. If we ever did get back together this would be in the back of my mind, and I don't want that...I really did like you" Then she said: "Yes but do you not understand that what you did been sneaky and sly has pushed me away completely. I didn't expect that from you. I'm dissapointed in myself for letting you get so close to my heart so soon and been so emotionally vulnerable to you, and I'm mainly disappointed in you. I thought you were different..." Then she said: "Look i'm going to bed. I have work tomorrow. I can't deal with this anymore, take care of yourself" This all happen last night at around 10pm, its now 5am the next morning and I cant sleep. I can't believe how much I ****ed up and how sorry I am. What do I do, can i recover?
Redhead14 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I made the biggest mistake of my life with my girlfriend. We've been going out for 2.5 months and she went out with friends clubbing and got really drunk and I let the insecurities get the best of me. In my head I thought she might of cheated on me so I got a friend to message her as if they met out on the night, the conversation went like this: "It was sweet meeting you last night, how are you feeling this morning?" She said: "Hi sorry I cant remember much of last night. Who is this?" We said" Ohh just the really good looking and funny guy..haha" She said: " I didn't give anyone my number?" It stopped after this because I realized how immature I was been, 4 days after this we hanged out for the day and had the time of our life. At night she asked if she could enter a number into my phone, I hesitated, then came clean about testing her. She freaked out, ran up to her room and locked me out wanting me to leave her house immediately saying that this is the end of the relationship. I had a bit to drink so I wasn't ready to drive. I stayed at her house for a bit longer and just sat downstairs. After an hour she came down and sat on the couch next to me telling me how betrayed and hurt she was and that she honestly thought she couldn't recover from this. I kept apologizing and everything. She said she needed space to think about everything and that it was over. At this point she had a bit to drink, I left once I was ready to drive. When I got home I texted a sincere apology, with each of her responses I apologized for how stupid I was, here are her messages: " I never wanted this to happen. I'm just so hurt and feel betrayed. If we ever did get back together this would be in the back of my mind, and I don't want that...I really did like you" Then she said: "Yes but do you not understand that what you did been sneaky and sly has pushed me away completely. I didn't expect that from you. I'm dissapointed in myself for letting you get so close to my heart so soon and been so emotionally vulnerable to you, and I'm mainly disappointed in you. I thought you were different..." Then she said: "Look i'm going to bed. I have work tomorrow. I can't deal with this anymore, take care of yourself" This all happen last night at around 10pm, its now 5am the next morning and I cant sleep. I can't believe how much I ****ed up and how sorry I am. What do I do, can i recover? If by recover, you mean get her back . . . there's no real way to know. I'm dissapointed in myself for letting you get so close to my heart so soon and been so emotionally vulnerable to you," This is the crux of this situation. You two were too invested in the "relationship" at 2.5 months. You didn't know each other well enough. The best way to at least have a chance of her coming back, is to not push her. Step back and let her process it all and let her come to you. Don't call or text her at all. Be prepared, though, for her never to contact you again. There is nothing a person can do to make someone love you or want to be with you, but there are lots of things a person can do to prevent that from happening.
soyou Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Is she a tough and indepent person? Is she the person who can keep it up to her words? If the answer is yes, I'm afraid that your shot is over. To be honest, if I were in her shoes, you would not stand a chance to get back to me. What you did were very sneaky, disrespecful, immature, and creepy. There are so many ways you can ask her about her night out and clear off your suspicion. Why testing her?!!! Boy, boy, boy..... 1
wb1988 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 After reading that start of your post I thought why did she freak out, maybe there was another guy and she was so close to getting caught. But now that I think about it I think what you did was terrible. She probably was wondering who was this weird guy, felt creeped out by this stranger, worried that she gave her number out/did something when she was drunk only to find out that you were the one all along. It was a combination of immaturity, betrayal, deceit and it actually kills her trust in you. I think it's over and you should move on — you live and you learn. 1
Author Rexxy Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 I can't believe I did something like that, It was completely out of character for me. I miss her so much and care for her more than anyone. I hope that she can forgive me for my immature and sneaky behavior, I made a huge mistake which I regret so much. If I had another chance I would never get down to this level again, I learn from my mistakes and I can't believe what I did.
Mrin Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 There is much creepy going on. Obviously, the original thing you did was really creepy. What I can't understand is why you told her about it? I know you were drunk/tipsy, but was the logic a "I'm going to show her how clever I am?" sort of thing. Boggles. I'm not sure there is much you can do. I think if you try any harder the more you'll do is just push her away. I would issue a last "well, you are a wonderful woman and I am sorry I screwed up this way. I truly wish you all the love in the world" farewell and walk away. She'll either forgive you and come back or not. You kinda don't get an automatic "do-over" or second shot at this. I know I don't need to say this but next time - don't pull this sort of crap.
Author Rexxy Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Look I know a lot of people have told me that it's pretty much over but I just don't think a relationship should end over that. I made a mistake out of jealousy and it's not like I cheated or anything like that, I think this can be worked out. I'm not going to contact her until she reaches out to me because I know she is still angry and needs to think of everything. I've sent flowers to her work which arrive after midday with a simple letter saying "I Miss You, 'My name xx'" I hope she'll come around and forgive me for my immature and stupid behavior and we can continue to enjoy each others company. I think life is too short to ruin a relationship over something like this. Thanks for the help.
Gary S Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You broke her heart with your dishonest prank. I guess it's a hard lesson to learn. A woman can only love you as much as she trusts you.
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You have to get a handle on your insecurities but in your defense if this was the same girl from the other thread, she was checking out hot guys right in front of you while she was drinking so that probably ratcheted up your paranoia. The flowers & apology were your best bet. Let us know if she calls.
JS84 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Look I know a lot of people have told me that it's pretty much over but I just don't think a relationship should end over that. I made a mistake out of jealousy and it's not like I cheated or anything like that, I think this can be worked out. I'm not going to contact her until she reaches out to me because I know she is still angry and needs to think of everything. I've sent flowers to her work which arrive after midday with a simple letter saying "I Miss You, 'My name xx'" I hope she'll come around and forgive me for my immature and stupid behavior and we can continue to enjoy each others company. I think life is too short to ruin a relationship over something like this. Thanks for the help. Sorry but if you were only dating for 2.5 months I wouldn't call that a relationship. Anyway learn from this and don't do something so childish again.
GemmaUK Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I'd be gone for good. Lack of respect for her on your part there in way too many ways. 1
Confusedcarl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You were baiting her man. That's kind of ****ed up. Think about it man, can a girl not go out and have a good time with out hooking up/cheating of you with some guy? Honestly ask yourself how easy would it be to forgive and forget if the situation was reversed on to you. You have trust issues man and that will never go away unless you learn to control insucure thoughts. You gotta learn not to be afraid to be alone. So that way you can be completely content with a relationship with out worries of cheating until that problem actually presents itself.
preraph Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Well, I don't know if this is the first woman you've run off with letting your personal unfounded insecurities run wild, but if you don't learn from this and go take care of why you are this insecure, it will just keep happening for different reasons.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You deserved it OP. What number was she going to put into your phone anyway...?
fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I'll be the first to agree that what the OP did was wrong. However, her response seems a bit off to me. Wouldn't most girls that are happy with their BF use that in their response for not giving it out? Something like "I have a boyfriend, so you must have the wrong number" The fact that she didn't mention having a boyfriend, makes it sound like she simply didn't give her number out because no one caught her interest. 1
losangelena Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I'll be the first to agree that what the OP did was wrong. However, her response seems a bit off to me. Wouldn't most girls that are happy with their BF use that in their response for not giving it out? Something like "I have a boyfriend, so you must have the wrong number" The fact that she didn't mention having a boyfriend, makes it sound like she simply didn't give her number out because no one caught her interest. Mmm, I think that's reading into things a bit much. If the text exchange had gone on any longer, she may have mentioned it. I'm not sure we can judge her commitment to the relationship based on two text messages. At least she didn't say, "yeah it was great meeting you, too!" and fill her messages with heart and kissy-face emojis. 3
fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) Haha.. Love the term "emojis" But think of it this way. You have a boyfriend that you're happy with. You get approached in public and a guy expresses interest. What's the first thing you say? "Sorry I have a boyfriend". It's an automatic response. Edited March 18, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
Gary S Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 "It was sweet meeting you last night, how are you feeling this morning?" She said: "Hi sorry I cant remember much of last night. Who is this?" We said" Ohh just the really good looking and funny guy..haha" She said: " I didn't give anyone my number?" - It's clear to me that she is innocent.
lana-banana Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I'll be the first to agree that what the OP did was wrong. However, her response seems a bit off to me. Wouldn't most girls that are happy with their BF use that in their response for not giving it out? Something like "I have a boyfriend, so you must have the wrong number" The fact that she didn't mention having a boyfriend, makes it sound like she simply didn't give her number out because no one caught her interest. Why would she need to give her boyfriend as an excuse? She doesn't need to give any excuses, period, because she knew she hadn't shared her number with anyone. It would never have occurred to me to mention my boyfriend in that situation and I love him more than anything. I think it's more than "a bit off" that you think she's obligated to mention her boyfriend by default. OP, you can't beat yourself up over this forever, but you should feel pretty sh-tty right now. The world is already full of people who are petty, manipulative and mean to us for no reason. Our romantic partners are supposed to be there for support and trust, and you were as petty, manipulative and mean as can be. I would consider that a deal-breaking d-ck move in just about any stage of a relationship, but especially so after just a few months. Let this be a lesson learned and move on. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Why would she need to give her boyfriend as an excuse? She doesn't need to give any excuses, period, because she knew she hadn't shared her number with anyone. It would never have occurred to me to mention my boyfriend in that situation and I love him more than anything. I think it's more than "a bit off" that you think she's obligated to mention her boyfriend by default. OP, you can't beat yourself up over this forever, but you should feel pretty sh-tty right now. The world is already full of people who are petty, manipulative and mean to us for no reason. Our romantic partners are supposed to be there for support and trust, and you were as petty, manipulative and mean as can be. I would consider that a deal-breaking d-ck move in just about any stage of a relationship, but especially so after just a few months. Let this be a lesson learned and move on. As I said before. If you're out in public and get approached by a guy that expresses interest, your first response isn't going to be "Sorry I have a boyfriend/" Even though it's a different medium, most women will mention having a boyfriend for the reason they're not interested.
losangelena Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 As I said before. If you're out in public and get approached by a guy that expresses interest, your first response isn't going to be "Sorry I have a boyfriend/" Even though it's a different medium, most women will mention having a boyfriend for the reason they're not interested. Not to split hairs (even though I'm splitting hairs), she wasn't technically "approached" in this text exchange. OP's opening line was "It was sweet meeting you last night, how are you feeling this morning?" For her to say, off the bat, "I have a boyfriend" would have been a weird response, no? You can read that she's doing some clarification in her texts—"Who is this?" "I didn't give my number out," etc. What OP did was pretty sh*tty, but from his last post about his BF, it doesn't sound like she was a bastion of comfort and support, either. 1
NopeNah Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I made a mistake out of jealousy That's not jealousy....that's insecurity!
fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 What OP did was pretty sh*tty, but from his last post about his BF, it doesn't sound like she was a bastion of comfort and support, either. As I said, I'll be the first to agree that we he was wrong. Completely stupid move on his part. However, the majority of women that have a boyfriend will make that clear from the get go. So the fact that she didn't mention having one, might be an early warning sign that she wasn't happy. That's all I'm saying.
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