sbohara Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) So me and my boyfriend broke up three weeks ago. We were madly in love with each other and felt this is it. This is the relationship we were long waiting for. He has history of severe depression and if one thing goes wrong nothing ever good happened. He also is a huge video game nerd. We dated for 9 months, both very close to each other's family.We both were at faults. He started playing videos games for long hours after work and I started getting frustrated and upset about it. . Starting January things started going downhill. We would talk about issue in order not to fight and end breaking up because we both loved each other so much that breaking was was no option. He is the type of person who needs lots and lots of space to clear his mind and go back to the initial happy phase and I happen to be right here right now kind of person. I also got pretty needy. I was missing our old self. One day I asked him if I was in his future, he said I want you to be in my future. I let him know I feel awkward about whats going on between us and its hurting me. He answered, he feels the same way and he doesn't know how to fix it, therefore do nothing and let time heal it. He also told me he still loves and cares about me the same way like the first day he told me those three words. He asked me if I am thinking about giving up, I asked him "do you want to?". He told me he does not want to give up. I told him "life is too short to be unhappy", he replied "I am not unhappy". Those were our text conversation. He came home from work at night and there was this awkwardness. I started the conversation. He said he does not want to talk as he is afraid it going to lead us to breaking up and that's not what he wants. I instigated him to talk and he told him he just feels that we have lost the connection and the spark we used to have and he doesn't know how to fix it. I started balling. He tried to comfort me and I got more vulnerable. I thought about breaking up with him and uploaded a status in facebook saying "tomorrow is the day I choose". He went upstairs and started fixing his cloths for the big meeting next morning. He couldn't concentrate and just went to bed without fixing his cloths. I took care of it, ironed his shirt, hemmed the bottom of his pant and pressed it. Got everything he needed for next morning together. He probably realized how much we were in love. He came to me and hugged me said sorry. Next morning before he went to work he kissed me and said "love of my life, I will be home for lunch". I was thinking we are very stupid to just assume things and make it worse and instead of letting it go, create a situation which doesn't even exist. I went back to sleep and he left. He messaged me saying "meeting went great, i will be home for lunch". I got another message from him after about 5 minutes of the first message where he told me "we need to talk about the facebook status". he came home and asked me what was it about. I lied to him and said nothing too important. He told me I am stupid, its about us, now tell me what did you choose? I told him, sorry about that, but I choose you. He responded, "but i decided I give up". I can't do this. I am drained and I can't put any effort on it. I tried to convince him but he had his mind set. I started crying, begging and pleading. He cried with me but he was not going to change his mind. I thought i will give him sometime to think so started grabbing some of my stuff , waited for him to come home after work. He came but he was not going to change his mind. We both cried alot and I left. He told me he doesn't know what future holds for us but there might be us again in future. I talked with his mother. She told me to give him sometime as she knows how much I mean to him and how much he loves me and she told me she thinks we are meant to be together as well. She has felt our sincerer love for each other. A week went by, i messaged him. He called me and told me he hasn't still changed his mind. I gave him reasons why we should be together and told him I am coming home to where I belong. i.e you. He messaged me after 4 hours saying he hasn't still changed his mind and the decision is still the same. I got overwhelmed and started sending him emotional messages. That's when he messaged me saying "I am going to the our relationship status from facebook and also he was thinking about giving us another shot in time, but you have annoyed me so much I am not going to do that either". I went to his house later in the evening, we both cried again. I could totally see he was hurting as well and still loves me. But he wasn't going to change his mind. I left crying from there. I sent him a friendly message after 10 days asking him if he wants to go out for coffee just to get a reply saying "I don't think its a good idea". I should have handled it good as I knew the answer but things got escalated and I sent him so many messages. He called me told me "when we first broke up my answer to getting back together was yes to maybe but you have asked me the same question so many times and haven't given me the space I want that my answer now is No, never. I don't ever want to be back with you again. Never. You don't understand how much I need the space right now and you seem to be not letting go of things and move on which is what we need to do right now. He angrily told me we will never ever again be back together and blocked my number. He was scared that i would be messaging and calling him again. This is my sad story. I know my mistakes but I also know how much I meant to him and he meant to me. There was no third person in the scene ever. We both had my relationship code, no lying, no stealing, no cheating. Now my question is do you guys think there is even a slight chance that he may have told those mean things and never ever words because i wasn't giving him space and he got annoyed with it. I know it's not attractive to guys when girls do that. I really want this man back in my life. What should I do or whats the next step I need to follow? Please help me guys. I am having a real tough time lately. Edited March 18, 2015 by sbohara
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I kind of did the same thing to my gf, but she already had someone set. Basically, i thought she was leaving for "other" reasons so i tried to show her why we should be together. But she got in a relationship in under 2 weeks of break up. So that was that! At least in your case there is no 3rd person... that is a good thing. When girls do that ****, guys do feel annoyed. But you can only turn them off if the relationship is new. If it has been sometime then we know who you really are. And if you do that when you are emotional than we kind of like but pretend like we don't want anything... I think you should tell him "I am sorry for being so clingy. I didn't mean to do it but i love you so much that i didn't know how to deal with such a development in our relationship. I respect your space, you know i do. I hope you will look past it and then make a good decision. You know that one you let go off someone, life might not give you another chance to be with them. With how much we love each other, i don't want to play with those odds. But, whatever you decide, i have to respect it. From my part, i am sorry for being like i was, i won't be like that anymore. Call me if you want to talk.. (end it somehow, some nice neutral way)" That is just an example of a text... but you just need to let him know that you understand and that you respect his space. Use the words like "us" or "we".... and then just back off.... let him think, let him ponder... go NC after leaving the door open. That should put you on the road to recovery....
Twigyy Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Yeah just leave a message like what Karin said, and never reply him again. He broke your heart. Block him off all social network and slowly grieve about the relationship and start thinking. Give him some time to think about the relationship too. Don't bug him any more as it will only push him away. If he decides to come back he will find a way to contact you. If he can't even find a way to contact you I don't think he cherish the relationship as much as you do. Think about what you can do better next time, and make yourself a better person. There is nothing you can do about his decision, so just give him space, and his mind will do the work for you. You are a wonderful person for being able to love someone this much. Stay strong and keep updating.
StarsOnFire Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 As hard as it will be, I think you need to backup and not contact him again. He's gotten all your messages, he doesn't want them right now. He wants space, give it to him. I don't know him, so I don't know if you will ever get back together, but I can bet if you try to contact him again it's not going to lead to anything good on his end.
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 StarOnFire is correct too... So you need to send a text or e-mail which clearly states that you are not doing this to get back talking or whatever... but as a humble apology from your side... and that you are walking away from him as he decided.. and wish him luck.. Basically saying sorry and letting him know that this isn't start of another long text/e-mail battle... thats all... but if you should contact him at all or not at all, right now, that is your decision. we don't know him well enough... Maybe wait a week?
Recommended Posts