Author smellysocksuni Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 You know, I read your letter, and it smacks of some insincere altruistic bull****. I think you need to get real if you're going to write these letters you're not going to send. Strip away all of the bull****, and deal with what you're feeling, not what you think you're supposed to feel. You're happy for her? You haven't felt happy in a long time. **** that. Say what you mean. Here's my stab at it Is that any closer, or did you really mean that stuff before? It just didn't sound quite right to me, so I thought you could use a gut check. You'll get through it a lot faster if you deal directly with what you actually feel. It is surprisingly difficult to get to the nub of it. cpa - you are spot on. Everything you wrote there is everything that's going on internally, right now. My head can't stand her and is way over her, but my heart is still lagging behind... wish it would catch up. Yeah. I did need a gut check. I need to change my mind about her - even with all the evidence in front of me I still haven't learned to do it. 1
NopeNah Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 cpa - you are spot on. Everything you wrote there is everything that's going on internally, right now. My head can't stand her and is way over her, but my heart is still lagging behind... wish it would catch up. Yeah. I did need a gut check. I need to change my mind about her - even with all the evidence in front of me I still haven't learned to do it. cpa, is pretty much,if not always spot on! 2
NopeNah Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Now...Don't give her the satisfaction of you "needing her support".. F that! Get on with things the best you know how, on your own. 2
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 Now...Don't give her the satisfaction of you "needing her support".. F that! Get on with things the best you know how, on your own. I will - F her! Now, where do I buy a little mightycpa to carry around with me and give me advice on things on a daily basis 1
NopeNah Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 aw, thanks fellas! piss off...you give good advice. 2
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 This is why I love LS. If I hadn't discovered this forum I'd still sending those types of emails to her lol. Thanks everyone.
NopeNah Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 This is why I love LS. If I hadn't discovered this forum I'd still sending those types of emails to her lol. Thanks everyone. Do "that" and you'll be "that guy" in her past..SO...don't. We are here for you,brother! 2
Simon Phoenix Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 This is why I love LS. If I hadn't discovered this forum I'd still sending those types of emails to her lol. Thanks everyone. And she'd be like "What the f*ck?!" Thank god you aren't sending that stuff to her. I remember typing up a letter to my ex (which I never sent obviously). The first draft was 900 words. As I healed, I found myself tweaking and editing it, making it more concise. Through time the letter shrunk to 800 words, then 700, then 600, so on and so forth. The longer I was removed, the less I had to "say". It got to the point where it 250ish words and I just deleted it because it was completely unnecessary. It was a good litmus test of where I was. 3
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 And she'd be like "What the f*ck?!" Thank god you aren't sending that stuff to her. I remember typing up a letter to my ex (which I never sent obviously). The first draft was 900 words. As I healed, I found myself tweaking and editing it, making it more concise. Through time the letter shrunk to 800 words, then 700, then 600, so on and so forth. The longer I was removed, the less I had to "say". It got to the point where it 250ish words and I just deleted it because it was completely unnecessary. It was a good litmus test of where I was. 900 words! Was that the ex that bought you here?
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 900 words! Was that the ex that bought you here? Indeed. It didn't seem that long when I wrote it, but I looked at the word count and said "uh, this isn't good". Obviously I had no desire to send it at any time, but I can't even imagine what her reaction would have been to it 1
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Today, it marks 16 days full NC. Only 16 days, and I don't want to jinx it, but I feel very good. I feel very strong for having made it through this on my own and not jumping into any rebound, for having faced every emotion head-on. For having the strength not to contact her, despite the desperate urges I felt and still do feel, sometimes. I am also extremely grateful for the support you guys have offered! I don't think I could have done it without LS. I have also heard from a friend that the ex is appearing quite unhappy, lately - that sort of made me feel good. I know who she is with and that person is not her type at all - quite clearly just a rebound. Anyway, either way - it is none of my concern what she does. I am moving on. Tonight, I went for my first run in almost three months, and I loved it. I am excited to see what the future holds. I'm sure there may be more downs but I am enjoying myself when I'm up.
Mi7522 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Keep running dude, that's what I did to get out of my funk. It's very calming and gives you peace of mind. Keep it up! 1
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Keep running dude, that's what I did to get out of my funk. It's very calming and gives you peace of mind. Keep it up! Thanks, man! Yeah, amazing. Just plug those earphones in and go, free therapy!
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 I didn't really want to come on here and admit this, but here we go. I am having a real problem staying off of her Instagram page, and I know that this is stopping me from moving on completely. It's almost become an obsessions, to be honest. I check it every day and I am finding it hard NOT to look. I analyse everything she posts, and I just don't know why I check it. I don't want to - I really don't. I have been doing well in every other aspect but this one. How do I stop this habit?
na49 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I didn't really want to come on here and admit this, but here we go. I am having a real problem staying off of her Instagram page, and I know that this is stopping me from moving on completely. It's almost become an obsessions, to be honest. I check it every day and I am finding it hard NOT to look. I analyse everything she posts, and I just don't know why I check it. I don't want to - I really don't. I have been doing well in every other aspect but this one. How do I stop this habit? Block her.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 Block her. I don't even have Instagram, I access it via Google Chrome on my phone
lumberjac Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I didn't really want to come on here and admit this, but here we go. I am having a real problem staying off of her Instagram page, and I know that this is stopping me from moving on completely. It's almost become an obsessions, to be honest. I check it every day and I am finding it hard NOT to look. I analyse everything she posts, and I just don't know why I check it. I don't want to - I really don't. I have been doing well in every other aspect but this one. How do I stop this habit? If you really want to stop it like you said then, just block her. Instagram is good at blocking, once you block her you cant see her stuff. so even if you "accidentally" typed her name on it you still wont see her stuff, you will see her page, but not the contents. I blocked my ex, not that I don't care about her, but I just know I will hurt so bad and have the heartache again if I see a picture of her with another guy, or hints that shes going out on dates. 1
lumberjac Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I don't even have Instagram, I access it via Google Chrome on my phone just tell yourself not to, and if you cant stop then there are plenty of plugins on chrome that can block a specific page. no excuse bro! 1
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 I was using the McAfee Family Protection app for my phone, but it kept blocking other websites that I hadn't blacklisted and making me restart my phone. If anyone knows of any blockers for Android I would be really grateful
Cali408 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 No contact means no peaking at instagram. Stay off the internet You're doing great, but peaking is not no contact. Pretend it's 1974. Unplug. Your sanity will thank you.
na49 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I don't even have Instagram, I access it via Google Chrome on my phone Damn.. well I think that it will take a little willpower whether you find a way to block it or not. Blocking it just makes your life easier. I have my ex blocked on Facebook, but there's nothing stopping me from creating another account and searching her profile. The only real way to stop myself is to just fight my urges and not do it.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I didn't really want to come on here and admit this, but here we go. I am having a real problem staying off of her Instagram page, and I know that this is stopping me from moving on completely. It's almost become an obsessions, to be honest. I check it every day and I am finding it hard NOT to look. I analyse everything she posts, and I just don't know why I check it. I don't want to - I really don't. I have been doing well in every other aspect but this one. How do I stop this habit? You just have to do it. You aren't actually in No Contact if you are snooping. No wonder why you are so despondent, you keep cutting corners. You have to go complete and utter No Contact. This isn't going to improve until you actually commit to going full No Contact and staying that way. Stop trying to cheat the system -- all it's doing is hurting you. 1
DJOkawari Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I don't even have Instagram, I access it via Google Chrome on my phone If you are lacking willpower try this: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/simple-blocker/akfbkbiialncppkngofjpglbbobjoeoe Obviously block the url for her instagram and then also activate this plugin for incognito. It will provide the option for a password to unlock the pages and even to unlock your ability to change the settings on your Chrome plugins overall, let someone else set the password. 1
BC1980 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I didn't really want to come on here and admit this, but here we go. I am having a real problem staying off of her Instagram page, and I know that this is stopping me from moving on completely. It's almost become an obsessions, to be honest. I check it every day and I am finding it hard NOT to look. I analyse everything she posts, and I just don't know why I check it. I don't want to - I really don't. I have been doing well in every other aspect but this one. How do I stop this habit? The reason you check it is the same reason everyone else does it. You want to keep that attachment, so you don't have to fully accept that it's over. People keep all kinds of meaningless attachments to their exes, but all it does is delay the grieving process. I also think it's a distraction, so you don't have to feel the pain of grief. Social media is such a curse because it gives you a way to have an artificial connection to someone. I know you don't want to check it. I believe you when you say that, but it's difficult to face the grief. I know what it's like to get up everyday and say that you are done with this person, but then loose your resolve. Unfortunately, there are no excuses, and the only way to move on it so simply force yourself to cut off the social media and feel the pain. That's the only advice any of us can give you. I'm not here to judge or make you feel bad because, trust me, I made plenty of mistakes before going NC. But you really have to be willing to help yourself when it comes to social media. 1
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