IcantEven Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Hey, I'm not really new here since I've been lurking this site for over two years, and I've been itching to get advice from here. I'm sorry if this ends up being too long. But here's a back story... I've done something terrible to my current boyfriend; I cheated on him. And that was 2 years ago. We dated when I was 18 and he was 21, things went really well, we had our ups and downs like any normal couple. I'll call my current boyfriend (A). When I was 20, I discovered this online game and I became addicted to it. That's also where I found my ex-boyfriend, I'll call him (Z). At this time, I didn't feel happy with my relationship with (A), we didn't spend as much time, he'd want to use my credit card because he has bad credit and was unable to get his own at the time, and every time I mention something to create conversation, I'd feel like he wouldn't even care. I was talking to (Z) quite often on this online game (I live in the west, he lives in the east), and soon we started talking everyday as the days went by. We'd skype and talk about everything, even things I have a hard time talking about with (A). I developed an attraction to (Z) and told him I liked him when I was still dating (Z). I realized my mistake and felt so bad that, so I told (Z) that I can no longer talk to him. The next day we started talking and I just couldn't stop talking to him. It was like a habit, there was some kind of connection. I had to end my relationship with (A) because, even though (Z) and I have not became official, I cheated and it was wrong of me to talk to (Z) behind (A)'s back. And also because I didn't feel happy with (A). Break ups are not easy and I told (A) that I was not happy with him. He tried to talk me into staying with him and even tried guilt-tripping me, but I still ended our relationship. A few months went by and (Z) and I became official, we had a long-distance relationship and it was very hard. We made plans for (Z) to come visit me in the west. He came and we stayed in a hotel together. The weird thing is, I still very much missed (A) and I was so accustomed to (A)'s personality and felt more comfortable with him. It was honestly weird having (Z) around in person and him touch me (yes we had sex), and I felt disgusted having another man touching me. We had fun and all, and he even hung around my best friend and her boyfriend, but when (Z) had to go back home, I was even happier. I didn't like him being near me. I had to end it with (Z) because not only did I feel uncomfortable around him, he was annoying me. Every time he would say a simple thing, I'd get so annoyed and I didn't know why. I told (Z) that I'm done and that I don't want to be with him. A week later, I decided to patch things up with (A) (which I feel could be the biggest mistake of my life). I took (A) by surprise and told him everything that I've done and that I'm sorry (I'm close with (A)'s mother, so she let me inside her home while I waited for (A)). The argument was dramatic and messy, but we decided to work things out. I told him that we should be friends and build our relationship slowly, but he just wanted to hurry and become official and start things slowly... It has been I believe 1 1/2 years since we got back together, I am now 21, almost 22 and our relationship is still rocky. I have damaged his trust and hurt him and I found it hard to be in a relationship with (A) because of this. He is very insecure and puts the blame on me which I do accept. Things have been very different since we got back together. He yells at me if I make mistakes and can get pretty aggressive when we argue (he has never put his hands on me though). He complains about how I don't go to him when I need to talk about things (I don't, because when I do, he doesn't support it or thinks that whatever I bring up is stupid). He thinks I feel "proud" and "pride" that I've cheated on him because I talk to other guys (normally as friends) and I still play the online game and talk to friends who are mostly guys. I've made plans to join the Air Force to become independent and to "toughen" myself up. I have brought these plans up with (A), but when I told him it's official that I'm joining (I'm set out to leave in September), he lost his ****. He thinks I'm going to leave him for another man and he hates long distance relationships and think they're stupid, and he also won't stop mentioning that I'm leaving him forever, which is getting VERY annoying. So I find it very hard for him to support my decision. Does it make me selfish that I want to do this for myself? He's making it sound like I'm not thinking about him. I also planned to go on a trip to the Philippines and Japan with my close girl friends for a month. But when I brought that up with him, he told me that it's a stupid thing for me to do and that I use my money for other important things I just... I dunno, I feel that the things he says have been pushing me away. He doesn't support my decisions into going to the military (although he claims he does), he tells me it's stupid traveling to Asia. We recently got into an argument and I'm just so sick of the pointless arguments. The last time we talked was a couple days ago and the was through text. He said something like "So are you pushing me away on purpose" and mentioned how he feels like I am. I texted a simple "no" and that was it. I can't even anymore. I feel that I need to be single and work things out on my own... Guys, what do? PS. Sorry this is so long...
Zahara Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You developed and got engulfed in a virtual fantasy relationship with Z, that's all it was and when you finally met him face to face, it wasn't what you thought it would be. Most times that's the case because you're basing it on an online connection. It isn't real. And if before you met Z you were already unhappy with A, I'm not sure why you went back to A the second time around, other than the fact you were probably looking for a replacement or due to your inability to deal with being alone. I think you shouldn't be in a relationship with A. I think you should go live your life and start anew.
AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You clearly don't make eachother happpy, therefore it's probably in your best interests to end it.
darkbloom Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 The relationship sounds like it's a bad habit. It would probably be best to be single and work yourself out. Sometimes when trust is broken it cannot be repaired.
Author IcantEven Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 I completely agree darkbloom. I do need to work on myself. Hell, I feel we both need to work on ourselves. I'm trying to be happy with him, but it's hard when his trust is broken.
mightycpa Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Why put off the inevitable? If he's insecure now, wait until you go away to basic training, and then get assigned somewhere Long Distance. Do the kid a favor. Cut him loose now, and you'll have some time to process everything now, leaving you free to concentrate and focus on your new military career when the time comes.
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