Rko28 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 So last week I signed up to the world of POF and Tinder. Had quite a fair few matches on the latter but they all seem to follow the same pattern, chat a bit then they fizzle out on both sides. I am looking at it as a dating tool and not just for 1 night stands or hook ups. POF is similar but probably more success, again had quite a few messages to and from certain people, swapped numbers and facebook accounts but here is where things get annoying.... Once you see them on facebook a lot dont measure up to their online profile, I was chatting to one girl who wasnt in to the party life style, loved keeping fit etc, after adding her on facebook I saw her pics, same girl but with a lot of extra weight and seems to go out every weekend getting drunk. On the first day i got chatting to a nice girl who doesnt have facebook so we swapped numbers, she then came off pof. We have planned to meet next week, she seems like a genuinely nice girl but her lack of pictures on her profile, no facebook and the fact she has no pic on whatsapp is worrying me a bit. Should I meet up with her? Anyone else please feel free to post your stories
wb1988 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) You have already recognized that OLD chatting fizzles out quick, so now you need to learn how to keep the conversation active and close as quick as you can. If a girl goes quiet after 4 messages it doesn't mean that she's looking for an ONS but most likely means you made her bored. Try to not exchange Facebook (or at least give yours out) before the first meetup. Once you give out your FB then she knows so much about you and it reduces her desire to even meet up with you unless you're like a suave rich GQ guy that goes around the world (person with pics that would get her intrigued). Pictures on Facebook don't always paint the whole picture. Maybe the few times the girl actually took pics was when she was in a club, doesn't mean she's a party girl. Also maybe she goes clubbing but is secretly looking for a bf and then may (or may not) stop after. Meetup with her, even if it turns out to be a downer at least you gained experience. Edited March 18, 2015 by wb1988 1
Gary S Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Are you saying she does not have a pic in her profile? If all she has is duck pics in her profile, it's up to you if you want to meet... there is a slight chance she could be pretty. If not... hey, you've seen whales before, it's not gonna kill ya! If you can see her Spacebook without revealing yours, go for it. Try to find out about her before she finds out about you. Welcome to the cat-and-mouse game. 1
DoesntGetIt Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Not to be creepy, but if you have her number, you can get her name and verify the general location, at which point you should have no problem finding her facebook and see who she really is. I would never go out with someone without pictures. There needs to be transparency of who you are before I'm going to meet you. 1
Author Rko28 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 she had 3 pictures on her POF account and said she doesnt have a facebook account (another tick in the positive box) I dropped it in to conversation last night that I hope I recognise her when we meet so she sent me a picture of her, one that wasnt on POF, shes really cute! Meeting her on monday and really looking forward to it, although a tad nervous. Im also talking to a fair few other girls on there, albeit not with the same connection as this one, 2 of them have asked me out on a date! Im not comfortable dating more than 1 person at a time at all. How do other people handle this?
Author Rko28 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 Ok I now have a date saturday, she asked me, not the type I usually go for, she has bright red hair, lots of tats, is goign travelling and is only looking to date, I am on there to find something serious but she seems like a lot of fun! - Although Ive said I possibly wont be able to make it - legit reason Ive got this cute girl monday night. Emma stone look a like who is moving back home to my town in April - shes really nice and has her life together New girl - 100% my type looks wise, is really pretty wanting to meet next week. I want to meet them all but how without feeling bad?
Penguin_hugs Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Hi I used OLD for about a year and met my BF on POF As others have said, I wouldn't recommend exchanging FB details until you know them a bit. FB isn't real. If anyone looked at mine it really doesn't represent who I am! The only photos of me on there are from the 4 or 5 occasions a year where I get dressed up and put in my contacts. Day to day I have my hair tied up and glasses on for studying. Also- you may find it awkward if further down the line you are in a relationship with someone and your friends list is full of OLD contacts As to seeing people at the same time- I don't think it's really an issue if things aren't going far. E.g. your first date should just be a short coffee date just to meet the person IRL. Don't do anything too fancy! I don't see any problem with having a few coffee meet ups with different people over the course of a week- and you will know fairly quickly if you want to see them again. That's the point at which you should try not to be seeing lots of people at once. 2
Author Rko28 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 The saturday night one was weird, I didnt meet her, after giving her my number on the thursday and saying to text/call so we could arrange a proper plan i heard nothing off her for 2 days. Sat night at 7:30 she text asking what we were doing and I said I had made plans as I thought she had flaked on me. She didnt like that and said its best we didnt meet. No skin off my nose. Then last night I had the date with the one with 2 pictures... WOW! initial thoughts were that this girl was beautiful, she really was 100% my type. We spent about 3 hours talking over drinks, she loves video games, the outdoors and the rocky films, everything that I love. We had such a good time. Leaving each other that was no hug or kiss but I asked her to let me know she got home ok. She did and I responded that I had a lovely time and would like to see her again, she responded instantly saying "100% definitley yes" - A very successful date Im not sure now if i should put all my eggs in one basket with her or 1st date the other couple of girls on the horizon.
Penguin_hugs Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Glad your date went well I'd have a second date with that girl first before you consider any others if it went so well 1
Author Rko28 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 Glad your date went well I'd have a second date with that girl first before you consider any others if it went so well Thats what I was thinking too. Im just hoping there will be a second date and it wasnt just a token gesture saying yes.
Penguin_hugs Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Ask her out again the worst she can say is no. And don't worry about leaving it so many days etc- game playing like that is daft. If you like her- just ask her out again
Author Rko28 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 Ask her out again the worst she can say is no. And don't worry about leaving it so many days etc- game playing like that is daft. If you like her- just ask her out again I did last night, she said yes definitley. Shes taken ages to reply today tho and seemed distant in her texts, complete opposite to how shes been.
Penguin_hugs Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I did last night, she said yes definitley. Shes taken ages to reply today tho and seemed distant in her texts, complete opposite to how shes been. Maybe she's taking a step back- just to ensure things don't go too fast. Sometimes people have other things on too See how the date goes
Author Rko28 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 Maybe she's taking a step back- just to ensure things don't go too fast. Sometimes people have other things on too See how the date goes True, she was texting as normal later and even mentioned making plans for next week. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 (edited) Then last night I had the date with the one with 2 pictures... WOW! initial thoughts were that this girl was beautiful, she really was 100% my type. We spent about 3 hours talking over drinks, she loves video games, the outdoors and the rocky films, everything that I love. We had such a good time. Leaving each other that was no hug or kiss but I asked her to let me know she got home ok. She did and I responded that I had a lovely time and would like to see her again, she responded instantly saying "100% definitley yes" - A very successful date . That's AWESOME dude. She sounds like a cool girl. But my question is this. You spent three hours with a woman that you were attracted to and really clicked with. Yet you don't go for a kiss at the end of the night? If you're really attracted to a woman and genuinely like her company, you have to show some balls and go for it. The fact that you didn't may be why she is taking forever to get back to you and pulling a little bit of a 180. However, look at it this way. The second date is when she makes a conscious decision to see you again based solely on interest alone. It's not like the first date based on curiosity. So if she does see you again, it's because she chooses to. I'd say greet her with a soft lingering kiss right when you see her and then act like it's no big deal. This will set the right tone for the rest of the date. Edited March 24, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Penguin_hugs Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 That's AWESOME dude. She sounds like a cool girl. But my question is this. You spent three hours with a woman that you were attracted to and really clicked with. Yet you don't go for a kiss at the end of the night? If you're really attracted to a woman and genuinely like her company, you have to show some balls and go for it. The fact that you didn't may be why she is taking forever to get back to you and pulling a little bit of a 180. However, look at it this way. The second date is when she makes a conscious decision to see you again based solely on interest alone. It's not like the first date based on curiosity. So if she does see you again, it's because she chooses to. I'd say greet her with a soft lingering kiss right when you see her and then act like it's no big deal. This will set the right tone for the rest of the date. This is all good advice- although just thought I would add that not everyone kisses on first dates. My first date with my BF (from POF) we sat in a coffee shop for over 3 hours it went really well- but we didn't kiss or hug etc after. Not everyone is comfortable with that. It wasn't til the end of our 2nd date that he kissed me on the cheek. Depends on your personality type- both of us are quite quiet, so just go with whenever things are comfortable- don't rush things just to fit in with ideals of xyz must happen by date 1,2,3 etc
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 This is all good advice- although just thought I would add that not everyone kisses on first dates. My first date with my BF (from POF) we sat in a coffee shop for over 3 hours it went really well- but we didn't kiss or hug etc after. Not everyone is comfortable with that. It wasn't til the end of our 2nd date that he kissed me on the cheek. Depends on your personality type- both of us are quite quiet, so just go with whenever things are comfortable- don't rush things just to fit in with ideals of xyz must happen by date 1,2,3 etc Fair enough. You're right that everyone is different. Plus, I am selective. It's not like I kiss every woman I have a first date with..LOL However, if I had that good of a date and was genuinely attracted, I'd go for it. The way I see it is that if a woman is attracted she won't fault me for it. I mean be honest. Since you really clicked with your BF, would you have cheeked him if he had gone for it? He just happened to be the shy type and didn't make a move. But I'm guessing that if he had, you would have enjoyed it. When you genuinely like a guy and he does go for a first date kiss, he is always the exception to your "no first date kiss" rule.
Penguin_hugs Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Fair enough. You're right that everyone is different. Plus, I am selective. It's not like I kiss every woman I have a first date with..LOL However, if I had that good of a date and was genuinely attracted, I'd go for it. The way I see it is that if a woman is attracted she won't fault me for it. I mean be honest. Since you really clicked with your BF, would you have cheeked him if he had gone for it? He just happened to be the shy type and didn't make a move. But I'm guessing that if he had, you would have enjoyed it. When you genuinely like a guy and he does go for a first date kiss, he is always the exception to your "no first date kiss" rule. I'd of probably panicked Most people expect you to have more kissing experience than I did by my age I'd of been terrified that he'd not call for a second date because I was a terrible kisser at that point Depends on circumstances too I guess. I have kissed someone on a first date before- simply because we'd been messaging online for about 4 months and he lived about 400 miles away! We happened to be in the same area. Kiss was nice- but we were too much like friends by that point. Still keep in contact though. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I'd of probably panicked Most people expect you to have more kissing experience than I did by my age I'd of been terrified that he'd not call for a second date because I was a terrible kisser at that point Depends on circumstances too I guess. I have kissed someone on a first date before- simply because we'd been messaging online for about 4 months and he lived about 400 miles away! We happened to be in the same area. Kiss was nice- but we were too much like friends by that point. Still keep in contact though. Haha.. The first part of your post made me laugh and shows that you don't take yourself too seriously which is cool. But the second part of your post should be read by everyone that wants to be texting/chat buddies with people they haven't even met yet. As you say, the constant contact made you see him as a friend.
Penguin_hugs Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Haha.. The first part of your post made me laugh and shows that you don't take yourself too seriously which is cool. But the second part of your post should be read by everyone that wants to be texting/chat buddies with people they haven't even met yet. As you say, the constant contact made you see him as a friend. Sorry OP I know this is off topic! Haha no- I don't really- I'm the slightly shy awkward girl who has a lot male friends but never dated until the last few years because I was too preoccupied with studying. I'd really advocate the second part for a lot of people on OLD. You can make some good friends from it! I've known this guy for about 2 years now. We've only met IRL 3 times, but chat every few weeks. Him and my BF are fine about each other. OLD gives you an escape to meet people who you wouldn't usually. I come from a small village in the South of England, and don't always fit in. I'm fairly intelligent and people can't keep up conversations with me. Even at University- my course is the most academic there and I'm one of the top students- I try and discuss world issues etc and I get blanks from people constantly. OLD allowed me to have more meaningful conversations than I ever had. (Plus I was able to meet my BF who has a PhD It's a win win ) If nothing else OP- use OLD to find some meaningful friendships with like-minded people
Author Rko28 Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 To be fair, the opportunity didnt arise, she pretty much walked to her car, it was -3! at this point I thought maybe she wasnt interested in me in that kind of way so was happy not to pursue. 2nd date at the end will be different and I'll look to go for it, however poor timing on my part as im getting fitted with invisilign braces today, god knows what its like to kiss in them!
Penguin_hugs Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 If you are really worried about kissing- why don't you just take them out before the end of your date? Or make it a point to tell your date about them during the date so she knows
Author Rko28 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 If you are really worried about kissing- why don't you just take them out before the end of your date? Or make it a point to tell your date about them during the date so she knows Ive had them and and they are no issue at all thank god, cant see them and they dont effect the lips. Relief. Im also 100% meeting the other really pretty girl saturday night. After being a bit flakey about meeting up she said yesterday that she wanted to be sure I am who I say I am so asked for my facebook, I gave it to her worrying this might be the red light of meeting but luckily it was the opposite, said she liked the look at me and suggested when and where to meet saying she was excited. Im really looking forward to this one
Auspecial Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 The saturday night one was weird, I didnt meet her, after giving her my number on the thursday and saying to text/call so we could arrange a proper plan i heard nothing off her for 2 days. Sat night at 7:30 she text asking what we were doing and I said I had made plans as I thought she had flaked on me. She didnt like that and said its best we didnt meet. No skin off my nose. Then last night I had the date with the one with 2 pictures... WOW! initial thoughts were that this girl was beautiful, she really was 100% my type. We spent about 3 hours talking over drinks, she loves video games, the outdoors and the rocky films, everything that I love. We had such a good time. Leaving each other that was no hug or kiss but I asked her to let me know she got home ok. She did and I responded that I had a lovely time and would like to see her again, she responded instantly saying "100% definitley yes" - A very successful date Im not sure now if i should put all my eggs in one basket with her or 1st date the other couple of girls on the horizon. ....hmmmm consider GIGS.......with OLD, its a slippery slope...
Author Rko28 Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 ....hmmmm consider GIGS.......with OLD, its a slippery slope... GIGS? What does that mean?
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