Every time...

[Jonp219]

Every time I'm in school I have this strong urge to cry.

 

I can't take it man, I haven't spoken to her in almost a month, and I haven't checked up on her in 2 days, and I feel like I'm about to have break down. I'm urging myself not to check, but as you all know I'm not too strong.

 

I'm so sick. I absolutely hate this feeling. I miss her so much man.

 

I need a friend right about now...

[HBK3317]

Hi! I am your friend, Everyone here is...

 

Please dude don't check on her. Right now where are you? Can you go out? You have access to Internet can you watch you tube? If not just reply back, let's talk.

 

The point being do anything, just fight this urge. The two days need to become three and more. Don't allow yourself to have to go back to square one and start all over again.

[Jonp219]

Hi! I am your friend, Everyone here is...

 

Please dude don't check on her. Right now where are you? Can you go out? You have access to Internet can you watch you tube? If not just reply back, let's talk.

 

The point being do anything, just fight this urge. The two days need to become three and more. Don't allow yourself to have to go back to square one and start all over again.

 

I just logged into a computer in the school cafe. I was walking around campus trying to calm myself down and avoid crying in front of people. I'm not as strong as I thought I was, I feel so vulnerable. I'm not checking on her anymore, I'm tired of her writing stuff about us/me. It just hurts to see that, it makes me take all the blame for what happened. Why write can't we just have a convo, why must you continue to express your feelings via Twitter instead of expressing them towards me.

 

It's whatever, i'm just a wreak right now...

 

Not to mention, I keep having nightmares.

Edited March 18, 2015 by Jonp219

[ASV]

Why write can't we just have a convo, why must you continue to express your feelings via Twitter instead of expressing them towards me.

Because of immaturity. She had a decision, she should back it up. End of story.

Once/if she's REALLY made her mind for a change she'll let you know with no breadcrumbs.

 

Keep NC and move on. And post here when you need it. You're truly not alone in your mourn and hell, I even identify myself with all that urge to cry each day. So feel free to express your feelings.

[HBK3317]

Allright dude calm down! I have a question. Why have you not yet blocked her on Twitter ? Just do it! And while at it block her everywhere including your phone. Delete her messages delete her photos anything and everything that reminds you of her. Do you think the No Contact everyone on this site swears by is just some yabba dabba bull****? No, it works that's why it's such a big thing, hard to do even harder to maintain but it works.

 

Do it NOW. Don't think and just do it; After a short while It will bring relief Trust me.

 

You must have other friends which are not mutual on campus yeah? Go and be with them. Do what they are doing.

 

Bro I know it's damn tough nearly impossible but you will have to man up at some point of time. I have read your other posts also and you have time and again mentioned you still have hope for you two to be back together. Well now is the time to simply kill it. Just let go.

 

Think about it if you two were meant to be you would have never broken up in the first place. It's a clichè but a true one nevertheless.

 

Brother I know exactly how you must be feeling right now. Please do the aforementioned and try not to think about her for atleast a little while. Your brain deserves a break.

[Jonp219]

Because of immaturity. She had a decision, she should back it up. End of story.

Once/if she's REALLY made her mind for a change she'll let you know with no breadcrumbs.

 

Keep NC and move on. And post here when you need it. You're truly not alone in your mourn and hell, I even identify myself with all that urge to cry each day. So feel free to express your feelings.

 

Yea what she's doing is extremely immature, but she uses Twitter to vent because her closest friends don't have an account. I'm the one who pushed her away with my insecurities and anger issues (i'm in therapy now working on that).

 

Last time I checked she wrote, "You think the effort you put in was enough", and, "My eyes are wide open, and my heart is closing". After seeing that last one my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. It's been a month and a week and she still hates the **** out of me.

 

I can't check anymore, I don't want to see stuff like that anymore.

 

Considering i'm the one who caused the break up, I feel like I need to pick up the pieces, but I can't do that when she wants nothing to do with me.

 

It's complicated, it sucks, it's overwhelming, and worst of all, it's literally making me sick.

[Jonp219]

Allright dude calm down! I have a question. Why have you not yet blocked her on Twitter ? Just do it! And while at it block her everywhere including your phone. Delete her messages delete her photos anything and everything that reminds you of her. Do you think the No Contact everyone on this site swears by is just some yabba dabba bull****? No, it works that's why it's such a big thing, hard to do even harder to maintain but it works.

 

Do it NOW. Don't think and just do it; After a short while It will bring relief Trust me.

 

You must have other friends which are not mutual on campus yeah? Go and be with them. Do what they are doing.

 

Bro I know it's damn tough nearly impossible but you will have to man up at some point of time. I have read your other posts also and you have time and again mentioned you still have hope for you two to be back together. Well now is the time to simply kill it. Just let go.

 

Think about it if you two were meant to be you would have never broken up in the first place. It's a clichè but a true one nevertheless.

 

Brother I know exactly how you must be feeling right now. Please do the aforementioned and try not to think about her for atleast a little while. Your brain deserves a break.

 

I did block her. I check her page by not logging in...

 

And i'm not deleting her number, for what? I don't contact her, I don't have the urge to call or text her, and rarely do I ever go through my contacts, I see absolutely no point in that. I'll delete her number when i'm ready. Plus, I deleted her messages a long time ago and her photos are long gone.

 

I don't really have friends on campus, i'm sort of a loner. Especially, after this break up. The only people I see are my closest friends, but they're at work right now.

 

I understand NC and why it's so important, but to delete EVERY SINGLE THING even the phone number?? Nah, that's overkill.

[HBK3317]

I did block her. I check her page by not logging in...

 

Stop that. Can't? Deactivate your own account.

 

I understand NC and why it's so important, but to delete EVERY SINGLE THING even the phone number?? Nah, that's overkill.[/Quote]

 

Deleting every single thing about the ex is the whole point of No Contact.

[Jonp219]

Stop that. Can't? Deactivate your own account.

 

 

 

Deleting every single thing about the ex is the whole point of No Contact.

 

The point of NC is just that No contact. No talking, no spying, no talking to third parties. My weakness is in Twitter, not her contact info on my phone. Deleting phone numbers is the dumbest part of no contact in my opinion. If she throws breadcrumbs i'm reaching, I don't care.

[na49]

I understand how you feel man, school is literally the worst time. Sitting in a class, and the professor's words are just bouncing off your ears. All you can think about is them. I walk around campus afraid to see her. I actually start to shake when one of my classes ends because I know she has a class in the same room after me, so I am afraid she will be waiting outside or something.

 

We're all in this together. Try to stay strong. There's no secrets to not checking, at the end of the day it doesn't matter how busy you are, you need to have that self control and say "No" when you want to check up on her.

 

Also, as someone who has had his ex come back to him twice now (it only has caused me heartache so far), let me tell you.. If they want to contact you, they will. No amount of blocks will stop them. The blocks are for your own good.

[Jonp219]

I understand how you feel man, school is literally the worst time. Sitting in a class, and the professor's words are just bouncing off your ears. All you can think about is them. I walk around campus afraid to see her. I actually start to shake when one of my classes ends because I know she has a class in the same room after me, so I am afraid she will be waiting outside or something.

 

We're all in this together. Try to stay strong. There's no secrets to not checking, at the end of the day it doesn't matter how busy you are, you need to have that self control and say "No" when you want to check up on her.

 

Also, as someone who has had his ex come back to him twice now (it only has caused me heartache so far), let me tell you.. If they want to contact you, they will. No amount of blocks will stop them. The blocks are for your own good.

 

Thanks man, and i'm thankful I don't go to the same school as her (she's not in school right now).

 

And yes I understand the blocks are for me, but if i'm not trying to penetrate those blocks I don't see the point of putting them up. I just need to stop checking her Twitter and i'll be fine, but that's the hardest thing to do at the moment because I keep wondering what else she's going to say about me.

[AIJ]

Thanks man, and i'm thankful I don't go to the same school as her (she's not in school right now).

 

And yes I understand the blocks are for me, but if i'm not trying to penetrate those blocks I don't see the point of putting them up. I just need to stop checking her Twitter and i'll be fine, but that's the hardest thing to do at the moment because I keep wondering what else she's going to say about me.

 

If you're checking it on your phone, delete it. If you're checking it on your own personal computer/laptop, and you're using Chrome, there's an add-on you can use to redirect you from a URL. It's called 'Block Site'. Use it, put her Twitter @ in to the thing and redirect it to the home page. Get your friend to set a password for this add-on, bish bash bosh, you literally can't check. I done exactly that and I have no urge to look at her tweets

[darkbloom]

You just need to change how you think. It won't hurt this much when you decide you've had enough. Once you make up your mind that you want the pain to stop, you will no longer check her Twitter. You keep putting your hand on the stove checking to see if it is hot. Everytime you get burned. You have to decide you want to feel better. That will make all the difference.

[KBarletta]

If she throws breadcrumbs i'm reaching, I don't care.

 

In a nutshell, this appears to be your problem. You have already decided that if she starts to sprinkle breadcrumbs that you're going after them. This is a bad, bad idea if your real goal is to stop the pain you are feeling and truly move on.

 

If she is the dumper (which based on this thread I assume she is?) then breadcrumbs are of no use to you and will only prolong your pain while allowing her to slowly ease her pain and guilt and provide her with an ego boost while she moves on. Instead of arguing about what NC means, it sounds like you need to do it, stick with it, stop checking Twitter, etc., and just let go. See a therapist if you need to. If you can't get your mind off of her, listen to loud music, focus on a project or hobby, take a long walk, write a journal, post a rant here - anything to get your mind right.

[Jonp219]

In a nutshell, this appears to be your problem. You have already decided that if she starts to sprinkle breadcrumbs that you're going after them. This is a bad, bad idea if your real goal is to stop the pain you are feeling and truly move on.

 

If she is the dumper (which based on this thread I assume she is?) then breadcrumbs are of no use to you and will only prolong your pain while allowing her to slowly ease her pain and guilt and provide her with an ego boost while she moves on. Instead of arguing about what NC means, it sounds like you need to do it, stick with it, stop checking Twitter, etc., and just let go. See a therapist if you need to. If you can't get your mind off of her, listen to loud music, focus on a project or hobby, take a long walk, write a journal, post a rant here - anything to get your mind right.

 

She's the dumper but i'm the one who pushed her away. Which is why she's experiencing anger still.

 

I know I need to move on, but I just can't shake the possibility of reconciliation out of my mind. I do want to stop feeling this pain, but me and my mind continuously go back and forth with this debacle. I'm currently in therapy, after the break up I realized that need it to get my **** together. However, none of this is stopping me from missing this girl, and the fact that she keeps writing about me but isn't contacting me kills me on the inside.

 

Everyone here has been telling me this one way or the other, but i'm stubborn as hell. I'm sorry that i'm so difficult, its not easy to move on from something, especially when you feel like the door is ajar.

[quattrob]

TC knows what he needs to do but he struggles to do what is necessary because his mind is weak and hence he is having a hard-time letting go completely. Although we all want the best for Jon, it doesn't matter what we really say at this point, I think we've all said the same things more than once now.

 

 

TC just needs time and perhaps even do things on his own, some people only learn things the hard way, so if he chooses to go after breadcrumbs, blame himself for the end of the relationship and breaking NC (checking twitter is breaking NC). Then I say just let it happen because there's nothing we haven't already said, everything is just on repeat.

 

 

Jon I wish you well and I hope time will heal you.

[Jonp219]

TC knows what he needs to do but he struggles to do what is necessary because his mind is weak and hence he is having a hard-time letting go completely. Although we all want the best for Jon, it doesn't matter what we really say at this point, I think we've all said the same things more than once now.

 

 

TC just needs time and perhaps even do things on his own, some people only learn things the hard way, so if he chooses to go after breadcrumbs, blame himself for the end of the relationship and breaking NC (checking twitter is breaking NC). Then I say just let it happen because there's nothing we haven't already said, everything is just on repeat.

 

 

Jon I wish you well and I hope time will heal you.

 

You're right my mind is ridiculously weak.

 

A break up is much harder to process when you know you've hurt someone you loved so much, then one day they're gone. It's almost like when you never make amends with someone close to you who just passed away.

[KBarletta]

She's the dumper but i'm the one who pushed her away. Which is why she's experiencing anger still.

 

I know I need to move on, but I just can't shake the possibility of reconciliation out of my mind. I do want to stop feeling this pain, but me and my mind continuously go back and forth with this debacle. I'm currently in therapy, after the break up I realized that need it to get my **** together. However, none of this is stopping me from missing this girl, and the fact that she keeps writing about me but isn't contacting me kills me on the inside.

 

Everyone here has been telling me this one way or the other, but i'm stubborn as hell. I'm sorry that i'm so difficult, its not easy to move on from something, especially when you feel like the door is ajar.

 

Believe me, we all know how hard it is. That's why most of us are here. We've been there, or we are still there. So I understand, I know how hard it is to move on when you still have feelings, but it is the only way you are going to heal. There is no reconciliation possible unless she wants it. And if she wants it, then she has to tell you that. Otherwise, it's just you begging or holding on to slivers of hope (breadcrumbs) that come your way. And these do nothing but prolong your pain. So believe me when I tell you that I know what you're going through - that's why so many of us try to help, because we know what works and what doesn't.

[Jonp219]

Believe me, we all know how hard it is. That's why most of us are here. We've been there, or we are still there. So I understand, I know how hard it is to move on when you still have feelings, but it is the only way you are going to heal. There is no reconciliation possible unless she wants it. And if she wants it, then she has to tell you that. Otherwise, it's just you begging or holding on to slivers of hope (breadcrumbs) that come your way. And these do nothing but prolong your pain. So believe me when I tell you that I know what you're going through - that's why so many of us try to help, because we know what works and what doesn't.

 

Thank you

 

It's scary...

 

I don't remember a time in my life where I was this vulnerable and scared of what's going to happen in the future. I was already scared of the future, now that feeling has intensified x1000.

[AaronSG]

I understand NC and why it's so important, but to delete EVERY SINGLE THING even the phone number?? Nah, that's overkill.

 

If you truly understood the whole premise and the true functions of the "no contact rule" you wouldn't be so resistant in deleting your ex's phone number off your phone! By saying this i personally feel you are very far from really understanding "no contact"!

 

Overkill........really......overkill........so your going to say that one of the pieces that make up the "no contact" rule is overkill!?!?!?!

 

I understand your hurting, I understand it's all new and that the pains and hurts in regards to your situation are raw and fresh, I get it! But the only way that has been truly proven to get us up and get us moving on from it is going no contact, in every aspect of the rule, including ditching phone numbers!

 

I understand you say that your stubborn, but the line in the sand between being stubborn and being insane here eludes me! I suspect that most of your responses here on this web site are very "knee jerk" and stem from deep seeded emotions! But playing around and playing games with ones own personal recovery in regards to a tragic heart break is insane!

 

Trust me, we're not asking you to anything that we ourselves haven't already done! Most of us have, most of us have at one time or the other made the "choice" to begin the no contact rule and for the most part all those who have chosen to do have stuck by it and it has worked!

 

Like you from the very moment my ex-fiance walked out of what used to be "our front door" back on August-3rd-2014, up until about 2-3 weeks after her departure I was a mess, kind of like you, I knew checking in on her Facebook page was wrong, that I wouldn't move on if I kept doing so, but there I was day after day fighting logic and running on pure emotion and continuing to make the "choice" to do so! Until one day, much like you with this whole Twitter thing, one day I couldn't take her writing about me, but not directly talking to me! Plus it was breaking me up inside to start to see her photo's she was starting to post after moving back home and in with her parents in Ohio. As a good friend of mine told me after I came clean with what I was doing, he told me "Aaron if you continue to choose to do this it will only continue to bring you pain and suffering and this will not end well"!

 

So about three weeks after she departed I sat there in my computer chair, staring at my computer screen with my ex-fiancé's Facebook page open. I'm in tears I made the choice to stop playing these games with my heart, continuing to check her Facebook and trying to read between the lines for any possible hidden meanings wasn't doing me any good, so with a very heavy heart I went through the motions of deleting my Facebook account! Now mind you this was hard to do, like you I was kind of stubborn to it all, this was something that for years brought me joy, brought me closer to people, namely my ex-fiancé. All the history behind my Facebook account, the time line, the photo's, the messages, the likes, the whole history of my relationship with my ex-fiancé and her family and her stay here with me in California was all right there. But I had to do it, so with a couple well placed mouse clicks it was done, it was gone, bye bye, no more ect. ect. ect.

 

I've now been totally Facebook and social media free from little over 6 months and let me tell you making the "choice" to do as I did and adhere to this one piece of the "no contact" rule has made an incredible difference with my recovery. But "bucking up" and making a "choice" to no longer play games with my recovery has paid some serious dividends to me now.

 

So if I could do it with Facebook, you can do it with Twitter and ones personal phone number, and that is get rid of it, all of it! And I noticed you said that you might dare to jump at any possible "bread crumbs" that this woman may sprinkle in your direction.......wrong......leave them alone, don'e jump at them, don't bite and get caught on a very hurtful hook!

 

If I may be so bold here, the following is a kind of a check list of all the things I've personally done to assist myself in my own personal recovery, while adhering to the "no contact" rule with each choice I had made!

 

1. First major rule....no contact, no contact and oh yeah...more no contact!

 

2. Ditch her phone number, remove it and delete it off your phone! Even if you have it memorized is of no regards, by removing the number off the phone you are leading yourself by example, just the very act of the removal can change your mind set.

 

3. Remove and Block her from all forms of social media, Facebook, G+, Twitter, if it's social media, she shouldn't be there with you...remove & block! As you know, with my case, the option for deletion is always there!

 

4. Block her e-mail address with your e-mail service provider!

 

5. Go to your local Post Office and request a "stop halt block", that's what they call it! You'll give them your ex's home or mailing address and they'll set it up in the computer that mail from her won't be allowed to hit your mail box. This may appear to be a little overkill, but I seriously didn't want to take any chances of opening my mail box and seeing anything from her in it that may give me a big "set back"! The choice is yours!

 

6. Be very careful with your music listening! Try as best you can to stay away from any forms of music or tunes or songs that might have been "your guy's songs"! To much listening to the old love stuff can weaken your heart and perhaps tempt you into breaking things like "no contact"! (7 month later and I'm still playing it safe by filtering and rationing my music listening)

 

7. Like with the music, be very careful with the TV and movies you choose to watch! I wouldn't be to quick to turn on your TV, fire up Netflix and sit down and watch a movie that you both deemed to be your favorite with her. Be careful, like with music, to much watching the old love stuff can tempt you into doing something stupid, like breaking no contact. (7 months later and I still have to some what filter my movie watching)

 

8. Any personal items left behind by her should be either disposed of quickly and or packed up in a card board box and stored some place far and hard to reach, "out of sight out of mind"! (For myself, I made several runs to thrift stores and donated a lot of her items left behind. The rest got tossed into the dumpster, and the rare things that I wanted to keep, but couldn't handle having them around me at the time, got boxed up and are now enjoying their stay atop my Mom's garage rafters!)

 

9. Filter the people around you! If you've got some friend or family member that all they want to do is talk about the breakup and they become a broken record about it, stop them, tell them some talk is fine, but rehashing isn't! (I had to tell some in my life, you keep talking about it and keep breaking my heart, I might just break your face, little dramatic, but you get the hint!)

 

10. If it ever appears that it looks like you can't handle things on your own and you feel like your on the edge, seek professional help. Get some help, shrink, therapist, life coach, pastor, clergy.......whoever it is, just if it looks like you can't hang, get some help. (I have a shrink, nothing to be ashamed of)

 

11. Any photo's or images you might have of her say on your computer need to come off! Perhaps do as I did, I bought a cheap small 2 Gig USB flash drive, took all the photo's and images and video clips of her off my hard drive by transferring them all onto the flash drive. Once done I went about deleting them all off my computer! Then I turned around and gave a super close friend the USB flash drive and ordered him that no matter how much I might beg, cry, scream, demand or threaten, your not to give this back to me for 1 year! Just something to think about!

 

12. Keep talking, keep posting, just keep try your best to "get it out"!

 

I did all of this, and I'm not posting my little list that I live by to stroke myself, my ego of claim superiority within the realms of recovery. I'm simply stating what worked for me. Everything I did on that list, sure, it all came with a hefty price tag, some things on that list were hard to do and hard to swallow! But there were done anyways, why? Because I knew that my recovery was now more important than trying to give my attention towards someone that choose to no longer be a part of my life. Before doing things on the list above, towards the end I was starting to feel that every time I checked in on her Facebook page........she wins! Every time I checked my phone to see if she called or text'd...........she wins! Every time I checked my e-mail provider to see if she e-mailed me........she wins! Every time I talked to a common friend of ours and I brought her up for conversation......she wins! Every time I went out and walked up to the mail box and perhaps checked to see if she mailed me anything.........she wins! Every time I fired up my computer and opened up my pictures file folder and would sit back and look at the photo's of her..........she wins! Every time I turned on my home stereo or fired up a web radio player and purposely tunes into a station that would play "our favorite songs".............she wins! Every time I would turn on my home television and perhaps fire up Netflix and purposely sit back and watch one of "our favorite movies"...........she wins! Every time I would pick up and say hold one of her old t-shirts and remember back to the days when she wore it and get hurt by it.............she wins! Every time I would venture forth around town and perhaps land myself in one of our "favorite spots" and get all hurt by the memory's that were generated by that place............she wins!

 

You may be asking yourself, what the hell is up with all this "she wins" crap! I'll tell you what it means.......it means that if I do anything that would feed into my temptations to do anything in anyway to bring her back into my mind, into my heart and into my life by purposely putting energy into brining her back in my head, heart or life she possibly without knowing, without being here, without even being in my life, she still got me to do something that was related to her, therefore still giving her attention and putting my energy into her, even if the end result is pain, I still feed into her none the less.

 

Just make a choice, keep her phone number, ditch her phone number! Jump at the bread crumbs, stay away from the bread crumbs..........it's your choice!

Edited March 18, 2015 by AaronSG

[NopeNah]

Thank you

 

It's scary...

 

I don't remember a time in my life where I was this vulnerable and scared of what's going to happen in the future. I was already scared of the future, now that feeling has intensified x1000.

 

Your future is not defined by this moment. It's defined by how you react and learn from this moment. Use this freeing moment in your life to focus on nothing but planning for and building YOUR future!

[Jonp219]

If you truly understood the whole premise and the true functions of the "no contact rule" you wouldn't be so resistant in deleting your ex's phone number off your phone! By saying this i personally feel you are very far from really understanding "no contact"!

 

Overkill........really......overkill........so your going to say that one of the pieces that make up the "no contact" rule is overkill!?!?!?!

 

I understand your hurting, I understand it's all new and that the pains and hurts in regards to your situation are raw and fresh, I get it! But the only way that has been truly proven to get us up and get us moving on from it is going no contact, in every aspect of the rule, including ditching phone numbers!

 

I understand you say that your stubborn, but the line in the sand between being stubborn and being insane here eludes me! I suspect that most of your responses here on this web site are very "knee jerk" and stem from deep seeded emotions! But playing around and playing games with ones own personal recovery in regards to a tragic heart break is insane!

 

Trust me, we're not asking you to anything that we ourselves haven't already done! Most of us have, most of us have at one time or the other made the "choice" to begin the no contact rule and for the most part all those who have chosen to do have stuck by it and it has worked!

 

Like you from the very moment my ex-fiance walked out of what used to be "our front door" back on August-3rd-2014, up until about 2-3 weeks after her departure I was a mess, kind of like you, I knew checking in on her Facebook page was wrong, that I wouldn't move on if I kept doing so, but there I was day after day fighting logic and running on pure emotion and continuing to make the "choice" to do so! Until one day, much like you with this whole Twitter thing, one day I couldn't take her writing about me, but not directly talking to me! Plus it was breaking me up inside to start to see her photo's she was starting to post after moving back home and in with her parents in Ohio. As a good friend of mine told me after I came clean with what I was doing, he told me "Aaron if you continue to choose to do this it will only continue to bring you pain and suffering and this will not end well"!

 

So about three weeks after she departed I sat there in my computer chair, staring at my computer screen with my ex-fiancé's Facebook page open. I'm in tears I made the choice to stop playing these games with my heart, continuing to check her Facebook and trying to read between the lines for any possible hidden meanings wasn't doing me any good, so with a very heavy heart I went through the motions of deleting my Facebook account! Now mind you this was hard to do, like you I was kind of stubborn to it all, this was something that for years brought me joy, brought me closer to people, namely my ex-fiancé. All the history behind my Facebook account, the time line, the photo's, the messages, the likes, the whole history of my relationship with my ex-fiancé and her family and her stay here with me in California was all right there. But I had to do it, so with a couple well placed mouse clicks it was done, it was gone, bye bye, no more ect. ect. ect.

 

I've now been totally Facebook and social media free from little over 6 months and let me tell you making the "choice" to do as I did and adhere to this one piece of the "no contact" rule has made an incredible difference with my recovery. But "bucking up" and making a "choice" to no longer play games with my recovery has paid some serious dividends to me now.

 

So if I could do it with Facebook, you can do it with Twitter and ones personal phone number, and that is get rid of it, all of it! And I noticed you said that you might dare to jump at any possible "bread crumbs" that this woman may sprinkle in your direction.......wrong......leave them alone, don'e jump at them, don't bite and get caught on a very hurtful hook!

 

If I may be so bold here, the following is a kind of a check list of all the things I've personally done to assist myself in my own personal recovery, while adhering to the "no contact" rule with each choice I had made!

 

1. First major rule....no contact, no contact and oh yeah...more no contact!

 

2. Ditch her phone number, remove it and delete it off your phone! Even if you have it memorized is of no regards, by removing the number off the phone you are leading yourself by example, just the very act of the removal can change your mind set.

 

3. Remove and Block her from all forms of social media, Facebook, G+, Twitter, if it's social media, she shouldn't be there with you...remove & block! As you know, with my case, the option for deletion is always there!

 

4. Block her e-mail address with your e-mail service provider!

 

5. Go to your local Post Office and request a "stop halt block", that's what they call it! You'll give them your ex's home or mailing address and they'll set it up in the computer that mail from her won't be allowed to hit your mail box. This may appear to be a little overkill, but I seriously didn't want to take any chances of opening my mail box and seeing anything from her in it that may give me a big "set back"! The choice is yours!

 

6. Be very careful with your music listening! Try as best you can to stay away from any forms of music or tunes or songs that might have been "your guy's songs"! To much listening to the old love stuff can weaken your heart and perhaps tempt you into breaking things like "no contact"! (7 month later and I'm still playing it safe by filtering and rationing my music listening)

 

7. Like with the music, be very careful with the TV and movies you choose to watch! I wouldn't be to quick to turn on your TV, fire up Netflix and sit down and watch a movie that you both deemed to be your favorite with her. Be careful, like with music, to much watching the old love stuff can tempt you into doing something stupid, like breaking no contact. (7 months later and I still have to some what filter my movie watching)

 

8. Any personal items left behind by her should be either disposed of quickly and or packed up in a card board box and stored some place far and hard to reach, "out of sight out of mind"! (For myself, I made several runs to thrift stores and donated a lot of her items left behind. The rest got tossed into the dumpster, and the rare things that I wanted to keep, but couldn't handle having them around me at the time, got boxed up and are now enjoying their stay atop my Mom's garage rafters!)

 

9. Filter the people around you! If you've got some friend or family member that all they want to do is talk about the breakup and they become a broken record about it, stop them, tell them some talk is fine, but rehashing isn't! (I had to tell some in my life, you keep talking about it and keep breaking my heart, I might just break your face, little dramatic, but you get the hint!)

 

10. If it ever appears that it looks like you can't handle things on your own and you feel like your on the edge, seek professional help. Get some help, shrink, therapist, life coach, pastor, clergy.......whoever it is, just if it looks like you can't hang, get some help. (I have a shrink, nothing to be ashamed of)

 

11. Any photo's or images you might have of her say on your computer need to come off! Perhaps do as I did, I bought a cheap small 2 Gig USB flash drive, took all the photo's and images and video clips of her off my hard drive by transferring them all onto the flash drive. Once done I went about deleting them all off my computer! Then I turned around and gave a super close friend the USB flash drive and ordered him that no matter how much I might beg, cry, scream, demand or threaten, your not to give this back to me for 1 year! Just something to think about!

 

12. Keep talking, keep posting, just keep try your best to "get it out"!

 

I did all of this, and I'm not posting my little list that I live by to stroke myself, my ego of claim superiority within the realms of recovery. I'm simply stating what worked for me. Everything I did on that list, sure, it all came with a hefty price tag, some things on that list were hard to do and hard to swallow! But there were done anyways, why? Because I knew that my recovery was now more important than trying to give my attention towards someone that choose to no longer be a part of my life. Before doing things on the list above, towards the end I was starting to feel that every time I checked in on her Facebook page........she wins! Every time I checked my phone to see if she called or text'd...........she wins! Every time I checked my e-mail provider to see if she e-mailed me........she wins! Every time I talked to a common friend of ours and I brought her up for conversation......she wins! Every time I went out and walked up to the mail box and perhaps checked to see if she mailed me anything.........she wins! Every time I fired up my computer and opened up my pictures file folder and would sit back and look at the photo's of her..........she wins! Every time I turned on my home stereo or fired up a web radio player and purposely tunes into a station that would play "our favorite songs".............she wins! Every time I would turn on my home television and perhaps fire up Netflix and purposely sit back and watch one of "our favorite movies"...........she wins! Every time I would pick up and say hold one of her old t-shirts and remember back to the days when she wore it and get hurt by it.............she wins! Every time I would venture forth around town and perhaps land myself in one of our "favorite spots" and get all hurt by the memory's that were generated by that place............she wins!

 

You may be asking yourself, what the hell is up with all this "she wins" crap! I'll tell you what it means.......it means that if I do anything that would feed into my temptations to do anything in anyway to bring her back into my mind, into my heart and into my life by purposely putting energy into brining her back in my head, heart or life she possibly without knowing, without being here, without even being in my life, she still got me to do something that was related to her, therefore still giving her attention and putting my energy into her, even if the end result is pain, I still feed into her none the less.

 

Just make a choice, keep her phone number, ditch her phone number! Jump at the bread crumbs, stay away from the bread crumbs..........it's your choice!

 

Aaron thank you for that lengthy response. I can tell you caring individual, because if you weren't, you wouldn't have to write that informative guideline you laid out for me, so for that I thank you. I understand that NC is very pivotal for my recovery. However, I do believe that the NC rules on this site are a tad bit strict compared to normal guidelines.

 

I read a lot of your post, and I remember in one thread you saying that even after 7 months since your fiances departure you still have an inkling of hope that one day she might return. Now I don't know if that hope in and of itself is a "knee jerk", but if it's true, why would you put up such impossible barriers for her to fight through? I understand she broke your heart, but if she ever wants to reach out to you she would have to go through an insane amount of trouble.

 

The notion that people want their exes to fight through hell, fire, and brimstone to get to you is a little too much in my eyes. Some people are bold enough to say, "I MADE A MISTAKE I WANT YOU BACK", and others just want to build that relationship back up, "Hey how's it going? How you been"? Everyone is different in their own way. Personally, if I was the dumper I would NEVER run back to someone and tell them how much I miss them and how much of a mistake it was to leave them. I like taking things slow and building that relationship back up. But of course, my method would be looked at as "breadcrumbs".

 

I have done everything you laid out on your list (except for the "stop halt block" and the deletion of the phone number). The music is tough, I try my best to avoid it, but it's difficult. My mother listens to the same station we use to listen to in the car when she cooks. Most of the time I just close the door, but other times I hear a song and just think about to moments we've had (**** kills me). Either way, I still do my best to block it out.

 

It's difficult dealing with this break-up (just like any other break up). A lot of my issues stem from guilt and lack of awareness. My ex left me because of my insecurities and anger issues. We had a huge argument, we didn't speak for a week, and then she tells me she's had enough. She told me (doesn't matter), that our chances for reconciliation depend on how much I change. Therefore, I checked myself into a cognitive behavioral group at my university, currently working on the issues I need to fix. I'm here working on what I need to do to become a better person, while she's on twitter venting her frustration about me, it hurts. My head plays games with me, at night, during the day, during my sleep etc. I just feel so bad for how I treated her, I should of been a better boyfriend. But hey, what can you do? What's done is done, and i'm doing what I need to do.

[AIJ]

The point with all the barriers you put up, in my opinion, is to really test how much they want you back. If they are genuinely that convinced that you're the one they absolutely 100% NEED to be with, they will go through hell and back to ensure you know this. If they're not willing to do that, they aren't worth it and they can't really care that much.

 

I've blocked my ex's number along with removing everything and putting in place as many barriers as I possibly can. Even if she did contact me and tell me she wants me back, which is 99.9% not going to happen, I'd tell her to stick it. I'm not a second choice for anyone. If she wanted me that badly, she wouldn't have ran off with the first guy that showed her a bit of attention when things went downhill in our relationship. **** her.

[Jonp219]

Ever since I stopped checking I can't stop crying. I'm crying everyday now, this hasn't happened since the first week or the break up. God I feel so ****ing miserable. It's going to be so hard to forgive myself for this one. I don't know how I'm going to be able to do it this time.

[na49]

I don't understand how deleting her number from your phone is overkill..? If you weren't comfortable with blocking her, I could understand that. Even though it wouldn't stop her from coming back, I've been there so I get it. Deleting her number from your phone means literally nothing. All it does is detach you from her a little bit more.

 

Part of moving on is wanting to move on. It's okay to be sad, and it's okay to cry. Don't beat yourself up.