antineutrino Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 My GF and I have been going out for almost 15 months now. We've gotten into some disagreements recently, the primary one being that she wants to have sex more often than me. I'm trying to accommodate that. For the most part, though, things seem to be going well. We're planning on getting a new place in a few months, etc. Regardless, more on point. Last night, completely out of left field, she tells me that she wants me to make out with other people this week to practice kissing. I had NO idea whether she was being serious, so I kind of just ignored it and said nothing in response. Later, she said she was looking forward to a progress report. What the hell does this mean? Is she just joking? Does she want me to research how to kiss online?
angiefly Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Ummm I would NEVER tell someone I love to go "make out with others and report back" That's messed up if she is being serious. My ex wasn't a very good kisser but instead of telling him that, I just asked him if I could show him how I like to be kissed... Maybe you can ask her to show you what she likes? If it were me though that comment she made would cause great concern. Proceed with caution.
Redhead14 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 My GF and I have been going out for almost 15 months now. We've gotten into some disagreements recently, the primary one being that she wants to have sex more often than me. I'm trying to accommodate that. For the most part, though, things seem to be going well. We're planning on getting a new place in a few months, etc. Regardless, more on point. Last night, completely out of left field, she tells me that she wants me to make out with other people this week to practice kissing. I had NO idea whether she was being serious, so I kind of just ignored it and said nothing in response. Later, she said she was looking forward to a progress report. What the hell does this mean? Is she just joking? Does she want me to research how to kiss online? You'd think the fact that there was something about the way you kiss would have come up way before 15 months. And, the way she is doing it is immature and disrespectful. Nevertheless, I would simply say "I didn't appreciate your suggestion to practice kissing with other people and I am confused by it. Is there something about the way I kiss that puts you off? And, if there is any practicing that needs to be done, shouldn't it be with you?" 2
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 If she's serious then it's pretty concerning. It could be a sh*t test or attention seek. You were meant to say there's no way would I want to kiss anyone else my darling!!!
Toodaloo Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 First off if this is how she deals with things I strongly recommend that you DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HER. Second. Different people like to be kissed different ways. So quite frankly snogging a whole heap of other women is not going to help... 3
Author antineutrino Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Yeah, I was pretty hurt by it. It was just such a weird thing to bring up that I didn't know how to respond. Thanks for the suggestions angiefly and Redhead14. Should I let it be, and respond accordingly IF she brings it up again? OR, should I bring it up on my own accord when she comes back from work this evening?
SycamoreCircle Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 How old is your girlfriend? Some of this reminds me of my ex. And she was VERY immature. Immature to the point that moving in with me, more or less, was an extension of tea time with her dollies. I think you're here for a reason. And I commend you for your intuition on this being majorly off. 1
Author antineutrino Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 How old is your girlfriend? Some of this reminds me of my ex. And she was VERY immature. Immature to the point that moving in with me, more or less, was an extension of tea time with her dollies. I think you're here for a reason. And I commend you for your intuition on this being majorly off. She's 25... but I agree she can approach things in a very immature way at times.
angiefly Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Yeah, I was pretty hurt by it. It was just such a weird thing to bring up that I didn't know how to respond. Thanks for the suggestions angiefly and Redhead14. Should I let it be, and respond accordingly IF she brings it up again? OR, should I bring it up on my own accord when she comes back from work this evening? I would talk to her about it because you can't expect other's to know your feelings unless you share them. Tell her how it made you feel and then (and this part is important) LISTEN to her response and believe someone when they tell you something.
SycamoreCircle Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 She's 25... but I agree she can approach things in a very immature way at times.That's how old my ex was when she dropped me. She'd been living with me about 6 months. We'd been together a year. She had an EA with another guy which turned into a PA. She dropped me like a hat. I snooped her computer and discovered a month's worth of cheating and a smear campaign. She told her friends and family that I was no good in bed, among other things. She lied to me and told me there was no one else. I exposed the whole thing. Before I found out the truth, she suggested I see a sex counselor. This suggestion rings eerily close to what your gf said. I would be suspicious if I were you...
Gary S Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 For her to say something like that, my spidy senses tells me either she's not in love with you, or has screw loose. Like the people who check your credit, wait until you see a good long track record - wait three years to move in together.
amaysngrace Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 That was a crap thing to say. I agree with whoever said that if it took her 15 months to say anything to you your kissing is probably fine. She probably wants to be with other people so instead of saying it's her she's making it be you who is doing something wrong.
preraph Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 She's just wanting someone else to teach you to do it and hope she likes that version better. I don't know what to tell you. I had an issue with someone's kissing and I really didn't know what to do but to avoid it. I thought it was more the shape of his lips or mouth and that guiding him wouldn't do much good and I wasn't up for trying at the time. All I can tell you is to do the opposite of what you're doing now and try that. So if you're kissing open mouthed, kiss closed-mouthed. If you're kissing hard, kiss soft. If you have thin or hard lips or something, pucker more and use some suction. Find out if she likes tongue or no. It honestly can be a dealbreaker, though I agree she isn't maybe handling it in the best possible way. She should be willing to let you experiment to find a way that suits her better. If she's not, meh.
Redhead14 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) Yeah, I was pretty hurt by it. It was just such a weird thing to bring up that I didn't know how to respond. Thanks for the suggestions angiefly and Redhead14. Should I let it be, and respond accordingly IF she brings it up again? OR, should I bring it up on my own accord when she comes back from work this evening? I think you should address it right now in a non-confrontational way. She needs to understand your feelings are involved in this. If she cares about you and your feelings, she will explain herself to you. You can say something like this instead "It seems to me that you are not enjoying kissing me, I'd like to know what I can do to make it more pleasurable for you, will you tell me what you prefer?' If she doesn't want to talk about it or is evasive, what have you, or gets defensive, etc. You simply tell her that this was unacceptable to you and leave it at that. If she continues to handle communication in this manner, you may need to re-evaluate the relationship. Edited March 18, 2015 by Redhead14 1
Diezel Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 When she says she wants you to go kiss other people... maybe she's projecting her own needs onto you. Maybe she wants to go kiss other people... or has already.
Author antineutrino Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 For her to say something like that, my spidy senses tells me either she's not in love with you, or has screw loose. Like the people who check your credit, wait until you see a good long track record - wait three years to move in together. Well, she did have some mental health issues before we met, so maybe it's an outgrowth of that? When she says she wants you to go kiss other people... maybe she's projecting her own needs onto you. Maybe she wants to go kiss other people... or has already. The thought crossed my mind.... maybe I'm just deluding myself, but I don't want to accept that as true (at least until there's more info).
Redhead14 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Well, she did have some mental health issues before we met, so maybe it's an outgrowth of that? The thought crossed my mind.... maybe I'm just deluding myself, but I don't want to accept that as true (at least until there's more info). Do not make assumptions. If you have no empirical evidence to support suspicions, you are only being paranoid and that will destroy it for sure. Communicate with her. If she is not a good communicator, you need to create the environment for her that shows her it's safe to communicate honestly and about anything and show her what good communication looks like.
devilish innocent Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Ask her. All you've got to do is say, "So what brought up those comments about wanting me to make out with other people?" She'll either tell that you don't need to worry about it, or it will lead to a discussion.
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