So I thought this girl was the one

[asdf24]

So we met two years ago at work. She was head over heels for me a younger girl. The thing was she acted as if all she wanted was sex from me. So that is what I treated her like. She was constantly telling me she hates the nice guys and likes more of a badboy. Why would I treat her nicely after this? I thought she was great though. She made up this presmicious past to try and impress me I think. Acted as if all she wanted was sex. So I would be a fool to try and give her more just to get rejected.

 

She obviously wanted more though and later admitted that but her behaviour didn't make sense. Passive Aggressive. I slowly adjusted and started doing nicer things showing her a softer side. She would act like she wanted that then it would seem like she didn't.

 

Anyways to the point.. we had to sneak around and her parents caught us finally and it was devastating. We couldn't see each other for 6 months and she had to quit her job. I saw her again for the first time and it was dramatic. We eventually started seeing each other again.. then talked about moving out together. She wanted to do it right then and there.

 

I was about to enter the police academy and we had plans to move out right after. She was so excited.

 

During the police academy we could only see each other once or twice a month. The distance grew but we tried to make it work. I was really stressed from the academy and I got more passive aggressive behavior from her. Everytime we would see each other she would cry at the end of the visit. I offered her a way out and she insisted this is what she wanted. Anyways It got to the point where I was snapping at her for the little things and I guess I would say mean things. I told her I'm not myself right now and it's just the academy in the beginning.

 

Long story short I ended up accusing her of messing around with other people because she was so distant and I couldn't figure it out. She accused me too at times. She even said I know you flirt with other girls and I'm fine with that but you better not be doing anything. I was not flirting with ANYONE else.

 

I offered her so many times if this was for her if she wanted to do this forsure and she always assured me yes.

 

I never really showed this girl my true emotions I guess because I was afraid but I was thinking about her all ****ing day and almost all night with the academy.

 

She ended up breaking up last minute and saying I don't think this is smart. I guess her mom convinced her. Her mom would of cut her out of her life completely which includes college funds. She knew this before but was still willing to do it. She seemed so calm and collected when she broke up over the phone.

 

She called me the next day hysterically crying asking if we can still work things out. She wasn't making much sense so I just told her if she made a choice she should stick with it. Told her she should see other people and she doesn't have to do this with me and she can have a normal life. She agreed and said ok. I thought I heard her say I'll call you back when I stop crying.

 

No call from her so I call her two days later and I ask how everything is. She was with her friends. She made it seem if I was the weird one for calling and stone walled me trying to act tough. I got pissed and snapped we got in a huge argument. I basically told her I'm out of patience for these mind games and shes too young for this ****. Shes like you act like you don't even want to try and work this out. Said I'm pretty much done. I needed to focus on the academy.

 

Apologized the next day told her I just panicked because I thought I was going to lose her completley and I understand where she is coming from. She replied said I dont know if I want to talk to you anymore what you said was mean. I got dropped from the academy and failed a test. She found out said I'm sorry to hear that and everything. Told her I'm going for it again next year.

 

I didn't talk to her for a month. I finally caved in and let her know background investigators were going to be talking to her possibly for me applying at a department. We met up and she seemed pissed off and giving me attitude on the verge to cry. I eventually asked her whats up and just told her im sorry for everything about the breakup. She brought up in detail everything I did wrong.. told me she doesn't believe I loved her. I did neglect her which is true. I didn't show all my feelings towards her. I treated her like one of the guys and she complained that I only liked her for sex and stuff. But then there were times where I felt like she was acting like that. I pretty much just took everything and looked really emotional. She thought I completely rejected her that next day when she called. I told her I was merley sugguesting she thought about it. I said I want you and she told me it's too late. She told me that all of her friends hate me and everyone in her life hates me and she thinks thats weird. I asked if she wanted to break contact completley she said she would message me and let me know. She deleted me off everything that same night.

 

I wrote her a 10 page letter at work explaining all the mishaps and why I got mad. Apologizing for my faults. I opened my heart up. She wrote back just saying I love you and everything this is just bad timing and all this stuff we had to go through drove us apart. It seemed genuine. But I can't help but think if I handled this breakup differently and acted and not reacted I could still be with her.

 

Right now I don't have a job.. I lost the academy till the fall.. I don't have anything. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I want her back so much. I never showed her how much I loved her.

Edited March 18, 2015 by asdf24

[lumberjac]

It sounds like shes in the part of life where she's growing up and having constant change of minds. Girls at this stage doesn't exactly know what they want until this stage has past and settle back down in life.

 

I would say cutting all forms of contact with her. Dont peek or get update on her life, and slowly with time she will fade in your mind. And at the meantime spend all the time on yourself. You might think everything is crap right now but you have the ability to rebuild them and stand up again.

 

But you need all your time, energy and effort in order to build a better self and thats why you need to let her go, you cant spare any time or energy for her anymore. Focus on yourself, thats the only thing you can control in life.