Emma1234 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Hey everyone, so it has been just over 2 weeks since the break up. Today is a sports event (Varsity) at my university. We met through both playing this sport. (He has left uni, I am still here but no longer play because I found it too difficult with all of the memories) I have promised my friends I'll go to the event and the after party (he won't be there - different countries/long distance relationship) but the memories are going to be ridiculous. He was the main reason I enjoyed playing this, it was very sociable as university societies are so I miss it so much anyway. Even going past the pitch or anywhere we all used to go really hurts. I am doing ok about him, I have been diagnosed with depression so I am able to just tell myself whenever I feel awful that this feeling will go, but i miss all the amazing times, most of which all revolved around this life we used to lead in the sports team. I want to go because it is the last time i'm going to be able to and I can't let my friends down but I already feel so upset by it and so sad and i just miss the old times so much. It's going to be so much worse watching the match remembering what everything was like this time last year and the year before and then getting drunk with everyone and remembering all of the fun and how he'd always walk me home, just everything! Any advice/support on how to do this today would be amazing as it's going to be a tough battle
Author Emma1234 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 I actually can't stop crying at the thought of it all. I hate him so much right now. how could he do this?
sabd Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Hey Emma. Try to stay in the present and don't let your thoughts wander to the past too much. You'll get miserable and stuck there. Be in the moment while you are there and enjoy the aspects of the sport / event that are fun for you. It's tough to cut the ties we have to the past and some things can trigger strong associations but if you have to be there, try and make the most of it. Tell yourself that that chapter of your life is now over and you refuse to get roped back in to a state that won't be any good for you. Good luck x 1
sabd Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Also, screw him! He can't take away your power and happiness, that's not up to him so don't let him. Be strong and smile x 1
Author Emma1234 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 I know he really isn't worth it. I know he's horrible and selfish and cruel and heartless and I know he treated me so bad. Yet all these feelings of wanting to go back to when it was amazing are still here. I have no idea what's happening with him and his ex, I know he was trying to get her back but then I don't know if she has taken him back. I know it won't last, partly because he needs to grow up before he can be in a relationship and partly because of how he always likes what he can't have. I really don't know how to deal with today, I just want to go back to my home and sleep through it. The memories just won't stop and I can't do anything about it. I feel an intense amount of grief like I haven't before, I think it has all just come too close. I feel embarrassed.
rebel Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Hey Emma, Really proud of you for facing up to the bad memories and tackling them head on. That takes massive guts and even if you have a few 'moments' here and there, you are going to come out of it alot stronger, knowing that you were able to achieve it. Best of luck and keep us posted 2
Author Emma1234 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Hey Emma, Really proud of you for facing up to the bad memories and tackling them head on. That takes massive guts and even if you have a few 'moments' here and there, you are going to come out of it alot stronger, knowing that you were able to achieve it. Best of luck and keep us posted Thank you, I didn't look at it like that. I'm not sure whether this is a good idea though but I can't back out. I don't know how to deal with it though. I don't have him on social media but he has just posted in the shared sports thing and so i feel like no contact has disappeared in a way. My whole life just feels terrible even though I know it isn't. I know that people get through break ups but it really doesn't feel like it at the moment. I can't see what's going to happen after uni, i feel lonely all the time and today is just going to remind me of a time when I didn't feel any of this
Author Emma1234 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 I've also just remembered that there is going to be a friend of ours there who is in contact with him on a weekly basis. He is the reason I found out about the money thing being a big factor in my ex wanting his ex back. He is a very gossipy person and loves to know everything/likes to stir. My other friend has advised me to stay away from him, but it's going to be hard when we'll all be together for about 7 hours. Ah i don't know
Stercrazy Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I've also just remembered that there is going to be a friend of ours there who is in contact with him on a weekly basis. Good! Show him you're happy and don't need someone in your life to feel complete. You are a strong independent person with a lot to offer in a relationship. Fake it until you make it. You deserve better and you don't need to settle. As a matter of fact I would say hi to this friend and if he brings up the ex just say something like "that's over with. Let's talk about something else". Be the stronger person. You can be happy if you choose to. Be in the moment and don't let negative people control your feelings. Show this friend that your ex screwed up because you are a great person. 1
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I've also just remembered that there is going to be a friend of ours there who is in contact with him on a weekly basis. He is the reason I found out about the money thing being a big factor in my ex wanting his ex back. He is a very gossipy person and loves to know everything/likes to stir. My other friend has advised me to stay away from him, but it's going to be hard when we'll all be together for about 7 hours. Ah i don't know Try starting something new, something that will make you so nervous that you just cant think of anything else. I went through a break up 2 weeks ago, she is already in a relationship. All those words, and all those things she said. She moved to a different place so it is easy for her. I got left in this place with ALL the memories at every turn and every corner. Anyways, i am starting my AFF skydiving course next Saturday. It is a MAJOR distraction... Try something new! 1
Toodaloo Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Come on chook. Dust your self down, wash your face. If you go thinking that its going to be awful it will. If you go thinking that hey its going to be great to see all your friends. I used to go out on the water with my ex... miss it and would do it again given half the chance! This is your thing. Not his. He has gone now. You don't have to get into deep conversation with your gossipy friend. Smile give them a hug and say something along the lines of "X how wonderful to see you! Can't stop I have just see Y and wanted to grab them for 5 minutes" then walk away and stay away for the rest of the evening. Oh and also go looking stunning so your gossipy friend reports back that you are utterly gorgeous and having a great time with out him. Keep going and don't listen to gossip xxx 2
na49 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 He is living in your head, but hasn't been paying the rent. It's time to evict him! The old times are just that, old times. They are memories. They don't exist anymore. What does exist is the people who are still in your life. I think it's good that you are going to this event. It shows that you aren't giving him all of the power. 1
Author Emma1234 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Thank you so much everyone. I couldn't go to the match and ended up trying to keep busy all day with my friend. I then got home and broke down in my friends bedroom. We spoke about everything, she listened and was just amazing, and I've kind of realised it's not just him that I miss but my old life last year. This year has probably been the worst of my life and I'm now struggling with depression which shows that things HAVE to get better and won't always feel like this. I'm missing him sure but I'm missing us from last year, i'm missing the good times and the times with my friends and just everything i had before. But that is gone even if we are together, he lives in another country for goodness sake! I just have to keep telling myself that my life will get better, I'm only 21, it has to doesn't it? I'm scared that that was the best time in my life and that I'll never experience anything as good as that again but then who knows what's around the corner? It's a scary time but that's normal and it's ok to feel like this, my life is tough at the moment, i have no idea what i'll be doing in 3 months when I graduate and that's tough in itself without having to deal with betrayal and a break up. I'm going to go with everyone tonight and see it as a final letting go, that stage of my life is over and it was bloody amazing but having him doesn't bring it back. Yes i loved him more than anything, yes i wanted things to work out so badly but surely I'll meet someone else one day who I feel the same way about who isn't a massive dick. I need to just accept things I think, get the next few months over so that my life can change for the better
rebel Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 You seem to hve the right attitude I went through a horrific break up at 21, ended up getting back with her years later, only to go through another horrific break up. But, its sooooo much easier this time and I think a big part of that is because I learnt so much from my previous experiences. Being only 21, you dont really have a large enough sample size to draw upon, so Its natural to feel like 'you wont ever have that feeling again'. But you will, if you want it. It just takes loads of time which isnt a bad thing. You can do lots of cool and exciting things while you are learning and healing.
na49 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 It really is okay. I'm 20, so I can relate to how you feel about things never getting better. I've felt like my ex was the only person I'll ever fall in love with. Losing her means that I'll die alone and never get over her. Part of what helps me is realizing that as common as love is, breakups are also common. Divorce is a thing, so marriage isn't even the end of the road. There are tons of songs about loss of love, and the reason is because everyone goes through it. I'm glad to see that you ended up having an okay day yesterday even without going to the event. It's okay to cry, and it's good that you have a supportive friend.
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