Pandora08 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 My ex dumped me out of the blue 6 weeks ago after a great relationship and 3 years of being together (4 being v.close friends!) Since then, he hasn't contacted me at all...He was upset when he broke things off, telling me he didn't want to be with the same person now who he was going to marry (bit serious as we're only early twenties!) and that he thought this was better in the long run, and that he still loves me I'm just really hurt by the lack of communication, or even a congrats on stuff that I've done well on (new job). He didnt even say happy birthday to my sister I didn't do any begging, pleading, calling after he broke up, so I doubt he resents me....I guess I'm just confused. My parents think he may be hurting, but I think his ego is so big that he thinks that if he contacts me Ill try and get him back (I really wouldn't) Should I just break the ice and contact him?!
AIJ Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 No. Do not contact him. You're one of the lucky few that doesn't receive breadcrumbs from an ex, and although it may not seem like it, that's a blessing. 5
marcelo.santos Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 keep NC and block him on social media. Try to met new people (the idea is not to get a replacement, but not staying depressed at home). 1
Author Pandora08 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 i did want to block him, but when his ex did he used to say it was really pathetic of her....so I dont want him to think that of me! I have however been going out lots, and got offered jobs and got a really good mark on my dissertation, so have been putting them up and doing lots of stuff too I think what upset me about it is when he left, he was crying and saying "i'll see you soon yeah yeah i'll see you soon" - although I dont want to get back with him it would have been nice for a little check up if as he was so keen on me still being in his life thank you for the advice though
lumberjac Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 By not blocking him you are giving him the impression that you are waiting for him to come back, "heres all the doors open for you, just let me know when you are ready, I will be here". cause he knows you are there, what he doesn't know is what its like to have a life without you. I just been through this stage actually. me and my ex broke up 7 weeks ago, NC but I didnt block her, I only unfollowed her. Reason for that was exact same as yours, when we were going out her ex had her blocked, and she would say how immature he is. But think about it, your ex made the decision to split, he doesnt want you in his life anymore, so why does he get to keep up to date on your life? and "like" your new life now and then? I finally blocked her last week and I'm happy with that decision. 2
badpenny Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 My ex dumped me out of the blue 6 weeks ago after a great relationship and 3 years of being together (4 being v.close friends!) Since then, he hasn't contacted me at all...He was upset when he broke things off, telling me he didn't want to be with the same person now who he was going to marry (bit serious as we're only early twenties!) and that he thought this was better in the long run, and that he still loves me I'm just really hurt by the lack of communication, or even a congrats on stuff that I've done well on (new job). He didnt even say happy birthday to my sister I didn't do any begging, pleading, calling after he broke up, so I doubt he resents me....I guess I'm just confused. My parents think he may be hurting, but I think his ego is so big that he thinks that if he contacts me Ill try and get him back (I really wouldn't) Should I just break the ice and contact him?! No, he is absolutely 100% right in NOT contacting you. It's over, finished and there is no need. You are not part of each others' lives any more and he is getting over you, and frankly doing it in the best and most advised way, possible. To break up with someone, and then continue keeping tabs on them, showing an interest, or believing that they still have a right to access your life, is one of the most selfish and inconsiderate things a dumper could do. So thank your lucky stars he has in fact 'followed NC to the letter'. I know it hurts, but it is absolutely as it should be. 1
FancyFace Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 So if you block him and he thinks you are immature, then what? Does the sky fall? Will the price of fuel drastically be reduced? Will the polar caps stop melting? Like Lumberjac pointed out, he made the decision to not want to hvae you in his life in an intimate capacity. He should not be rewarded for that by being allowed to keep tabs on you and know he can easily reach you when he is bored, lonely, needs an ego boost of knowing he broke your heart but you are still right there. Also by not blocking, you have the uphill battle of having to fight the temptation to check up on him which makes recovery super slow. Just knowing he can pick up the phone easily or drop a mail and yet he hasnt, that will just eat you up. Block, delete and start the real process of moving on. You will thank yourself for it later. 3
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I suggest you concentrate less on HIM, and more on YOU. You're not together any more. Who gives a damn what he thinks or feels? You need to do what is best for YOU now. 1
Author Pandora08 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Thanks guys for your opinions I guess it is stupid of me not to. I feel like because we have exactly the same mutual friends/friendship groups, I didnt want to make things awkward for everyone else and especialyl his sister, as we are still great friends - she got social anxiety and it turned out I was the only one apart from him that she could rely on/could talk to about it and her eating disorder. Made it a bit difficult as Ive had to see her since the break up once a week but everytime I've seen her I've told her Im doing great,am happy e.t.c and she knows that I am (and apparently has told him that too) but it does make things hard to cut everything off I think I need to admit to myself I was only keeping him on facebook in the hope that he'll see all the cool things Im up to! bit pathetic of me really But I definately wil put myself ahead now 1
lumberjac Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Hey Pandora just so you know I had the exact same thought as you. Leaving facebook and instagram open and put up stuff to make her think my life is totally fine and the same without her. That went on a few weeks, and she would like my stuff. And recently I'm just like, nope thats enough, I just don't care anymore, and blocked her. It's good that you have a clear mind, knowing you wouldnt want to get back with him. I'm sure you two will be able to be friends again, seems like your friendship with him was pretty strong. It's up to him when to contact you now, time will tell
Author Pandora08 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 lumberjac thank you! Yeah it was really strong - we kind of "kissed" at a party once when we first met, then as it didnt come to anything we became really really close friends (but that was it ) for a year and a half before we went out So Yeah, I do hope we do become friends again. not because I want another relationship with him, but genuinley he was my best bud who I did everything with :/ sad times!
lumberjac Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Yup I totally understand how you feel. Me and my ex were best pals too before we got together. Her family loved me, I love them, they were just so nice to me ha. And it kinda hit me couple weeks back that me and her probably won't be able to be friends again, not in a short while anyway. When we broke up she said she hope we can still be friends, and I just went "we'll see how things go", and thats the last time we spoke. I have no doubt that she still cares about me, but I just loved her too much and part of me will always love her. So it would be unfair for us to stay friends as it won't be a true friendship. I know I'm saying that but we did break in good terms, we shared a lot together, and shes a great girl. I'm sure we'll cross paths one day and be happy for each other. The thing is that we never know what the future holds for us and thats the exciting bit!
Author Pandora08 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 That was the same for us - we were both upset when it happened, but we're both pretty young (21/22) and i think he needed some space to himself for a bit and to experience other things without me (we stayed together for a year when he was abroad and I guess I kind of thought because we got through that we would be together forever...very naiive of me I know!). Think the fact we were together for 3 years at this age terrified him :/ Thats very true, and what his sister said to me actually. I know it will be a while until we can be friends, but in a way its exciting to know what the future holds. Guess only time will tell if we ever get back together in the future or anything but for the moment I just want to have fun by myself its sad when such amazing relationshps come to a close
Jonp219 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 That was the same for us - we were both upset when it happened, but we're both pretty young (21/22) and i think he needed some space to himself for a bit and to experience other things without me (we stayed together for a year when he was abroad and I guess I kind of thought because we got through that we would be together forever...very naiive of me I know!). Think the fact we were together for 3 years at this age terrified him :/ Thats very true, and what his sister said to me actually. I know it will be a while until we can be friends, but in a way its exciting to know what the future holds. Guess only time will tell if we ever get back together in the future or anything but for the moment I just want to have fun by myself its sad when such amazing relationshps come to a close Same thing with me.... Me and my ex have been no contact for almost a month and she has yet to send me anything. All she continues to do is vent about us on her Twitter ( I haven't check in 2 days). I'm such a mess right now, I miss her so much.
Author Pandora08 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 jonp219 ohhh thats wierd about twitter!! it sucks doesnt it, 6 weeks later and I still miss mine like crazy. Luckily mine hasnt been doing anything like that - though he has been avoiding coming home the past few weekends and instead been visiting his friends and having crazy parties with them...hate to think whats been happening! though saying that ive been taking myself out too so thats always good
lumberjac Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 That was the same for us - we were both upset when it happened, but we're both pretty young (21/22) and i think he needed some space to himself for a bit and to experience other things without me (we stayed together for a year when he was abroad and I guess I kind of thought because we got through that we would be together forever...very naiive of me I know!). Think the fact we were together for 3 years at this age terrified him :/ Thats very true, and what his sister said to me actually. I know it will be a while until we can be friends, but in a way its exciting to know what the future holds. Guess only time will tell if we ever get back together in the future or anything but for the moment I just want to have fun by myself its sad when such amazing relationshps come to a close Ah think we have pretty much the same situation. I went abroad for a one semester when we were going out. I thought nothing would ever be a problem again if we could get through that, we did, but the relationship ended half a year later lol. If I'm honest at the moment I still want to get back with her, I still have feelings for her I guess. Feel a bit said knowing I have to ditch all these feelings.
gnick Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 No, he is absolutely 100% right in NOT contacting you. It's over, finished and there is no need. You are not part of each others' lives any more and he is getting over you, and frankly doing it in the best and most advised way, possible. To break up with someone, and then continue keeping tabs on them, showing an interest, or believing that they still have a right to access your life, is one of the most selfish and inconsiderate things a dumper could do. So thank your lucky stars he has in fact 'followed NC to the letter'. I know it hurts, but it is absolutely as it should be. If he's the dumper and he's going complete nc then he should tell her what he's doing and why 1st.I think it's cruel and ****ty to cut contact without any explanation
mightycpa Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 If he's the dumper and he's going complete nc then he should tell her what he's doing and why 1st.I think it's cruel and ****ty to cut contact without any explanationMaybe. But the dumpee's first responsibility is to understand what OVER means. Until that happens, no healing can begin. Once you've been cut loose, the dumper owes you nothing.
Zahara Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 If he's the dumper and he's going complete nc then he should tell her what he's doing and why 1st.I think it's cruel and ****ty to cut contact without any explanation No need for an explanation. It's a break-up. There's nothing cruel about having no contact. It's the best thing for both parties because it encourages moving on.
BC1980 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 My ex dumped me out of the blue 6 weeks ago after a great relationship and 3 years of being together (4 being v.close friends!) Since then, he hasn't contacted me at all...He was upset when he broke things off, telling me he didn't want to be with the same person now who he was going to marry (bit serious as we're only early twenties!) and that he thought this was better in the long run, and that he still loves me I'm just really hurt by the lack of communication, or even a congrats on stuff that I've done well on (new job). He didnt even say happy birthday to my sister I didn't do any begging, pleading, calling after he broke up, so I doubt he resents me....I guess I'm just confused. My parents think he may be hurting, but I think his ego is so big that he thinks that if he contacts me Ill try and get him back (I really wouldn't) Should I just break the ice and contact him?! When you break up, all of the stuff that I bolded stops. You cut contact and don't see the person again. It's not cruel. It's for the best. As difficult as it is, you no longer have any type of relationship with him. It's very sad, but you can't be friends with him. When you break up, you loose him completely.
b_rouse Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 No. Do not contact him. You're one of the lucky few that doesn't receive breadcrumbs from an ex, and although it may not seem like it, that's a blessing. THIS. This is a good thing. My ex did that stupid breadcrumb nonsense, and he was the one that broke up with me. Those breadcrumbs inhibit healing. I'm going on 5 years since my ex, and I still think of him. Since it's been 6 weeks, I'd advise deleting or blocking him on Facebook. Keeping him on there delays actually getting over him. If he wanted to contact you, he would. It sucks being the dumpee, obviously we want to contact the person, but it makes us look pathetic.
Author Pandora08 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 That's very true-I know I won't contact him out of mainly respect for myself , and I feel like if I did I would lose respect for myself and he would lose respect for me in a sense... It's really interesting seeing everyone's opinions on it though. I am glad he hasn't left breadcrumbs, as now I'm actually starting to look at other guys and even went out on a date! I guess I'm still hurt that he can just cut me out if his life like I didn't exist. I think because it was so sudden and out of the blue, it literally shocked my system to have the person you rely on for four years just vanish. But thanks the all the opinions-I hope I haven't come across in these posts as too needy or anything-this is the first time I've been dumped by someone I truly cared about , so getting my head around it all is taking a while
marcelo.santos Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I guess I'm still hurt that he can just cut me out if his life like I didn't exist. I think because it was so sudden and out of the blue, it literally shocked my system to have the person you rely on for four years just vanish. If he is not a psychopath, I bet he thinks and miss about you everyday. Probably Its a great attitude and sensibility from him that he is not throwing breadcrumbs for you just to make easier for him to forget you. Never assume that its easy for the other part, but in other hand this do not means that he will contact you some day or if he decide to contact you, he is interesting in be back. I'm a man and in the past I already did stupid things like contacting the dumped just to hear how she miss me or just to have sex - Yes, I know its a stupid thing I did a long ago. Just keep moving on - I'm very sorry that this is so difficulty for you at this time, I'm on a similar situation right now - My ex gf stopped contacting me 6 weeks ago after I asked her to stop contacting me as she told that she is not interested in me anymore. I'm glad that she is doing it as now the things a bit easier for me.
Author Pandora08 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 hey marcelo nooo thats great advice, thank you so much. I am glad he isnt leaving breadcrumbs - at least that was nice! And to be fair I do think the break up was a good idea now that im over the main emotional hurt of the aftermath of it. We are both too young in my eyes (and his) to be seriously committed to each other, especially as we want to travel e.t.c Yes! Who knows. hopefully he will contact me in the future and we can get onto speaking terms. I've asked his sister to ask his family to stop contacting me too - his mum was messaging me saying that they missed me and wanted me to come round and hoped we would be friends e.t.c.....think that made it way harder!
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