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Posted

So there is this girl in my social circle that I've known for about 7 months. I took a liking to her and finally let her know that I wanted to take her out.

 

So my intentions for this date or what not, is to lay out to her that I am attracted to her and would like to be intimately and romantically involved with her. I'm not looking for a one-night stand.

 

I'm kinda torn between either meeting up to have wine with her or doing a dancing class. What would be the best route for me going forward?

Posted
So there is this girl in my social circle that I've known for about 7 months. I took a liking to her and finally let her know that I wanted to take her out.

 

So my intentions for this date or what not, is to lay out to her that I am attracted to her and would like to be intimately and romantically involved with her. I'm not looking for a one-night stand.

 

I'm kinda torn between either meeting up to have wine with her or doing a dancing class. What would be the best route for me going forward?

Plan something fun, like laughing and activity fun. Not sure if either of your activities fits... maybe the dancing. And lay off how you feel about her for at least 10 dates... have fun with her instead, get to know her and see if you like being around each other and that will take you miles farther than a premature "I'm attracted to you and I want some romance."

  • Like 1
Posted

Have you given any other indication that you might be interested/attracted to her so far? has she expressed anything towards you?

 

Seven months is a long time to be around someone on a regular basis, if you were interested it would've been best to start/make conversation before asking her directly out just to kind of establish a base.

 

If you're just going in blind, I wouldn't make it a big event on the first date...however do you know what she likes to do or what her interests are? that might give you a better indication of what to do...it's much easier asking someone else out when you have a mutual interest in something, it can be very casual and you can test chemistry out that way.

 

If you express how you feel early on, she might just shut you down right away leaving you feeling like you didn't "get a chance" when you definitely had a chance after 7 months to established some flirtation/interest.

Posted

NO..NO..AND CAN I SAY NO.

 

Under no circumstances should you tell her that you like her, want to be romantically involved, etc.. It's a first date. Keep it low key and fun. Just get to know her, tease her playfully, break the touch barrier once and awhile, etc.. Then if it goes well, show that you're attracted by kissing her. But it takes two to three MONTHS of fun filled dates, great sex, and emotional development before a girl wants a relationship. So as I said don't bring up a relationship, or anything overly romantic like some cheesy nice guy stalker that watches too may rom-con's.

  • Like 3
Posted

Yeah man.......all I can say is if you do anything you said you want to do you're ****ing up.

Posted

Take her out for the wine. Do not make any announcements about your intentions. Have a fun date. Arrange a 2nd date & go from there.

Posted
So there is this girl in my social circle that I've known for about 7 months. I took a liking to her and finally let her know that I wanted to take her out.

 

So my intentions for this date or what not, is to lay out to her that I am attracted to her and would like to be intimately and romantically involved with her. I'm not looking for a one-night stand.

 

I'm kinda torn between either meeting up to have wine with her or doing a dancing class. What would be the best route for me going forward?

 

I'm not entirely sure how you plan on laying out to her that you are attracted to her and that you want to be intimate with her. If you're planning on that being a conversation, don't plan on seeing her again.

 

It sounds like she's agreed to go out with you - she's probably expecting it to be a date. Just try to kiss her halfway through the date and she what happens. If you try to bring it up in a conversation - super awkward, not romantic, and it will be the death of a friendship without any chance for romance.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks for all the feed back!

 

Have you given any other indication that you might be interested/attracted to her so far? has she expressed anything towards you?

 

I haven't given her any indication that I am attracted to her nor has she towards me and that's a good point that your brought up. I have rethink that because that plays a big factor if we were to go on a second date pending how things go on this first one.

 

 

It sounds like she's agreed to go out with you - she's probably expecting it to be a date.

 

When I told her that I wanted her to spend some time with me and hang out, she asked me, "like a date or something?" I causally just said to hang out. And she agreed and was up to spending some time with me. The word "date" seems like it carries a lot of weight or means something deeper. I don't know if carries on a deeper meaning for women or what not.

 

So during the time that I've known her, it was pretty much on and off. I travel for work and would see her from time to time. So during that time, I would say that I've met her close to 5 times.

 

During that time, she has had a bf and is not afraid to voice out her relationship situations with guys she's been with. So as of now, she is no longer in a serious relationship with the guy she was with during that 7 months but she says she's talking to several other guys which I don't mind.

 

I've gotten to know her more; what she likes, her hobbies, what she values, what she looks for in a guy and other things. And the last time we saw each other, we were joking and teasing around for a bit and even danced together for a moment because it was one of our friends birthday party. But by the time we were dancing she was drunk.

 

I'm trying not to beat around the bush and waste my time or her time. I wanna be direct, honest and straight to the point with my intentions for her from the start.

 

Wine tasting and dancing are things that she and I like. But getting my point across to her is what I'm trying to wrap my head around.

Posted
I'm trying not to beat around the bush and waste my time or her time. I wanna be direct, honest and straight to the point with my intentions for her from the start.

 

Once again DO NOT DO THIS.

 

If you like this girl, and want to have a chance of succeeding with her, you need to let her develop feelings and emotions on her own time frame. If you lay it all out on the first date, she'll simply tell you she doesn't feel the same way and never go out with you again. Just have fun, work on building sexual attraction, and take it slow. If you manage to date this girl consistency for a few months, have a good sex life with her, and she's being emotionally vulnerable, then bring it up.

  • Like 1
Posted

Wearing your heart on your sleeve and spilling your guts to her is what you gleaned from Poo-psychology and the fantasy land of TV and movies, and it's one of the worst things you can do. Google the term "nice guy". You have some reading to do.

 

Playing hard to get doubles love level. This means you keep your mouth shut about mushy stuff until she says it - and then you say only half as much.

Posted

She sounds like the dumb and easy type, not sure why you're intimidated by this one. Just ask her out, she's probably the type to rebound quickly. You just need to be more direct and to the point, this type will appreciate your transparency and directness in things.

 

You're overcomplicating it with this girl.

Posted
NO..NO..AND CAN I SAY NO.

 

Under no circumstances should you tell her that you like her, want to be romantically involved, etc.. It's a first date. Keep it low key and fun. Just get to know her, tease her playfully, break the touch barrier once and awhile, etc.. Then if it goes well, show that you're attracted by kissing her. But it takes two to three MONTHS of fun filled dates, great sex, and emotional development before a girl wants a relationship. So as I said don't bring up a relationship, or anything overly romantic like some cheesy nice guy stalker that watches too may rom-con's.

 

^^THAT'S the fitnessfan we all know and love... totally agree!

  • Like 1
Posted
So there is this girl in my social circle that I've known for about 7 months. I took a liking to her and finally let her know that I wanted to take her out.

 

So my intentions for this date or what not, is to lay out to her that I am attracted to her and would like to be intimately and romantically involved with her. I'm not looking for a one-night stand.

 

I'm kinda torn between either meeting up to have wine with her or doing a dancing class. What would be the best route for me going forward?

 

I wouldn't "lay" anything out on a first date with anyone. I would have a very casual, fun date and simply enjoy the time with her and gauge her interest in you. At the end of the date, ask her for another one. If she accepts, you go and enjoy that date. Date her for a little while before you get into the details.

 

Since you are already thinking you'd like to have a romantic relationship with her, ask her on a proper date that includes dinner and demonstrate your interest in her. Asking her for a "meet up" for wine, doesn't say it's a "date" usually. Save the dance classes for later if/when your relationship develops as a way to keep things interesting.

 

When you get to say 4 or 5 dates, you can casually open up a conversation about what each of you is looking for out of your dating journey. Simply say "I'm looking for a committed, long-term relationship with some one for myself (don't be specific about her yet) and let her tell you what she wants. If you two are on the same page, you continue to date her and at some point, if you become intimate or getting close to that, you ask her for exclusivity at least.

Posted

When I told her that I wanted her to spend some time with me and hang out, she asked me, "like a date or something?" I causally just said to hang out.

 

Have you ever dated before? You're wanting to jump in and tell her you want to be intimate with her, you ask her our and when she asks if it's a date, you tell her no - you're telling her to think of you as a friend instead of a romantic option, or at a minimum communicating lack of self confidence if you want to try dating.

 

Your philosophy is pretty close to killing any chance of anything before it even starts...

  • Author
Posted

I have not dated for nearly 3 years and thought I would try this approach of showing my hands early as oppose to waiting down the line like I did with my last relationship. I just thought that the times we have met with our group of friends and the conversations we have with regards to relationships, what we want to do in our lives and the stuff we like would forgo having to go on a date to find out these things, because we've already spoken of these things.

 

It's unanimous from all the comments here that I should hold off being strong with my intentions with her and start off slow with several dates and I will go with that route and see how far I can go.

 

I wanna thank you guys for all the input and advice!

Posted
I have not dated for nearly 3 years and thought I would try this approach of showing my hands early as oppose to waiting down the line like I did with my last relationship. I just thought that the times we have met with our group of friends and the conversations we have with regards to relationships, what we want to do in our lives and the stuff we like would forgo having to go on a date to find out these things, because we've already spoken of these things.

 

It's unanimous from all the comments here that I should hold off being strong with my intentions with her and start off slow with several dates and I will go with that route and see how far I can go.

 

I wanna thank you guys for all the input and advice!

 

Finally making some sense.

 

You have to remember that being friends with a woman, especially in a group dynamic is MILES different than what it's like to be romantically involved with her. Also, you may spend a few dates alone with her and realize that you're better off as friends. You need to be more selective and realistic in how you handle yourself. Don't give a woman value, until she has proven herself over time in a romantic setting.

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