NJooo Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 my ex broke up with me over distance 2 days later told me that I need to move on and also told me that just because he slept with me during our relationship didn't mean he was going to marry me. that hurt because I felt used he also told me I was a great person but didn't want to be with me romantically his words were I quote "listen what we had is over you need to move on with your life I'm in another place I'm over this I have moved on so just let it be and leave me alllllonnnneee" I never cheated on this guy all I ever wanted was just communication my friends told me that he is with someone else about 2 months after we broke up. he refuses to be friends with mebut is still friends with his other ex I dont understand that. I sometimes wonder was he cheating on me. And when I finally stood my ground and broke communication with him and told him as far as I'm concerned we were never in a relationship I got blocked by him on Facebook is this guy a ****ty person or is something wrong with me? why is it that he can be friends with his other ex's but me it's like I have to disappear when I asked him did he have a girlfriend he responds that is not for you to know
PinkCarnations Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) You need to provide more information as to your role in the relationship that would drive him away or more concrete clues as to whether he was cheating. There's not enough here to give you an analysis of what went wrong.. Except that he thinks you're crazy or annoying since he told you to leave him alone and refuses to be friends with you. i think if someone said those things to me, I would never ever talk to them again. The fact that you talked to him anyway to tell him he's a crappy person and accused him of cheating on you makes you look even worse in his eyes probably. You still care about this person since you are writing this thread to seek our perspective and advice. All i can say is the relationship is over & the only thing left to salvage is your dignity. Follow the rules of NC (no contact) and show him what he missed by no longer existing in his life (ie. Do not give him any attention). Good luck! Edited March 18, 2015 by PinkCarnations 1
Author NJooo Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) You need to provide more information as to your role in the relationship that would drive him away or more concrete clues as to whether he was cheating. There's not enough here to give you an analysis of what went wrong.. Except that he thinks you're crazy or annoying since he told you to leave him alone and refuses to be friends with you. i think if someone said those things to me, I would never ever talk to them again. The fact that you talked to him anyway to tell him he's a crappy person and accused him of cheating on you makes you look even worse in his eyes probably. You still care about this person since you are writing this thread to seek our perspective and advice. All i can say is the relationship is over & the only thing left to salvage is your dignity. Follow the rules of NC (no contact) and show him what he missed by no longer existing in his life (ie. Do not give him any attention). Good luck! I never told him he was a crappy person this is what my friends thought of him but thank you for you blunt response and I never accused him of cheating. salvage my dignity??? you have got to be kidding me salvage your response because it all sounds immature Edited March 18, 2015 by missnini
katiegrl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) >>...except that he thinks you're crazy and annoying and refuses to be friends with you<< ^^This! OP, why are you still engaging with this guy? He broke up with, you should have blocked him and deleted him immediately thereafter! His comment was harsh because it sounds like he has reached his breaking point with you. He wants nothing to do with you, but you're just not getting it. He's at his wit's end and saw no other way to get through to you other than being harsh like that. There is only one thing to do here. Leave him alone! And move on. It doesn't matter if he used you, or cheated... it's over now so let it all go and get on with your life. And in the future, when a guy breaks up with you, you leave him alone. You don't try to be friends, you don't do anything, except leave him alone and move on. Edited March 18, 2015 by katiegrl 3
Gaeta Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I never told him he was a crappy person this is what my friends thought of him but thank you for you blunt response and I never accused him of cheating. salvage my dignity??? you have got to be kidding me salvage your response because it all sounds immature You are the immature one here. Your ex-boyfriend response indicates that you have been harassing him and he can't take it anymore. Mature and balanced people do not do that. They accept the other person has put an end to their relationship and move on. Who cares if he is friends with his ex. He doesn't want to be friends with you, end of story. 3
Mrin Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I have to agree with others. Your relarionship came to an end. He ended it. Trying to remain friends is hard to impossible. It sounds like you've been hounding him. Not good. And now you're asking us if he used you in some fashion on which I'm still not clear when you were dating. Move on. Delete this man out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. Don't write him. Don't ask your friends about him.
Author NJooo Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 >>...except that he thinks you're crazy and annoying and refuses to be friends with you<< ^^This! OP, why are you still engaging with this guy? He broke up with, you should have blocked him and deleted him immediately thereafter! His comment was harsh because it sounds like he has reached his breaking point with you. He wants nothing to do with you, but you're just not getting it. He's at his wit's end and saw no other way to get through to you other than being harsh like that. There is only one thing to do here. Leave him alone! And move on. It doesn't matter if he used you, or cheated... it's over now so let it all go and get on with your life. And in the future, when a guy breaks up with you, you leave him alone. You don't try to be friends, you don't do anything, except leave him alone and move on.[/quote thanks for your response I'm not crazy but thank you for your input I know when I was with this guy he spoke negatively of every ex that he dated. he called them crazy every last one of them. yeah I know I can do better and this is a learning lesson for me. this person wanted nothing out of life and I was the one trying to motivate him to want to succeed. maybe I was misunderstood I'm not sure. I knew a future with this guy wouldn't have been what I needed he wanted to eventually quit his job go back to doing drugs. I tried to help him out the best way I could but that didn't work out. I appreciate your response but you don't know me ice been through a lot of pain and rejection in my life and I'm trying day by day one step at a time to make a change in my life, heal from my past and move on. I'm not perfect but I learn from mistakes and keep trying. If I'm too crazy or immature then ok but I know that each day I'm learning and growing. it would 've been nice to have met someone who would love me at my worst instead of loving me only at my best. you're entitled to your own opinion by all means
Author NJooo Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 I have to agree with others. Your relarionship came to an end. He ended it. Trying to remain friends is hard to impossible. It sounds like you've been hounding him. Not good. And now you're asking us if he used you in some fashion on which I'm still not clear when you were dating. Move on. Delete this man out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. Don't write him. Don't ask your friends about him. Like I said before in the previous message you don't know me say what you may you're entitled to your own opinion. if I look crazy or something like a harraser ok that's your opinion at the end of the day the only thing that matters is what God really sees in me as a person. I don't expect everyone to understand who I am and that's fine thank you for your honesty
Zahara Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 thanks for your response I'm not crazy but thank you for your input I know when I was with this guy he spoke negatively of every ex that he dated. he called them crazy every last one of them. yeah I know I can do better and this is a learning lesson for me. this person wanted nothing out of life and I was the one trying to motivate him to want to succeed. maybe I was misunderstood I'm not sure. I knew a future with this guy wouldn't have been what I needed he wanted to eventually quit his job go back to doing drugs. I tried to help him out the best way I could but that didn't work out. I appreciate your response but you don't know me ice been through a lot of pain and rejection in my life and I'm trying day by day one step at a time to make a change in my life, heal from my past and move on. I'm not perfect but I learn from mistakes and keep trying. If I'm too crazy or immature then ok but I know that each day I'm learning and growing. it would 've been nice to have met someone who would love me at my worst instead of loving me only at my best. you're entitled to your own opinion by all means And after all that you're still griping about why he won't be friends with you. Let this be part of your learning and growing -- 1) don't try and change someone to be what you want them to be 2) the moment you see a red flag, leave.
katiegrl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 >>...except that he thinks you're crazy and annoying and refuses to be friends with you<< ^^This! OP, why are you still engaging with this guy? He broke up with, you should have blocked him and deleted him immediately thereafter! His comment was harsh because it sounds like he has reached his breaking point with you. He wants nothing to do with you, but you're just not getting it. He's at his wit's end and saw no other way to get through to you other than being harsh like that. There is only one thing to do here. Leave him alone! And move on. It doesn't matter if he used you, or cheated... it's over now so let it all go and get on with your life. And in the future, when a guy breaks up with you, you leave him alone. You don't try to be friends, you don't do anything, except leave him alone and move on.[/quote thanks for your response I'm not crazy but thank you for your input I know when I was with this guy he spoke negatively of every ex that he dated. he called them crazy every last one of them. yeah I know I can do better and this is a learning lesson for me. this person wanted nothing out of life and I was the one trying to motivate him to want to succeed. maybe I was misunderstood I'm not sure. I knew a future with this guy wouldn't have been what I needed he wanted to eventually quit his job go back to doing drugs. I tried to help him out the best way I could but that didn't work out. I appreciate your response but you don't know me ice been through a lot of pain and rejection in my life and I'm trying day by day one step at a time to make a change in my life, heal from my past and move on. I'm not perfect but I learn from mistakes and keep trying. If I'm too crazy or immature then ok but I know that each day I'm learning and growing. it would 've been nice to have met someone who would love me at my worst instead of loving me only at my best. you're entitled to your own opinion by all means Oh sweetie I am so sorry. We've all been there, done that ....god only knows how many times I have! And you're right, all those experiences were great learning lessons! This guy sounds like a douchebag, so you know you're better off without him in your life. This is a good thing. AND you have also learned a valuable lesson ...so it's a double shot of a good thing! Right? Anyway.. stay strong and head high. Know your worth. you deserve the best! ((hugs))
Author NJooo Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) And after all that you're still griping about why he won't be friends with you. Let this be part of your learning and growing -- 1) don't try and change someone to be what you want them to be 2) the moment you see a red flag, leave. I agree I failed to see the red flags I should have taken that as a warning to stay away. Even before we were together he told me that he was no good to a woman and needed to get his life together. that's my fault I should have not gotten involved with this guy he is in the military wants to get out but has no plans for his future he used to ask me repeatedly would I ever try marijuana or do mushrooms. I told him no. he wanted us to move in together and I think that would have been a bad idea. he had no motivation and I feel like he would have been my downfall and I'm sure he calls me crazy to whoever he is with but this is a pattern that he has developed with every ex Edited March 18, 2015 by missnini
kendahke Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 my ex broke up with me over distance 2 days later told me that I need to move on and also told me that just because he slept with me during our relationship didn't mean he was going to marry me. that hurt because I felt used he also told me I was a great person but didn't want to be with me romantically his words were I quote "listen what we had is over you need to move on with your life I'm in another place I'm over this I have moved on so just let it be and leave me alllllonnnneee" I never cheated on this guy all I ever wanted was just communication my friends told me that he is with someone else about 2 months after we broke up. he refuses to be friends with mebut is still friends with his other ex I dont understand that. I sometimes wonder was he cheating on me. And when I finally stood my ground and broke communication with him and told him as far as I'm concerned we were never in a relationship I got blocked by him on Facebook is this guy a ****ty person or is something wrong with me? why is it that he can be friends with his other ex's but me it's like I have to disappear when I asked him did he have a girlfriend he responds that is not for you to know Why do you want to be friends so badly with a ****ty person?
kendahke Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I never told him he was a crappy person this is what my friends thought of him but thank you for you blunt response and I never accused him of cheating. salvage my dignity??? you have got to be kidding me salvage your response because it all sounds immature this response shines a light on why he may have taken the tack he did.
Zahara Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I agree I failed to see the red flags I should have taken that as a warning to stay away. Even before we were together he told me that he was no good to a woman and needed to get his life together. that's my fault I should have not gotten involved with this guy he is in the military wants to get out but has no plans for his future he used to ask me repeatedly would I ever try marijuana or do mushrooms. I told him no. he wanted us to move in together and I think that would have been a bad idea. he had no motivation and I feel like he would have been my downfall and I'm sure he calls me crazy to whoever he is with but this is a pattern that he has developed with every ex I think you saw the red flags and deep down you knew it was a bad idea but you went ahead because 1) you thought you were different/special 2) you could change him. Why he is treating you this way shouldn't be a surprise then, right? It's been a pattern and you were the rule, not the exception. Block him and try to move on.
Author NJooo Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 this response shines a light on why he may have taken the tack he did. Ok your opinion
Redhead14 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 my ex broke up with me over distance 2 days later told me that I need to move on and also told me that just because he slept with me during our relationship didn't mean he was going to marry me. that hurt because I felt used he also told me I was a great person but didn't want to be with me romantically his words were I quote "listen what we had is over you need to move on with your life I'm in another place I'm over this I have moved on so just let it be and leave me alllllonnnneee" I never cheated on this guy all I ever wanted was just communication my friends told me that he is with someone else about 2 months after we broke up. he refuses to be friends with mebut is still friends with his other ex I dont understand that. I sometimes wonder was he cheating on me. And when I finally stood my ground and broke communication with him and told him as far as I'm concerned we were never in a relationship I got blocked by him on Facebook is this guy a ****ty person or is something wrong with me? why is it that he can be friends with his other ex's but me it's like I have to disappear when I asked him did he have a girlfriend he responds that is not for you to know How long were you two seeing each other? Men don't use women, women allow themselves to be used by not having good communication with a man early in the dating scenario and beyond. It is important to have casual, non-confrontational conversations in the beginning to determine what the other person is looking for out of their dating experiences and make sure both parties are on the same page to start with. And periodic conversations as the "relationship" develops. In the end though, this man clearly has moved on and you should too. Don't follow him on FaceBook, don't call or text him, go no contact. Let yourself heal. 4
Author NJooo Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 You are the immature one here. Your ex-boyfriend response indicates that you have been harassing him and he can't take it anymore. Mature and balanced people do not do that. They accept the other person has put an end to their relationship and move on. Who cares if he is friends with his ex. He doesn't want to be friends with you, end of story. You don't know me so don't judge
kendahke Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Ok your opinion Yes. It is. No behavior happens in a vacuum. You have been combative with people here who tell you what you don't want to hear--just like you're combative with him when he tells you what you don't want to hear. Sometimes, the very thing that you need to hear may be something you dont' want to hear, but do you want to waste more time than necessary or needed because you want to hear what you want to hear, which doesn't address how to get unstuck, in order to have who you can't have? Your ex has made himself abundantly clear. For him, the relationship is over and he's taken the steps to make that clear to you. Does it suck? I'm sure it does, being that your'e on the receiving end of it, but you have to become your own champion here: it's time for you to gather up your grace and dignity and move on and leave him alone as he's asked you. Sex is not a contract to deliver on future events; no man can be sexed into a relationship, so no, he didn't use you. You willingly had sex with him without having a clear understanding about the direction of your relationship, so he didn't owe you a future or marriage. Always, always get clear with any man you are involved with as to what their intentions are BEFORE you lay down in a bed with them. Even though the manner in which he went about this hurts, he really has done you a huge favor. You know without a doubt where you stand and that, my dear, is a gift. He hasn't blown up your head and strung you along, which happens to far too many people who come on here with their woes. 4
kendahke Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You don't know me so don't judge Non sequitur. We don't know anyone here. What we know is our experience having already waded through this emotional cesspool in which you currently find yourself. We don't necessarily have to know you to know how to get unstuck and get to the other side. 1
Gaeta Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You don't know me so don't judge No, I do not know you. I do not know anything about your past life and your hardships. I suspect you have been through a lot of difficult things related to abandonment and I am sorry you are starting life with this big baggage already. That being said, whether you had a difficult childhood/past or not, it does not change the fact that contacting someone against their wishes is called harassing. The fact you had a bad past or a bad relationship does not allow you, or excuse you, to act out of control toward other people. 1
Redhead14 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 No one here wants to be or is judgemental (most of the time) and Gaeta's post is not intended to be nor is it judgemental. What it is is pragmatic and tough love and difficult to hear/read. You are hurting and we all understand that. But you are clearly beating yourself up and torturing yourself over this. Sometimes when people are so upset and overwhelmed by a situation, they need a little "slap" to bring them around 2
Redhead14 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 All of the responses here are telling you to move on and let yourself heal. If you come here expecting to find people who agree with your position or how you are dealing with a situation, you may find a couple. But if 10 people are telling you to deal with it differently and you decide to "go by" and get validation for the way you are dealing with or support your position from those responses only, it's the same as going to 10 doctors until you get the diagnosis you want to hear, rather than the right one. 1
Author NJooo Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Yes. It is. No behavior happens in a vacuum. You have been combative with people here who tell you what you don't want to hear--just like you're combative with him when he tells you what you don't want to hear. Sometimes, the very thing that you need to hear may be something you dont' want to hear, but do you want to waste more time than necessary or needed because you want to hear what you want to hear, which doesn't address how to get unstuck, in order to have who you can't have? Your ex has made himself abundantly clear. For him, the relationship is over and he's taken the steps to make that clear to you. Does it suck? I'm sure it does, being that your'e on the receiving end of it, but you have to become your own champion here: it's time for you to gather up your grace and dignity and move on and leave him alone as he's asked you. Sex is not a contract to deliver on future events; no man can be sexed into a relationship, so no, he didn't use you. You willingly had sex with him without having a clear understanding about the direction of your relationship, so he didn't owe you a future or marriage. Always, always get clear with any man you are involved with as to what their intentions are BEFORE you lay down in a bed with them. Even though the manner in which he went about this hurts, he really has done you a huge favor. You know without a doubt where you stand and that, my dear, is a gift. He hasn't blown up your head and strung you along, which happens to far too many people who come on here with their woes.that is very true I understand what you mean thank you
Author NJooo Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Non sequitur. We don't know anyone here. What we know is our experience having already waded through this emotional cesspool in which you currently find yourself. We don't necessarily have to know you to know how to get unstuck and get to the other side. Yes I understand thanks
Author NJooo Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 No one here wants to be or is judgemental (most of the time) and Gaeta's post is not intended to be nor is it judgemental. What it is is pragmatic and tough love and difficult to hear/read. You are hurting and we all understand that. But you are clearly beating yourself up and torturing yourself over this. Sometimes when people are so upset and overwhelmed by a situation, they need a little "slap" to bring them around That's true and this is helping thanks 1
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