he texts every day

March 18, 2015

Well look, did neither of you read my previous post? That guy who STRUNG ME ALONG via text and phone for a month, without meeting me in person, despite MY efforts to ASK HIM to MEET ME? Go back and read my post. I am not stuck in the 1950s. I'm very assertive. BUT...I will not chase a guy down to date me. This guy from this past summer, he initiated every call and text, yet he hemmed and hawed and cancelled and rescheduled our first date, and when I gave him a last straw, "meet me on this day or I'm through with this" he cancelled the day of, and I never heard from him again until 2 weeks later when he had the nerve to text me late at night, asking me to talk via text. No thanks!

So, that's why I believe this guy is stringing the OP along. I'd like to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, believe me. But my personal experience with online dating prevents me from doing that. If he's not calling her asking her out for a third date, he's not interested. Anyone can text you 24/7. That doesn't mean they want to spend time with you in person. That's why I absolutely despise texting where dating is concerned. It's not real communication. Real communication is: call the person on the phone, schedule the date, meet in person for the date, and spend time together. But texting? Texting is for practical things like telling the date you are running late, or got lost and need help. Texting should not be used for regular communication. That's just my preference. I hate texting.

writergal...you are projecting your own experience on to this situation, which isn't even the same thing.

In this situation, they "have" met and gone out on TWO great dates...so the two situations can hardly be compared.

I am sorry that guy strung you along, and if the OP's guy was just texting her making no effort to even meet her? I'd be telling her the same thing you are.

But that's not the case here. They have already met and he has already taken her out on TWO great dates. They both already know they click IN PERSON..unlike your situation wherein he never even wanted to meet you, let alone take you out on a date.

Edited March 18, 2015 by katiegrl

March 18, 2015

writergal...you are projecting your own experience on to this situation, which isn't even the same thing.

In this situation, they "have" met and gone out on TWO great dates...so the two situations can hardly be compared.

I am sorry that guy strung you along, and if the OP's guy was just texting her making no effort to even meet her? I'd be telling her the same thing you are.

But that's not the case here. They have already met and he has already taken her out on TWO great dates.

No, not projecting at all. Experience informs opinion. That's why I mentioned my experience.

Sure, they've gone on 2 dates but he won't ask her out on a 3rd date yet. He just keeps texting her. Otherwise, why did she create the thread? To vent about him texting her? Or vent about him not asking her out?

Where has the OP mentioned his effort to schedule a 3rd date? She clearly states that he hasn't asked her out again and that she's wondering why he hasn't. So, I'd say she's in the same boat as I was...being strung along.

The fact that they went out twice before this, is moot anyway. He could still be stringing her along via text, because he went out with her twice, and decided she wasn't someone he wants to see again, but is fun to text with. We just don't know what his intentions are. Neither does the OP, it appears.

And I guess, the only way the OP will find out what this guy wants, is to stop responding to his texts and call him up and ask him out on a date, or ask him what he wants. The longer she waits for this guy to ask her out, the more he strings her along via text. Texting means nothing in the scheme of dating. Just words on a screen. That's all.

March 18, 2015

Do guys really think this way? Seriously?

I would imagine that by continuing to engage in that type of thinking, they're going to lose a lot of great girls ....who are naturally going to presume he lost interest, and move on.

Katiegrl,

If I am generally positive about a girl, but have a few reservations, in particular about their interest level - I'll usually require that they ask me out for either the 3rd or 4th date. Basically, it helps me avoid spending too much time with people that have neutral to negative interest.

That said, if the girl is responsive to my texts, in particular if it's been ~2 weeks since we last met, I'd likely ask her out...just because the responsiveness would have effectively mitigating my concerns about her interest.

If the OP wants to see the guy again - she should just ask him out. This challenges with the situation that OP described are very much her own creation. Moreover, the guy is likely dating other people - they've only been on 2 dates. Neutral interest when you have a lot of other options is the kiss of death.

March 18, 2015

Katiegrl,

If I am generally positive about a girl, but have a few reservations, in particular about their interest level - I'll usually require that they ask me out for either the 3rd or 4th date. Basically, it helps me avoid spending too much time with people that have neutral to negative interest.

That said, if the girl is responsive to my texts, in particular if it's been ~2 weeks since we last met, I'd likely ask her out...just because the responsiveness would have effectively mitigating my concerns about her interest.

If the OP wants to see the guy again - she should just ask him out. This challenges with the situation that OP described are very much her own creation. Moreover, the guy is likely dating other people - they've only been on 2 dates. Neutral interest when you have a lot of other options is the kiss of death.

I agree with you. Please read my subsequent posts...

March 18, 2015

writergal, with respect... it's only been two weeks. In these busy times, two weeks is not *that* long.

Two MONTHS ... yes but not two weeks.

Hell, they are not in a relationship, they are "dating". He may be dating others.. which would be within his right to do if he so chooses.

You seem to have a lot of expectations for so early on. Again, they have had TWO dates!

If she doesn't feel comfortable asking him for a casual get together, then she should do what I suggested in my very first post. Pull back and stop being available every day to *chat* with him.

Start dating other guys, if she suspects he is doing the same, but stay open to further advances from him, if any.

March 18, 2015

Well look, did neither of you read my previous post?

Yes. Did you read mine?

Answer me this. What exactly does she have to lose by asking him out on a 3rd date?

If he says yes then the world is all smiles and rainbows.

If he doesn't say yes then she knows he isn't serious and moves on.

It is a WIN-WIN situation. She has NOTHING to lose except maybe 10 minutes of her time.

March 18, 2015

Thanks everyone for the advice. I am in my 30’s but am so far behind, fairly new to texting. I’ve been ghosted before, understand that, but this is new. I have initiated some texts. He always texts back. He’s probably initiated 80% though. He’s never called. I called him once, he didn’t answer but texted a few minutes later apologizing.

The stringing along makes sense. I know he’s outgoing, probably seeing several women. Which is fine, I’m dating other men, I just like this man the best. I have the gut feeling, and have learned to trust my gut. Also have the feeling there will not be another date. Not sure what I’ll do. If I’ll ignore the texts or just go along with it.

March 18, 2015

Thanks everyone for the advice. I am in my 30’s but am so far behind, fairly new to texting. I’ve been ghosted before, understand that, but this is new. I have initiated some texts. He always texts back. He’s probably initiated 80% though. He’s never called. I called him once, he didn’t answer but texted a few minutes later apologizing.

The stringing along makes sense. I know he’s outgoing, probably seeing several women. Which is fine, I’m dating other men, I just like this man the best. I have the gut feeling, and have learned to trust my gut. Also have the feeling there will not be another date. Not sure what I’ll do. If I’ll ignore the texts or just go along with it.

>>Not sure what I'll do. If I'll ignore the texts or just go along with it.<

-----

Those are NOT your only two options. Have you read the thread?

You can:

1. Pull back and not always be available to chat EVERY day...just tell him you are busy and will get back to him later.. then wait a couple of days and get back to him then. Stay positive and happy.

2. Next time you talk, or text ... when the convo is flowing, ask him if he's up to grabbing a bite to eat with you.. that you know this great place and have been wanting to check it out. Easy peasey!

Or you can just ignore him..but if you like him, not sure why you would. That's just rude. Do you like it when guys suddenly and without warning, ignore you? Didn't think so.

March 18, 2015

Yes. Did you read mine?

Answer me this. What exactly does she have to lose by asking him out on a 3rd date?
If he says yes then the world is all smiles and rainbows.
If he doesn't say yes then she knows he isn't serious and moves on.

It is a WIN-WIN situation. She has NOTHING to lose except maybe 10 minutes of her time.

I did read your posts Pete. Normally I agree with you on your opinions. I just don't happen to agree that she should call him...because after 2 dates...I consider that chasing him. Doesn't mean I'm stuck in the 1950s either as you pointed out in your response to my post, haha.

By calling him now, she'd be chasing him, since he hasn't indicated any interest in date #3 with her via his texts to her.

His saying "yes" if she did call, doesn't even guarantee that he'd even show up, as my previous post illustrates when I was ghosted by an guy I connected with online.

If he doesn't say yes, then the OP has her answer for sure. But...he hasn't even asked her out for date #3. Why do you and katie expect her to do the asking? It's still early. Is romance so dead that it's backwards in your view, for a woman to expect the man to ask a woman out the first few times? Why does that standard mean the woman is stuck in the 1950s gender role in your opinion?

In my opinion, it's ROMANTIC for the man to ask the woman out for the first few dates, until mutual attraction is well established. Then, I think, it's fine for the woman to initiate dates. But the first 3 or 4 dates should be up to the man to initiate, because at that point you're still complete strangers.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I am in my 30’s but am so far behind, fairly new to texting. I’ve been ghosted before, understand that, but this is new. I have initiated some texts. He always texts back. He’s probably initiated 80% though. He’s never called. I called him once, he didn’t answer but texted a few minutes later apologizing.

The stringing along makes sense. I know he’s outgoing, probably seeing several women. Which is fine, I’m dating other men, I just like this man the best. I have the gut feeling, and have learned to trust my gut. Also have the feeling there will not be another date. Not sure what I’ll do. If I’ll ignore the texts or just go along with it.

Glad you agree with me on the stringing along opinion. Look, you'd think he would have asked you for a date #3 by now if he was going to. Don't you? Don't let him turn you into his text-gal, where he wastes minutes to hours of your day texting yet he never calls you to ask you out on date #3, 4, etc.,. to see you again. Don't become his virtual penpal.

And it's great that you are dating other men. You may like texter best right now, but always judge a man by his actions, not by his words. The other men you're dating maybe walk the talk better; by their actions alone, indicate their interest in seeing you more than texter. Texting is like a plague on romance and dating because it is a lazy short cut to real face to face or voice to voice communication.

Soon no one will leave their house to date each other, and just text each other throughout the relationship. Is that where dating and romance is going, with all this virtual communication? Ugh!

March 18, 2015

Why do you and katie expect her to do the asking? It's still early. Is romance so dead that it's backwards in your view, for a woman to expect the man to ask a woman out the first few times?

I don't expect anything. I am simply saying that if she asks him, she will instantly know where she stands and what is going on, rather than sitting there wondering and analyzing his words and actions.

A woman asking a man on a 3rd date means that romance is dead? Seriously?!

You still didn't answer my question, what does she have to lose by asking him out?

March 18, 2015

I don't expect anything. I am simply saying that if she asks him, she will instantly know where she stands and what is going on, rather than sitting there wondering and analyzing his words and actions.

A woman asking a man on a 3rd date means that romance is dead? Seriously?!

You still didn't answer my question, what does she have to lose by asking him out?

I did answer your question. She has her dignity to lose by calling him up to ask him out. At this point, asking him out is chasing him. They are still complete strangers. He should ask her out for the 3rd date, not vice versa.

See? You and I have different view on romance and dating Pete. And that's ok.

March 18, 2015

writergal, just for the record, I did not say that I "expect" her to ask him out. Where did you get that from?

I only offered it as a "suggestion" so as to alleviate her having to continue to wonder about whether he's interested or not ...and because I see nothing wrong with it, considering he asked her out and planned the first two dates.

But expect? No I never said that...

March 18, 2015

If a woman asked me out on a 3rd date then I would not feel she had lost her dignity at all. In fact I would think she's an independent, strong woman who is interested in me, wants me to know that she likes me too, and wants a balanced relationship based on mutual input and effort.

If a woman never asked me, I'd assume she's just after a free meal ticket and I would lose interest. True, that probably would not happen by date 3, But after 4 or 5, I would be wondering. Maybe this guy's threshold is a bit lower than mine.

March 18, 2015

I did answer your question. She has her dignity to lose by calling him up to ask him out. At this point, asking him out is chasing him. They are still complete strangers. He should ask her out for the 3rd date, not vice versa.

See? You and I have different view on romance and dating Pete. And that's ok.

I never *lost* my dignity when I asked my boyfriends (when we first started dating) to get together occasionally, after they had taken me out a few times.

To the contrary, I *gained* their respect as it told them I was confident, and an independent thinker who didn't follow those silly "rules" that say it's the man's responsibility to chase the woman. My boyfriend told me recently my attitude actually INCREASED his interest level!

But to each his own. I will let my record with men and having long term successful relationships speak for itself.

March 18, 2015

I have nothing against you Pete or Katie. I just have a different opinion that's all.

March 18, 2015

Thanks everyone for the advice. I am in my 30’s but am so far behind, fairly new to texting. I’ve been ghosted before, understand that, but this is new. I have initiated some texts. He always texts back. He’s probably initiated 80% though. He’s never called. I called him once, he didn’t answer but texted a few minutes later apologizing.

The stringing along makes sense. I know he’s outgoing, probably seeing several women. Which is fine, I’m dating other men, I just like this man the best. I have the gut feeling, and have learned to trust my gut. Also have the feeling there will not be another date. Not sure what I’ll do. If I’ll ignore the texts or just go along with it.

If you like this guy the best, I'd suggest asking him out for your third date yourself. What do you have to lose? I think it's lame he hasn't asked you first, but maybe he's insecure about it for some reason. Texting is pointless when getting to know someone better, especially after only a couple dates.

March 18, 2015

I have nothing against you Pete or Katie. I just have a different opinion that's all.

Fair enough writergal ...agree to disagree.

But this is funny and wanted to share:

I just mentioned this to my boyfriend again and this was his response..lol

"Katie, you were (are) so unpredictable as it is, had you expected me to chase you, it may have thrown me completely over the edge"!

He was kidding of course (sort of/not really) and I laughed when he said it..but the point is, had I required that he chase me, he " may" not have stuck around, or been frustrated anyway.

Not all men feel that way though... some men LOVE the chase!

Just gotta do what's comfortable for you...

March 18, 2015

*That was my first thought too.

If he was genuinely interested he would want face-face-time.

some people don't like face-to-face time just like how some women don't like talking on the phone....

March 18, 2015

OP's situation reminds me of what happened to me this past summer, when I connected with a guy online. He came on strong texting and calling me every day for about a month, and everytime I suggested meeting for a first date he would agree then back out. The last time we were supposed to meet for a first date, he texted me that he couldn't meet me. When I called his cell, it conveniently went to voicemail. I was foolish to let myself get wrapped up in the daily phone calls that lasted for hours sometimes, and daily texts. All that lead nowhere in the end, because he bailed on meeting me for a first date. As a result, I got rid of my text plan and downgraded my phone.

OP, he's already shown you by his actions (no 3rd date invitation) that he's not interested in really meeting you again. What more proof do you need, to realize that he's not interested? Just because a guy blows up your cellphone with texts, doesn't actually mean he wants to date you. Plenty of men like digital pen pals via text, email, or IM'ing, with no intention of ever taking the connection offline into the real world. Don't let him string you along anymore. Just delete his cellphone #, and stop responding to his texts and move on to someone else online.

maybe he was just thinking you were friends... also women do this a lot string you along and just text all the time and won't speak to the guy on the phone

March 18, 2015

maybe he was just thinking you were friends... also women do this a lot string you along and just text all the time and won't speak to the guy on the phone

How could we be friends if we never met? If that were true, as my 'friend,' he wouldn't have constantly cancelled and rescheduled on me, hence we never met. That is not the way you treat your friend, fred123.

March 18, 2015

Well look, did neither of you read my previous post? That guy who STRUNG ME ALONG via text and phone for a month, without meeting me in person, despite MY efforts to ASK HIM to MEET ME? Go back and read my post. I am not stuck in the 1950s. I'm very assertive. BUT...I will not chase a guy down to date me. This guy from this past summer, he initiated every call and text, yet he hemmed and hawed and cancelled and rescheduled our first date, and when I gave him a last straw, "meet me on this day or I'm through with this" he cancelled the day of, and I never heard from him again until 2 weeks later when he had the nerve to text me late at night, asking me to talk via text. No thanks!

So, that's why I believe this guy is stringing the OP along. I'd like to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, believe me. But my personal experience with online dating prevents me from doing that. If he's not calling her asking her out for a third date, he's not interested. Anyone can text you 24/7. That doesn't mean they want to spend time with you in person. That's why I absolutely despise texting where dating is concerned. It's not real communication. Real communication is: call the person on the phone, schedule the date, meet in person for the date, and spend time together. But texting? Texting is for practical things like telling the date you are running late, or got lost and need help. Texting should not be used for regular communication. That's just my preference. I hate texting.

this is so true. i had a girl do the same always messaging me but never pick dup the phone or skyped me. but always face booking me.

March 18, 2015

The stringing along makes sense. I know he’s outgoing, probably seeing several women. Which is fine, I’m dating other men, I just like this man the best. I have the gut feeling, and have learned to trust my gut. Also have the feeling there will not be another date. Not sure what I’ll do. If I’ll ignore the texts or just go along with it.

Are you looking for an exclusive relationship?

Is he?

I'd probably drop this text into a text convo: "we going out again or what?" I don't see any reason not to bring it up, and see what he says. You could make arrangements together. I'd do that for up to 2 more dates, and at that time there should be some clarity. Time really does tell what you need to know. The trick is to keep yourself from getting invested before there is any cause for investment.

March 18, 2015

Maybe he figures that since he asked you on the first 2 dates, it's your turn to ask him for the 3rd?

Just a thought.

TALK to him.

Do guys really think this way? Seriously?

I would imagine that by continuing to engage in that type of thinking, they're going to lose a lot of great girls ....who are naturally going to presume he lost interest, and move on.

Why not?

Guys like to know that they are desired as well.

A girl asking out a guy is a great sign that she is interested.

March 18, 2015

Why not?

Guys like to know that they are desired as well.

A girl asking out a guy is a great sign that she is interested.

Can't he tell she's interested on the date?

I'm not saying she/he should/shouldn't ask the other out. I just don't understand the big fear of being strung along by either. The interest should reveal itself naturally. If it doesn't, then you know!

March 19, 2015

Ok, I texted

I'm just going to ask, are we ever gonna see each other again? Or are we destined to be friendly acquaintances?

What do I have to lose? At least I'll know for sure.

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