mstie Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I hate texting really. But that's the only way some men will communicate. So this one man, we've been on two good dates. But the last date was 2 weeks ago today. Since then he had texted every day. Just general stuff though. For instance, today went like this Hey you...miss talking to ya how are things Me: I'm good, how are you? That's it. Other days have consisted of him saying how busy things are. Me saying I'm in his town seeing a friend. Was the truth. He was off work. Hint hint What's his game? I thought asking him out. But that's never worked well for me.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Here's what I don't understand. You've been on two dates with him so it's not like he has to work up the nerve. Plus, the fact that you respond to him means you wouldn't mind a third. So I don't understand why he beats around the bush with daily texting. Why type on a phone, when you can have a beautiful woman in front of you? The only thing I can think of is that he is probably seeing someone he's into just a bit more and he texts you to keep you on the hook. Here's what you do. Next time he texts, respond to the first one to open the door. If he doesn't bring up getting together on the next text respond with "I gotta run, but keep in touch." Every time he reaches out, do the same thing. Exchange 1-2 texts max, and then if he doesn't ask you out, say you have to run and to keep in touch. Eventually he'll either ask you out, or go away. 2
Gary S Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 If they don't ask for a date at least once a week, it's probably not going to go anywhere. 7
preraph Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I think you should tell him to call instead. There is nothing drier than texting. You miss all their personality texting. You can fall in love with someone's humor or empathy if you're talking to them.
katiegrl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Here's what I don't understand. You've been on two dates with him so it's not like he has to work up the nerve. Plus, the fact that you respond to him means you wouldn't mind a third. So I don't understand why he beats around the bush with daily texting. Why type on a phone, when you can have a beautiful woman in front of you? The only thing I can think of is that he is probably seeing someone he's into just a bit more and he texts you to keep you on the hook. Here's what you do. Next time he texts, respond to the first one to open the door. If he doesn't bring up getting together on the next text respond with "I gotta run, but keep in touch." Every time he reaches out, do the same thing. Exchange 1-2 texts max, and then if he doesn't ask you out, say you have to run and to keep in touch. Eventually he'll either ask you out, or go away. If she says that... guarantee he'll think she's blowing him off. And he'll have no idea why. His response? He will move on to the next. Just like you did when that chick told you she was sick. You've said yourself, many times in fact, that guys are clueless....
fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 If she says that... guarantee he'll think she's blowing him off. And he'll have no idea why. His response? He will move on to the next. Just like you did when that chick told you she was sick. You've said yourself, many times in fact, that guys are clueless.... Well if it's been two weeks since the second date, he is essentially already blowing her off in spirit. Random texts with inaction aren't being actively invested. If he is treating her like a texting back up buddy, she shouldn't keep encouraging his behavior. 1
Satu Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Here's what I don't understand. You've been on two dates with him so it's not like he has to work up the nerve. Plus, the fact that you respond to him means you wouldn't mind a third. So I don't understand why he beats around the bush with daily texting. Why type on a phone, when you can have a beautiful woman in front of you? *The only thing I can think of is that he is probably seeing someone he's into just a bit more and he texts you to keep you on the hook. Here's what you do. Next time he texts, respond to the first one to open the door. If he doesn't bring up getting together on the next text respond with "I gotta run, but keep in touch." Every time he reaches out, do the same thing. Exchange 1-2 texts max, and then if he doesn't ask you out, say you have to run and to keep in touch. Eventually he'll either ask you out, or go away. *That was my first thought too. If he was genuinely interested he would want face-face-time. 2
Confusedcarl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Honestly I don't understand his angle either. As a guy I don't like to beat around the bush when it comes to setting up dates. Like fitnessfan said "why text when you could have a beautiful women In front of you" unless he's dating other women also and your just waiting inline till it's your turn again. 1
katiegrl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Well if it's been two weeks since the second date, he is essentially already blowing her off in spirit. Random texts with inaction aren't being actively invested. If he is treating her like a texting back up buddy, she shouldn't keep encouraging his behavior. Never said she should keep encouraging his behavior. She should just pull back, get busy so she's not always around to respond to his texts, stop engaging with him every day, and start dating other guys..... Let him wonder why she's pulled back...she shouldn't be saying anything....especially "keep in touch"! 1
writergal Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 *That was my first thought too. If he was genuinely interested he would want face-face-time. Great minds think alike! That was my first thought too. All that texting but no third date? He's probably already dating someone regularly and keeps you on the back burner OP, just in case it doesn't work out with this other woman. If he really wanted to see you, he would have asked you out on a 3rd date already. For now he's keeping you on the hook with all this texting and no face to face time, no phone conversation time. This is exactly why I can't stand texting. If I were you, I'd just delete his phone number, delete his emails and his online dating profile and forget about him. He's just not that into you, or he would have asked you out on a 3rd date already. 2
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Maybe he figures that since he asked you on the first 2 dates, it's your turn to ask him for the 3rd? Just a thought. TALK to him. 2
katiegrl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Maybe he figures that since he asked you on the first 2 dates, it's your turn to ask him for the 3rd? Just a thought. TALK to him. Do guys really think this way? Seriously? I would imagine that by continuing to engage in that type of thinking, they're going to lose a lot of great girls ....who are naturally going to presume he lost interest, and move on.
Leigh 87 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Look, when you meet someone with whom you really click with, you both know it... People who truly click, have great chemistry and are just "into" each other in every sense of the word - you both KNOW. You ask each other out, you want to see each other. The guy always keeps in touch, usually texts first initially and wants to plain hang out with the girl he seems to gell with. Men who are really into you won't text you for weeks on end without asking to hang out OR telling you how much they are looking forward to seeing you, VIA PHONE CALL - while they apologise for not being able to see you sooner, and assuring you that " once I see you ____ next week, my schedule will get back on track and then we can hang out more " If he called you on the phone and took an interest in TALKING to you like a normal human being - and he ALSO explained that he really wanted to see you yet was just having a hectic two weeks at work - THEN I would consider giving a guy a chance PROVIDING he showed enough interest through REGULAR PHONE CALLS whilst he couldn't see me and arrange weekly dates. This guy is deffs not into you.. 3
Leigh 87 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 When I meet a guy I feel the it factor for, a guy who I feel excited about, and they ask me when I want to go on a date? I literally pick the first available evening providing I didn't already have plans. I WANT to see people I am into in spite my my busy schedule.
writergal Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 OP's situation reminds me of what happened to me this past summer, when I connected with a guy online. He came on strong texting and calling me every day for about a month, and everytime I suggested meeting for a first date he would agree then back out. The last time we were supposed to meet for a first date, he texted me that he couldn't meet me. When I called his cell, it conveniently went to voicemail. I was foolish to let myself get wrapped up in the daily phone calls that lasted for hours sometimes, and daily texts. All that lead nowhere in the end, because he bailed on meeting me for a first date. As a result, I got rid of my text plan and downgraded my phone. OP, he's already shown you by his actions (no 3rd date invitation) that he's not interested in really meeting you again. What more proof do you need, to realize that he's not interested? Just because a guy blows up your cellphone with texts, doesn't actually mean he wants to date you. Plenty of men like digital pen pals via text, email, or IM'ing, with no intention of ever taking the connection offline into the real world. Don't let him string you along anymore. Just delete his cellphone #, and stop responding to his texts and move on to someone else online.
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Do guys really think this way? Seriously? Of course. If a guy has to do all the heavy lifting he is going to eventually get bored and assume that since she never asks him out, she isn't all that interested, is dating other guys who she likes more, using him as a meal ticket, etc. I would imagine that by continuing to engage in that type of thinking, they're going to lose a lot of great girls ....who are naturally going to presume he lost interest, and move on. Same goes for the girls. If they expect the guy to organize all the dates then they are going to lose a lot of great guys who believe in gender equality. Most people agree that the guy has to do the asking, at first. And most agree that after the relationship is established, there should be 50/50 effort/inviting. But when does that transition take place? I imagine different people have very different views. Maybe this guy feels the 3rd date is when she should start putting in the effort. That doesn't mean he has lost interest - it means he believes she is losing interest, because she is not making any effort to organize dates. Communication is what is lacking here.
Diezel Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Do guys really think this way? Seriously? I would imagine that by continuing to engage in that type of thinking, they're going to lose a lot of great girls ....who are naturally going to presume he lost interest, and move on. Or maybe they are going to lose a lot of uninterested girls too.
writergal Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Of course. If a guy has to do all the heavy lifting he is going to eventually get bored and assume that since she never asks him out, she isn't all that interested, is dating other guys who she likes more, using him as a meal ticket, etc. Same goes for the girls. If they expect the guy to organize all the dates then they are going to lose a lot of great guys who believe in gender equality. Most people agree that the guy has to do the asking, at first. And most agree that after the relationship is established, there should be 50/50 effort/inviting. But when does that transition take place? I imagine different people have very different views. Maybe this guy feels the 3rd date is when she should start putting in the effort. That doesn't mean he has lost interest - it means he believes she is losing interest, because she is not making any effort to organize dates. Communication is what is lacking here. On his part, yes. He's not being honest with the OP about his interest level. His texts mean nothing. He needs to call her and ask her out on a 3rd date if he's interested. It's HIS responsibility to call the OP and ask her out for a 3rd date. No woman should have to chase after a man, to find out why he's not interested in seeing her again. If he's not calling you asking you out, he's not interested in seeing you again. I don't know why that's hard for the OP to understand. 1
katiegrl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Pete on one hand I tend to agree with you. And that's how I am in my relationships too. And believe you me, my boyfriends all appreciated it too! After thinking about what you said, it dawned on me. If this were me, after two great dates that he paid for, I probably would invite him over for dinner (nothing fancy or elaborate) or suggested a fun activity together. Especially since he is still contacting me EVERY DAY, which would actually be "too" much contact for me at the beginning, but that's beside the point. The point is he is still interested, and *could* be waiting for the OP to suggest something this time. So OP, why haven't you? You obviously like him and want to see him again, right? So suggest something, see what he says. If he hems and haws, has an excuse or otherwise just says no, then you have your answer! And you can move on. It's worth a shot cause maybe he iuse doing what Pete suggested.. who knows.
katiegrl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 [/b] On his part, yes. He's not being honest with the OP about his interest level. His texts mean nothing. He needs to call her and ask her out on a 3rd date if he's interested. It's HIS responsibility to call the OP and ask her out for a 3rd date. No woman should have to chase after a man, to find out why he's not interested in seeing her again. If he's not calling you asking you out, he's not interested in seeing you again. I don't know why that's hard for the OP to understand. She wouldn't be chasing him..geez. All my long term relationships, including current, have been, and are, *reciprocal* ......meaning we pursued 'each other', pretty much from the getgo. As opposed to the man *always* having to pursue me. It's like a carefully choreographed dance .. we both knew when to come forward and we both knew when to pull back. It has worked well for me ..in fact my boyfriend recently told me my attitude during those early stages actually increased his interest in me! Because he and many men have come to despise being required to do all the pursuing. It gets old.. Bottom line is ..HE planned and paid for the first two dates, which she said were great, HE is still contacting her every day ... I see nothing wrong with her suggesting something this time. Like maybe a fun daytime date, like the zoo or something... something casual. Again, if he isn't open to it and makes excuses, then she knows he isn't into her and can move on...without having to wonder about it, like she's doing now. It's what I would do anyway and as I said, it's always worked well for me. 2
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) It's HIS responsibility to call the OP and ask her out for a 3rd date. No woman should have to chase after a man What a load of rubbish. After a time there comes a point where the woman should be putting in effort too. Men have feelings too you know, and we need to know that the woman is also interested, otherwise we're just wasting our time and money. If she's simply passively accepting our invites then it doesn't show much commitment and it's impossible for us to know if she's genuinely interested or just going along for the free dinners. He has already shown he is interested, twice. Now it's time for her to pull her weight, get off her bum, and invite him. If I were dating someone who never invited me, and expected me to do all the work, then I would bail pretty soon. I prefer a balanced and equal relationship. Or do you think women shouldn't play an active part in dating, and a man should do all the work, right up to marriage? Welcome to the 1950's! Again, if he isn't open to it and makes excuses, then she knows he isn't into her and can move on...without having to wonder about it, like she's doing now. Exactly - she has nothing to lose, and everything to gain, by inviting him on a 3rd date. Edited March 18, 2015 by PegNosePete 2
writergal Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 We can agree to disagree. He's stringing her along by texting her, not asking her out again. 1
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Sure maybe he is stringing her along, maybe he isn't. Neither of us know for sure, and neither does the OP. There is only one way to find out. Ask him on a 3rd date. If he says "yes I'd love to!" then all is good. If he says no, is indecisive, can't give a proper answer or gives any other answer than "yes I'd love to!", then it means he is not interested, move on. Why make things so complicated when there is such a simple solution?
katiegrl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) We can agree to disagree. He's stringing her along by texting her, not asking her out again. writer gal, I respect your opinion but ....what's his purpose for stringing her along? I mean, if he 's not interested anymore, why bother contacting her at all...let alone every day?? Even assuming he met someone else but still wants to keep OP on the back burner...again to take the time and energy to contact her every single day?? This makes no sense and from what I have learned about guys, just from reading this forum and others, men just don't operate that way. If a guy loses interest and/or meets someone else he likes better, most men would either stop all contact, and resurface later if he changed his mind ..OR significantly cut back on the contact...to maybe like two or three texts a week, at most. But that's not what he's doing. He is still making an effort to connect with her every day. Look, you could be right, but IMO, based on his actions of taking the time and energy to connect with her every day... he is still very interested in her...and not just stringing her along. Again, I see nothing wrong with her suggesting something fun and casual at this point. Edited March 18, 2015 by katiegrl
writergal Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Well look, did neither of you read my previous post? That guy who STRUNG ME ALONG via text and phone for a month, without meeting me in person, despite MY efforts to ASK HIM to MEET ME? Go back and read my post. I am not stuck in the 1950s. I'm very assertive. BUT...I will not chase a guy down to date me. This guy from this past summer, he initiated every call and text, yet he hemmed and hawed and cancelled and rescheduled our first date, and when I gave him a last straw, "meet me on this day or I'm through with this" he cancelled the day of, and I never heard from him again until 2 weeks later when he had the nerve to text me late at night, asking me to talk via text. No thanks! So, that's why I believe this guy is stringing the OP along. I'd like to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, believe me. But my personal experience with online dating prevents me from doing that. If he's not calling her asking her out for a third date, he's not interested. Anyone can text you 24/7. That doesn't mean they want to spend time with you in person. That's why I absolutely despise texting where dating is concerned. It's not real communication. Real communication is: call the person on the phone, schedule the date, meet in person for the date, and spend time together. But texting? Texting is for practical things like telling the date you are running late, or got lost and need help. Texting should not be used for regular communication. That's just my preference. I hate texting. 1
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