Maximboi23 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I first would like to apologize for posting so much. I guess I like to vent and hear people's lovely words of wisdom and support and that's why I love LS. It has been almost 5 months since I have seen her. Her and her son meant ebeything to me. He is now 5 and I have been in his life for half his whole life. I miss him beyond belief. He loved me so much and I miss hugging him and kissing him and miss his laugh so much. I have not only lost my fiancé but I lost my best friend and I lost the little guy. It is so much to lose. I have been in a few relationships all my life and now I'm in my early 30s. This break up has been the most detrimental of them all. I still remember the first day I saw her face and I was so shy and wouldn't look at her that much and she was an angel. That day always plays in my mind over and over again. We have been together for almost 3 years. I loved her so much and loved her smile and laugh and how much she laughed at me for being stupid or jokingly. I loved her even though her mom did not like me that much because she said I was not a man for her and could provide for both of them and hates me working in a restaurant. Me and my fiancé had our shares of arguments and on and off breakups but we always came back to eachother. I have been in therapy for almost 11 years due to my major depression I suffer from bad childhood and scars I have. I have never taken any one of my exes to therapy and I took my fiancé Because I loved her and I wanted to prove to her that I can be serious about us and go to therapy to help us. I loved the day I took her to her favorite beach and tricked her and surprised her with a ring and saw her face light up. She was so happy and teary eyes and hugged me endlessly. Oh how I miss holding her and kissing her. Towards the end I just felt so stupid and pushed her away and told her I couldn't do this even though I did. I was just so stressed with the next step which was marriage. I pushed her away and I guess she found another guy and left me for him. I emailed her and said I was sorry and made mistakes and to work on us and I will do anything in my power to make her happy and she didn't want it. I have not heard from her since. I have joined the gym ever since and lost a lot of weight and got another job to keep me busy so I don't feel alone. I got a facebook email one day and it was the guy she is seeing and I clicked on it by accident and it was too late. I saw pictures of her and him and even them with the little guy. All look so happy and I just broke down and it hurt me so badly. I blocked them both on facebook and wierd thing was she had be unblocked for some reason. I didn't mean to break NC and I guess I did by seeing the facebook. Now everyday as soon as I wake up to as soon as I go to sleep I think of her. Her presence in my mind haunts me all day long. I get triggered by everything from songs to our booth at my reataurant to certain places we went to together and so on. It brings me to my knees. I have even been on a few dates and just was not Into it because all I kept thinking bout was her. I have been noticing about every other night I cry and feel so hollow and alone. Tears just keep falling for her and I miss her so much. I am a broken man and just live day by day in sadness. She even comes to my dreams and I wake up scared and sad that it was only a dream. I'm sorry for venting and posting. I just feel sad and alone and friends just are tired of hearing it and say it's been 5 months move on. I just hate having this hurt me so badly. Sorry everyone for posting and keep sounding pathetic or what not and acting like a child.
frigginlost Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 What are you apologizing for? Everything you're feeling seems pretty normal to me. It's been 4 months for me and my ex had 3 little ones who I adored. I miss them more than words can say. Cut yourself some slack. Just take it day by day right now and let your mind and body purge those feelings. It'll happen... 1
ApexTitanium Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Its ok man I'm going through the same exact thing as you but its only been 2 months for me and 5.5 years together. She seems so okay with it, talks to me like a buddy....like we never were together. Telling me about dates with guys and her going out with friends and its literally killing me....like I'm trying to pick the broken pieces of my heart off the ground and she keeps knocking them out of my hands and ****ting on them....but I can't let go because I'm so deeply in love with her and hide how I really feel behind a fake smile. You will get through this, we are all here for you. Keep your head up.
Author Maximboi23 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Thanx apex and friggin. You guys do seem to definetly understand and have more at lost then me. I appreciate your kind words you have said. And I'm sorry that she is hurting you like that man. I know it must be hard for you and admire you for stayi g strong as she is putting you through that. You shouldn't be hearing none of it nor her dates and what so. I belive NC would help you because it will make you grow and not be feeling that way you are now and how she is running over your heart over and over again everyday. NC does work because I have been doin ok by not hearing from her and starting over again. Keep strong and we will get through it together guys.
Jonp219 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, I hope life will get better for you soon. I always wondered about tricky situations such as this one. This isn't just a break up, you lost a huge chunk of your life. Because it wasn't just her that you loved, you also loved the little boy. It's like you already established a little family with her, and now it's all gone. I don't mean to put you down, it's just that I truly empathize with what you're going through. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if it were to happen to me. You're a strong guy and I know you will get through this ordeal. Furthermore, the emotions you're feeling are completely normal. Some of my friends are sick of hearing me talk about my ex too. They don't tell me, but I can tell by their body language they're sick of it, and I can't blame them. There's no timetable on how long it takes to fully heal from a break-up. Although it may sound cliche, just try to take things a day at a time. I have this terrible habit of checking my exes Twitter because she's always writing things about me. Today I told myself, "I'm going to make it through without checking her page, I will not hurt myself", tomorrow I will tell myself the same thing. Just give yourself goals everyday, keep your mind occupied. Once again, I totally feel for you man I hope you can find a light at the end of the tunnel. I'll be rooting for you're successful recovery. All Love.
gnick Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 My relationship didnt even last a year but she was the love of my life and I'm 50. It's Allmost been 5 months and I honestly don't feel much different than I did at 1st. so if I can feel that way you are more than entitled to feel like you do. I'm doing my best to find a replacement lol but its hard
rebel Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I first would like to apologize for posting so much. I guess I like to vent and hear people's lovely words of wisdom and support and that's why I love LS. It has been almost 5 months since I have seen her. Her and her son meant ebeything to me. He is now 5 and I have been in his life for half his whole life. I miss him beyond belief. He loved me so much and I miss hugging him and kissing him and miss his laugh so much. I have not only lost my fiancé but I lost my best friend and I lost the little guy. It is so much to lose. I have been in a few relationships all my life and now I'm in my early 30s. This break up has been the most detrimental of them all. I still remember the first day I saw her face and I was so shy and wouldn't look at her that much and she was an angel. That day always plays in my mind over and over again. We have been together for almost 3 years. I loved her so much and loved her smile and laugh and how much she laughed at me for being stupid or jokingly. I loved her even though her mom did not like me that much because she said I was not a man for her and could provide for both of them and hates me working in a restaurant. Me and my fiancé had our shares of arguments and on and off breakups but we always came back to eachother. I have been in therapy for almost 11 years due to my major depression I suffer from bad childhood and scars I have. I have never taken any one of my exes to therapy and I took my fiancé Because I loved her and I wanted to prove to her that I can be serious about us and go to therapy to help us. I loved the day I took her to her favorite beach and tricked her and surprised her with a ring and saw her face light up. She was so happy and teary eyes and hugged me endlessly. Oh how I miss holding her and kissing her. Towards the end I just felt so stupid and pushed her away and told her I couldn't do this even though I did. I was just so stressed with the next step which was marriage. I pushed her away and I guess she found another guy and left me for him. I emailed her and said I was sorry and made mistakes and to work on us and I will do anything in my power to make her happy and she didn't want it. I have not heard from her since. I have joined the gym ever since and lost a lot of weight and got another job to keep me busy so I don't feel alone. I got a facebook email one day and it was the guy she is seeing and I clicked on it by accident and it was too late. I saw pictures of her and him and even them with the little guy. All look so happy and I just broke down and it hurt me so badly. I blocked them both on facebook and wierd thing was she had be unblocked for some reason. I didn't mean to break NC and I guess I did by seeing the facebook. Now everyday as soon as I wake up to as soon as I go to sleep I think of her. Her presence in my mind haunts me all day long. I get triggered by everything from songs to our booth at my reataurant to certain places we went to together and so on. It brings me to my knees. I have even been on a few dates and just was not Into it because all I kept thinking bout was her. I have been noticing about every other night I cry and feel so hollow and alone. Tears just keep falling for her and I miss her so much. I am a broken man and just live day by day in sadness. She even comes to my dreams and I wake up scared and sad that it was only a dream. I'm sorry for venting and posting. I just feel sad and alone and friends just are tired of hearing it and say it's been 5 months move on. I just hate having this hurt me so badly. Sorry everyone for posting and keep sounding pathetic or what not and acting like a child. Mate, you are an absolute champion for coming on here and sharing your story. I'm realising that there are sooooo many people on here with similar stories (myself included) and everyone appreciates/relates chatting to other with similar stories. What you are feeling is totally normal especially for a guy with depression. I too have depression and it took me years to get over my first relationship (I let myself 'find out' what she was up to and broke the NC rule the whole time). Basically you need to experiment and trial a range of different things that can help you get through this. You say you are in therapy.... Have you ever heard of CBT? Are yo aware of it? Its what I am doing at present and find it rather useful.
Author Maximboi23 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Thanks guys for all your wonderful input. I appreciate each and evey one of them. Great to know there are people out there who can sit and read your story and understand and care and take their time to write something to show they understand and care. So to all thank you for taking this journey with me and show your understanding. We will all get through our each unique situations together and come out all strong down the road. I hope she one day finds my story on here and read all my threads I have and see how much I loved her and how much I miss her and regret all I have done. But I know that won't happen
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