mark1210 Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 Hey There Gang--- Man where do I start, well I met this woman off match.com about 8 months ago. She was living with a male roomate and I was renting out a room to a female. On our third date things escalated between her and her male roomate to the point where he kicked her out. She ended up moving into my place. Things were going pretty well until she was caught in a lie concerning something in her past. While it didn't matter since it was her past and we all have one she did flat out lie to my face and that caused some turmoil. Fast-forward a few weeks later, a few lady friends call and it makes her uncomfortable. She asks for me to not to talk to them any longer, considering that i rarely talked to them anyways and that it made her uncomfortable I complied and got rid of them. Fast forward a few more weeks, I walk in and she is talking to ther ex-boyfriend on messenger something we talked about and something she said she wouldn't ever do. I was very upset and hurt by this and she just packed up and left when I was at work. This was about 6 months into the relationship while we were talking about getting engaged. After she left by her own accord and by her own actions she indicated that we may be able to reach a compromise and that I would have to pick her up to show her how much she meant to me. I never picked her up, but she did finally comeback up here a week later. Now fast forward to last Friday, she once again does something she said she wouldn't do and I told her this is over and to please get out. While I was in the house trying to keep myself composed she started calling these guys all up and talking to her ex. I went out for the night we a male friend and stayed at his place. In the morning she was gone. When we spoke the next day she said that I needed to get my life in order and that she is giving me a few weeks to become a better person. So I really have no idea what is going on. I did catch her in yet another lie, she is talking and seeing her ex while she is down there so in my mind its over and I communicated that to her. She hasn't called, or IMed or anything since yesterday nearly 4 days since we last talked. I was put on Klonopin for anxiety since this whole mess is stressing me out, her lies and not knowing what she could possibly be up to. Any suggestions on what to do? Is this relationship now unsavalageble and why hasn't she attempted to call or communicate with me, does she not care? Its been so hard without her here, she pretty much alienated me from all but 2 of my male friends, its been very hard and I doubt she is shedding a tear or loosing sleep over this matter.
from ND Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 dude ,,,,,,,,,read our posts on here abut ex's who talk to ex's,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,theres some good advice read the post titled will she ever get over her ex?............
Author mark1210 Posted April 11, 2005 Author Posted April 11, 2005 Hey There- I read most of that stuff already, I guess I am just confused if I should do the no contact thing or attempt to keep things cordial. I really have to wonder if she loved me at all concidering that I paid for everything during the relationship. I mean literally..she had a job for 1 month total during our relationship. Since she alienated my friends its pretty much just me and I don't kn ow or remember how to live the single life and make new friends.
walkingthedesert Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 I think i've been in a similar situation, and i guess looking at it from the outside, it sounds like she didn't respect you for who you were. She alienated your friends, todl you not to see any of your female friends. All of this is part of who you are. She has no right to change you or make you into something you don't want to be. You may miss her, you may care for her. That says what a good person YOU are - not what a good person she is. She's broken your trust on several occasions, and then has the hide to tell YOU you've got to get your life together? Let her go. Enjoy your life. You seem to be a considerate, generous person. Another woman will be only to happy to have someone like you. Go and get yourself a better woman. Leave that one to sort her own life (and her relationships with the ex's out).
Scott S Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by mark1210 Since she alienated my friends its pretty much just me and I don't kn ow or remember how to live the single life and make new friends. If your friends are genuinely friends, you can mend the relationships if you make the effort to do so. Almost everyone has gone through things in their lives that make them act not like themselves. True friends will recognize this, allow the time & space to resolve the issue, offer an ear or other support, & when the time comes, forgive & forget.
walkingthedesert Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 the forgive and forget thing is something i am not sure about... i can forgive...but i will never forget. if it hurts you'd be stupid to forget. remember: forgive, but don't accept it again. someone once said (cant remember who...)..." forgive them once and it's okay - it's their fault. forgive them again, and any future hurt is your fault". DO NOT FORGET. everyone is accountable for their actions. i'm not talking some metaphysical "judgement day" rubbish here - in this life, we all reap what we sow. we do. fullstop.
Author mark1210 Posted April 17, 2005 Author Posted April 17, 2005 Thank you all for your support. Two friendships are in the process of healing so that definately helps. Two is better than none that is for sure. I'm 100% certain that I will not get them all back but I can only blame myself for letting it come to that. I need some suggestions on how to actually approach a girl, I know it sounds so silly but most of my relationships form over the net on personals and so forth. I can't approach a woman at a bar for the life of me, and if I muster of the strength the conversation stops after the first sentence. Also, I haven't communicated with my ex in nearly a week yet occascionally she still sends me e-mails or IMs. I haven't responded to any of them. Yesterday I received an e-mail that has the legal definiation of stalking in it. I'm very confused as to what she is trying to pull...maybe its her way of making herself not communicate with me who knows. I've also taken the steps of seeing a psychitrist and a psychologist, I've been put on Wellbutrin XL as well as Klonpin for anxiety. It helps but I'm still not back to tip-top shape =(
pippen_2k Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 I dont know if im right in saying this, cause im definatley no medical expert here.... But I dont believe Drugs should be an option for a broken heart. Sure you wont be sleeping, you will be feeling depressed and anxious, but the human body is a very very strong machine and can withstand alot of torture. You dont want some secret pill to help you through the hard times, cause you will just fall back on it when times get a little tough. I am definatley one to just sit in the face of a problem and take it.. no matter how hard it gets, and you will definatley become alot stronger for it mentally and physically. So if its just a broken heart you have.. avoid sleeping tabs, anti - depressants, and anxiety pills... let time run its course and your body will appreciate it in the future. But if you have anxiety problems not related to your recent break up I sincerly appoligise and disregard what I have said.
AriaIncognito Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 When i broke up with my ex of 4 years, I decided that the only thing to make me better would be to get some shrink to put me on meds. Needless to say in this day and age, it takes nothing to get them to tell you that you need them. I didn't need them. What i wanted was a quick fix. Something to make my pain stop. Something to make me like myself enough to find myself worthy of another man loving me. I never got that from the drugs. I was on Wellbutrin XL and also Serzone. Serzone kicks the **** out of you. Wellbutrin, I never noticed anything, just some weight loss which was a nice side effect for me. After about 2 months on the medications, I stopped myself cold turkey. I knew they weren't changing how I felt about life or myself. I had to work on that myself. You know what, it's 3 years later, and I still don't particularly like myself, however I did get over that ex, in time. Now, I'm dealing with a breakup (5 month relationship -- ended 1 week ago today) and I feel all the hurt all over again, but I'm not going to run to the shrink for drugs again. It's simply not worth it. Talk to friends. Talk to a shrink. Anyone that will listen, but don't listen when they tell you that drugs or happy pills are the answer, because more than likely, you'll only be disappointed when you feel the same agony, only with a less clear head. Now, I'm no doctor. If you have an actual problem, and it existed BEFORE this depression over the girl, well then continue. However, if you started this after the breakup, I'd think you were just human, and dealing with the loss. Just like the rest of us... Jennifer
Author mark1210 Posted April 17, 2005 Author Posted April 17, 2005 Thank you for the advice both of you. This wasn't a pre-existing condition or anything. I was actually forced/referred into going when it was apparent I was having a break-down at work. The shrink said I have situational depression (pretty obvious to anyone) and that for her to write a return to work letter I had to take Wellbutrin XL for at least a month. Like you two said I am not seeing any changes...I'm less emotional (no crying) but maybe that is just time running its course.
westernxer Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Originally posted by mark1210 The shrink said I have situational depression. As if no one's ever had this before... Some shinks are good for nothing.
AriaIncognito Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by mark1210 Thank you for the advice both of you. This wasn't a pre-existing condition or anything. I was actually forced/referred into going when it was apparent I was having a break-down at work. The shrink said I have situational depression (pretty obvious to anyone) and that for her to write a return to work letter I had to take Wellbutrin XL for at least a month. Like you two said I am not seeing any changes...I'm less emotional (no crying) but maybe that is just time running its course. I'd venture to guess it's more that time has run it's course. I was diagnosed with "low level depression". Well freakin' duh right? Who isn't depressed when someone they have grown to love and want and need in their lives. leaves? I think that means we are human. They dont have to know you aren't taking the meds. Work cannot force you to take meds you dont need. If you truly feel they aren't making a difference, I'd consider being reevaluated, or making the judgement call for yourself. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon. :-) Jennifer
Scott S Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by pippen_2k I dont know if im right in saying this, cause im definatley no medical expert here.... But I dont believe Drugs should be an option for a broken heart. Not necessarily. Assuming a short-term & close medical supervision, circumstances might make it helpful. About 3 years ago, we lost Gina's mother to Non-Hodgkins lymphoma, leaving her father widowed after a marriage of almost 52 years. His doctor prescribed a mild sedative to help him get through the first few weeks. It kept him together during the funeral & the immediate aftermath. It was a low dosage, enough to calm but not turn someone into a zombie. ________________________________________ If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. - Yogi Berra
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