fitnessfan365 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 It's funny because all women say they like confidence. Yet when a woman says she wants to "get to know" a guy online with emails and he agrees, it's because he doesn't have the confidence to cut to the chase. So she is essentially attracting the very type of guy she wants to avoid. If a guy actually is confident, and has actual social skills, he won't want to cower behind emails. He'll get her number, get her on the phone, and ask her out because chemistry happens in person. That's why I still don't understand why some women think trading written words back and forth is "getting to know someone". Their typing style maybe, but not them. It's very counter-intuitive. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 It's funny because all women say they like confidence. Yet when a woman says she wants to "get to know" a guy online with emails and he agrees, it's because he doesn't have the confidence to cut to the chase. So she is essentially attracting the very type of guy she wants to avoid. If a guy actually is confident, and has actual social skills, he won't want to cower behind emails. He'll get her number, get her on the phone, and ask her out because chemistry happens in person. That's why I still don't understand why some women think trading written words back and forth is "getting to know someone". Their typing style maybe, but not them. It's very counter-intuitive. Honestly, I think they're just the Female equivelant of guys who have no clue what the **** they're doing in regards to Dating.... And it sure seems like there's plenty on these forums lately, based on some of the posts I've been involved in today.... 1
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Well, the woman has to feel comfortable enough with you before she will let you take it offline. But generally, 3-5 email exchanges over at least a couple of days is reasonable. Smart daters, both men and women, know you don't want to waste time, that you have to meet in person to discover whether there is attraction. If they won't meet or go to the phone after a couple days, it's probably not going to be a match. 2
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Smart daters, both men and women, know you don't want to waste time, that you have to meet in person to discover whether there is attraction. Exactly. My buddy gave me a good idea. He's very similar to me in a lot of ways. Very old fashioned, prefers the phone to texting, etc.. So he said what he used to do after two emails is reply with "Let's have our third email exchange over the phone so I can hear your voice and see if I want to ask you out." I'm actually gonna use that from now on. Makes her feel like she's competing for something harder to get, and you can talk on the phone with a way out if her personality sucks.
losangelena Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 That's why I still don't understand why some women think trading written words back and forth is "getting to know someone". Their typing style maybe, but not them. It's very counter-intuitive. Best to avoid them, then. There are plenty of us ladies who will cut to the chase post-haste. Why spend hours emailing? What a waste of time. I'd much prefer to get at least a sense of a person, but beyond that, let's meet! Why not? What's the point of having a pen pal?
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Best to avoid them, then. There are plenty of us ladies who will cut to the chase post-haste. Why spend hours emailing? What a waste of time. I'd much prefer to get at least a sense of a person, but beyond that, let's meet! Why not? What's the point of having a pen pal? A lady with confidence and sense. The more I think about it, the more I like my friend's idea. You don't say you want the number to ask her out. You say after a few emails "You seem cool so far. But I want to see if your voice matches your typing skills. So we'll do the next email over the phone. So give me your number and a good time to talk. Then I'll call you. That way you can just talk to her a bit, and if you enjoy it you bring up meeting. If not, you simply say "It was fun chatting, but I gotta run." 1
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Let me know how that line works for you, will you fitnessfan? Go try it now and report back
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Let me know how that line works for you, will you fitnessfan? Go try it now and report back Haha.. Already have too much on my plate. But since I'm a realist, I always count on multiple first dates being a bust. So I'm sure in a few weeks, I'll have the opportunity. 1
No Limit Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 This whole "message until you're comfortable with the other" thing is BS. Even if you manage to keep a pen pal friendship from a dating site alive both participants will project expectations from these messages and if these expectations aren't met your first date is bound to be a failure. If people don't have the guts to speak to each other via phone, skype or whatever, just don't bother people and delete your OLD account. It leads nowhere and annoys people who are really trying to find someone.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Exactly. My buddy gave me a good idea. He's very similar to me in a lot of ways. Very old fashioned, prefers the phone to texting, etc.. So he said what he used to do after two emails is reply with "Let's have our third email exchange over the phone so I can hear your voice and see if I want to ask you out." I'm actually gonna use that from now on. Makes her feel like she's competing for something harder to get, and you can talk on the phone with a way out if her personality sucks. This would not amp me up to "compete", but I recognize the practicality of it because I have the same approach myself. I would most likely ignore you for the arrogance of "see if I want to ask you out". But I do the same thing, more politely and on my terms. 1. Exchange enough messages to establish intentions and commonalities. I've raised my threshold here because, again, there are too many weirdos out there. And the craftiest of them look and act perfectly normal till they get your number. So I'm screening even more carefully on the site now. Thus far, I've only gone beyond site messaging with 5% or less of the guys who have messaged me. The other 95% failed for various reasons, most of them egregious. 2. Talk on the phone to get a better feel for him as a person, his intellect, interests, attitude. It's during the phone call that I decide whether I want to meet him. Of the ones I've talked to on the phone, I've wanted to meet about half of them. The others reveal their incompetence with something so simple as a phone call. From now on I might use a prospect's advice to call using *67 or similar so I'm guarding my phone number. He made the fair point that the right man for me will understand the need to protect myself in that way. I totally agree. Either that or I'll get a basic phone just for OLD purposes. I've just encountered too many weirdos already, even after careful screening. 1
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 This would not amp me up to "compete", but I recognize the practicality of it because I have the same approach myself. I would most likely ignore you for the arrogance of "see if I want to ask you out". Yeah I agree. I didn't use the best phrasing with that. Instead I went back and re-typed in a different posting. Something like "You seem great so far. But I'm curious if your voice matches your typing skills. So let's have our next email over the phone. Give me your number and a good time to call, and I'll follow up."
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Yeah I agree. I didn't use the best phrasing with that. Instead I went back and re-typed in a different posting. Something like "You seem great so far. But I'm curious if your voice matches your typing skills. So let's have our next email over the phone. Give me your number and a good time to call, and I'll follow up." It would still turn me off because you're talking down to me like I'm a secretary. Typing skills? But if you can remove the loaded terminology, it works. Well, also, I don't like "give me your number". I know that men think that issuing commands is masculine, but that's pretty much only in bed. If a man says "give me your number" or orders me to do anything, I delete him. "What's your number?" is fine. Anyway, having any semblance of a plan and executing it puts you above 95% of men on OLD 1
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 It would still turn me off because you're talking down to me like I'm a secretary. Typing skills? But if you can remove the loaded terminology, it works. Well, also, I don't like "give me your number". I know that men think that issuing commands is masculine, but that's pretty much only in bed. If a man says "give me your number" or orders me to do anything, I delete him. "What's your number?" is fine. Anyway, having any semblance of a plan and executing it puts you above 95% of men on OLD Well thank you. But I will admit that women crack me up in this regard. Men are practical and straight to the point. Granted, we don't always think with our brain above the belt. But we don't get caught up in semantics. A woman on the other hand will examine every word under a microscope. Like "give me your number" vs "what is your number?" Or "Typing skills" making you seem like secretary, etc.. I think this is why women tend to have such a hard time in the dating world. They create rules and semantics that over complicate things.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Exactly. My buddy gave me a good idea. He's very similar to me in a lot of ways. Very old fashioned, prefers the phone to texting, etc.. So he said what he used to do after two emails is reply with "Let's have our third email exchange over the phone so I can hear your voice and see if I want to ask you out." I'm actually gonna use that from now on. Makes her feel like she's competing for something harder to get, and you can talk on the phone with a way out if her personality sucks. What do you mean by this (what I've highlighted in bold)? I can't speak for all women, but for myself, I don't look at it that way at all. After two or three messages/e-mails/texts, I would want to talk with him on the phone to see if *I* would want to meet him in person! I would want to hear his voice to see if I'm attracted to how he sounds and to hear how he communicates, to hear the intonations in his voice and to see if a rapport can be built by engaging in witty banter and seeing if he has an awesome sense of humor (one of many turn ons for me). I would gauge his overall personality during our initial phone convo to see if I felt any kind of chem or if he makes me smile or laugh. If a guy I'm interested in doesn't ask me for my phone number within one to three days after our initial written connection, then I'm thinking that he's either not into me or he wants to just be a "pen pal", which is something I'm not interested in. .
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 What do you mean by this (what I've highlighted in bold)? I can't speak for all women, but for myself, I don't look at it that way at all. After two or three messages/e-mails/texts, I would want to talk with him on the phone to see if *I* would want to meet him in person! I would want to hear his voice to see if I'm attracted to how he sounds and to hear how he communicates, to hear the intonations in his voice and to see if a rapport can be built by engaging in witty banter and seeing if he has an awesome sense of humor (one of many turn ons for me). I would gauge his overall personality during our initial phone convo to see if I felt any kind of chem or if he makes me smile or laugh. If a guy I'm interested in doesn't ask me for my phone number within one to three days after our initial written connection, then I'm thinking that he's either not into me or he wants to just be a "pen pal", which is something I'm not interested in. . You see I think the same way. I'm very much a realist and believe in actual communication and interaction. So after a few emails, I want to speak to her on the phone. But some women want to "get to know" someone with tons of emails. It's just an illusion that wastes time. But since everyone is different, you simply move on from a pen-palling woman. This just came to mind today. A few weeks ago, I met this SMOKING HOT woman on Match. Really beautiful that viewed my profile. We exchanged two really great emails. Then when I asked for her number to talk to her on the phone, she said she only gives her number out after exchanging a lot of emails first. So I told her we weren't a good fit and wished her luck. However, since we had things in common, she was VERY attractive. and the few emails we exchanged were awesome, I would have liked to have gotten to know her better.
Gary S Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 After reading Ruby Slippers' post, I have to say I agree with her. I usually just write, "What's your number? I'll give you a call sometime. It would be my pleasure!" You can be nice, and you should be (not to be confused with a wimp).... just be a man with a plan, decisive, and bold, a gentleman. It works just fine. Women prefer gentlemen, and gentlemen are gracious. 1
carhill Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Pen pals are, or can be, filler material. In general, women like interaction and when a man essentially functions as a eunuch she gets it, and the attendant titillation, for free. Perfect scenario, presuming filler material is what she wants. The way I can tell the filler material people from genuine pen pals is in the questions they ask.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Perfect scenario, presuming filler material is what she wants. Exactly. If you want to entertain and compliment me on the site, be my guest. But it won't go any further than that unless you cut the mustard. I'm 100% honest with every prospect about where I stand, and some of them still beg for the chance to cartwheel around some more in an attempt to impress. I'm starting to weed those guys out, but at first it was kind of entertaining, so I observed. A woman on the other hand will examine every word under a microscope. It is the biological destiny of a woman seeking her life partner and the father of her children to scrutinize very carefully. I'm choosing my most important counterpart in the world, aside from my business partner. Those seeking less will have lower standards.
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 It is the biological destiny of a woman seeking her life partner and the father of her children to scrutinize very carefully. I'm choosing my most important counterpart in the world, aside from my business partner. Those seeking less will have lower standards. It sounds like you're conducting a job interview. That's why I find your tagline of living in the moment to be a bit ironic. I couldn't agree more that high standards are important and you should never settle. But sometimes you just need to have a bit thicker skin, try to be more light hearted, etc.. Instead of having an interview prospect mentality, focus on just getting to know a guy, having fun, letting romance develop, etc.. Remember..it's impossible to know if a man is going to meet your long term goals in the short term.
loveweary11 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 It's funny because all women say they like confidence. Yet when a woman says she wants to "get to know" a guy online with emails and he agrees, it's because he doesn't have the confidence to cut to the chase. So she is essentially attracting the very type of guy she wants to avoid. If a guy actually is confident, and has actual social skills, he won't want to cower behind emails. He'll get her number, get her on the phone, and ask her out because chemistry happens in person. That's why I still don't understand why some women think trading written words back and forth is "getting to know someone". Their typing style maybe, but not them. It's very counter-intuitive. I just point blank tell them I don't have enough free time for pen pals. Let's meet up or I'm moving on. I go to texting on the second or third communication. Texting is a chat, then right to meeting up. No time for fantasy land. This knocks about 10-20% out, but I'm good with that. Prefer to size people up in person. Further, emal is the worst way to get to know someone. It's asynchronous, so you don't even have a real conversation. At least during texting, you actually converse.
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