JackJackxD Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) Today has just been a pretty hard day today, and I really need to vent. Does anyone get this feeling that, you want to tell your Ex that they aren't perfect, and that they have done something wrong too? My Ex has been avoiding me like the plague in the past few months, and even talks about my flaws with our mutual friends. But never once, does she realize that she has done something wrong in the relationship too! It makes me feel so wronged, like I am the bad guy who takes the blame for the entire break-up. Right now I feel like I've treated my Ex too well, and maybe to the point that she took me being nice for granted, and that she can step all over me. She said that I don't care for her feelings, but how can I understand her feelings when she just disappear and go quiet whenever we have an argument!? Whenever she gets angry at me, she would just cut all communication, sometimes for days. Eventually one of us would reach out, apologise (mostly me) and act like nothing has happened. When I have a problem, she would get angry at me for having a problem and go quiet too! At the end of the day I just couldn't get angry at her for those things, and as soon as I see her again all the problems just flew over my head. She said that I made her insecure, but how could I make you her insecure if she weren't insecure about herself in the first place? When I said that somebody is good looking, it is exactly what it means, nothing more! Just because my definition of "good looking" isn't the same as hers, it doesn't mean that I don't find her attractive too! Nor does it mean that she had to compare herself with them. I've tried explaining it times after times, but it just ends with her being upset and getting angry at me. I just wish that I could say the things above to her, so she can understand that she has done something wrong too. A relationship is a two-way street, and both of us contributed to the break up. It puts me in a lot of pain when I have to take the position of the bad-guy, when simply my only fault was that we weren't compatible.Despite all these things, I stupidly still have feelings for her. It is like, I am scared that she may find someone else that could actually change her for the better, and at the same time I am upset over the fact that maybe she just didn't love me enough to change for me. Edited March 17, 2015 by JackJackxD
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. My ex was so insecure with her looks it was ridiculous. Her parents used to be so hard on her looks growing up and that really damaged her and it's become part of who she is. She's a 10 looks wise. I'm not exaggerating. She's beyond gorgeous. The problem is, everybody sees it but her. I told her pretty much every day for two solid years how stunning she is, and I feel that it went in one ear and out the other. On top of her insecurity she also has severe anxiety, OCD, and used to have depression. Who knows, throw BPD in there as well (not diagnosed). Regardless, I'm not talking trash about her as I totally accepted everything that she was/is. However, you think about somebody else "fixing" her. That's not going to happen. I tried the whole "White Knight" thing as well and I don't think that ANYBODY could have done a better job at trying than I did....and I failed. The moral of the story is that no boyfriend is going to cure her insecurities. She's going to need professional help to repair that damage. So in that regard, you don't need to worry. Sorry for the long post, but back to what you were saying about celebrities. If I made a comment about how pretty or hot I thought somebody on TV was, my ex would get so pissed off and it would start an argument. I never meant anything by it, but it deeply affected her. I tried to stop as much as possible, but I guess subconsciously she knew what I was thinking. lol
Author JackJackxD Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. My ex was so insecure with her looks it was ridiculous..... Haha dude, your situation is so similar to mine! No amount of comforting or reasoning would get through her thick skull! Even after break-up she continues to be insecure, and the only difference is that now her friends have to deal with her insecurity issues rather than me. Part of me is glad that I don't have to deal with it anymore, but the other part of me is upset that I won't be able to be there for her when she feels insecure. My Ex would get insecure based on the fact that our perception on beauty of women is different. The girls she finds attractive I don't, and the girls I find attractive she doesn't. She would start making assumptions based on that and start comparing herself to these girls, and now she claims that I made her compare herself to these other people and I made her insecure.
bigtrouble Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I know this part, it really depends on the person... Some women get hurt easily... Its perfectly normal for us... But for them its painful... I admit this is one of my mistake... She was an angel in my eyes... but I never told her that... I told her what and how the world sees her... I wish I just told her how I see her... and how much she meant to me... :
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