b_rouse Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I was an avid poster on here 5 years ago, when my ex broke up with me. He was my first love and it was really painful. It was really helpful talking through my emotions and feelings on this site. Finally, almost 2 years ago, I met this awesome guy and we've been dating ever sense. Now, I used to be friends with my ex on Facebook, however my current boyfriend wasn't ok with that, and wanted me to delete him. I mainly kept my ex on Facebook to prove I was better off (very passive aggressive, but I was 21 at the time). So I ended up deleting him, and it was relieving. This burden I didn't know I had was lifted. However, just yesterday I heard from a friend that he just got engaged to his current girlfriend. That just tore open wounds I thought had healed. It feels like I'm going through the break-up all over again. It's so unsettling. Anyone else gone through this? Or have any wise words? I could really use some right now.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I've gone through this scenario twice before (and most likely a third time soon). It hurts every single time when you hear that any of your ex's are going to get married, but it's life. Eventually they were going to get married to somebody. You're gorgeous and you have a great boyfriend, so I'm sure you'll get over it quickly. Just think about the great relationship you're in right now and that hopefully one day, it'll be your ex who will be sad to hear that you're off the market.
frigginlost Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I was an avid poster on here 5 years ago, when my ex broke up with me. He was my first love and it was really painful. It was really helpful talking through my emotions and feelings on this site. Finally, almost 2 years ago, I met this awesome guy and we've been dating ever sense. Now, I used to be friends with my ex on Facebook, however my current boyfriend wasn't ok with that, and wanted me to delete him. I mainly kept my ex on Facebook to prove I was better off (very passive aggressive, but I was 21 at the time). So I ended up deleting him, and it was relieving. This burden I didn't know I had was lifted. However, just yesterday I heard from a friend that he just got engaged to his current girlfriend. That just tore open wounds I thought had healed. It feels like I'm going through the break-up all over again. It's so unsettling. Anyone else gone through this? Or have any wise words? I could really use some right now. Ugh. I know that feeling. Sadly, there is no magic pill. You're gonna have to ride it out. I got through it, by accepting it and allowing the unresolved feelings to surface and purge themselves. If there is any good news, those feelings will not stay around long. Chin up!
Author b_rouse Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 I've gone through this scenario twice before (and most likely a third time soon). It hurts every single time when you hear that any of your ex's are going to get married, but it's life. Eventually they were going to get married to somebody. You're gorgeous and you have a great boyfriend, so I'm sure you'll get over it quickly. Just think about the great relationship you're in right now and that hopefully one day, it'll be your ex who will be sad to hear that you're off the market. Ugh. I know that feeling. Sadly, there is no magic pill. You're gonna have to ride it out. I got through it, by accepting it and allowing the unresolved feelings to surface and purge themselves. If there is any good news, those feelings will not stay around long. Chin up! Aww, well thank you for the compliment! And yeah, the marriage was bound to happen. But you always think you have more time. I do want to get married, however, I want to get married because I want too. Right now, I have the, "I need to have an engagement ring" feeling, but that's just my vindictive side. Apparently I have unresolved issues about this guy. And I hope these feelings pass fast because it feels just like the break up all over again.
erklat Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 But you always think you have more time. Can you clarify? Time for what?
ApexTitanium Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 If that's you in the account pic.....that ex of yours is an idiot. Just saying
BC1980 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I just found out my ex is getting married 3 months ago. It stung initially, and I felt anger. Just give it time, and the emotions will die down. I honestly don't care that he's getting married, and I'm actually sort of relieved in a way. But still, it's that whole idea of "what does she have that I don't?". I guess it's also the feeling that he was getting engaged while I was going through my worst time. That angers me. I still do have some pent up anger towards him, I'm working through it. I think the main thing is to remember that his life doesn't have any bearing on you. It's not a competition. 1
rebel Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I went through the exact same thing (check out my thread) although it has an 'odd' outcome! It might be different for you, but how strong are your feelings for your current guy? I realised that I still had feelings for my ex and would never truly be able to move on until those were dealt with. Maybe you need to do that alone?
Author b_rouse Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Can you clarify? Time for what? I feel that people always think they have more time to deal with issues. It was bound to happen, my ex getting engaged. However, I thought it would happen later in life. I know, it's not my life, nor timeline, but I hoped I would have been in a better place before he got engaged. This just shows I need to make more progress. If that's you in the account pic.....that ex of yours is an idiot. Just saying Well thank you! And yes, that's me! I went through the exact same thing (check out my thread) although it has an 'odd' outcome! It might be different for you, but how strong are your feelings for your current guy? I realised that I still had feelings for my ex and would never truly be able to move on until those were dealt with. Maybe you need to do that alone? I just read what you went through. That's one of the reasons I get into a relationship. I pined over my ex for 3.5 years until I got into another relationship. My ex, like your ex, was my first at everything. That could be a reason why I'm having a hard time moving on. I've also thought about therapy or hypnosis. I guess my problem was that I didn't talk enough about my issues with breaking up to people that knew both my ex and I, so I ended up getting an account on here. It has helped a bit, but clearly I'm not out of the woods yet.
Purepony Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Is it a possibility that maybe you're still in love with him? When me and my ex girlfriend broke up I was still in love with her and I realized that after a while I still loved her. Thankfully for me we were able to get back together and we are still working things out
Author b_rouse Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Is it a possibility that maybe you're still in love with him? When me and my ex girlfriend broke up I was still in love with her and I realized that after a while I still loved her. Thankfully for me we were able to get back together and we are still working things out When our relationship ended, I was the dumpee, he was the dumper. I wasn't able to fully process the breakup as well as he was able to; he already made the decision. I figured we were coming close to the end, but I didn't think we were going to end. It was interesting because 2 weeks after we broke up, he's in a relationship with someone else. After a few months they break up, and he contacted me through texting. Asking how I've been, yadda yadda. Nothing progressed because I didn't let it. He gets into another relationship, they break up. Surprise, he contacted me again. This time we actually go out and the feelings weren't the same; they were really different. If I remember correctly, it was confusion and nerves. Nothing progressed. He gets into a relationship with his now fiance and I get into a relationship with my current boyfriend. But I don't think I love ex. I think I love the idea of him. It could also be an ego or pride thing, my ex did hurt me when we broke up.
frigginlost Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 But I don't think I love ex. I think I love the idea of him. It could also be an ego or pride thing, my ex did hurt me when we broke up. Bingo. You're gonna be fine... That was exactly what I went through. You're processing perfectly...
stillafool Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 What about your current bf, aren't you into him now?
Author b_rouse Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Bingo. You're gonna be fine... That was exactly what I went through. You're processing perfectly... That makes me feel slightly better. But 5 years? Not fun.
frigginlost Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) That makes me feel slightly better. But 5 years? Not fun. It was 3 years for me.. ;-) Each passing day will bring you more clarity. It's very possible there are unresolved feelings, but that does not mean you are still in love. I still get a lump in my throat and have my stomach drop when I see a picture of my ex. But I know I'm not in love with her. The feelings I feel are in regard to who she used to be. She is no longer that person. Edited March 19, 2015 by frigginlost
crazycanuck86 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I've been through a silmiar sanario, so I can understand the hurt, but at the same time this is your ex from 5 years ago, you are in a relationship now so the best thing you can do is let it go for your own sanity.
rebel Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I just read what you went through. That's one of the reasons I get into a relationship. I pined over my ex for 3.5 years until I got into another relationship. My ex, like your ex, was my first at everything. That could be a reason why I'm having a hard time moving on. I've also thought about therapy or hypnosis. I guess my problem was that I didn't talk enough about my issues with breaking up to people that knew both my ex and I, so I ended up getting an account on here. It has helped a bit, but clearly I'm not out of the woods yet. Boom. I think that was my issue too. Now Im a few years older and have established friends that know me and love me no matter what, I blab to everyone! I have even broken down infront of my girl mates and they dont think its weird that a dude is crying in front of them, they just want to help and its comforting. If you do therapy (which you prob need in some form), stick at it. I think I also made the mistake last time of trying to self help for a bit, 'thinking' I was prolonging it or I should be 'over it' already, then stopping and getting down. Or, you get 'used' to thinking/obsessing about the ex and it becomes a habit. Thats why Im trying CBT which is great. No, you probably arent out of the woods.... but stay there for as loooong as you need to. You (and everyone else on here) will come out when the time is right
Recommended Posts