Author NYC-BigKat Posted April 1, 2015 Author Posted April 1, 2015 Have you thought about asking your uncle for tips on how to do it ? If i had a player in my family or amongst my friends ... i'd probably be in a better place right now. Yea I gotten tips from him & tried it with some success but then I start to like the girl & then they run . I don't have that don-t-care attitude like him u know I just don't feel like that & cant feel like it. Um..someone said I always go after the same type of girls like the ones I cant have & yea that's sorta true but I cant help what attracts me. Should I go after girls I dont like & try to like them? Will that turn things around?
Trane Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I mean why even reply to my ad & tell me that u like my style & stuff & then suggest we go out to dinner at BBQ then cut the date off before it ends? This is how it happened okay, she sent me a message on okcupid Friday. We chatted the whole weekend & made a date for last night in Manhattan at BBQ. Her pictures was nice & stuff & she looked the same in real life except that she didn't wear makeup like she does in her pictures so she looks a tiny bit different but still nice. She tells me that I look nice too so we met at the restaurant. She gets there before me & teases me about being faster than me but I like it so I joke back on her & things seem to be going well. We eat our food and we talk about life & stuff & I compliment her & then things change when I order dessert 'cause she asks to use the bathroom so I say okay. She takes a really really long time in there & I was gonna text her but she came back out & suddenly wants to skip the dessert & go home 'cause she has to get up early tomorrow for work. I say okay & walk her to the train station. Um, I try to uh, kiss her but she turns away & I ask what's wrong & she says that she isn't into me like that. My heart sank right there . I'm saddened 'cause I didn't do anything wrong & was the perfect gentleman & I get used & kicked away like garbage. So so tired to girls acting this way! I don't know what to expect from girls now I feel unwanted & it hurts u know . Move on to the next one. Don't stay down for the 10 count. GET UP YOU SONOFA***** because there's a girl out there who will love you and respect you for you. You just might be TOO NICE for this girl. I know it hurts but another good woman won't let you pass her by.
Author NYC-BigKat Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Have you thought about asking your uncle for tips on how to do it ? If i had a player in my family or amongst my friends ... i'd probably be in a better place right now. Thanks all of u good people for replying & trying to help very very nice of u all . About my uncle yes I did go through this with him but whatever skills he has doesn't rub off on me like it does him u know. He even set me up with different girls before too by the way & it didn't go so hot. But anyways I just moved on since my job is getting really really busy & I'm going out with my coworkers a lot to barbecues & bars & stuff after work to keep me busy & to not get depressed over girls this much. Things are better yup . 1
LoveRefreshed Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I really was totally smitten over a girl, took her to dinner on our first date. Payed, it was great. (not on OLD) I asked her out again, made her dinner. She took me to have a drink and then made it clear that we'd just be friends. It was cool. Don't be hurt over it, it's hard. I was upset, but never bitter over the 60 euros I spent on dinner. I spend 60 euros in a night out at a bar or on even more worthless ****. This was 60 dollars out with a very beautiful woman where I got to practice dating, AND make a beautiful friend with lots of beautiful friends. And then I went to dinner where she worked with another girl and we got a free drink each. Why am I telling you this? It's not all a waste. Though in the future, unless you are super keen on a girl (not desparate for any girl or meh) take her to coffee.
DaisyBug Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) I mean why even reply to my ad & tell me that u like my style & stuff & then suggest we go out to dinner at BBQ then cut the date off before it ends? What popped into my head when I read this was...your table manners? Is that a possibility? Sounds like things were going well until you guys started eating. If I were out with a guy I thought was cute/nice, but he slurped/smacked his food, chewed with his mouth open, talked with food spitting out, wolfed his food down, loudly sucked BBQ sauce off his fingers, etc. I couldn't handle that. It's a major turn-off. Since this happened so abruptly, I tend to think it was triggered by something and not "premeditated" (just using a guy for the free meal). If she just wanted to get fed, she would have stuck around for the free dessert, too. Edited July 12, 2015 by DaisyBug 1
LoveRefreshed Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Good catch on that Daisy. I didn't even think that it was BBQ. Ribs or wings on the first date, saucy messes all over your face. Never. First date meals should always be clean things to eat. Things where forks and knives are used. Maybe a burger, but that can get dangerous too. 1
DaisyBug Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) Good catch on that Daisy. I didn't even think that it was BBQ. Ribs or wings on the first date, saucy messes all over your face. Never. First date meals should always be clean things to eat. Things where forks and knives are used. Maybe a burger, but that can get dangerous too. Exactly. I have had to get up and leave from the lunchroom at work due to some men's poor table manners. There's one guy, really good-looking, always professionally-dressed, flawlessly groomed, and very gentlemanly. Once you hear him eat, though... Wow. OP, is there someone who knows you (not a sibling or parent, who likely has the same table manners, and preferably female) whom you could ask and get some honest feedback from? I don't mean to make you feel bad, I'd rather PM you this question than publicly but I don't see that option here, but what I'm saying is that this could be a very EASY fix and the only thing that's been standing between you and women wanting to continue their dates with you. I don't think some people realize they're doing these things, such as chewing with their mouths open, but I see people chewing gum like this all the time. It's amazing how such a tiny little thing can be such a major turn-off, no matter how nice or good-looking you may be or how much you spend. Edited July 12, 2015 by DaisyBug
Redhead14 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I mean why even reply to my ad & tell me that u like my style & stuff & then suggest we go out to dinner at BBQ then cut the date off before it ends? This is how it happened okay, she sent me a message on okcupid Friday. We chatted the whole weekend & made a date for last night in Manhattan at BBQ. Her pictures was nice & stuff & she looked the same in real life except that she didn't wear makeup like she does in her pictures so she looks a tiny bit different but still nice. She tells me that I look nice too so we met at the restaurant. She gets there before me & teases me about being faster than me but I like it so I joke back on her & things seem to be going well. We eat our food and we talk about life & stuff & I compliment her & then things change when I order dessert 'cause she asks to use the bathroom so I say okay. She takes a really really long time in there & I was gonna text her but she came back out & suddenly wants to skip the dessert & go home 'cause she has to get up early tomorrow for work. I say okay & walk her to the train station. Um, I try to uh, kiss her but she turns away & I ask what's wrong & she says that she isn't into me like that. My heart sank right there . I'm saddened 'cause I didn't do anything wrong & was the perfect gentleman & I get used & kicked away like garbage. So so tired to girls acting this way! I don't know what to expect from girls now I feel unwanted & it hurts u know . First of all, when you arrange a first meeting from an online site, its not a date. Its an introduction to evauluate whether you want a real date. You make sure they look like pictures and are who they say they are. You don't spend money on dinner etc. Just drinks or coffee. She likely just didnt have enough attraction thats all. That not your fault, it just nature. Yes it was rude of her to do it that way. And if you do go on first meets, it inappropriate to go for a kiss anyway. Its not a date. 1
Easyguy14 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 First of all, when you arrange a first meeting from an online site, its not a date. Its an introduction to evauluate whether you want a real date. You make sure they look like pictures and are who they say they are. You don't spend money on dinner etc. Just drinks or coffee. She likely just didnt have enough attraction thats all. That not your fault, it just nature. Yes it was rude of her to do it that way. And if you do go on first meets, it inappropriate to go for a kiss anyway. Its not a date. I disagree with the last part. Most men will go for a kiss to test the waters. I certainly had and wouldn't have gotten a girlfriend if I hadn't.
DaisyBug Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I disagree with the last part. Most men will go for a kiss to test the waters. That doesn't make it "appropriate," just common.
LoveRefreshed Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Yet and it works quite a bit. And a lot of girls like it.
Bobbi7 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 What is her username on Okcupid? I'm really curious to see what she looks like.
Redhead14 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I disagree with the last part. Most men will go for a kiss to test the waters. I certainly had and wouldn't have gotten a girlfriend if I hadn't. Most men would be wrong if they go for a kiss on a meet up - introduction. That comes across as pushy, eager and kinda creepy. You don,t kiss people after a a short intoductory meeting. A hand shake is more appropriate. A kiss on a first real date is fine. This shouldnt have been a real date and he treated it as such by behaving the way you would on a real date. I understand her reaction but dont agree with how she handled the whole thing even from the beginning. She should have said oh i didn't expect dinner, just drinks is fine with me and kept it short. That being said, she could have just been out for a free meal too. The way to eliminate that from happening, is to not have dinner the first time you meet from OLD.
ZA Dater Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Money doesn't buy love. That is very much open to debate. 1
morrowrd Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I call these "dead end dates" - I've been on alot of them. What I've discovered are some girls use what I call "escape pods" to politely get out of the rest of the date. I've heard it all, "have to teach a class tonight, my daughter is at her father's and having a melt down, I'm not feeling good" etc etc Get used to it. Girls who like you will lay out the yellow brick road for you - girls that don't, well you know the rest.
DaisyBug Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) I think most people will at least finish out the date even if it isn't a "love connection." If a guy/girl has dates bailing out on them a lot, something's not quite right. Edited July 12, 2015 by DaisyBug
IronZ Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Let me tell you about my last dating experience. This should make you feel better about your situation: This girl messaged me, which is rare on OKC. She initiated. I was away on holiday that week so we spent a week texting and getting to know each other well. She seemed really into me, told me she liked me, talked about our future and so on. On our first date we got expensive dinner (on me), then went to a mall and walked around and joked. After I drove her around while we listened to music and then got some late night coffee before I drove her back home. And what does she do? Gives me a hug, nothing more. Second date is impromptu dinner (I thought I was just meeting her to hang out). This was also on me. At the end of the date she gives me a hug again. Third date I invited her out to dinner and tried making a move. Tried to hold her hand but she got fidgety about it and very uncomfortable. At the end of the date I walked her to her car and tried to go for a kiss but she told me "noooo we barely know each other!" and offered me a cheek kiss which was very awkward. I was very disappointed. I left that night feeling used and hurt. The fourth date was also impromptu like the second, invited me to hang out with her friend and then the 3 of us ended up going to dinner. I paid for the meal to try to be a gentleman (and honestly it was cheap food). When we went our separate ways at the end, she once again offered me a hug. The next day she broke up with me over text. Told me she had been talking to other guys online the entire time we were together and wanted to pursue other options. I went out with her friend a week later and she told me that the guys this chick left me for all completely dumped her after meeting her, which is what I should have done. This girl got bigheaded and thought she was something special so she threw away a good guy who was going out on a limb for her. She never reciprocated any of the romance I tried to show. I felt used by her, like she just wanted free meals out of the whole ordeal. Long story short, some chicks just aren't interested in you but want some sort of validation and to see what they can get out of you for it. Lesson learned, right? Next time I would start with a simpler date than BBQ dinner in Manhattan. Try coffee or something cheap, that way you can see if it's going anywhere before investing time and money.
ZA Dater Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Let me tell you about my last dating experience. This should make you feel better about your situation: This girl messaged me, which is rare on OKC. She initiated. I was away on holiday that week so we spent a week texting and getting to know each other well. She seemed really into me, told me she liked me, talked about our future and so on. On our first date we got expensive dinner (on me), then went to a mall and walked around and joked. After I drove her around while we listened to music and then got some late night coffee before I drove her back home. And what does she do? Gives me a hug, nothing more. Second date is impromptu dinner (I thought I was just meeting her to hang out). This was also on me. At the end of the date she gives me a hug again. Third date I invited her out to dinner and tried making a move. Tried to hold her hand but she got fidgety about it and very uncomfortable. At the end of the date I walked her to her car and tried to go for a kiss but she told me "noooo we barely know each other!" and offered me a cheek kiss which was very awkward. I was very disappointed. I left that night feeling used and hurt. The fourth date was also impromptu like the second, invited me to hang out with her friend and then the 3 of us ended up going to dinner. I paid for the meal to try to be a gentleman (and honestly it was cheap food). When we went our separate ways at the end, she once again offered me a hug. The next day she broke up with me over text. Told me she had been talking to other guys online the entire time we were together and wanted to pursue other options. I went out with her friend a week later and she told me that the guys this chick left me for all completely dumped her after meeting her, which is what I should have done. This girl got bigheaded and thought she was something special so she threw away a good guy who was going out on a limb for her. She never reciprocated any of the romance I tried to show. I felt used by her, like she just wanted free meals out of the whole ordeal. Long story short, some chicks just aren't interested in you but want some sort of validation and to see what they can get out of you for it. Lesson learned, right? Next time I would start with a simpler date than BBQ dinner in Manhattan. Try coffee or something cheap, that way you can see if it's going anywhere before investing time and money. That's pretty horrendous, I had a similar experience but luckily she only used me for one rather expensive lunch before telling me she actually didn't like me from the minute we met. I then made the same mistake again, though this one wanted me to take her to my place which I wasn't comfortable with.
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