Author NYC-BigKat Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 You need to work on your self esteem and confidence. Get involved in hobbies outside of work, go out with friends, stay busy. A relationship with a Woman should compliment your life, not define it. Also when you go on dates, try to relax and have fun. If you come across as nervous, or trying too hard, it can be a put off for Women. Not sure what u mean by trying too hard . I talk, flirt & stuff & girls seem interested & flirt back a little then make excuses & quit on things before it gets started. One of my coworkers messed with a girl at a party Saturday & now won't return his calls. He wonders what he did wrong too. I know guys do this to girls sometimes but nowhere near as much as girls do this.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 You need to work on your self esteem and confidence. Get involved in hobbies outside of work, . What if a favorite hobby is skirt chasing? Good post overall though. I always say the same thing about a woman complimenting your life and not defining it. We'd probably get along well and be friends if you didn't live in Minnesota. Haha 1
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Forget the chick, what was the BBQ like? Hard to imagine good BBQ in NYC, but you never know. What did you order? :lmao: You crack me up! 2
orangetree Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I agree- No dinner first dates! Believe me, I know tons of girls who say 'Well he's paying me dinner and a girl has to eat, so why not'. 1
salparadise Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 BBQ here is surprisingly good. I don't have much to compare it to, but it gets the seal of approval from my Texas friends. I hear they've been known to grill cows, slather'em with tomato paste, and call it BBQ in Texas. This is where the BBQ if found. She probably just wanted to see if you could get real BBQ in NYC and wasn't willing to risk her own dime. Sorry dude, that $hit happens sometimes. Don't take it personally. 1
kendahke Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Um, how could it not be about me when she said she wasn't into me? That sounds like the problem was me. Being a good guy that listens, spends time and money on girls just isn't good enough it seems u know. I dont know what is . She's 25 okay. Spending time and money on girls YOU DON'T KNOW is the problem. No one is saying not to do this once you've ascertained that her level of interest is the same as yours. You can be good until times get better, but you're casting pearls before swine when you wine and dine a girl you've never laid eyes on before. She didn't appreciate that you are a nice guy who listened. She wanted to be fed and to flee, apparently. Either that, or you were seeing what you wanted to see--being all caught up in how "nice" you were being--and you didn't really read her body language and interest correctly. Like we all are saying here, the expense you put out should never be put out on a first meeting with someone. You had expectations attached to the amount you were putting out--you expected her to reciprocate in the same measure and she didn't. If you'd gotten a coffee or an ice cream, you wouldn't be so put out by her flaking on you--it was just a $4 coffee, not a +$75 dinner. 4
kendahke Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I agree that it don't but finding a girl to like me for me seems so difficult & I don't know why or a girl seems attracted to me & wants to go out but then changes her mind for nothing. Girls are so so hard to keep interested. No, actually they aren't. When you are first meeting them in person, take them for coffee and a walk around an art museum or some free event and get to know them. If they are only after being taken out, you will figure that out without having wiped out your petty cash fund. A girl who is interested in you will act like she's interested in you, not interested in being taken out. Two different things. 2
kendahke Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Its getting girls to be interested is so difficult. Its like they seem interested but really isn't or something I don't know . My ex dated me for a little bit but I think it was 'cause she felt sorry for me & I was always treating her to stuff. I was always the one to spend money. She never did. I never had a girlfriend to be into me without doing anything. I don't know how that even works. I really am starting to believe that most girls are attracted to bad men even if they don't realize it u know. My uncle has zero problems getting girls to mess with & never cares about getting serious with them 'cause he still gets to have fun. I cant even have that let alone a lasting relationship. It just sucks & I'm sensitive to rejection 'cause I always feel like its me that I just am not good enough or slim enough or interesting enough I guess & with spring coming its really gonna feel depressing . I know of no one who likes rejection. Plenty of people are sensitive, but that is not an excuse to force someone who doesn't feel connection with you to be locked into a relationship with you. I'm sensitive too and have been told to pull up my big girl pants and get on with it. You and your uncle are two different people with different experiences. Your uncle isn't desperate for a girlfriend. That is the difference between you two--well, that and his age. I'm going to guess that he's in his 40's+--women in that age range may not be as interested in a monogamous relationship and just want to have some fun, too; whereas women in your age range may be more likely to be looking for something serious. So you can't compare where your uncle is now to where you are now because he and the women he's involved with have lived a whole lot more life than you have. No, most girls aren't attracted to bad men--the girls you have set your preferences around are. I'll bet you've most likely taken a pass on some really wonderful, loving, kind, loyal women who aren't "slim enough" to have some hot babe who only wants to get fed and look good on your arm. The guy I'm seeing is an inch shorter than me and is overweight, but he's got a fabulous personality, is very interesting and thoughtful and doesn't indulge in "poor me, why can't I have __________" thinking. Stop using your money are your means of establishing your worth to a woman. Stop paying for nice, expensive dinners when you don't know them. If you say you're not interesting, then work on becoming more interesting. Do you do anything that is interesting? 2
Toodaloo Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 It could be 101 reasons. Don't fret. Seriously. I met the most wonderful, fantastic guy last night, he really is brilliant and I am struggling to find anything bad about him... but from a certain angle he really looks like one of my cousins, which is putting me off snogging him even if he is better looking than Beckham and has the body of a teenager... Can he do anything about it. No Should he do anything about it. No Is it his fault or problem. No Just take them out for coffee or cheaper dates. Don't go out for dinner. Chin up chook. 2
kendahke Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 To add to the above: The guy I'm seeing is an inch shorter than me and is overweight, but he's got a fabulous personality, is very interesting and thoughtful and doesn't indulge in "poor me, why can't I have __________" thinking. The lack of that makes him attractive--and that's called "self confidence". So, how you look isn't the issue: it's how you comport yourself and what you believe about yourself and from what you've written above, it's quite obvious that you don't think you're good enough. If you have that kind of consideration for yourself, why are you surprised that women are following your cue? Stop using your money are your means of establishing your worth to a woman. Stop paying for nice, expensive dinners when you don't know them. If you say you're not interesting, then work on becoming more interesting. Do you do anything that is interesting? If you think you're not slim enough, then increase your exercise, get off sugar and starches and eat more lean meats/vegetables. Do something other than complaining about it because complaining never has solved anything. 1
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I'm saddened 'cause I didn't do anything wrong & was the perfect gentleman & I get used & kicked away like garbage. Do you think women should be obligated to kiss you just because you bought dinner? She has no choice in the matter? What if you'd bought dessert for her too, what would she have to do to pay you back for that? 2
Lernaean_Hydra Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I swear the magnetic stripe on your credit cards must be worn down to nothing by now for all the money you spend. OP, every post of yours I've read has something to do with you spending money on a girl and feeling bad/confused about being rejected. I can't tell if you think the money you're throwing around will buy you a girlfriend or if you don't have much else to offer another person beyond material things, but either way, stop doing that. You didn't get 'used and kicked away', you went on a date with a girl who didn't like you. It happens. It sucks, but it's a part of dating. If you keep getting shot down, rejected, etc then you need to really look at what it is you're doing, offer and the kind of women you're going after to try to determine where the problem lies. 3
road Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 NYC bigkat, she could of just wanted a free meal, have an eating disorder and barfed up the meal, call her friends and voted you out, gotten a call from her FB to come over that night, as suggested. Or it was just you and she decided no way. As said the sample was ample for her to decide thumbs down. First problem is that you expect a girl to kiss you on the first date. Nice to get kissed, willing to get kissed, though to expect to kiss on the first date is wrong. What if you didn't like her and did not want to kiss her after dinner. Would that be ok? I think many men have dating problems is that they keep going after the same kind of women that they never have success with. Same for many women. Same when men and women that have married and divorced multiple times. They essentially date and marry spouses that are all clones of wife/husband #1. 2
SawtoothMars Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Money doesn't buy love True, but you can certainly rent it. 1
Toodaloo Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Do you think women should be obligated to kiss you just because you bought dinner? She has no choice in the matter? What if you'd bought dessert for her too, what would she have to do to pay you back for that? And this is why I always pay my own way! 4
Superman2024 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 A few people have mentioned about never going on a dinner date for the first meeting. What about meeting for lunch? It seems like a good middle ground between just coffee and an expensive dinner.
JS84 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 You're coming off way too emotional over a woman you met on OKcupid, had one date with, and didn't end the way you wanted. It's okay to be frustrated but it's nowhere near as big of a deal as you seem to be making it out to be. And like someone else said, don't do dinner/expensive for a first date.
Radu Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 When I read the part in bold, the first thing that hit me was she sounds like a bulimic. She went to the bathroom and threw up dinner and didn't want you to kiss her because she had a mouthful of stomach acid. Either that or she went into the bathroom, called one of her girls and ran the evening past "the committee" and they voted you out. IMO, first meetings should never be done as dinner dates. Meet for a smoothie or an ice cream cone in the park. Low financial investment = low first meeting expectations. If they exceed expectations, then that's a win. If things go well and you both establish that you like one another, THEN spring for the dinner date. This if she is below 24-25. Or it could be that she was setting up her other thing to do for the night and she decided to cut you loose.
Radu Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Its getting girls to be interested is so difficult. Its like they seem interested but really isn't or something I don't know . My ex dated me for a little bit but I think it was 'cause she felt sorry for me & I was always treating her to stuff. I was always the one to spend money. She never did. I never had a girlfriend to be into me without doing anything. I don't know how that even works. I really am starting to believe that most girls are attracted to bad men even if they don't realize it u know. My uncle has zero problems getting girls to mess with & never cares about getting serious with them 'cause he still gets to have fun. I cant even have that let alone a lasting relationship. It just sucks & I'm sensitive to rejection 'cause I always feel like its me that I just am not good enough or slim enough or interesting enough I guess & with spring coming its really gonna feel depressing . Have you thought about asking your uncle for tips on how to do it ? If i had a player in my family or amongst my friends ... i'd probably be in a better place right now.
Gloria25 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 A few people have mentioned about never going on a dinner date for the first meeting. What about meeting for lunch? It seems like a good middle ground between just coffee and an expensive dinner. No, no lunch either... Ok, like others said...smoothie, coffee, ice cream, beers/drinks. Nothing wrong with treating a woman to a good time, but she's gotta earn it. And yes, first meets - especially on OLD - aren't for sure. I mean, that's why I push to meet in person and try to keep it simple on the first meet. You don't know if there's chemistry until you meet in person. 2
Diezel Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 A few people have mentioned about never going on a dinner date for the first meeting. What about meeting for lunch? It seems like a good middle ground between just coffee and an expensive dinner. Okay, let me rephrase, NO MEALS ON FIRST DATES. I never do anything like a sit down meal in the first three dates. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 She probably dines out seven nights a week, all on different OLD suitors. She does this because she can/(you let her). 1
coolheadal Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 This one was just playing with you. You should have seen it coming. So much rushing for the first date. Should wait a week of talking to see if you two are digging each other or not. I would use skype before going on any date with anyone. Got to know if they're into or not. Just wasted good money on bad date.
EgoJoe Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 OP, check out girlschase.com not so much for the mindset advice but more so the practical advice.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 As some of the other posters have stated in your thread, you shouldn't do any FOOD dates. The main reason being, because if you (or they) find out that there's no chem or any physical attraction between you, then you both have to sit through an awkward hour or so until you both are done eating your meals! The woman who bailed on you after she went to the restroom was a rude, classless user who only wanted a free meal. Fear not though...Karma will be lurking around every corner until it finally bites her in the ass. For me personally, I like going on a first date for drinks (wine or mixed drinks) at a nice restaurant or swanky lounge and I *always* pay for my drink(s). That way, if for some reason I'm not feeling any kind of chem, connection or attraction for the guy, all I have to do is engage in polite small talk with him while I finish my drink - and when I'm finished, I bid him a farewell, wish him luck with dating then walk over to my car and drive away - no harm, no foul. And since I paid for my drink(s), the guy doesn't feel as though he was used. Sorry you had to deal with an animal when you were trying to take her out on a nice date. Just don't be discouraged...because not all women behave that way, okay? Stick to drinks or coffee dates and you'll be fine. . 3
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