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Posted

There was no formal NC talk or goodbye. We got into a disagreement and just stopped speaking. I feel like I have absolutely no closure and it's making me nuts. I think we both assume the other is mad and are scared to make the first move. I feel like I need to say something because even though I know it has to end I feel like I will never be able to fully move on without a goodbye.

 

The thought of never speaking to him again with both of us thinking the other one is mad feels so wrong. I was so mad the first few days but now I just feel sad and depressed that this is how it's ending.

 

I want to break NC so bad for a goodbye but I know that whatever is said will also hurt.

 

Ughhh I just want to fast forward through this because I know it's going to get worse. This is why I hate NC even though I know it's a necessary evil.

 

Can someone tell tell me it will get better or slap me back into reality.

 

Thank You

Posted
There was no formal NC talk or goodbye. We got into a disagreement and just stopped speaking. I feel like I have absolutely no closure and it's making me nuts. I think we both assume the other is mad and are scared to make the first move. I feel like I need to say something because even though I know it has to end I feel like I will never be able to fully move on without a goodbye.

 

The thought of never speaking to him again with both of us thinking the other one is mad feels so wrong. I was so mad the first few days but now I just feel sad and depressed that this is how it's ending.

 

I want to break NC so bad for a goodbye but I know that whatever is said will also hurt.

 

Ughhh I just want to fast forward through this because I know it's going to get worse. This is why I hate NC even though I know it's a necessary evil.

 

Can someone tell tell me it will get better or slap me back into reality.

 

Thank You

 

It will get better so long as you don't break NC.

 

SLAP!! SLAP!!! SLAP!!!

 

You're making up reasons to contact him.

 

There's no reason at this point to go reaching out to him.

 

Contacting him won't help you let go of him. Do you see how wrong that thinking is??

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Posted

Closure comes from inside you when you've done NC for long enough to process your feelings.

 

A call would just upset you.

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Posted

Ok what if you do reach out? What do you think will happen? Do you think anything will change? When you find out nothing has changed how do you think you will feel? And even if you did get closure from him..the door is again ajar for you both to fall back. Just ask yourself these questions.

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Posted
It will get better so long as you don't break NC.

 

SLAP!! SLAP!!! SLAP!!!

 

You're making up reasons to contact him.

 

There's no reason at this point to go reaching out to him.

 

Contacting him won't help you let go of him. Do you see how wrong that thinking is??

 

I totally see how wrong it is but the thought of us ending on a bad not it killing me. I know it had to end, I just wish it could have ended differently.

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Posted
Closure comes from inside you when you've done NC for long enough to process your feelings.

 

A call would just upset you.

 

I know, it just feels so open still.

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Posted
Closure comes from inside you when you've done NC for long enough to process your feelings.

 

I love this.

 

There is nothing he can say to you to help you get closure. You have to work towards it...dealing with your emotions until there's nothing left to deal with.

 

It's crazy making, yes. Processing and processing and processing until there's nothing left to process...

 

That's true closure.

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Posted
I know, it just feels so open still.

 

Ronnie, until you get there emotionally, it will always feel open.

 

There will always be something that hasn't been said that needs to be said.

 

What do you need to say or hear from him that would give you closure?

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Posted
I know, it just feels so open still.

 

Closure comes when you've given up wanting something from that person.

 

Wanting closure means you haven't given up wanting.

 

Its a paradox.

 

Think about it.

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Posted
Ok what if you do reach out? What do you think will happen? Do you think anything will change? When you find out nothing has changed how do you think you will feel? And even if you did get closure from him..the door is again ajar for you both to fall back. Just ask yourself these questions.

 

I was hoping if I reached out I could say "You were one of my best friends for two years and I hate either of us walking away with bad feelings toward eachother."

 

We know we have no future but ending it with no goodbye when you talked to someone and were so close for two years feels wrong.

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Posted
I totally see how wrong it is but the thought of us ending on a bad not it killing me. I know it had to end, I just wish it could have ended differently.

 

It may have ended on a bad note, but if you contact him, it's just going to end on a worse note. Then the same thing is going to happen all over again. You're going to want closure from that, and you're going to end up in this nasty cycle and end up throwing away what's left of your dignity. Believe me, I know it's hard. I had to stop myself just before I entered that cycle. It's been a month of NC tomorrow (it goes by really fast when you know there's nothing left to fight for anymore). Just hang in there.

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Posted

We know we have no future but ending it with no goodbye when you talked to someone and were so close for two years feels wrong.

 

So you want to hear goodbye and say goodbye?

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Posted
Ronnie, until you get there emotionally, it will always feel open.

 

There will always be something that hasn't been said that needs to be said.

 

What do you need to say or hear from him that would give you closure?

 

This question made me cry.

 

I guess I want to hear him say that he even though it's ending he really cared and the friendship was real.

 

I know it was but ending it like this just hurts so bad.

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Posted
So you want to hear goodbye and say goodbye?

 

Yes, I know there's no future. I just never thought we would end like this.

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Posted

I'm sorry Ronnie. I know you are hurting but no matter how it ends its going to hurt like hell. But prolonging will hurt even more. Try to stay strong. You got this.

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Posted
This question made me cry.

 

Your tears are your friend.

 

When I was initially into no contact, I would try to resist the tears. I would try to push them a side b/c I was so sick of feeling like shyt.

 

What I realized was the tears were my friend. Once I figured out that it was okay to cry for as long as I needed to cry, I just let it happen and happen and happen.

 

I noticed that after each cry, I felt better. I just let the emotions and tears out whenever I needed to.

 

I just said, well, I'm going to cry for as long as I need to cry. Hopefully, it's not for the rest of my life even though it felt like it at the time.

 

No fighting the bad feelings - that's when real healing started to happen.

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Posted

Lots of people here have been exactly where you are.

 

Take comfort in the fact that the way you feel just now is part of the healing process. It's a stage, and your feelings will change.

 

You don't need anything from him.

 

But there is wanting.

 

That will pass, and you will start to feel better.

 

Sooner than you might think.

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Posted

I'm so scared I'll never come out the other side. This affair completely changed me and I don't remember what I felt like or who I was before it anymore.

 

It's like he took over my world and I let him.

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Posted
I'm so scared I'll never come and out the other side. This affair completely changed me and I don't remember what I felt like or who I was before it anymore.

 

It's like he took over my world and I let him.

 

Thats exactly how I felt too, I didnt remember how it felt, to feel normal again.I completely lost myself in my affair. Hell, I lost my entire life during my affair.

But I promise, with time, the old you, the better and stronger you will shine through all this terrible pain.

reaching out to him will only satisfy you temporarily. I guarantee, when that high crashes, you will feel worse then before.

 

Hang in there. This is not easy. But its the only way.

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Posted
Thats exactly how I felt too, I didnt remember how it felt, to feel normal again.I completely lost myself in my affair. Hell, I lost my entire life during my affair.

But I promise, with time, the old you, the better and stronger you will shine through all this terrible pain.

reaching out to him will only satisfy you temporarily. I guarantee, when that high crashes, you will feel worse then before.

 

Hang in there. This is not easy. But its the only way.

 

The hard part is that he's really a great guy minus the affair. He was a great friend before and during. He's never mean or rude. He almost never get mad.

 

If he was some manipulative ******* I feel it would be easier but then again I probably wouldn't have fallen for him if he was.

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Posted

Please take it from me, the closure is in disguise your need for assurance and to be validated. Anyone would want this so its ok and natural that you do.

It speaks volumes of you that you have been able to stay strong and not write. Deep down your gut is telling you its not the best idea at all or you already would have done so.

Ive read this site until my eyes almost fell out. All the pain and hurt of these EAs and As are just so heartbreaking and so many have lived through the pain and come out stronger and are here to help.

Stay strong and know it was a time in your life that was special and meaningful and now it no longer fits or will grow you or help you.

Its sad that its over and we are all grieving it with you but please do not reach out or leave your email or phone unblocked to allow him back.

Protect yourself and its ok to want that last exchange but it wont help, so try to let go but know those of us in your shoes understand.

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Posted
Please take it from me, the closure is in disguise your need for assurance and to be validated. Anyone would want this so its ok and natural that you do.

It speaks volumes of you that you have been able to stay strong and not write. Deep down your gut is telling you its not the best idea at all or you already would have done so.

Ive read this site until my eyes almost fell out. All the pain and hurt of these EAs and As are just so heartbreaking and so many have lived through the pain and come out stronger and are here to help.

Stay strong and know it was a time in your life that was special and meaningful and now it no longer fits or will grow you or help you.

Its sad that its over and we are all grieving it with you but please do not reach out or leave your email or phone unblocked to allow him back.

Protect yourself and its ok to want that last exchange but it wont help, so try to let go but know those of us in your shoes understand.

 

It's total assurance. I hate thinking he has bad feelings towards me after how close we were.

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Posted

Ronnie,

 

I'm sorry for your pain and feel for you Re-read the thread and the sentence where you said it could never go anywhere. There is your closure. Remind yourself again and again.

 

Now the bright side, WHEN you get through today without contacting him, you have achieved a SUPER BOWL victory for yourself. That's a HUGE step in the right direction.

 

You will have great days and days like today. So you broke up mad. It's better than getting caught when you both are at the height of happiness and are forced to break up because of a hopeless situation.

 

Just don't do it today. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and love yourself instead. Go for a long walk or workout Has anyone ever been in a bad mood after a long walk? Get rid of that anxious energy.

 

Your friends are here rooting you on

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Posted
I'm so scared I'll never come out the other side. This affair completely changed me and I don't remember what I felt like or who I was before it anymore.

 

It's like he took over my world and I let him.

 

You will come out of the other side of it. Human beings have incredible self-healing powers. Not just for the body, but also for the mind and the feeling part of us. Nature built it into us.

 

My journey through hell lasted for two years, but I came out of it better off than I'd ever been.

 

I'm happier, more compassionate and empathic, and I'm wiser.

 

You will come out of the other side.

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Posted
I totally see how wrong it is but the thought of us ending on a bad not it killing me. I know it had to end, I just wish it could have ended differently.

 

Sometimes ending on a 'good' note can be even harder! It feels weird, not normal, to end something that's good. So maybe that can help...

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