Confusion_Reigns Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I'm not surprised. I got a random fb messages from the OWs boyfriend. I told H about this, asked him if he was...he denied, naturally. I don't beleive him & told him to leave, again...& he said he would leave...again...& hasn't left...again. I could force the issue but I am still concerned about our kids, sons graduating from high school & daughters stressed about college & other stuff...I told him we can wait for him to move out until after May when kids schooling is less intense on them. He doesn't like that idea & threatened to leave now...go ahead them, but he won't leave. Well, didn't leave. Now H is talking suicide...well, eluding to suicide...wtf... Quite honestly I've know he's been cheating for a long time now & I really don't care any more. I don't want him here. It's just a tough situation at this moment & I'm just riding the 'coster 1
Eagle's-bargain Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I'm not surprised. I got a random fb messages from the OWs boyfriend. I told H about this, asked him if he was...he denied, naturally. I don't beleive him & told him to leave, again...& he said he would leave...again...& hasn't left...again. I could force the issue but I am still concerned about our kids, sons graduating from high school & daughters stressed about college & other stuff...I told him we can wait for him to move out until after May when kids schooling is less intense on them. He doesn't like that idea & threatened to leave now...go ahead them, but he won't leave. Well, didn't leave. Now H is talking suicide...well, eluding to suicide...wtf... Quite honestly I've know he's been cheating for a long time now & I really don't care any more. I don't want him here. It's just a tough situation at this moment & I'm just riding the 'coster Can you leave?
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted March 14, 2015 Author Posted March 14, 2015 Please don't move this to infidelity, I'm a MW & have a wonderful OM. I'm not willing to enforce the ending until after my kids are done with this school term.
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 So, tell your husband you're having an affair too then you each can do as you please. Have an open marriage, problem solved. 13
SleekArchitecture Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I think the most important thing is the children. They have both parents cheating on one another and clearly are upsetting the household. There well being comes first. Can they stay at a relatives until this is worked out? 4
Ronnie33 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I don't understand why you both won't leave if you are both miserable and cheating? If neither want to stay and fix what the hell is the point? 4
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted March 14, 2015 Author Posted March 14, 2015 I'm not looking for sympathy or approval...or even understanding. Yes the kids wellbeing is the most important & that's why I'm not making my H leave yet...or why I'm not walking out the door yet...they have enought to deal with right now & I'm not going to add to that. Fyi- I told my H to leave & he refuses.
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I'm not looking for sympathy or approval...or even understanding. Yes the kids wellbeing is the most important & that's why I'm not making my H leave yet...or why I'm not walking out the door yet...they have enought to deal with right now & I'm not going to add to that. Fyi- I told my H to leave & he refuses. Have you told your husband about your own affair? Maybe if he knew, he'd leave and go to his OW. Also, what you say makes no sense. The bolded. First you don't want to make him leave, but you asked him to and he refuses. 8
Eagle's-bargain Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I'm not looking for sympathy or approval...or even understanding. Yes the kids wellbeing is the most important & that's why I'm not making my H leave yet...or why I'm not walking out the door yet...they have enought to deal with right now & I'm not going to add to that. Fyi- I told my H to leave & he refuses. Why don't you leave? 4
Darren Steez Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Technically it's not cheating. You're both even. Why should he leave because he's cheating? A bit confusing. Everyone is getting their piece except..the kids. What a mess. 4
irishguy Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 How come you are not divorcing him ,the kids are old enough they will be fine .Either that or tell him you cheat to and let him divorce you . 2
road Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Technically it's not cheating. You're both even. Why should he leave because he's cheating? A bit confusing. Everyone is getting their piece except..the kids. What a mess. No "technically", they are both cheating. So OP, who was the WS first? 3
Clay Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Why are you even upset? If you don't love your H and you already have another man in your life why even post your upset? What a great example you both set for your children. 4
aliveagain Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I wonder who the kids will take after? Is this what the new American family looks like? I think you both need to be tested for STD's than you both need to see a lawyer, there is nothing to save here. 2
DKT3 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Your cheating, so why do you want him out because you found out he is too? Sounds like it could all work out. You have a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend you come together for the kids. Unless of course you do care that he is cheating. PS, you can no more throw him out then he can you..so if he doesn't want to leave then your only option is to leave yourself. 3
Poppy47 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 News Flash... technically they are not teeny tots anymore. YOung people has survived parental break ups before and some have even been grateful that the tension in the home has gone. Get your own life together, then you can look after your offspring in they need you. They will soon be pursuing their own careers and have partners anyway. Cheers, Poppy. 1
Popsicle Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Do you feel hurt? What is it that you hope happens?
HurtOfGlass Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Thank God, there is still some justice in the world!
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 It's a long story, Lots of it is here if u care to look...for more understanding. No I'm not really hurt I'm calloused. I'm not going to blame him for my actions. I'm looking at the end. Much needed. It not the lack of love that's the problem. its a whole lot of past that's never going away that's the problem....& his confusion of love with need. He, my H, scares me. So I'm leaving. But it takes time. What am I hoping for? That my H finds a new obsession to focus on
georgia girl Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 At the once teen-aged child of a cheating father, can I please share some perspective with you? You and your husband need to either both end your affairs and recommit to your marriage or you need to end your marriage. Staying put is harmful to your kids. Here's the deal. People don't think their kids are at all affected by the parents' behaviors. That cracks me up. Even before I found out at 13 - yes, 13! - that my father was sleeping with his secretary, I could tell something wasn't right in my house. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, they went days without really talking to each other and if they did have arguments, it was filled with whispered jabs that sometimes you could make out and sometimes you couldn't. It was horrible. I hated the uncertainty. I remember being about 9 or 10 years old, on a school night and begging my parents at sometime after midnight to talk to each other about how they felt. I always felt like my parents were somehow on the edge of divorce and all of the emotion around that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" was horrific. By the time I found out that my dad had a girlfriend (by the way, the creepiest thing to ever find out about your father - particularly at that age), I used to pray that they'd get a divorce. Please don't put your children through this kind of a roller coaster. If you're both having romantic relationships with others, then your marriage is over. Separate, let your kids see that you love them and provide the support they need to make this work. It may mean both of you need to put your other relationships on hold for awhile, but I can't think of a more important investment than your kids. Good luck. 4
William Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Please don't move this to infidelity, I'm a MW & have a wonderful OM. I'm not willing to enforce the ending until after my kids are done with this school term. If the focus is on the spouse's affair, then the thread is located in Infidelity, per policy, especially if the thread starter is also having an affair. See the published policy guidelines at the top of the respective forums for more information.
Darren Steez Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Confusion doesn't really reign. Some subconsciously like the drama and excitement in their lives. Makes them feel wanted/needed. This all seems a total mess if this is indeed true. Divorce and separation from OM & husband seems so much simpler not to mention healthier..especially with kids involved because this can never end without repercussions to them the longer it goes on. 1
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 We can close this topic. I didn't want this moved to infidelity and didn't want this topic to be about my marriage. Thank you.
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