Arieswoman Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Maybe it's because I'm either a stuffy Brit or a cautious older lady, but I don't like these sort of open-ended dates. I like to know where I'm going, with whom and for how long. He wrote: We could go out for drinks and see where the evening takes us. That sounds a bit dodgy to me - just my 6 penneth. 3
Shining One Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I really wish there was a published copy of "The Rules" accessible to everyone. It doesn't seem like the guy did anything wrong. He checked her interest and she declined. He seemed to handle everything gracefully. Unless women are willing to openly state: "You are now okay to ask me for sex", how on earth is a guy supposed to know when the time is right? Are men really that stupid? Can they really not think beyond their dick? Is the chance of getting sex on the first date more important than getting a ready supply for months if not years, if they just played it cool?As a guy who has "played it cool" far too many times, I've learned to check sexual interest early on. I have been the guy who was patient with a woman while she ends up banging someone else on the first date. I've also been the guy who patiently waited for months only to find out she had no sexual interest in me. I waited 1.5 years for a woman who would not have sex outside of marriage only for her to reject me and choose someone else. Patience guarantees nothing. Impatience at least guarantees less wasted time and money.He wrote: We could go out for drinks and see where the evening takes us.Everyone is reading too much into this. Yes, this is an overused line. It is also very vague. It just means he has nothing structured planned after drinks. He may try for sex again or he may not. Either way, Gaeta still has the option of saying no. 1
Author Gaeta Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 I would be curious about the negative things he said which you took positively did he say he'd had a lot of dates or something? Trying to jog your memory here.. I asked him how had been his experience on online. He said he had a good portion of women replying back but women were very difficult to converse with, it felt like interviews, no sense of humor and he met a few over coffee but then he felt he was conversing on his own. He did not get back to me after his 'climbing'
Toodaloo Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Could his invitation be just a little too much enthusiasm? Yes - meet him again! You seem to have finally met a good one and he can't help it if your utterly gorgeous!!! Gaeta honey blokes are complete numpties sometimes. Often when they should say you look stunning tonight they will say fancy a shag instead! Keep seeing this one and explain to him that you want to get to know him better before ripping his clothes off! Let him know that as it stands you want to, but you are letting your head lead your poonani!
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I wouldn't worry about something like that. Maybe he was just having a great time and wanted to continue but everywhere was shut. Sure, he'd probably have been happy to have sex, but while I wouldn't go over to a new guy's place on a first date I have on a couple occasions invited a new date to mine after everywhere is shut to hang out and watch music DVDs and have a drink, I wasn't going to sleep with them and I live in a shared house so felt I'd be safe, and to their credit they didn't try to have sex with me either. Don't overthink it, really. He asked, you declined, no biggie. If he's into you he'll ask you out again. If he was just after sex and doesn't invite again then you'll know by the lack of a second date. I wouldn't think less of a guy for inviting me over after a date and less than I'd expect him to think less of me. 1
Author Gaeta Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Yes - meet him again! You seem to have finally met a good one and he can't help it if your utterly gorgeous!!! Gaeta honey blokes are complete numpties sometimes. Often when they should say you look stunning tonight they will say fancy a shag instead! Keep seeing this one and explain to him that you want to get to know him better before ripping his clothes off! Let him know that as it stands you want to, but you are letting your head lead your poonani! Yea but.... I expect these faux-pas from younger men, this one is 53, I thought finally I am dealing with a mature man. On the other hand he was married 25 years, been single for 3, no a big dating history, maybe he thinks it's still 1979 cause those lines date from back then lol 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Gaeta, just because you don't agree with what he did, doesn't mean it's a faux-pas. Many of us would see it as no big deal, he hasn't 'mis stepped' and made an error here, you just have a difference of opinion and preference. 2
elaine567 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Yea but.... I expect these faux-pas from younger men, this one is 53, I thought finally I am dealing with a mature man. On the other hand he was married 25 years, been single for 3, no a big dating history, maybe he thinks it's still 1979 cause those lines date from back then lol If he is 53 and has been out of the game for along time, then his lines may be more corny and old fashioned than creepy and manipulative. I think in that case, he is worth meeting again especially when you got on well before he came out with that controversial sentence. 1
elaine567 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 In his case and if it were me I would have a plan - three weeks to a month of no sex (at least) and seeing how he behaves and what he says along the way. If he is a player he will be long gone before a month. . I used to think that until...
rester Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 ...We closed the coffee/cake shop! at 23h. As we prepared to leave he tells me: Shall we continue this somewhere else? I live about 5 minutes from here and I'd like to invite you over. My castle of cards came tumbling down. I was SO disappointed and surprised at the same time because he had been so perfect up to then. I said no thank you it's getting late and we both work in the morning. He walked me to my car, we said good bye, I got a conservative kiss on my lips which was very nice. When I got home he texted to make sure I had made it home and he text good morning at 7 am. today to tell me he had a great time, etc. Could his invitation be just a little too much enthusiasm? I think your spidey sense is going off a bit fast here. He pushed a bit farther than you would have liked, but he did it gracefully and respected your boundary. So he contacted me tonight. He wrote: We could go out for drinks and see where the evening takes us. He is starting to smell like a player. Okay, "see where the evening takes us" is a strange thing to say. But maybe you're right and that he's stuck in 1979. If you like everything else about this guy, I think you're looking too hard for reasons to not go out with him again. Let's say he's got two strikes against him...is that all he's worth, or should he get three strikes before being counted out? 2
Gary S Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I used to think that until... - I betcha marriage would work!
Author Gaeta Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) Yes I like him a lot. He invited me to go indoor rock climbing with him tonight. It's like the 4th invitations he is coming up with in 3 days. This is a real invitation though to share something he likes, I like that. Unfortunately I was not free tonight but I've counter offered tomorrow night. I know to some I sound like I have jumped the gun but it's what online dating does to you after meeting a lot of..... Edited March 18, 2015 by Gaeta
rester Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Yes I like him a lot. He invited me to go indoor rock climbing with him tonight. It's like the 4th invitations he is coming up with in 3 days. This is a real invitation though to share something he likes, I like that. Unfortunately I was not free tonight but I've counter offered tomorrow night. I know to some I sound like I have jumped the gun but it's what online dating does to you after meeting a lot of..... I don't think you're jumping the gun. I've been forgiven for far greater goofs than this guy is so far guilty of, and I'm grateful for that. If he pushes too hard or doesn't respect your communicated boundaries, that's when you cut him loose. Knowing your posting history, I don't believe you are the type of woman that is in danger of letting a man disrespect you. Remember that you'll be testing his boundaries just as he's testing yours. It's part of getting to know someone. 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I don't think you're jumping the gun. I've been forgiven for far greater goofs than this guy is so far guilty of, and I'm grateful for that. If he pushes too hard or doesn't respect your communicated boundaries, that's when you cut him loose. Knowing your posting history, I don't believe you are the type of woman that is in danger of letting a man disrespect you. Remember that you'll be testing his boundaries just as he's testing yours. It's part of getting to know someone. When a woman likes a man she tries to find ways of tweaking her standards/expectations or making exceptions, because women believe they can train or change a man to be what she wants him to be. But in the end she is merely shooting herself in her own foot, she gives men "chances" or opportunities to make things right, rather than just simply reading the writing on the wall and take his actions in an unfiltered, she instead tries to "confuse" herself and complicate the situation by giving men hints, clues or whatever until the idiot figures it out...which c'mon, isn't the greatest strategy, but then women still complain when underneath the guy is the same guy and it never changed his intentions. Now I'm not saying the OP is a wonderful catch flawless of her own issues....many women have their problems, and she might have slept with much more douche like men before who were much less cordial and respectful than this guy...and yet now he has to meet a "standard"...but that's apart of the problem with women maintaining a general standard, they can't enforce it or are rather passive about it, and depending on how much she bends backwards always giving men "chances" it can become s cyclical problem where expectations become hard to enforce....plus women don't want to pass up every imperfect guy...he might have "potential". To be honest, it's a ridiculous world and what people do in it doesn't make a lot if sense in the end, and everyone causes their own misery but ends up blaming something or someone else for their choices...when they knew better. 1
Mrin Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) Knowing your posting history, I don't believe you are the type of woman that is in danger of letting a man disrespect you. LOL. Quoted for truth. Edit: Unless I missed a bunch of stuff between page 1 and page 5, I don't think this is a situation of OP's compromising her standards. From what I read, this is more like overlooking an overeager faux pas. Edited March 18, 2015 by Mrin 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Lest ye forget he tried to turn their first date into a ONS when he asked Gaeta to go back to his place. How could you know that he wanted a ONS? Maybe he wanted many many night stands!! 3
Author Gaeta Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Him and I had a very open and honest conversation. Those of you who concluded he was clueless and clumsy from lack of dating experience and too much eagerness were right. He apologized, he said he liked me a lot and he'll do as I wish and on my time frame. An important detail, he said I reciprocated the flirting so he felt he was following my lead. It's possible I sent inadvertently those signals, I was told before I got a flirty personality. We are suppose to have a date tonight but something unexpected happened and he may have to take his daughter for a couple of hours. He invited me over and said he'd introduce me to his daughter. That confirms to me the man is indeed clueless and stuck in 1979 lol. Of course I am not gonna go.
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