GemmaUK Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 My take - everything about him was fine, mails and face to face aside from this one question. I would have reacted exactly the same as you. He looked at the floor? Have you ever watched a show called Lie To Me with Tim Roth? It's on Netflix and is based around Paul Ekman's work on micro expressions. Great show but also it can teach you a lot! However, you read him right, his looking at the floor was 'shame' for asking you. He had no control over his initial reaction but had it been 'contempt' then I would tell you to run a mile!! Google Paul Ekman - there's a lot of info - or watch the Lie To Me Series. But, you did read his expression correctly. He is a clot and he felt like one. He can be 'trained' (apologies to all the men on here as that sounds so crass - it's not meant to be but I can't find better words just now) to be a gent (to the level you want your gent to be) and to not over step your boundaries. The thing is no guy knows a woman's boundary until he is faced with it - how can he? Give this guy a go..see what happens. If he is now non communicative - that is a sign of him only being after one thing - but if he is suggesting dates and communicating like he did before then..see how it goes. We want a man to want us sexually, same in reverse but he just needs to know your boundary. A first meet does not cut it. A few dates and treating you well might be alright though. 3
GorillaTheater Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Give this guy a go..see what happens. I agree. Other than the one fumble, he sounds like an okay guy. Give him a little grace for the misstep. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 With online dating, it seems like the goal of men who use it, is to get laid as quickly as possible. What happened to romance? Online dating has killed romance, much the same way that video killed the radio star... I agree. I think it's basically like another video game to many of them. How fast can I get the digits, get the meet, get in the panties? The faster it happens, the bigger the stroke to their egos. It's funny to witness when you don't fall for their silly tricks. The sad thing is these men don't seem happy or actualized in any real way. They're like hamsters in the virtual reality wheel, running desperately to get that next bite of food, with no larger purpose in sight, no vision beyond the track of the hamster wheel. All they have to do to be human again is jump off the wheel. But 'round they go... 2
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 The thing is no guy knows a woman's boundary until he is faced with it - how can he? OK but testing boundaries can be illuminating. By in effect asking for first date sex (unless he is very naive and did just want to talk further). Gaeta now knows HIS boundary includes sex on the first date. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 When I turn down men in that scenario, they don't tend to come back. That's the thing. And even if they do, it's just their ongoing attempt to conquer you so they get the ego feed. A guy who has genuine intentions to care about you will make it abundantly clear from first contact. He wouldn't expect or want you to give your body to a man you just met. In the immortal words of Mae West ,"A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up." 3
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Gaeta, I'm the perfect gentleman (okay, nobody is perfect, but I'm pretty good!) and I would never ask a woman to my home before she invited me to hers. As far as I go is to offer to pick them up starting date 2 or 3 (it's okay to meet a second time). And I don't ask to come inside. Everybody knows vampires can't come in unless they are invited And what you ladies really hate is when the creeps try to worm their way into your home with the excuse that they have to pee You'll just have to decide whether or not him inviting you to his home so early turns you off to the point you no longer wish to see him. If you do date him again, I hope you'll watch him like a hawk for other flags that he might be a player. Ladies, it's hard to find a gentleman these days. But you only need one. 4
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I don't really see what was bad about him asking? He wanted to so he asked, you didn't want to so you said no, the problem would be if he didn't want to see you anymore because it would seem that sex was all he wanted. If he liked you it's not creepy or something for him to hope he could have sex with you for goodness sake, it doesn't mean that you had to do it!!
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Ladies, it's hard to find a gentleman these days. But you only need one. The diamond in the rough 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 My castle of cards came tumbling down. I was SO disappointed and surprised at the same time because he had been so perfect up to then. See. Your intuition knows exactly what's up. Do you have enough faith in yourself that you will trust it unequivocally? I hope so. 2
preraph Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I say since he followed up like a gentleman, you can't blame a guy for trying as long as, as Gary said up there, they're not being a sneaky weasel about it. He may have come across OLD situations where he felt it was expected as much hooking up as goes on. He probably likes you better that you declined.
Author Gaeta Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 So he contacted me tonight. He wrote: We could go out for drinks and see where the evening takes us. He is starting to smell like a player. 5
GorillaTheater Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 So he contacted me tonight. He wrote: We could go out for drinks and see where the evening takes us. He is starting to smell like a player. It's poorly worded, if he wanted to avoid giving you the impression that getting laid was his primary goal. 1
losangelena Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 He wrote: We could go out for drinks and see where the evening takes us. NEXT! Move along. 3
writergal Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 So he contacted me tonight. He wrote: We could go out for drinks and see where the evening takes us. He is starting to smell like a player. What a persistent guy. Pffft. He doesn't give up does he. "see where the evening takes us," is such an overused line. Does he think you've never dated before you met him? You can show him where the evening takes him after drinks...home alone to his bachelor pad. He's not doing himself any favors hounding you for sex like that. Yuck. 1
CarrieT Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 So he contacted me tonight. He wrote: We could go out for drinks and see where the evening takes us. He is starting to smell like a player. I think you are reading into his verbiage too much. "See where the evening takes us" could just mean continuing to establish if there is enough of a connection to continue dating. I would hardly discard someone based on such a pithy statement - especially when you barely know the guy. 4
writergal Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I think you are reading into his verbiage too much. "See where the evening takes us" could just mean continuing to establish if there is enough of a connection to continue dating. I would hardly discard someone based on such a pithy statement - especially when you barely know the guy. Lest ye forget he tried to turn their first date into a ONS when he asked Gaeta to go back to his place. She turned him down, he reacted with self-shame. Now he's implying a 2nd time that there will be hanky panky sexy time on the 2nd date. Classy guy? Not so much in my view. He needs to back off. He comes on stronger than Axe spray and that's a no good, because he's all about Gaeta's bass, not her treble. 2
losangelena Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I think you are reading into his verbiage too much. "See where the evening takes us" could just mean continuing to establish if there is enough of a connection to continue dating. I would hardly discard someone based on such a pithy statement - especially when you barely know the guy. Possibly, but I think OP's gut instinct is spiking for a reason. I would have my guard up at that statement, too. Especially after what he said last night. 1
writergal Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Possibly, but I think OP's gut instinct is spiking for a reason. I would have my guard up at that statement, too. Especially after what he said last night. Agreed. If he hadn't tried to jump Gaeta's bones on their first date, then that statement would come across as more charming and flirty...not sleazy and agenda-serving. Maybe it is just a pithy statement, but Gaeta needs to have her guard up nonetheless with him. 1
Author Gaeta Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) Could this be flirting or joking? Can I not inspire anything else than a lay for freak sake! I replied I had a friend over that needed help with something, which was true and he replied he was gonna go hike and we'll talk later. (he's into indoor climbing) Edited March 18, 2015 by Gaeta
writergal Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 Could this be flirting or joking? Can I not inspire anything else than a lay for freak sake! I replied I had a friend over that needed help with something, which was true and he replied he was gonna go hike and we'll talk later. (he's into indoor climbing) Understatement of the year. Maybe Carrie T's right. Maybe he's just flirting after his misstep when he asked you to come over to his place. I tend to go for the negative after a guy makes a mistake like he did, on a first date, and am suspicious of motives after that if I were to see the guy again. Probably because I've been cheated on and lied to by the Hindenburg and a few others that as a result skewed my trust-o-meter with men. But...who knows. I guess you'll find out if you meet him for a 2nd date.
Gary S Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) Um, after inviting you home on the first meet, the next day he writes, "We could go out for drinks and see where the evening takes us" He's not exactly the catch of the day or the pick of the litter, huh?! Listen, the guy was already on probation after last night, now he's out! Edited March 18, 2015 by Gary S 3
Author Gaeta Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Understatement of the year. lol that was too funny Last night he told me when we started talking he said a couple of things to me that could have been interpreted negatively or positively and he liked the fact that I had always picked to interpret them positively contrary to most women he came across online. Maybe I need to continue doing that.
angiefly Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) lol that was too funny Last night he told me when we started talking he said a couple of things to me that could have been interpreted negatively or positively and he liked the fact that I had always picked to interpret them positively contrary to most women he came across online. Maybe I need to continue doing that. Maybe I'm cynical but the above bolded is a red flag IMO. Of course he likes that you see the positive in his actions/words who wouldn't BUT if it can be taken as negative then I think you already have all the info you need...to move on. I'd love to have someone to put up with my **** and see all of my negatives for positives. Don't put up with it. (I was leaning the other way earlier in the thread but the more you find out about him, the less I can justify his behavior) Edited March 18, 2015 by angiefly 2
Author Gaeta Posted March 18, 2015 Author Posted March 18, 2015 Maybe I'm cynical but the above bolded is a red flag IMO. Of course he likes that you see the positive in his actions/words who wouldn't BUT if it can be taken as negative then I think you already have all the info you need...to move on. I'd love to have someone to put up with my **** and see all of my negatives for positives. Don't put up with it. (I was leaning the other way earlier in the thread but the more you find out about him, the less I can justify his behavior) From the beginning he did not say anything out of place. I could not identify what he was referring to. I asked what exactly he had said that I had interpreted positively and he laughed and said it's silly he's not telling me. It's probably something very subtle because I did not identified any innuendos, none.
GemmaUK Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 'See where the evening takes us' is something that my female friends say - it doesn't mean they're trying to get me into bed. The point is here that Geata I believe you're doing like I have and watching, listening and finding out whether something is worth acting on and getting out or whether it's a 'don't sweat the small stuff' issue. In his case and if it were me I would have a plan - three weeks to a month of no sex (at least) and seeing how he behaves and what he says along the way. If he is a player he will be long gone before a month. I would be curious about the negative things he said which you took positively did he say he'd had a lot of dates or something? Trying to jog your memory here.. 4
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