Gaeta Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Hello all ! The weekend before I made contact with a gentleman online. Our personalities meshed really well. He has a shared custody of his 10 yo daughter and when we made contact it was his week to have her so it was impossible to meet till last night. We spent 7 days chatting daily and he called each 2 days. All this to tell you that we had lots of contact over a week and he was a perfect gentleman from A to Z, polite, funny, never made sexual innuendos. Last night we finally met and we had a great time. He was exactly as I had imagined him and even better and he said the same about me. We closed the coffee/cake shop! at 23h. As we prepared to leave he tells me: Shall we continue this somewhere else? I live about 5 minutes from here and I'd like to invite you over. My castle of cards came tumbling down. I was SO disappointed and surprised at the same time because he had been so perfect up to then. I said no thank you it's getting late and we both work in the morning. He walked me to my car, we said good bye, I got a conservative kiss on my lips which was very nice. When I got home he texted to make sure I had made it home and he text good morning at 7 am. today to tell me he had a great time, etc. Could his invitation be just a little too much enthusiasm? 1
DivorcedDad123 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 No,I'd say he was just fishing to check your reaction. If you had gone, it would have been a great ending to the night(in his eyes). But, he accepted your decline and still checked on you afterward. This is no biggie,IMO. There are women who will go back home with you after one date,so it's not highly uncommon. 6
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Yes it's possible. You can either A) go out on another couple of dates and see if he invites you to his place again or not and decide from there, or B) just be direct with him right now how you feel about it.
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 No,I'd say he was just fishing to check your reaction. If you had gone, it would have been a great ending to the night(in his eyes). But, he accepted your decline and still checked on you afterward. This is no biggie,IMO. There are women who will go back home with you after one date,so it's not highly uncommon. Sorry but guessing or assuming can blow up in your face. She needs to not let her guard down. **IMO if a guy was that insecure and has to test me I would be testing out my foot to his ass. Mature adults don't play games.
Redhead14 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Hello all ! The weekend before I made contact with a gentleman online. Our personalities meshed really well. He has a shared custody of his 10 yo daughter and when we made contact it was his week to have her so it was impossible to meet till last night. We spent 7 days chatting daily and he called each 2 days. All this to tell you that we had lots of contact over a week and he was a perfect gentleman from A to Z, polite, funny, never made sexual innuendos. Last night we finally met and we had a great time. He was exactly as I had imagined him and even better and he said the same about me. We closed the coffee/cake shop! at 23h. As we prepared to leave he tells me: Shall we continue this somewhere else? I live about 5 minutes from here and I'd like to invite you over. My castle of cards came tumbling down. I was SO disappointed and surprised at the same time because he had been so perfect up to then. I said no thank you it's getting late and we both work in the morning. He walked me to my car, we said good bye, I got a conservative kiss on my lips which was very nice. When I got home he texted to make sure I had made it home and he text good morning at 7 am. today to tell me he had a great time, etc. Could his invitation be just a little too much enthusiasm? It doesn't matter. You did the right thing. If he calls you again for a date and you liked him enough, go out with him again and enjoy the time. A lot of guys will try to get the woman to come back to his place, well, because he's just hoping and sometimes they are secretly hoping you don't because they really did like you. Best policy is to decline going back to a man's home while dating him for quite some time, a month at the very least. The fact that he didn't pressure you, is a good sign. And he's still keeping in touch with you, that's good too. It likely means he didn't just want sex. 4
DivorcedDad123 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 "IMO if a guy was that insecure and has to test me I would be testing out my foot to his ass. Mature adults don't play games. " I didn't mean testing. I said "fishing". He was seeing if she was willing. He chalked it up to no big deal that she didn't. 3
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Gaeta I would be weary because if he is setting up a coffee date that was conveniently 5 mins away from his place that would send up a lot of red flags. I don't care if he texted you when you got home and the next day....that doesn't mean he isn't going to try it again next date. These days a woman can't be too cautious with OLD. A guy can come off as nice/sweet, say all the right things and still rape you when he has you out of the public eye. Never be alone with men you just met or hardly know. The key is to meet their friends, see where they work, get to know them and their life. 3
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 "IMO if a guy was that insecure and has to test me I would be testing out my foot to his ass. Mature adults don't play games. " I didn't mean testing. I said "fishing". He was seeing if she was willing. He chalked it up to no big deal that she didn't. Fishing....testing....is there really a difference? not really. If he is that insecure, she doesn't need that, nor does anyone else. Insecure = issues.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) OP, I had a 4th date the other week and towards the end I invited her back in at the end of the night (she met me at my place and we took my car), to which she accepted. Yes I did want to have sex with her, but we ended up only going to 2nd base because she didn't want to move that fast - I was OK with it too, and let her spend the night with me. Just because a guy invites you in to his place doesn't mean you NEED to have sex with him... Of course I would only go in if you feel like you can trust him to respect your boundaries. I realize this was your first date, so you probably did the right thing by not going in... It's hard to say what his intentions are at this point, so good luck! Edited March 17, 2015 by barcode88
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 To the other posters Geata has had real back luck with these guys who seem to be "nice". A snake in the grass comes in different forms. She needs to be cautious. 2
Author Gaeta Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Gaeta I would be weary because if he is setting up a coffee date that was conveniently 5 mins away from his place that would send up a lot of red flags. I don't care if he texted you when you got home and the next day....that doesn't mean he isn't going to try it again next date. These days a woman can't be too cautious with OLD. A guy can come off as nice/sweet, say all the right things and still rape you when he has you out of the public eye. Never be alone with men you just met or hardly know. The key is to meet their friends, see where they work, get to know them and their life. I had picked the place. I had looked up something halfway. As per google It was 30 mins for me and 20 mins for him to get there. Now you are making me notice that no, he did not live 5 mins from there. He was minimizing the distance. And that's it, he is nice, sweet, considerate, funny and you know what they say when it's too good to be true.
Diezel Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I realize this was your first date, so you probably did the right thing by not going in... It's hard to say what his intentions are at this point, so good luck! This. Let me let all of you in on a little secret. Men ALWAYS want it. Men might always try it. But it doesn't mean women have to say yes. I get the disappointment, but why not wait to see what he does next? At least you know he's human. I'm pretty sure had he tried nothing at all, there'd be a "Is he interested?" thread instead.
writergal Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Gaeta I would be weary because if he is setting up a coffee date that was conveniently 5 mins away from his place that would send up a lot of red flags. I don't care if he texted you when you got home and the next day....that doesn't mean he isn't going to try it again next date. These days a woman can't be too cautious with OLD. A guy can come off as nice/sweet, say all the right things and still rape you when he has you out of the public eye. Never be alone with men you just met or hardly know. The key is to meet their friends, see where they work, get to know them and their life. ^^This is exactly what I thought too. All that texting is superficial background noise, to the truth: he had chosen the perfect location for your first date so that he could hook up with you afterward. Yuck. Good thing your woman's intuition kicked in and you declined. Smart woman. Going forward, keep one eye open if you pursue anything with him. Make sure date #2 is nowhere near his home or yours.
Author Gaeta Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 This. I'm pretty sure had he tried nothing at all, there'd be a "Is he interested?" thread instead. lol not really. I understand a man wants it all the time and I want a man that wants it all the time and I want to inspire that in him BUT him inviting me over to his place after our very first meeting makes me think he does a lot of that. If he does a lot of that how serious can he be? 2
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I had picked the place. I had looked up something halfway. As per google It was 30 mins for me and 20 mins for him to get there. Now you are making me notice that no, he did not live 5 mins from there. He was minimizing the distance. And that's it, he is nice, sweet, considerate, funny and you know what they say when it's too good to be true. Thanks geata for that. I hope this guy doesn't turn out to be another one of those jerks you have been posting about in the past. You know I worry and don't want to see it happen again. I really hope you meet MR. Right, you certainly deserve it. 2
Quiet Storm Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I think some guys are in a tough spot because 1) if they don't express sexual attraction, they may get friend zoned or viewed as timid or lacking confidence 2) if they express too much sexual attraction, it sends the message that it's all they want. So it's a tough balance to find if you are a guy that's genuinely looking for a relationship. If they feel an attraction to a woman, do they express it or suppress it? I don't think what he asked was that bad. Men are always going to want sex. When dating, you are not looking for guys that don't want sex. You are looking for guys that want a relationship + sex. I don't think he did it in a disrespectful way- no dick pic or dirty talk, just expressing his interest to spend time getting to know each other better. He could very well be only wanting sex, but only time will tell. He sounds like he could be a good guy, so I wouldn't let this one comment ruin things yet. 1
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Let me let all of you in on a little secret. Men ALWAYS want it. Men might always try it. But it doesn't mean women have to say yes. I get the disappointment, but why not wait to see what he does next? Are men really that stupid? Can they really not think beyond their dick? Is the chance of getting sex on the first date more important than getting a ready supply for months if not years, if they just played it cool? Or is "the game" really that short, first date or nothing? I am amazed at the lack of strategic thinking by those men who try it on early doors. If this is the level of play, then no wonder many are playing by themselves... Of course he maybe just meant "Shall we continue this somewhere else? I live about 5 minutes from here and I'd like to invite you over. " - but maybe that is just me being too naive. 3
Quiet Storm Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Are men really that stupid? Can they really not think beyond their dick? Is the chance of getting sex on the first date more important than getting a ready supply for months if not years, if they just played it cool? Or is "the game" really that short, first date or nothing? I am amazed at the lack of strategic thinking by those men who try it on early doors. If this is the level of play, then no wonder many are playing by themselves... Of course he maybe just meant "Shall we continue this somewhere else? I live about 5 minutes from here and I'd like to invite you over. " - but maybe that is just me being too naive. I don't think men should have to hide their physical attraction on a date, as long as they are being respectful. It's rude to be talking dirty, grabbing boobs or asking for nude shots... but simply asking if she would like to go back to his place after a nice time together? To me, it's simply putting it out there that he is attracted and is ready to take it physical when the woman is also ready. He wasn't being pushy about it or anything. 2
writergal Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) I don't think men should have to hide their physical attraction on a date, as long as they are being respectful. It's rude to be talking dirty, grabbing boobs or asking for nude shots... but simply asking if she would like to go back to his place after a nice time together? To me, it's simply putting it out there that he is attracted and is ready to take it physical when the woman is also ready. He wasn't being pushy about it or anything. I'd interpret it as him being pushy though. Heck, even presumptuous on his part because it was just the first date. Doesn't anyone have manners anymore? A hookup is still a hookup, by any other name. He wanted to have sex with Gaeta. That doesn't mean he's a nice guy who is attracted to her, because they are still complete strangers to each other at this point. His invitation meant he wanted to have sex and was hoping Gaeta would say yes. Pretty tacky on his part. Jesus. Does no one date anymore? With online dating, it seems like the goal of men who use it, is to get laid as quickly as possible. What happened to romance? Online dating has killed romance, much the same way that video killed the radio star... Edited March 17, 2015 by writergal 2
losangelena Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I'd interpret it as him being pushy though. Heck, even presumptuous on his part because it was just the first date. Doesn't anyone have manners anymore? A hookup is still a hookup, by any other name. He wanted to have sex with Gaeta. That doesn't mean he's a nice guy who is attracted to her. It means he wanted to have sex and was hoping Gaeta would say yes. Pretty tacky on his part. Jesus. Does no one date anymore? With online dating, it seems like the goal of men who use it, is to get laid as quickly as possible. What happened to romance? Online dating has killed it, much the same way that video killed the radio star... I've gone out on a couple of these kinds of dates, ones who seem quite nice, only to pull the, "want to come to my place" move. I agree that sometimes there is a genuine interest on the man's part, but only time will tell for Gaeta. When I turn down men in that scenario, they don't tend to come back. 2
writergal Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I've gone out on a couple of these kinds of dates, ones who seem quite nice, only to pull the, "want to come to my place" move. I agree that sometimes there is a genuine interest on the man's part, but only time will tell for Gaeta. When I turn down men in that scenario, they don't tend to come back. Exactly! Same thing happened to me when I did online dating. It's just so tacky to say that to a woman you've only just met. Men don't seem to have patience anymore, who online date. It's like they want this instant gratification from women they schedule dates with, for instant chemistry and the quickest path to sex. So annoying!
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I don't think men should have to hide their physical attraction on a date, as long as they are being respectful. It's rude to be talking dirty, grabbing boobs or asking for nude shots... but simply asking if she would like to go back to his place after a nice time together? To me, it's simply putting it out there that he is attracted and is ready to take it physical when the woman is also ready. He wasn't being pushy about it or anything. I don't think men should hide their physical attraction on a date either, but there is a difference between showing physical attraction, and asking a woman to go home with him after she has only known him by a few texts and a few hours, for what is usually assumed to be sex. I think he misjudged it and it may be difficult to mend. Everyone can get really drunk at a party and end up in bed with a stranger, but in that situation all the inhibitions are lost due to alcohol, and lust takes over, whereas in the world of coffee dating it is all just a little bit more polite and a bit more stilted and to then introduce the assumption of first date sex, obviously surprised and disappointed Gaeta. I do not think she will be alone in thinking that way.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 He almost closed the deal...did you like his "game"? Bet he was surprised you declined after an "amazing" gentlemanly coffee date...which is all it takes some of the time with some women. He won't react and if he's a smooth talker, he'll make his way around this fumble easily to setup the next date...I think he was just overly confident and thought he could swoon you over on the first date. If women think every man should at least attempt to get in your pants right away to show sexual interest or that's just part of our nature...then that's quite the low standard indeed. I'm not saying you couldn't have chosen to sleep together under other circumstances....but he was obviously trying to close the deal on this occasion..it's easy for a guy to back pedal and say he didn't expect sex...any guy can say that. 3
DivorcedDad123 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 "Fishing....testing....is there really a difference? not really" Yes, there is.Really. Fishing means he was seeing if she was interested because he hoped she would. Testing would be seeing if she's "that type of girl that goes home with him on the first date" and if she is,then having nothing else to do with her.
Author Gaeta Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 On a side note: When we got to the cake place we were following the waitress to our table. She pointed a table and asked if it were ok. Right away I noticed the couple sitting right next to that table. It was a POF man I had been on 2 dates with and never heard from him after I had declined sex ! Very naturally I pointed across the room and told the waitress I would prefer a boot. I really dated every man in this city! Back to my guy. When he made his invitation we were standing up. He was looking in my eyes waiting for an answer and when I declined he broke eye contact right away and concentrated on the floor and said: oh yes you are right it's late, it's alright I understand. He looked like a guy telling himself <you idiot!> 2
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